“Dad Meets the Sexual Revolution: A politically incorrect Father’s Day guide to sex, masculinity and daughters” misses one key point: women don’t actually want monogamy and commitment from the vast majority of men. Women want exciting hot sex from bad boys with lots of options. Once a guy realizes that women don’t actually respect guys who want monogamy, he stops offering it. Women think most guys who offer monogamy without struggle are weak.
This father wonders. I know any number of accomplished women who are not prudes, who want to be more than someone’s Tinder swipe and who are looking for full and worthy partners. When these women relate the reality of modern courtship—how so many first dates end with the man making clear that not jumping into bed with him means no second date—let’s just say “empowering” is not the first word that comes to mind.
I know any number of “accomplished women” who say all that. Especially during the day or to their parents when they’re sober and far from sexual situations. But I also know most of those same women behave very differently late and night and on weekends and when they’re horny. What they tell dad is very different from how they act. Kahneman and Tversky’s research has long shown that, basically, people are full of shit (I condense, but the result stands).
Don’t listen to anything women or anyone else says. Just look at how women or anyone else behaves. Guys who look at how women behave will adjust their own behaviors accordingly. I used to think women wanted flowers and courtesy and courtly behavior. By the time I got through my freshman year of college I figured out that, while I could still get laid with those kinds of behaviors, they were holding me back. Women want guys other women want. So guys who have lots of options don’t have to offer monogamy, and guys without those options can offer to women who disdain it.
It is true that women want monogamy and commitment from the kinds of guys who don’t have to offer it.