The one important positive thing about online dating

I’ve read a spate of posts decrying online dating and many make legitimate points I won’t go over here; if you read forums, you’ve likely seen them. One game blogger I read, says he HATES online dating (he says many other dubious things but also has some entertaining stories, and I am deliberately not linking him).

Love it or hate it, the reality of online dating includes flakes, liars, narwhals, lunatics, divas, and psychos. Granted and experienced.


Online dating also lets women seek consequence-free sex. Their friends and family don’t have to know what they’re up to. If they’re found online, they have wide plausible deniability: “Oh, I was just checking it out.” “I was just on it because my friend made my profile.” “I’m looking for friends.” That latitude is important. Anything that offers women plausible deniability and anonymity will increase sex.

Women who are horny and don’t have other viable, immediate options will seek them online, though they will rarely say as much because they’ll get inundated with low-quality messages and men. If you are in the right place at the right time you may find those women seeking sex.

In my experience, 10+ years ago there were more of those women online, or they were a larger proportion of the whole. Today online dating is mainstream, so there are fewer just trolling for sex, even as women overall are sexually freer. But they are still out there. I still find them online. Women get horny and like sex too. Part of what you’re doing is seeking them out.

Obviously daygame pickup has some of these advantages as well, which is why guys should do it. Do it more than I do, especially if you’re young but out of school.

The “how to do online dating” thing has been covered extensively elsewhere. I will say this:

  • Most brown and Asian guys are out of luck online. Sorry. First impressions are everything and you are at a distinct disadvantage here.
  • Same for short guys. Wear raised boots and lie, but that might not be enough. If you’re five-eight or shorter you’re going to have unavoidable problems online.
  • City. Don’t live in a real city? Don’t bother much. I’ve lived in many cities and visited more and can tell you that the sex ratio in the city is key. I wouldn’t even bother trying online dating in a tech-heavy city like Seattle. If I did it would be minimal.
  • Photos. The importance of photos is clear and when I’ve talked to women I’ve slept with from online dating, going back probably 12-13 years now, photos are the number one distinguishing thing about me. Don’t bother trying online dating unless you’re willing to learn photography. I’ve gone through online dating apps with many women over the last decade and the vast majority of guys have shit pictures. Uber hot guys can conceivably get away with shit pics but the rest of us can’t.

I’m not going into depth about learning photography because you can do that online with searches. I’ve experimented with a wide array of photos and found that the motorcycle ones, dog ones, and rope bondage ones work best. Note with the latter that I don’t post photos of nude women but I do show clothed or mostly clothed women I’ve tied up. I’ve also tried showing ones with rope or rope and a flogger, and those can be kind of okay but don’t perform as well as me using rope on a woman.

Those kinds of pics send a strong “this guy is different” and “ecstatic, peak sexual experience” message. In terms of private messages, by now I also have thousands of good pics and videos that can sometimes be judiciously used for social proof purposes. I don’t use those in-app, preferring usually to wait until we’re in person. I think these are easy to mis-use but for the right woman at the right time they can advance the experience. I also have a lot of (true) stories I can tell about sex and dating. Since I mostly look for sex this gets rid of many women seeking relationships-only. Many of those seeking relationships will enjoy booty calls and FWBs while they search. A hot player can warm her while she searches elsewhere, especially if you are explicitly non-monogamous and opposed to monogamy.

Most women have bad pics online and it’s not unusual to meet someone way better looking than her pics indicate. The reverse is also true. The rise of smartphones has actually made many people’s pics worse than they were in the DSLR era.

I’ve been ultra-low and near-zero sugar for a long time. Sugar is the devil. Get rid of it and you will see massive body improvements. I’m an indifferent lifter and athlete compared to some guys but a diet demon and it shows. For offline dating this is useful and for online it is critical. The first pieces of advice are always “lift” and “don’t eat crap” because there are many things a man cannot change at once. What he puts in his mouth and what he does with his time he usually can. Make the core of your diet vegetables and nuts and good things will happen. Not today, not even tomorrow, but over time.

Kate Moss says nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. If she can do it so can you. If you can’t, don’t complain about your shit dating outcomes.

In online dating looks issues are amplified and that’s why almost all of this focuses on looks. Women who want consequence-free sex are going to be more interested in looks, social proof, and skill in bed than the average woman. If you want to be the guy on whom they experiment you need to know that. In addition: 

  • Most guys are shit. Women routinely say this but having seen a lot of what they put up with I think it’s true.
  • Most online dating systems are geared towards new users. I sign up, use it for two to three weeks, delete, and cycle to a new one or simply find women through other means. The longer you use any given system the worse that system is. Every time you rotate on, you should crop or otherwise change your pics, even subtly. These systems love novelty and hate repetition. Online dating must supplement offline dating.
  • I said this about paid sex:

escorts work best for guys who already have strong masculine fundamentals. Escorts are still women and women respond to some guys with strong masculine fundamentals. Escorts who sense weak losers will usually respond in kind

Same thing online. If you don’t have strong fundamentals nothing else will work. Experimental women look to explore sex online away from their friends still want masculine dudes. Taking away social consequences makes a lot of women want to have more and more varied sex.

tl;dnr online dating is hard for men but it also offers women a way to get sex without social consequences.

Author: The Red Quest

How can we live and be in society?

3 thoughts on “The one important positive thing about online dating”

  1. >> Obviously daygame pickup has some of these advantages as well, which is why guys should do it. Do it more than I do, especially if you’re young but out of school.

    I would recommend daygame even more for older guys. I’m 44, and date girls 18-34 (mostly 24-28). Online, unless I want to lie… No way those same girls would swipe right. No way I’d ever show up in their feed. And lying… Not good for my inner game.

    I know a very cool guy, early 40s, awesome genetics… Gets laid a LOT online (very young girls)… But definitely lies about his age. Says he is 35.

    It’s not easy… but huge opportunity for older guys IRL.


    1. Yeah man, everyone lies online. Out-of-date pics are probably the most common lies but not the only ones.

      My genetics are not great but they are good enough.

      I agree that IRL meeting is now the real opportunity. So many guys have no social skills whatever.

      I started experimenting with online dating before it was mainstream. Back then, the women on it were much more likely to be either crazy, shy but normal, or sex crazed and unable to fulfill their desires through social circles, etc. Naturally I liked group #3 best.


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