Sociologist Mark Regnerus: ‘Cheap sex’ is making men give up on marriage

“Cheap sex is making men give up on marriage” is the article, and it should not surprise most guys reading here who have followed the community over the last couple years. His book is Cheap Sex: The Transformation of Men, Marriage, and Monogamy.

In today’s dating market men can specialize in being the guy girls want to fuck or the guy they think they should want to marry. Or more realistically neither, but let’s ignore that for now. It is of course possible to do both but trade offs exist in the real world and most guys are better off specializing in being the fuck boy.

While women bemoan the lack “eligible” men, they actually mean that they want a guy who can fuck all the girls he wants but for some reason her magical pussy makes him monogamous to her and makes him want to transfer lots of financial and other resources to her, with basically nothing in return. Guys are waking up to how terrible a deal this is. If one woman walks, she’ll be replaced by another. Guys who know they can get laid live a very different life from guys who can’t.

Stated like that the situation obviously makes no sense.

The only way to judge who and what women actually want is to look at who they fuck. Smart guys hit the gym, up their style, and learn game. Dumb guys bemoan their “fate.”

My last bunch of relationships ended after three to twenty-four months when the woman wanted a timeline for cohabitation or eventually marriage, and I refused. Very few women will be long-term fuck buddies or even girlfriends without a timeline for cohabitation. That can yield a Groundhog-day quality to relationships, but in my experience that is much better than the situation I found myself in when I lived with the woman who is now my ex and the mother of two kids. While I didn’t marry her (a smart move) I did make a lot of other errors that are obvious in retrospect.

In the article, the author doesn’t even attempt to ask himself what legal structures might make men wary of marriage:

This ratio, he says, keeps ultimate relationship power in the hands of men. “To plenty of women, it appears that men have a fear of commitment. But men, on average, are not afraid of commitment,” Regnerus writes.

“The story is that men are in the driver’s seat in the marriage market and are optimally positioned to navigate it in a way that privileges their (sexual) interests and preferences. It need not even be conscious behavior on their part.”

Or maybe men have learned from their fathers and uncles and friends that any time a woman wants to, she can divorce him and take half his assets. If they have kids she can use the violence of the state to compel him to disgorge money to her for 18 – 24 years. So why would any man sign up for that shit? Answer: he won’t.

Author: The Red Quest

How can we live and be in society?

9 thoughts on “Sociologist Mark Regnerus: ‘Cheap sex’ is making men give up on marriage”

  1. You read on reality here is one I agree with…

    But that article is a bizarre version of the world we live in… Including whatever “science” is behind the claim that “29% of men masturbate at least once per week.” Perhaps they collected that data at church?

    >> Regnerus argues that while women have maintained their role as sexual gatekeepers, men control the marriage market.

    ^ This is so incredibly clueless. Most men have zero options. To date… Let alone marry.

    >> Or more realistically neither, but let’s ignore that for now.

    ^ This from you is spot on, once again.

    Have you ever heard of the “Apex Fallacy?”

    >> “Nowadays young men can skip the wearying detour of getting education and career prospects to qualify for sex,” they write.

    Ha. Super sexy men… Can rely on sex appeal alone. The other 95% of men… Are not getting laid if they ignore edu/career. That is the meat of provider game… Which is the only game most men ever learn.

    >> among unmarried respondents under 40, “for every 82 men who wished to be married, 100 women said the same.”
    >> Six percent more women than men in the 25-34 age group have a bachelor’s degree.

    Combine those two statements and we’re into an interesting trend…
    — Women are increasing their market share of edu/career
    — Women will want to get married (after they hit the wall)

    And the missing ingredient is… “women want a man that is ‘better than they are.'” No woman woman wants to marry “down.” That is still true.

    There is the real perfect storm of modern marriage… Women, with more incentive to want marriage, but increasingly high standards of what “a good match” looks like, combined with the entitled, anti-feminine attitude of Western girls… And no one wants a match. “No one,” meaning no one with choice.

    Gamma/beta men would love to get married. So would “post sexy” (=older) women. But neither of those groups have choice.

    It’s absurd that men feel like they have “cheap sex.” Most men are still desperate. Online dating has likely made this worse… Further inflating *women’s* choices.

