Last night I slept with a woman I first met a while ago. We met when she was on a bad date (I’ve actually picked up a couple women this way). She was in her early 40s, still very lithe, but no honest guy prefers a woman in her early 40s to a woman in her 20s, all else being equal, for sex. There are obviously fatties in their 20s and some women are still lingeringly cute in their 40s, but the 2o-something overwhelmingly wins.
Between the last time I saw her and now, this woman got in a semi-serious relationship with another guy and the relationship fizzled, so she sent a “how are you?” feeler text to me, we got drinks, and then the usual.
But I wasn’t that excited about her. Bike Girl is in her 20s and man, after getting used to an attractive woman in her 20s, going back to a 40+ woman is hard. Harder than it should be. Objectively, this one is still attractive and, if I’d not had sex for a week, I’m sure I’d have been all over her. But with Bike Girl eager for sex even more often than I am, I just didn’t have the umph necessary to make it work, and I think lithe former dancer knew as much.
This one also has something sad about her. She was in a 10+ year relationship and it was never the “right time” to have kids. Reading between the lines, I think she just got bored of her guy, and vice-versa…. she basically blew her fertility window on nothing. She’d have been better served by leveling with the guy and saying, “Let’s have kids and co-parent together.” But she couldn’t overcome her own hypergamy, her own tendency to need novel stimulation, and where is she now? Still being seduced by the occasional charming player, but to what end? Where is she going? The wall is nigh, and she’s seeing whatever remaining fertility she has dwindle by the month.
I meet a lot of women like this. They usually have one major LTR that “didn’t work out” or some similar female nonsense and deeply regret not having kids. Or they’re furiously trying to find a guy to have kids with, but they’re finding that their whole dating market structure changed a lot, without them really noticing, between 22 and 35. None have read an older article, “Marry Him! The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough,” because they’re too busy with Cosmo or whatever other dumb shit most women read, if they read at all. “Marry Him!” is written by a raging narcissist, which is why it’s perfectly obvious, banal observation is treated like some kind of revelation.
They’ve bought into the bullshit feminism that says “You don’t need a man or a child!” Except you do. Natural, evolved instinct is a lot older than modern ideological feminism. What are spinsters going to do as they age out of sexual attractiveness, but without the family they crave, and that gives their lives meaning? They’d be better off coparenting with not-optimal guys than aging alone.
Enough of that. The last ten or so cold approaches I’ve done (a couple on the street, one in a grocery store, a couple in coffee shops) have gone nowhere. A couple of weak numbers. I may lack the necessary intent. And the time.
Bike Girl is also getting more comfortable with non-monogamy. We had the foursome, and soon we’re going to try a MFM threeway with my “threesome buddy.” He’s into the non-monogamy swinging community and we’ve done this many times before. Bike Girl is apprehensive, but in a cute way. She says she’s never met anyone like me before, but I tell her, truthfully, that she likely has, but without recognizing it.
I do think I’m making her a little too insecure for non-monogamy.
Of course, it’s also possible that she’s seeing someone on the side and not telling me. I learned a long time ago that there is no such thing as “not that kind of girl.” Or if there is, I (and men in general) can’t reliably distinguish between “not that kind of girl” and “that kind of girl.”
Girls are also experts at compartmentalizing. Most guys don’t know this or don’t want to know it. They prefer a “purity” fantasy. Ha.
I have seen too much of life and women to buy the purity fantasy. The male fantasy of utter female wantonness is also a fantasy. The truth lies between the poles.
I started this post about the older woman and almost immediately shifted it to being about other women, so I suppose that’s all I need to know about that.