Chicks declaim responsibility

Chicks declaim responsibility: there is a kind of dumb essay, “Dead Girls, Female Murderers, and Megan Abbott’s Novel ‘Give Me Your Hand,'” you can read through search engines for a laugh, but it is revealing about female psychology, “She’s not just any dead girl. Usually, she is white, straight, and cisgender; young and beautiful; not poor.” People care about hot fertile chicks and rich high-status guys guys. You may notice that not many murder mysteries focus on dead guys who are nice-guy janitors. They focus on presidents, CEOs, cops… guys who have power. As usual, most guys are just ignored. The murder of a young hot chick is exciting and also extremely transgressive (because she hasn’t had kids yet, probably). She excites great passion in men, up to murderous passion, and exciting that kind of passion in men is exciting to read about for women.

Young and beautiful chicks are intrinsically more interesting to both men and women, as lovers or as rivals. That’s biology at work. Women past reproductive age are not that interesting.

Abbott says, “the place women can go to read about the dark, messy stuff of their lives that they’re not supposed to talk about—domestic abuse, serial predation, sexual assault, troubled family lives, conflicted feelings about motherhood, the weight of trauma, partner violence, and the myriad ways the justice system can fail, and silence, women.” But like Camille Paglia says, any women who stays with a guy who hits her after the first time he does is complicit with the violence. She’s excited by it. Just like many if not most women who experience “sexual assault” do so because they set up the situation. They get drunk, go out, meet and entice guys, and then are surprised by what happens. The real thing no one talks about is female complicity.

Women, except for very rare women like Camille Paglia, don’t talk about this because they don’t want to take responsibility for their actions. Most of what women do is the fault of someone else, preferably a man. She’s just, you know, an innocent victim. Except that’s very rarely the case.

All this talk about “partner violence” and “sexual assault” communicates to men that women are childlike and inept. Smart, competent, and self-aware women rarely have those problems. Competent women identify potentially violent guys and avoid them. Contrary to feminist myth, those guys are readily identifiable.

And they attract women. What does that tell us?

Competent women avoid those guys… unless they are into potentially violent guys… and then when the guy does his extremely predictable thing, she depicts herself as a victim. Better for her reputation than taking responsibility for herself.

Camille Paglia also calls out the bogus #MeToo movement. It should be called the #ZeroResponsibility movement. There is nobody else like her in academia today. Christina Hoff Summers comes closest. Most “feminists” are just un-self-aware apologists for their own psychologies.

“28.3 percent of women… fantasized about…”

A 2014 study conducted by researchers at the University of Montreal and published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine suggested that 28.3 percent of women and 13.1 percent of men fantasized about having sex with more than one man at the same time, and that 24.7 of women and 75.3 percent of men fantasized about having sex with more than one woman at the same time.

That’s a summary from a trashy magazine,  but I would wager that most people won’t admit their deepest fantasies to researchers. The true number is likely higher.

I write this not to argue that you should indulge in a chick’s depraved fantasies, although I do that, but to remind you of who and what you’re dealing with beneath the surface.  Many if not most chicks will present one way and behave another. Most guys do not realize this immediately… it took me until I was well into my 20s to really get it, although I should have put together the pieces much earlier.

If you’re a guy who can execute a chick’s deepest fantasies, while also communicating to her that no one else needs to know about what she’s done, she may truly be yours.

If you’re on a date with a woman, there’s at least a one-in-four chance she’d like to try group sex. Most women will not admit that quickly, of course. But they might admit it to a non-judgmental, open guy who they’ve been sleeping with for a while.

Most guys never get to see how deep it goes. Even now, I’d bet the majority of you think you know but haven’t gone all the way. Even I’m not sure I have.

Ms. Slav story

I met this girl in a semi-warm atmosphere, and I met her because she was reading a book that I recognized: I asked her about the book, then showed her what I was reading, and when she seemed genuinely interested I asked if she wanted company for a minute (I had an errand elsewhere—a handy time constraint). In the land of Internet seduction everything is about “assuming the sale” and “asking forgiveness, not permission,” but in real life I don’t think it’s a good idea to be menacingly close to a sitting chick one has just met. Better to check with a simple, “I’ve got two minutes, mind if I sit down?” She was down and we chatted for a bit and I got her number. She’s got an accent and is from Central Europe, which is unusual, though her English is near flawless. She said no to a drink over text but did get a coffee, and at the coffee she admitted that she “kind of” had a boyfriend. She is also 18 (!), though I figured her for early 20s. We have some people in common, and that helped.

