So. The new Esther Perel book, The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity ,is out. I read her first book Mating in Captivity and that book solidified to me how dangerous Western marriage is. I’ve been slipping Mating in Captivity to friends, after a couple of beers, for years. I’m sure most of them don’t read it. Then they marry and divorce and cry when their exes take all their money.
You need to read the new book, although I’ve only gotten through a few pages. This is an important part:
Whether we like it or not, philandering is here to stay. And all the ink spilled advising us on how to “affair-proof” our relationships has not managed to curb the number of men and women who wander. Infidelity happens in good marriages, in bad marriages, and even when adultery is punishable by death.
She’s right. So the solution is, do not get married. And if she says that baby is yours, get the DNA test to prove it. RP guys like to say there are guys who are cheated on and guys who are cheated with. Be the latter. Don’t get married. It’s not impossible that a married (not to me) woman had my kid, and I should write that story (she was married, work weekend, she wanted to use a condom…).
Know how to “rethink infidelity?” Rethink marriage. Specifically, guys shouldn’t marry, at least not while the legal system in the United States is stacked against them.
Feminists have been castigating marriage for decades. They’re going to get a world where guys don’t want to subsidize chicks. Which isn’t going to make a lot of women happy. Guys are waking up.
The Red Quest 
>> Guys are waking up.
I think you’re right… But that “based” guys will move toward MGTOW. Which is lose/lose, as I see it.
Game is fucking hard. So as non-marrying guys hit that fork in the road, the easier choice is a dog, more porn, and MGTOW.
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Meanwhile… Had a talk with my married buddy tonight. He has a hot trophy wife. Sex 1X per week… Which is 100X more than any of my other married friends. Most get laid 1X per month, or less.
He is a very cool guy, successful, travels a lot for work. He called to say he has been fooling around a bit on trips…
And that’s what we often hear. “Men are dogs.”
What we don’t hear is that he is fooling around with mostly married women. They are into it and initiating more often than not. And his other coworkers, also married, all fucking around on business trips… He had story after story.
This is what married people do. The ones with high SMV fuck around. There is nothing new in the world.
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“What we don’t hear is that he is fooling around with mostly married women. They are into it and initiating more often than not. And his other coworkers, also married, all fucking around on business trips… He had story after story.”
I wonder how much of this is wishful thinking. I’ve hit on lots of married women and women in serious relationships and while I have for sure seen some success (including the story alluded to) on average I’m less successful in that domain.
Maybe he is extremely high SMV or is compromising quality on the women. If I compromised quality more I would definitely get laid a lot more.
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“Game is fucking hard.”
Totally true. But sex is so much better than ANYTHING else that the pain is worth it.
Or guys can buy it. I’ve bought it. I almost certainly will again. I’ve written about buying it too on the blog.
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Agreed… It’s worth it for us. For low SMV guys and guys that can’t put in the work (and/or don’t get the concept of game), I can see why they would opt out. I’m no fan of MGTOWs, but I see why that trend is on the rise.
A MGTOW is a guy that accepts “the rules,” but hates the rules. So he hides, rather than break the rules… We know breaking the rules is fun.
And… I love it when you talk about paying for sex. I have not, and I used to think it was noble that I have never. Now I think it’s pride mixed with cowardice that I’ve never checked that out.
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In my case I feel neither pride nor shame about paying for it. This is the longer post I wrote: https://theredquest.wordpress.com/2017/04/29/how-to-use-seeking-arrangements-for-fun-and-profit.
To me it’s a need or service like many others. Is it wrong to pay someone to make food or clean your house? Not to me.
At least in the United States, paying for it is not totally simple and straightforward, so it takes some time. I’m sure a lot of guys are disappointed by the experience. There are some real dogs selling sex, and I don’t get why guys would pay for it. Like this story: https://www.thecut.com/2017/10/sex-diary-the-mom-who-supports-her-family-with-sex-work.html. Seriously, what guy would bother paying for it with an older woman who’s already had kids? It makes no sense.
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I should’ve said, “Paying for it is just another tool.”
Build up lots of tools and they can be deployed in lots of ways.
Game is a tool. Paying for it is a tool. What’s a guy trying to accomplish? Why? What resources does he have? Those are the questions I’d ask.
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