I can’t believe I have to post this: talk to girls, or buy it

I can’t believe I have to post this, but here goes.

Riv had or has a problem because he has or had no good leads. In response I wrote:

You actually have two choices:

1. Buy it.

2. Cold open.

You need to do one or both of those. When you have a new girl you will stop caring about the old ones.

You can read a bunch of other pretty dumb comments at the top link. I’m not going to repeat them all here. Most of the comments are based on misreading, or pouring ideas into my suggestion that aren’t there.

To be clear, I do (of course) emotionally bond with women.

But I also realize that I can only control myself, not others. No matter how into the woman I am, I can’t control her. She’ll do what she wants (which is what all people d0). Heartbreak happens.

When heartbreak happens, you can rage futilely against it. Maybe that is the right thing, for you, for a time. Or you can accept it as a part of life and even enjoy the pain, sort of like how you can enjoy the pain of deadlifting.

A growing experience with a new woman helps release the pain of the previous one. Action is usually better than rumination.

One of the only effective ways of making the old girl come back is to have a new one. Women want what they can’t have.

Kind of like… men.

Does this sound familiar? If you’ve read stoic philosophy it should.

Women also judge men based on social proof. When you have a new woman, that’s social proof. Social proof is why this ridiculous Snapchat gambit worked.

The best women go all the way for their men. She puts 100% into her man. If you are not getting 100%, the relationship is never going to be as good as one in which she willfully and joyously gives 100%. If she stops giving 100%, the relationship is over. The remaining question is, how long will it take the man to recognize it?

If she leaves you, that is… not 100%. So it’s time to buy it, cold open, online date, touch up old leads, do whatever you need to do. Talk to more girls. While you can’t control any particular girl, just as you can’t control any given hand of poker, you can make sure you can achieve your ultimate dating goals. Effective men work to achieve what we can, and let go that which can’t be achieved. When a lead is dead, talk to more girls. In general, talk to more girls, and talk to new girls. That part of the process you can control. Time spent chasing dead leads and dead relationships is not time spent opening new possibilities.

Later edit: Since the post above, Riv has stopped doing any sort of game altogether, as far as I can tell, and set his site to “private.” He’s constantly on Twitter, exhorting guys to stand up straight in pictures, or something. At one point I believe he was trying, but that point seems to be in the distant past. I wasn’t thinking of him when I wrote this post, but I could have been.

Author: The Red Quest

How can we live and be in society?

7 thoughts on “I can’t believe I have to post this: talk to girls, or buy it”

    1. Maybe it’s overly harsh, but the whole response from that other person was based on the notion that moving on from someone by getting under someone else means that no connection must have existed in the first place. Which is a misreading and false syllogism.


  1. I apologize for being a dick that day.

    I should have slowed down. I wish I’d noticed that you have a blog. I’m working on reading the entirety of it. You have a mind and personality that I respect, and I hope that we meet some day. In my mind you are one of the rare ones. So ya, I was pretty rash and wrong that day. Really I was talking to someone else, or more accurately to a meme; using your comment as a jumping off point to to rant on about a pet peeve.


    1. No worries, dude. Happens. Anyone writing on the Internet, has to let a lot of the punches go.

      I’m also not opposed to bonding with chicks. It’s just not possible to “make” a chick come back, if she has decided to go. Like almost all guys, I have tried to do that and failed. It makes me sad when it happens. Some chicks have been very sad to see me go. It’s human life, man. It’s hard.


  2. I am re-reading this old post, and I know this is a side point… but I want to ask,

    “One of the only effective ways of making the old girl come back is to have a new one. Women want what they can’t have.”

    What are the other effective ways?


    1. There aren’t a lot. Sometimes getting into radically better shape can do it, or dramatically upgrading your job, or some other aspect of the self. Occasionally the old girl will just be nostalgic and come back on her own accord. But these are very much edge cases. If you get a new girl, you have the new girl (good) and if the old girl swings back around that’s nice, but if she doesn’t, you’re still fucking the new girl.


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