Don’t get married and make sure you get that DNA test

So. The new Esther Perel book, The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity ,is out. I read her first book Mating in Captivity and that book solidified to me how dangerous Western marriage is. I’ve been slipping Mating in Captivity to friends, after a couple of beers, for years. I’m sure most of them don’t read it. Then they marry and divorce and cry when their exes take all their money.

You need to read the new book, although I’ve only gotten through a few pages. This is an important part:

Whether we like it or not, philandering is here to stay. And all the ink spilled advising us on how to “affair-proof” our relationships has not managed to curb the number of men and women who wander. Infidelity happens in good marriages, in bad marriages, and even when adultery is punishable by death.

She’s right. So the solution is, do not get married. And if she says that baby is yours, get the DNA test to prove it. RP guys like to say there are guys who are cheated on and guys who are cheated with. Be the latter. Don’t get married. It’s not impossible that a married (not to me) woman had my kid, and I should write that story (she was married, work weekend, she wanted to use a condom…).

Know how to “rethink infidelity?” Rethink marriage. Specifically, guys shouldn’t marry, at least not while the legal system in the United States is stacked against them.

Feminists have been castigating marriage for decades. They’re going to get a world where guys don’t want to subsidize chicks. Which isn’t going to make a lot of women happy. Guys are waking up.

“What are your rules for talking about RP concepts?”

In response to “Warning about falling into the girl’s frame,” on Reddit this guy asked:

What are your rules for dispensing knowledge? (RP and non. RP)…. Who/When/Why. Seems there are a lot of stupid people and thus many opportunities are presented.

While there are no hard and fast rules, most of the time a guy shouldn’t talk about RP stuff at all… to the extent I do, I talk with women I’ve already been sleeping with for a while and who are thus in my frame already. Like that warning post: I’ve been sleeping with Bike Girl for a while. It’s possible to drop RP hints here and there as teases, but I don’t recommend going into full professor mode, probably ever. But there are a few principles for when you do talk…

1) Never use any of the jargon. Many people intuitively understand the ideas, but the jargon will repel them.

2) Must be done in a playful, cheeky way. This goes back to the idea of teasing. In addition, playful and cheeky can be plausibly denied later or as needed.

3) Should be done either 1:1 or in small groups. In large groups you don’t want standard BP conditioning to take over.

4) Less is more. Don’t address someone’s entire worldview or ideology. Don’t be a priest. In the example linked above, I didn’t shit on feminism or make huge pronouncements on all aspects of men versus women. The point was constrained to one facet of male-female dynamics and centered on the friend’s real experience.

5) Be ready to back down. This may not read as “alpha” to typical guys online, but social circumstances aren’t an academic debate. You’re chatting with people and it’s not worth blowing up good social vibes for some issue most people don’t give a shit about. This is related to point 2. If someone gets huffy, just say, “Whatever, live your life” and move on. The smile or smirk are key. Amused mastery is better than being “right,” except sometimes at work where being right matters more. Social context matters for everything. If you are an engineer or doctor, then being factually correct is very important. If you are chatting with your friends, being cool is more important than being right (or being seen as being right).

6) The real knowledge comes not from what you say but how you live. Your life is the best example. Pretty much no one cares about what you say (sorry, but it’s true). People admire or dislike you for how you live and what you do. People listen to high-status people they admire, not some blowhard with an average or below-average life, even if that blowhard is technically “right” about whatever. Like I said above, in an engineering meeting, being right matters, and in most other human social endeavors it does not. Many celebrities who you and I are think are dumb have more influence than you or me because they’re widely admired. Socially admired people have influence and weirdo outsiders spouting strange theories of human behavior do not.

This is another way of saying, status/coolness FIRST, then talk about whatever the thing is. Do you take advice from the bottom people in your field? No you don’t. You listen to the top people. If you’re not a top person, no one is going to listen to you. Get the life first. People listen to Ray Dalio about investing, not the poor joe on the street who just leased a car he can’t afford because he thinks the monthly payments are so low. That poor joe can’t do math. He’s not building assets and he’s risking bankruptcy for no good reason.

7) While most guys don’t want to hear this, Red Pill and pickup attracts a disproportionate number of social idiots. One sign of being a social idiot is not knowing that you are one. If you are a social idiot, the first thing you need to do is learn not to be one, because you are going to have an even worse time trying to teach other people than a normal guy would. Being socially deaf, however, means you’re unable to perceive yourself to be socially deaf, so you have limited ability to incorporate proper real-world feedback.

