The best arguments for men not marrying come from women, like “The Married Mom Who Fantasizes About the School Principal,” who writes…
Then my husband flips over, grunting beside me. The disturbance yanks me out of my fantasy. He farts. Buzzkill. I hate him.
In case you didn’t know from her saying so, she hates him:
He’s snoring. He’s loud and gross. He smells bad. I hate him. I do. We’ve been married for nearly 20 years. I constantly think about moving into one of our rental properties, but I don’t for various, legitimate reasons. That, and I’m good at faking it.
Did you know that two decades of working and supporting a woman can lead her to hate you? If you don’t, you’ve probably not met many divorced guys.
Marriage is a high-risk, low-reward proposition. Now, I don’t know the guy in question, so maybe he’s weak guy who naturally generates a woman’s scorn. Many men haven’t learned to be men, a societal-wide failure that also harms women’s ability to find decent guys to marry. But, maybe he’s a fine guy and his wife is just tired of mating in captivity (a book written by a woman, by the way).
This woman is heading towards divorce or at the very least affairs. When she does divorce, she’ll like get half his assets, a large portion of his earnings going forward, and child support.
Why would a man agree to this state of affairs?
If he’s smart, he won’t.
Another golden article, “I Love My Boyfriend, But I Can’t Stop Cheating!“, is a warning to men about marriage. If she’s a good cheater, you might not know that she’s cheating for a very long time, if ever.
I have a post coming on the new Nassim Taleb book Skin in the Game, and marriage is the ultimate institution in which women have no skin in the game and men have all the skin in the game. The only way to win such a game is not to play.
Guys may wonder why a blog that’s primarily about game discusses marriage so much. The reason is easy, I’m old enough to see lots of my friends and colleagues divorcing. Divorce is one of the most devastating things that can happen to a man. Almost all the divorces are initiated by the wives, one way or another. Every marriage starts out full of hope. They end when the woman’s Disney fantasy crashes against the realities of life. Many women are emotionally and psychologically immature, and thus cannot live a real marriage. They can only live a fantasy marriage. They want to GET married, not BE married.
In my view, men are better off with consensual non-monogamy in which they have a share in the action than the non-consensual kind that is currently common. This isn’t a popular view, but more men should at least consider it. The only difference between many women and the “I Love My Boyfriend, But I Can’t Stop Cheating!” is that the “Can’t Stop Cheating” woman is slightly more honest with herself. Relationships can’t handle honesty.
The Red Quest 
You’re doing men a service by being frank about marriage. I appreciate it.
Aside from the financial disaster… I think getting divorced should be similar to any big breakup with a long-term partner… But I somehow assume it is even worse… I think that is true.., even though I have had some seriously emotional breakups before.
It has been a part of my life planning to avoid ever having to be “a divorced man.” A perma-bachelor has it’s own stigma (internal/external)… But it seems infinitely better than claiming “my first divorce.”
Meanwhile… Almost every one of my college buddies is married… Almost no divorce… But also no sex. Almost never… And it’s a battle when it happens.
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You’re doing men a service by being frank about marriage. I appreciate it.
I’m glad you think so. I hope men are learning not to get married. I see very little evidence of that in my own direct life, however. Apart from the guys bitter when they divorce.
I do believe that guys should aspire to having children. Unfortunately, today’s society and legal system makes that very hard. We should be talking about and favoring co-parenting. We don’t see much of that in the Red Pill or man-o-sphere, however, because I think many of the guys in it are looking to get laid. I get that. I like getting laid. But what is a man’s life “about?” Even I, a resolute hedonist, think it should eventually be about something apart from hedonism.
Guys over 50 aren’t as much about getting laid and are more about their family and the next generation for a reason.
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Co-sign. I have a couple male friends my age (late 40’s) never married (good) no kids (bad). It pains me to say it but they are lost souls. I honestly believe I’d be the same without my now grown kid. Truth is we now live far from each other, And I see him way less these days. He’s busy at college, studying (sometimes) having fun and getting laid. As he should be. But just knowing I have a kid out there, provides some type of existential feeling of well being that is hard to describe. We talk a lot about aging spinsters but I honestly don’t believe the outcomes for older childless men are that much better. Yes you can maintain your value and still get laid, but once you hit 50 or so the marginal utility to fucking a new girl gets pretty low. (At least that’s been my experience). I believe Magnum doesn’t have kids and I’m curious how he and other older players without kids think about that issue.
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I feel so lucky in an odd way. I was common-law in Quebec for 28 years. Two kids. When I walked out the only legal obligation was a division of assets. Nothing else. I pay modest child support for one adult child going to school, which seems fair – she’s my kid after all.
In Ontario, where I live now, after 3 years common law you are legally hooked and even obligated to pay CS for her previous kids!
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