(If you’re a novice guy and want more detail on approach, see this.)

She drifted off at the time but did show up to a couple of events I was putting on. Then she went home in late May but said she’d text me when she got back. Around that time I was wrapped up in other matters and chicks, so I didn’t think much of her, as she seemed improbable. I was probably too intellectual with her, though she seemed to respond to that side of me.

On Tuesday Ms. Slav texted me to say that she’s back in town. Wednesday morning I proposed an adventure on Thursday. She said yes, and we met near a bar I chose. She was completely cool with it and maybe not surprised by the destination. I ordered us drinks at the bar and we talked books. One is about psychedelics, a topic that should interest many of you. I know people who’ve dropped acid and taken mushrooms, but this book felt like it scrambled my brain, because I didn’t know how amazing psychedelics can be.

I do know, however, that it’s not a bad idea to indirectly bring up drugs and sex, just to see what kind of girl one is dealing with. This one, it turns out, was lightly involved in some aspect of drug dealing in the city where she went to boarding school. F**k: that means she’s sex-positive and likely to want to get to it. We had lots of talk about drugs and their ability to help a person achieve their best self. The talk has a hippie-ish tinge, which is fine by me.

She also says, later, she lost her virginity at 13 to a guy who was 18. If her stories are remotely true, she’s had more experience at age 18 than most people have had by age 25. I can see that most guys her age would be unable to handle her. She’s too mature-seeming and experienced.

Ms. Slav said she has a fake ID and told me about her and psychedelics, which are, it turns out, her favorite kind of drug.

Needless to say, she checks all the “yes” boxes. We make out a little in the bar and I take her back. I slip a performance-enhancing drug, because I’m not sure how I feel after the Wednesday adventure. She’s wearing nice underwear, so she’s been thinking about what would happen. With Ms. Slav it’s good, but somehow I’m not 100% in the game. Maybe the desire was not hot enough in me: On Wednesday night I had a long, intense session with an occasional partner, so I was not at my physical peak.

She stayed over, and the next round in the morning was also good, but Ms. Slav says she’s not on birth control and doesn’t have an IUD, so finishing through the condom was tough. Maybe tough psychologically as well as physically. Good news is that the session lasted a long time, and Ms. Slav seemed to like the way I (man)handled her. She left, and then left town for the weekend and is supposed to come home pretty late tonight. I’m suposed to see her tonight or tomorrow night. I’d gauge 50-50 odds for it happening.

Friday I was worthless at work, and when I got home I took a very late nap, then went to the gym. Saturday I did some of the work I should have done Friday. Today I have a few free minutes.

Oddly, though she’s probably more attractive, Ms. Slav didn’t generate the huge, ridiculous boost and intense obsession that the 20-year-old did. Maybe because I’d been totally drained by the bedroom adventures of Wednesday night? Or maybe because I couldn’t totally hit it raw? Whatever the reason I am NOT complaining (if a guy complains about getting with a young hot girl half his age… just hit him in the face, like he deserves). I am *noting* it, however. The chemistry that makes one girl pop like a hit of MDMA while another is merely very good is mysterious. With this girl, texting discipline is easy, while with the 20-year-old I was besotted.

It’s an amazing world when like a week separates a single mom hitting on me and tagging a young lithe firm-breasted chick. Apart from the initial open, I think she picked me more than I picked her. I’m guessing too that she needed to see some social superiority/skills and some intellectual acuity. I never met the “boyfriend” but did see a few pics on her Facebook, so I’m guessing he was real, but with chicks… you never really know. No mention of him at drinks on Thursday. I didn’t ask and she didn’t tell.

If it weren’t for reading the stories of other players on the Internet, I think I’d still be under some serious misapprehensions about chicks. But when I see that other guys are experiencing some of the same things I am, it strengthens some of my hunches and lets me put together the strange pieces of the female psyche. Other guys’s stories also tell me that if they can tag young chicks, I can sometimes do it too. Which means you, the guy reading this, might also be able to do it.