I’m sure there are other principles, but those come to mind. When in doubt, shut up. Seriously. Shutting up is underrated. Most people like to hear themselves talk and talk about themselves. Let them. A little encouragement goes a long way. No one cares if you’re right.

I’ve slept with far more girls through shutting up at the right time than I have through talking or being “right.” Dale Carnegie’s How To Win Friends and Influence People is still a great book. It’s not clear from the original post I wrote, but in that conversation I talked far less than I listened, and I listened for a long time to the friend. This may read as “beta” to less experienced guys, but, again, most people like to broadcast and don’t care about the objective reality of a situation or how to improve their life. People who really want to improve their lives are the exceptions. Look at the fatties all around you: most would like to not be fat, but they can’t be bothered to improve their lives.

If you are dealing with normal humans in normal social situations, perception matters more than being “right.” What is “right” is not even clear or obvious in most situations. Save being right for your math and physics classes.

These things are hard to do and require social savvy, and that’s why most RP people say, “Don’t talk about RP.” That’s easy and less likely to lead to errors. A delicate touch is necessary. Most online RP people seem to be angry and not socially savvy, so it is not a surprise that they get burned when they attempt to tell others about the Red Pill without first improving themselves.

Warning about falling into the girl’s frame

I had an educational experience with Bike Girl and one of her friends, who was complaining about the way five (!?) of her ex-boyfriends had cheated on her. At first I was quiet and Bike Girl was commiserating with the friend. Finally the friend wanted my view, and I asked the common question, What do all five of those guys have in common?

The obvious answer is, Her. She picked all of them. She’s also a pretty girl so she can pick from a wide range of guys.

Most likely, a girl with a long history of “cheating” exes is more desperate than usual for attention from very high value guys. Those guys have lots of options, which they are only too happy to exercise. The girl eventually finds out and then whines to her girlfriends about how guys are scum, totally ignoring her own role in picking guys who are oriented towards sleeping with lots of women.

I didn’t put it exactly like that, which is too RP, and when the friend began to fight back, I backed off some and said that it’s her life and she should live it however she wants. That is something I do believe, just like I believe most people lived in a world so heavily wrapped in illusion that they can’t discern the outer light.

There was no way I was going to enter this girl’s frame about how men are cheating scum. It is true that most men feel the need to sleep with as many women as possible, but it’s also true that anyone who consistently gets together with consistent, bold cheaters is somewhat complicit in the cheating. Five times means there is something inside the friend, not in the five exes.

After, Bike Girl asked what I thought, and I told her the truth: I think her friend is a fool and is old enough to know something of herself, men, and dating. That she doesn’t, speaks to who she is, mentally and psychologically. In an inexperienced girl of 21 or 22 such ignorance would be reasonable. In a chick older than 25, one who should have the reading and experience to know better, it becomes appalling, or a sign of intellectual deficit or inability to face the interior self.

Most interesting is Bike Girl’s reaction, which was respect for knowledge. Being able to know things and to distribute knowledge in a way that’s not off-putting is a hard balance. Given some of our experiences I also think Bike Girl knows a lot about my dim views on monogamy. I haven’t told her everything in my past and never will, but she gets the main point.

I am not a master PUA but I’m not a beta supplicant either, and I think Bike Girl’s friend wasn’t expecting someone to disagree with her girlish nonsense… or be skeptical of it. Yet disagreeing, amiably yet directly, also I think increased Bike Girl’s attraction to me. So did being able to imply her friend is dumb and misguided without being crude enough to say so. People can read the sentiment beneath the words. Sometimes being direct is optimal, but sometimes being politic is.

One of my favorite books is Being Wrong. Read it! And know too that if you are not reading books you are likely much dumber than you would be if you did read regularly. This is a harsh thing to say, but it’s also important and true. Almost all the really smart people I know are heavy readers. You don’t have to be a heavy reader to get the girl, but if you want access to smarter girls and you want the ability to maintain a mental connection in a relationship, get reading and talk about what you’re reading.

Why a guy should never marry, as described by women

“I Can’t Afford to Divorce My Rich Husband” is an amazing example of what RP guys like to call “female hamstering.” In this piece, “Eliza, 31, wants a divorce. Both she and her husband, Sam, have changed a lot since they got together in their early 20s.” But, “The problem is Sam makes a lot more money than Eliza. She teaches English at a high school, and she’s dependent on Sam’s income (he’s an investment banker) for a part of their expenses, including the mortgage on their house.”