    And you’re right that marriage is shit bargain for most men… But they would take it if they could… Just to get out of the gamma lineup.


    1. I’m a little more optimistic on men… the guys who hit the gym and learn game do okay, mostly. Most guys don’t and they suffer. Which sucks. The real tragedy is that no one teaches evolutionary biology in school, so guys grow up not knowing shit, and most of us have to figure everything out on our own. Brutal.

      It’s true that a lot of guys are desperate, but a lot of them don’t take the feeling of desperation and then turn it into the action necessary to succeed.

      I see two main groups: the guys who are naturals and/or guys who learn game, and for them sex does get to be pretty cheap. Then there is everyone else, but they’re so invisible that no one cares about them, and both women and men shit on them by saying they’re not “eligible.” So they’ve got to get in the game if they’re going to succeed.

      I began writing here to capture the Google searches. So many guys are in a tragic place.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. >> It’s true that a lot of guys are desperate, but a lot of them don’t take the feeling of desperation and then turn it into the action necessary to succeed.

        Yeah… I am still very much focused on ^… turning my moments of “desperation” (more like, “frustration”) into activity and hustle.

        I don’t think this can be said enough… as a man, your frustration/desperation IS the mechanism by which you improve your life. If you can specifically and consciously link frustration to action, in a daily sense (like: She cancelled on me, that sucks, I’ll go meet more girls instead) — not only will you change your lot, but it becomes self-regulating.

        When I’m “hungry,” I get to work. When I’m flush, I lean back.

        >> the guys who hit the gym and learn game do okay, mostly.

        This is right ^… but what do we mean by “learn game?” How far down the rabbit hole??

        I think game allows most guys that seriously try to study… to step up to one-itis. That’s the gain… from sidelines, to one-itis.

        They know just enough to get some time/attn/skin, but haven’t gone far enough for that work out well. I think this group is the “peak” for men (this level can get you an average marriage), unless you really “get it.” Get evo-bio (as you say), and get game… as a means of some sense of control/master in that mix.

        I think most men are in a basically helpless place… but there standards are so low, they’re relatively comfortable in that place. This is bluepill/redpill again… if you’re still deeply in the matrix… you’re likely not suffering terribly, because you don’t know any better.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. >> The result is “two overlapping (but distinctive) markets, one for sex and one for marriage, with a rather large territory in between comprised of significant relationships of varying commitment and duration,” Regnerus writes

    ^ This is the most ridiculous part.

    The “two markets” have existed forever, and still exist… For women. It’s sex or LTR, usually with different men… Until they hit the wall. Then the final scramble for a relationship/provider.

    And while we’re on the subject of intellectual insane journalism:


    Insane. Insane.


  3. Admittedly a late comer to this thread, but very good stuff. Sometimes it is astonishing how clueless our society is when it comes to sex and relationships. I think part of that is the basic false assumption that biological life paths for men and women mirror each other and that most of our differences are societal/cultural. As any red-pilled man knows, nothing could be further from the truth.

    But also, what does a man today get out of a marriage? Not really much at all.

    For guys who are new to this, go google “women don’t owe their husbands sex” and look at all the articles where woman after woman and the mainstream media lay out in no uncertain terms that being married does not imply a sexual relationship.

    But here’s the question: if modern marriage is a contract where men have to pool their resources with a woman and otherwise be a kind, reasonable, decent partner, but where he has no guarantee of having sex AND is expected to be monogamous and loyal to this person, who will likely lose any sexual attraction for him over a few years and grow to resent and despise him through no fault of his own–like, WTF? Have women or these journalists or society at large ever thought about this?

    However, despite this, and partially because most guys are clueless, a lot of guys would be more than happy to get married because that’s as close as they’re even going to get to having regular sex. The problem is that women don’t want to be with these kinds of men, because they’re boring and make their pussies dry up.

    We’re moving back to a sexual marketplace of extreme hypergamy in a society that still holds monogamy as the framework for relationships, and it’s pretty fucked up to see. I used to be upset about it–now I just feel bad for people who live in this ignorance.

    But oh well, enjoy the decline right?


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