I’ve written about non-monogamy and sex clubs here, here, and here, in “How many women are open to sex parties and partner swapping? [intermediate/advanced].” There’s little reason to read this if you’re not already getting laid pretty regularly and you’re not already confident of your ability to to meet and sleep with new women.
Start there. When you’re able to get laid routinely, then read everything else here.
Sex clubs are not a shortcut to having real game. Sex clubs are an extension of existing game. If you don’t have game and status already you will have a bad time if you try to bring your only, sole, single girl with you. Guys like me will try to pick her off. We might succeed. Not only that, but a guy who pins everything to one girl may go emotionally nuts the first time she has sex with another guy in front of him, or indicates that she wants sex with another guy. Before you bring a girl into that situation you need to know that there’s another one behind her if or when she bolts.
[I have finally gotten around to putting together a complete guide to sex clubs and game. If you want a structured, comprehensive look at how this world works, check out the book.]
In my view the basic dynamic of sex parties is guys exchanging hot females with a minimal amount of logistical bother. That’s it. People overcomplicate and overthink this. You have a hot girl. I have a hot girl. Let’s trade. The girl obviously has to like the other guy well enough (or want to fuck the girl).
This is the fundamental dynamic. It’s an exchange of value for value. I get more novelty than I’d have otherwise. You get more novelty than you’d have otherwise. Win-win. Fail to bring the value and you will likely fail at the sex club. Guys who have a bad time of game in general will also have a bad time if they manage to convince their one and only partner to come to a sex club with them.
Single women will sometimes come to sex clubs, and sometimes even attractive single women will come. Many guys will of course desire the single women for a threesome, and guys with sufficiently high status and good game are more likely to get them. Single women who are highly open to experience, highly bisexual, or with very high sex drives are the only ones likely to attend. Most women, of course, don’t do shit unless there is a guy ready to lead them. Exceptions tend to be ultra-high libido. Like, I’ve had a fairly long-term, off-and-on FWB who really, seriously wants to have sex twice a day, every day. You, the man reading this, may think, “Oh great mate, sign me up, I’d love to shag that much too.” The vast majority of guys, especially guys over the age of 25, will eventually be knackered by a really persistent woman, and she’s figured that out, so she needs multiple boyfriends or FWBs.
But she’s exceptional and unusual. Typical women at sex parties are brought by their primary partners. Typical guys want to swap with a girl who is at least on the level of the girl they’ve brought. It’s about exchanging value.
The basics of game still apply. Strong masculine identity and strong social skills lead to good outcomes. At parties and clubs lots of guys try to get “something for nothing” by offering to swap with couples nowhere near their level. Usually they are declined. Often by me. If you bring a girl to a sex party, be ready to say “no.” Be ready to lead.
Be ready to lead.
Be ready to lead. I know I’ve just written that three times in a row, but game-aware guys know that very few chicks will lead. They will really really not lead in most group sex situations. Some chicks will lead themselves a little bit more as they get relaxed and into the sex zone, but most won’t at the beginning. The fewer the people, the worse most chicks are at leading. So you, the man, will have to have the social deftness to make propositions and accept when they’re rejected. And when they’re accepted, which is scarier for some guys.
Most cities have a “scene” of some kind. I don’t know your city so I don’t know what it entails. In your city there will likely be a core nucleus of regulars, organizers, and people who make things happen. Show up enough and you will become one of them. If you’re a high-value guy who regularly brings hot chicks, you’ll be invited to events solo.
The worst clubs and parties are empty or filled with fatties. I walk away from those events. When I use online app matcher systems, I emphasize my interests in lifting and fitness, and this acts as a fattie repulsion system. Not perfectly, but well enough.
At the best events there are many hot couples or, more rarely, single unicorns. The hotter you are, the better you do. There is no such thing as a free lunch. Fantasize about a party full of gorgeous women aching for wild sex with you, but know that those don’t exist in real life. Because people are there for sex, guys can’t hold out much in the way of resources and commitment to attract women. What RP guys call “beta” or “niceguy” game works poorly.
Lots of threeways have happened with women or couples I’ve met through the scene. If you’re a reliable guy who brings hot girls to the parties and clubs, you’ll be in demand by other couples who want to swap. As you should know from reading Nancy Friday or some female erotica, lots of women fantasize about a threesome with two guys. Keep an eye out and you’ll find other guys, possibly game-aware, who may become your go-to “threesome friend.” You bring him in when you need a guy and vice-versa. It’s all about the value. If you’re providing value and he’s providing value, you’re golden.
Most guys are poorly equipped, psychologically and physically, for this role. But the right guy can be great. Like I said, he brings chicks, you bring chicks. He may have game, or he may just have a good social circle and persistence.
And, as for her, most girls know that most men can’t even articulate the girl’s fantasies, let alone fulfill them. Being able to move her from fantasy to reality will blow her mind and simultaneously draw her into your world. “Wait!” you might be thinking, “How is it that a threesome with another guy will bring her closer to you?”
Simple: she’s likely never been there before, and she knows that most guys will freak out if they hear her real fantasies. So any guy who can bring them up, listen without judgment, or even propose the kind of sex she’s dreamed about must be special. It takes social finesse to make these things happen, and she’ll know you have it, whereas other guys don’t.
Most women are very scared to share their fantasies. They fear, legitimately, that guys will shame them. Being a guy who doesn’t ever slut shame and lets her explore her bedroom desires will set you apart.
If you have a regular, uncommitted FWB you don’t want for an LTR, try bringing her. Maybe you’ll hate it. But it can be next-level game if you have the right stuff for it.
Most couples who come will be in committed relationships and they’ll be bored with each other. If you’re the guy who consistently brings in new hot women, you will be exceptional. You will be a star.
Some women will say no but many will be intrigued. I’ve been told many things. Like:
- You are too experimental.
- You are disgusting.
- I would never do something like that.
- I’m not that kind of girl.
- I want a guy who respects me.
The first one is my fave. About a quarter of chicks have rejected me outright when I’ve proposed a sex club. I only do that after I’ve been sleeping with them for at least a couple weeks. About a quarter have been excited and enthusiastic and don’t need convincing. About half have been uncertain, but they will usually go if I encourage them and promise that we’ll start slow.
Many sex parties and clubs will pretend to be egalitarian and accept people of all body types. Ignore the rhetoric. The reality is that sexual marketplace value operates at sex clubs just like it does everywhere else. You cannot evade it. Using sex clubs to try to avoid having basic value and game will backfire and waste time. Guys who learn the game realize they need two things: value and a value delivery mechanism. Fail in either and the game won’t work. At the clubs, you will very rarely see young girls who like the degradation of sex with vile men, but that is rare. Most women assess men’s sex appeal in all the ways RP guys already know.
It’s not for all guys but, except for Blackdragon, I see no one writing about this. It’s a kind of ecosystem game that I’ve not seen players write about. But to me, it’s an extension of other kinds of game that can be much faster than opening girls on the street or online. But like I keep saying, it is not a shortcut. Try using it as a shortcut and you will be burned.
You may have heard, “A man is only as monogamous as his options.” Few men with good options choose monogamy. Once you get to that stage…. why not keep going? Make those options work for you, instead of hiding who you want to be?
If you have gotten this far, read the book already.