The advice given to her is simple: take him for everything she can:

Bahn would know. Three years ago, her husband walked out, thrusting her into a financial bind: She had recently decided — with her husband’s encouragement — to quit her job to focus on her dissertation while he supported them. Without him, she couldn’t pay rent, let alone afford legal counsel. But before putting her Ph.D. on hold to frantically search for a job, Bahn discovered that she was entitled to support during divorce proceedings. This is known as pendente lite relief: The less-monied spouse (usually a woman) can petition the court to receive “reasonable” coverage for legal fees and living expenses until a divorce agreement is finalized. This is something you should consider.

So what does this woman, Eliza, bring to the marriage? Nothing. She doesn’t even have kids with her husband. She’s going to get a ton of money for putting nothing whatsoever into the marriage, except perhaps sex, assuming sex is worth anything.

This guy was probably young and dumb when he got married, and he probably didn’t realize how much money he’d end up paying when his wife loses interest in him. He’ll learn the hard way, like so many guys.

Guys should read this and remind themselves: Do not get married. At all. Ever.

 

“Memoir of Growing Up Fat Forces France to Look in the Mirror,” yeah, no kidding

“Memoir of Growing Up Fat Forces France to Look in the Mirror.”  That’s because fatties are gross. Not only are they gross, but they demonstrate a lack of some combination of intelligence, conscientiousness, and knowledge. Intelligence, because they might not understand why the sugar they stuff in their faces makes them fat; conscientiousness, because they may understand but lack the willpower to change; or knowledge, because they may simply not know or never have been told.

Do you want to hire a stupid, lazy, or ignorant person? Neither do I. Unless they work cheap.

This is total nonsense:

Unlike in the United States, where TV regularly features programs urging viewers to take a positive view of their bodies

It is true that TV features fat acceptance, but in the real world of dating markets and employment markets things are quite different. Even if someone will try to virtue-signal about fat acceptance, in reality no one who can avoid dating such people will date them.

Every loser guy who hits the Internet gets the same advice: hit the gym, quit sugar, quit video games, develop hobbies that bring you into contact with other people, and learn how to dress yourself. TV, video games, and social media suck up insane amounts of time, and quitting them allows a man to better himself.

The more a guy is in shape in a  fat society, the more he stands out.

I’ve met lots of overweight women via online dating, although only by accident when they lie in pictures. I don’t want to date them, but I sometimes invite the ones who seem nice to the gym. Very few come. Of those who come, almost none come more than once. Fat people primarily have themselves to blame, at least those who are past the age of majority. I’m that obnoxious guy who, in the presence of a fat chick hitting on him, only talks about the gym and dieting. Boring topics, but the right topic around fat chicks.

“‘Willing to Do Everything,’ Mothers Defend Sons Accused of Sexual Assault”

“‘Willing to Do Everything,’ Mothers Defend Sons Accused of Sexual Assault” is about the batshit crazy sexual culture infesting some parts of today’s college campuses. Accusing a man of sexual assault has become a mark of pride in many precincts, and common sense is extremely uncommon, so we get this parade of nonsense enabled and encouraged by cowardly university administrators.

But mothers are women and know what women are like. In many ways they’re strong figureheads for their sons.

In other positive news, “Betsy DeVos Ends a Campus Witch Hunt.” At least something good is coming out of the horror of the Trump administration. I’d guess that she’s attempting to end the campus witch hunt, but the culture of the hunt likely goes on.

 

“Reading the body language of girls”

“Reading the body language of girls” is from Krauser and it’s good, especially because I think I’m bad at reading body language. Particularly bad in set. In set I might be too focused on eye contact.

“Evolutionary theory says men stray to increase offspring, but what motivates women? Enter the mate-switching hypothesis”

“Why women stray: Evolutionary theory says men stray to increase offspring, but what motivates women? Enter the mate-switching hypothesis.” An excellent essay by David Buss and offered without much commentary. For men the important thing to know is that most women will stray if given the chance and the right opportunity. Be the guy she cheats with, not the one she cheats on.

I have a post aout David P. Barash’s book Out of Eden: The Surprising Consequences of Polygamy coming down the pike. I highly recommend it. Understanding the theory helps the practice. Most guys have neither.

