I’m sure that some of you read #8 in “Why so many women cheat on their husbands” and were like, “LOL What? No.” That’s okay, it’s cool, it’s not for everybody… yet I’m surprised I’ve not read any of the better game writers confront this subject. Lots discuss basic threeways (there are a bunch of threeway stories in Tom Torero’s Daygame) but none, I think, have gone so far as to systematize group sex. Am I missing a game writer who has gone this road? If I have shoot me a comment.
Consensual non-monogamy is harder to pitch to the average chick than one-on-one dating, but in my opinion it’s more honest for a guy uninterested in a wife and family. It’s an especially useful frame for players. Beyond honesty, it may be more efficient, too… about a quarter of girls dump me or flat out refuse when I mention it. About a quarter are gung-ho. About half are ambivalent. I don’t think it’s wise to bring up non-monogamy until you’ve been sleeping together for a while and she’s firmly converted into your frame. Players know the tipping point when chicks flip from evaluating the man for sex to knowing the man is evaluating her for a relationship. For most chicks, it’s valuable to get past that point before dropping the sex-club omb.
Three very good sex sessions is a rule of thumb for strong conversion, but every guy must learn for himself what strong conversion means and how long it takes a given girl to get there. Some girls are also fundamentally non-monogamous in a masculine sort of way and they will never be deeply converted. Some guys don’t want to recognize this but it’s true.
Neil Strauss’s Game sequel, The Truth (a great book you should also read even if you disagree with the end) has him exploring non-monogamy:
I look up and see a yoga stud from Kamala’s pod.
“Have you rounded up any more girls?” the orbiter asks him.
Kamala Devi and Shamal Helena said polyamory was about loving relationships, not casual sex. But these guys seem more like next-level pickup artists, coming to these conferences with the intention of sucking any available women into their powerful reality.
“These guys seem more like next-level pickup artists:” let that sink in.
Why haven’t pick-up artists figured this out? It’s a way to more efficiently up your notch count through girl-trading.
I rarely see attractive and super overtly polyamorous people… the attractive ones are usually quiet about their unusual lifestyle, rather than trying to flaunt it and be political about it. But I have seen lots of attractive open relationship people, and when the guy is driving it can be very powerful. Granted, some of the girls in that scene are more psycho than average. The people deepest in, I stay away from. But some of the girls in the scene are fantastic. Remember that there is no escape from frame or sexual market value (SMV). If the former is strong and the latter is high, it can be next-level game.
I’ve not written comprehensively about open relationships and game but I did talk about them in “Women want to follow your lead: a story about a woman presenting two ways.”
Guys who are doing it right are trading hot women. That’s it, value for value. Obviously people try to defect but defectors can be punished. A guy who does not bring value to the venue will fail. A guy who brings hot chicks to the venue will often succeed. Game enables a guy to meet, seduce, and then introduce the hot chicks. Without game, even good-looking guys will often fail, not succeed as they should.
In my view, non-monogamy could be the next level of game. Most guys, however, don’t understand how non-monogamy can be used by players to solve retention problems and increase novelty.
Later add: Commenter Magnum says this guy Blackdragon writes about it. Will check his stuff out. It is okay, but a lot of it is low-value, repetitive, or obvious. For a guy who doesn’t know much, reading through his archives may be useful.
Addition: This post and others like it form the basis of the free ebook I wrote about sex clubs, non-monogamy, and game. If you want a comprehensive of how this world works, the hidden principles underlying sex clubs, and how to integrate non-monogamy into the game, read the book.