“Tinder and the Tyranny of Language” is about the online horror stories you’re familiar with, and it explains why Tinder works poorly for the vast majority of guys… but the author also sucks at Tinder:
Expect several days of intimate, evocative and tantalising back-and-forth, conversations running into the early hours of the morning, a reliable hit of dopamine at the peering at of one’s lock screen. You organise a face to face, a real live date—and the anxiety hits infinity, as this person who you have finally clicked with, will suddenly become real.
WTF? No. Why would this guy do that? Get a drink with whoever quickly. Usually after three to five messages. If she won’t show up in person it isn’t real. Guys who do less often do better than guys who do more. This guy becomes her dancing monkey and attention drip, like a bag of morphine straight into her arm. Don’t expect several days of back-and-forth. Suggest getting a drink and if she says no or ghosts, you know that you were wasting your time.
Location is important. This guy’s Twitter bio says he’s in Melbourne, Australia. I don’t know shit about Melbourne. Guys in bad cities with lots of men in them (Melbourne, San Francisco, Seattle) are going to have a bad time compared to guys in cities with lots of chicks… NYC, maybe Sydney? I don’t know Australia.
I’ve decided that Tinder worked a hell of a lot better as a hook-up app, than it does as serious dating one, and that these strange textual romances—sterile, devoid of physical communication or exchange—can only produce a skewed experience of person, that might, in theory, be rectifiable via some promptly organised outbreak of touch, sensual engagement and sexual exploration. But in practice, they only lead to an equally sterile series of dates.
I don’t know this guy, but there are several possibilities: he’s ugly, he’s in the wrong place, he has no game, he doesn’t understand evolutionary biology, or like most guys he shouldn’t be using Tinder. He needs to learn daygame and get offline. He needs to spend more time with the squat and deadlift.
Guys who try Tinder today suffer, unless they’re extremely good looking. Tinder and all apps also now have systems that reward new users and punish existing ones. The only way they work is to boot it up, pay for one month, use it for two weeks or so, cancel the subscription, and then re-activate a month or two later to get fresh matches.
Mostly, though, guys are better off hitting the gym and learning daygame. That guy is like three-quarters right, but he’s missing some key elements he can learn through game.
5 thoughts on ““Tinder and the Tyranny of Language” is an argument for daygame”
Sydney is actually the worst city in the world for Tinder. The competition is out of this world. Every guy is 6ft+, jacked, tan, rich, and attractive. Never have I encountered bitchier matches. The only saving grace over SF is that the girls are actually attractive there.
You are right in that the author is doing Tinder wrong. He sounds like an intellectual type that is prone to overinvesting and trying to impress girls with words instead of letting his value speak for himself. I am of the same flock and struggled with Tinder in that way, but started doing a lot better once I started writing less.
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Pancake… You are being modest here, aren’t you?
I thought of you as soon as I started reading the post. Your advice is good above, but I know you to be much more successful than you come off here. I am thinking of the “girl with braces,”… but you have a lot of stories.
Care to share one of your stories from your summer on the East Coast?
You have a lot to share here.
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Well, every guy has a different measure of success, and I am a harsh critic. I’m certainly not where I want to be yet.
I will say that I bang a lot more 5s and 6s than I let on. It’s just the hotter ones I brag about :). Goal this year is to lock down the hotter girls so I no longer have to dip in a moment of horniness.
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>> I will say that I bang a lot more 5s and 6s than I let on
Super honest and modest comment. Good attitude, man.
>> the anxiety hits infinity
I’m not trying to dis the guy… I have a lot of respect for guys that are trying to find a foothold as men and inz game… I had a 1st date on Tues, and I took a deep breath at one point in my walk there… But:
That guy is obviously in the very early stages of the learning curve.
I like RedQuest’s advice. Yeah… 3-5 msgs, and get her out quick.
Girls have a LOT of experience. Much of it with guys with game. When a guy makes amateur moves like the author, she knows he’s “Bottom Guy,” because Top Guy would have gotten her out… In 3-5 msgs. Signal that you’re anything but Top Guy and you’re done.
I wish him well. He can get better with more experience… but he is in no position to judge any part of the SMP.
And yeah… Daygame for the win.
I am out now. I’m writing this on a break. Krauser is advising a proper sit-down break on long sessions, I’m trying to listen.
Okay… back to it. 5-7 more approaches with real live girls, on her street and in the flesh… and I’ll call it a night.
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