If she is a women’s rights activist, sexual assault educator, or similar, RUN. Fast. Should be obvious, right? Phil Greenspun posts a sad tale of a guy who fails to follow this simple advice, “The sexual assault seminar may not be the best place to meet a sex partner.” The longer story is here and it is sick:
The facts are largely undisputed: Two college students on summer break – he’s a sophomore; she, a freshman – make a date. It’s Memorial Day weekend, 2014, and their intentions are explicit. They meet and have sex – consensual, enthusiastic – when a passerby interrupts them.
A few hours later, still together, the male student attempts to resume the sexual encounter. He reaches under her shirt to touch her breast. He stops immediately when she asks him to. They agree about these facts.
Yet this “one-time, non-consensual touching,” as university documents summarize it, is the crux of a startling Michigan State University sexual misconduct case. It has generated a thick stack of legal documents, months of MSU administrator time, and tens of thousands of dollars in legal bills since the female student, known here as Melanie, formally complained on Sept. 25, 2015 – almost 16 months after the incident.
Even if you can have sex with women like that it’s best to avoid the ones who are obsessed with policing sex. They want someone to make an example of and they want to be the victim because victims have status in that world.
If a woman is involved with hard core women’s rights orgs, sexual assault orgs, or tells you she’s been raped, RUN.
That last one can be tricky because if she tells you she’s been raped and you have sex anyway, you run the risk of being labeled the next rapist. But if you soft next her you will be insensitive. That happened to me once when I was about to have sex with a normal-seeming woman who stopped me as we were heading in that direction to tell me she’d been raped. To her credit she did not want to share graphic details with me, but I steered us away from sex and ended the date.
I softly but firmly ended things with her and of course she knew why, even though I told her that I liked her but not in that way, etc. Realistically, if she was actually raped she needs someone else to help her w/ psychological trauma, and if she wasn’t but thinks she was I want to be 100 miles away from her lest I be next. Either way a week later she wanted to tell me about how hurt she was by me, etc., and I was polite but firm and distant. I don’t need to cater to extra problems in my life.
There are an infinite number of women out there, and you do not and should not need the crazy or crazily political ones. If they are attending or running “sexual assault seminars,” find a woman who isn’t. You could be next.
Most women want to find hot cool masculine guys for sex & dating and don’t buy into this every-woman-is-a-victim crap. You do not need to deal with the small, noisy minority (of less attractive women, too) who don’t. It is of course possible to avoid such women and still fall victim to false rape charges, but there is no reason to increase your target area needlessly by finding activists who have been primed to attack you. Most women want hard dick from a hot guy who is clean and who is good at going down on them. The activists are a minority but they are a dangerous minority. There are too many cool normal chicks to bother with crazy activists who can go straightup Gone Girl and mess up your life.
If you are a guy in a modern university and you are ever accused, you need to get a lawyer ASAP before you do anything else. Things you say to university administrators may be held against you. They are not here for you, they are here to protect the university first and foremost.