Your girl’s male “friends?” Usually they’re alternate options.

Bike Girl at the party

Like I mentioned, I took Bike Girl to the sex party, and from my perspective it went pretty well. She was incredibly, cutely nervous and anxious and kept talking about calling it off. But I told her that I’d RSVPed and that being a flake is bad. She’s a woman, though, so flaking is in her nature.

I knew about half the people there, so the social proof aspect was high. I encouraged her to kiss other women, which she was reluctant to do at first but after two drinks and some gentle encouragement from me and the crowd she got into it. Like most women she wants to be led, gently but firmly, and I was in my element while she was out of hers.

Bike didn’t sleep with anyone else and neither did I (a low-stakes strategy I recommend in the free book). I think this was an “eye opening” experience for her, though, and it expanded the range of her possibilities. We talked a lot about what it would be like before and what it would be like after.

Bad news is that the hosts of the party don’t have the face control they could. There were about four other attractive couples and one or two other attractive women, and far too many overweight people. But, water finds its own level and people tend to find their level of attractiveness. I’ve left parties without any attractive counterparties in them, and you should too.

We’re going to go back to another one, I’m sure. Most interesting from a game perspective, near the end of the party I was getting another drink and spotted one of the other attractive women coming back from the bathroom. Chatted for a minute and then got her phone # on a napkin. I’ve been seeing Bike Girl every other day or so, but last week on one of the off days I went to get a drink with this girl. She knew what was up, I think, and didn’t tell her boyfriend about it.

Now, this is pretty unusual, and I’ve tried this before and more often than not it fails. Most women will not do things independently without their partner; in this case, if she’d been unwilling, I would’ve tried to set up a 2:2 date. But she was willing and there was very little game; she was a “yes girl” and I already knew her secret, as she knew mine. That’s one reason I like the non-monogamy community: done well it’s an easy, easy place to fish. Downside is that few 8+ women exist in it. They’re often in private groups and parties. If your goal is to hit the very top of the attractiveness curve hit the streets, hit the gym, don’t think too much about this scene, unless you’ve got an attractive girl already into it, at which point your goal becomes filtering.

But if you want some easy novelty and like group sex like I do, simple pickup can work.

I hesitate to post about this because, like I said, the Party Girl situation fails more often than not, and there isn’t a lot of lesson to take other than “take the shot.” I don’t think my game is strong and that’s part of the reason I post those links in the sidebar. The guys listed there likely have far stronger technical game.

In a couple weeks I’m going to try and take Bike Girl to a sex club. She’s hesitant about making this a regular thing but she’s not saying no. I wrote this in another post, but in my experience about a quarter of girls are excited by non-monogamy and sex clubs. About a quarter say no outright. About half are intrigued and can be led to it. Bike Girl is in that half.

Most guys in the scene have zero game, so they aren’t good at bringing new girls in. I have some game, so over the years I’ve built up a reputation that Bike Girl has reinforced. This opened up and opens up a lot of new opportunities, because no one really knows how attractive a guy is, including girls, but everyone knows how pretty the girl a guy has is. Bring in pretty girls and the girls will want you more.

To me this is next-level game. Not many guys think this way, from what I can tell. Most guys are also bad in bed, which limits their appeal in the scene. But for a put-together guy, it can be a gold mine.

Last week or two have been crazy. Almost too crazy. I said I was getting bored of the game, and I am, but then when it’s right in front of me, I don’t act bored.

I’ve said before that I think sex drives me more than the ego boost from seduction. I wonder if in actuality fear of reliance on a single woman drives me more than anything else. That doesn’t seem likely to me but it doesn’t seem impossible either.

“I Love My Girlfriend. So Why Do I Keep Cheating on Her?”

I have some more work to do before the weekend, but I saw “I Love My Girlfriend. So Why Do I Keep Cheating on Her?” and had to laugh. Guys want to bang as many girls as possible because evolution has tuned them to spread their seed. Most guys, given the choice, will sleep with as many women as possible.

Most guys, of course, don’t have the choice, and struggle to find even a single woman.

The article is funny because the woman writing the response, Lori Gottlieb, knows zero about evolutionary biology and thus cannot answer the question adequately.

If this guy has good enough game to cheat, it’s also not a surprise that his girlfriend as well as other women like him. Women like guys other women like, so when an attractive woman is with a guy, she increases his ability to get more women.

Funny how that works. And most women don’t seem to realize it.