(A response to Nash’s comment.)
I think the most basic, obvious, important distinction is that guys who know they can get laid have a very different experience from guys who don’t. I’m not saying a guy must go out on a random day or night and come back with a chick a few hours later (I can’t, of course), but a guy who knows he’s got options just has a way different experience and worldview. The options can come from game, ecosystem, doesn’t matter, he is just in a different world than a guy who doesn’t. (“Scarcity” versus “abundance” are often discussed in these contexts.) A guy is only as good as his options.
I’m not as big a fan of “poly” identification because most people who identify as poly are ugly. Seems to be true of women as well as men. But with an otherwise attractive chick you want to keep on rotation, who might not want to do randoms, saying “poly” and finding another couple or couples to date can work.
I don’t get too hungup on the particular terms “poly” or “open” because I just don’t care that much. If “poly” lets me keep her on rotation for a longer period of time as a FWB / lover, because she knows my love is too great for only a single person, just like hers, that’s fine with me (and that has happened). Good sex without obligation on my part? Okay, yeah, sure, whatever it takes, yeah, I’m poly. Pass the joint, will you?
for me the “poly” community is a fucking mess. I live in CA and I am surrounded by these folks… and it’s an ugly shitshow. I watch guys “try” this all the time, and they are a fucking sad bunch, mostly.
Can’t disagree. That’s the average and the median.
The average poly person is a fuckup and idiot. I’m happy to acknowledge that. The worst advocates for poly are poly people themselves.
To me, game, poly, open, motorcycles, online dating, paying for sex… these are all tools. I’m trying to describe the tools, how they work, how they work for me, how they could work for others, how they are (frequently) mishandled. What tools a guy uses depends on his goals. Most guys flail because they have no tools and have given zero thought to any of this. I don’t use all tools all the time. I’ve not paid for quite a while. That isn’t because I’m too good for it or found the Buddha or whatever. It’s because I’ve been busy with more conventional pursuits, so I’ve not needed or wanted it.
Tools can be combined in various ways, too. Having an incredibly hot girl in a semi-paid relationship who then goes to sex clubs can multiply the effect of both tools (I only recommend thinking about paid relationships for guys who are 35+ and have more income than time. Younger guys should be out working on their game and improving their value, not paying for it.).
Game guys have found a great tool. But I think about how some of the other tools fit into game, and how game fits into some of the other tools. It’s interesting to me that most guys in game don’t write much about the other tools. Most guys who like and write about paying for it, don’t write about game.
I also don’t ask and don’t tell. When the recent girl asked me how many partners I’ve had, I didn’t leap forward to say (if she’d pressed I would’ve said). But I didn’t ask her the same question and when I told her I never ask that question of women, I meant it.
I am being something very close to inconsistent here, but that’s the way I am.
If you’re inconsistent and know it, that’s okay. I’m a little more worried about people who are wildly inconsistent and don’t know, also known as the entire human population.
That Krauser post helped me write this post. When guys talk past each other, it’s often good to go a couple levels deeper to try and figure out what is really going on (a subject I have more to say about in a future post). There may be some deeper synthesis beyond the surface.
Personally, I’m also less moved by pure novelty than some guys. Don’t get me wrong, I like novelty, but I don’t automatically lose interest in a chick after nailing her a couple times. This obviously depends on personality and other factors too. I got overly excited about this girl because our personalities mesh well.
Right now, society is in flux. Legal marriage does not work for a very large number of people. No one knows what comes next. “Bitter divorce that screws up the kids” is a very common outcome. So are dead marriages that stumble onwards from inertia. So are couples who don’t like each but stay together “for the sake of the kids.” A lot of guys start in game, but game, pursued actively enough, becomes a path into seeing the matrix.