Ms. Slav also let me make an AMAZING sex tape. I just looked at it for the first time. Holy hell, that girl is tiny and hot. Great at sex, great sounds, great body. I wonder if I’ll see her tonight or tomorrow, when I’m properly rested. Until today, I feel like I’ve barely had a spare moment to savor the experience and think about her. Contact with her over the weekend has been good, and she messages me far more than I message her. She reads as essentially less flakey the the 20-year-old. She also reads as a budding libidinous intellectual, or sex-driven intellectual. Usually the smartest girls are not sexy and the sexiest girls are not smart. This one seems to combine both.

It was nice to get her out… I’ve probably had 25 – 30 rejections / blowouts from randoms in recent months (correction: maybe longer than that, as I don’t keep careful track, so they’ve been spread over a pretty long time). I’ve not written about those because they’re not interesting and there’s nothing to say about them: I don’t write about everything that happens to me regarding game or women—I just choose the things that might be of more general interest. Suddenly running into this yes-girl, or girl whose unusual boxes I happen to check, is very nice.

I think I’m just picking up sexually open chicks who really like older dudes. That, or I just spin the wheel enough to get the occasional hit.

The hunt and the meal

A reply to this comment, and the reply grew so unruly that I post it independently.

>>I wrote it to show some contrast to the “notch hunt only” POV.

Maybe most guys who don’t feel the need to notch hunt also don’t end up writing player blogs. Because if they’re not driven by novelty and achievement, they’ll find an acceptable girl and stop, or stop for a while. Not much story there.

I’m in a weird space between being a notch hunter and a satisficer. I like (or liked) novelty but am not obsessed with whoever is next. But I also don’t want and won’t do the conventional relationship path. So I end up in between.

>>Super valid ^. And I LOVE the hunt, but I like this about you.

I’m glad you get to do what you love. More people should try to do what they love. I’m trying to understand myself, to some extent, by writing here. There is pretty much no one in the real world who I can say all this to. In real life, I don’t even know any hardcore players. In college my friends thought I was a “player.” My the standards of bashful college guys, I probably was. By the standards of guys on the game journey, not at all. Part of what attracts me to reading about game is codifying and elaborating on things I suspect and think but have rarely seen discussed, or discussed in any depth.

Modern society is also TERRIBLE at attempting to turn boys into men. Thus the endless individual and social pathologies that are readily observed. I love WARRIOR KING MAGICIAN LOVER for its discussion of those things. But I rarely find the right guy to give a copy.

With Bike Girl……. I told her that moving in together will destroy what we have, which is both true and also an excuse. I’ve been softening a little bit to the idea of cohabitating with a woman again, at some point, mostly because I don’t think I want to live alone, or mostly alone, forever. But I’d have to find a very special, unusual woman. It’s hard for me to even think of the characteristics she’d need to have.

Bike Girl is too normal and too young, not just in years but in dispostion or maturity, to even consider that. She isn’t quite a “catch and release women who want families” girl, but I think releasing her is the right thing to do. She wants a guy she can live with and a guy who is more conventional than me. She wouldn’t put it that way, but I can see enough of her to know.

She doesn’t try hard enough, though, to get what she wants, in either men or her work. She wants things to just come to her, and I’m like, “No… that’s not how it happens. Usually.”

If I somehow let her move in with me, that would work for a year or two. Then she’d get bored. She’d be too comfortable. I wouldn’t be able to help her become whoever she needs to become. We’d probably end up not liking each other much.

Instead, I (probably) get to be the latest jerk to break her heart. She has nothing to do with it, of course.

>>This makes me smile. I can see how that ^ would be hard to cut off. Good for you, man. You have a access to side of sex most men (myself included) cannot even imagine.

Yeah… a functional, attractive bi chick who shows up and likes to hookup with both girls and other couples… that’s rare. However much the drugs and some other aspects of her personality bug me, when I re-read what I wrote, I think, “Why formally break it off? We can see what happens.”

But I’m also not very excited about her anymore. Without some excitement, why bother? In short, I am back and forth, as these last few paragraphs show.

“Recurring Revenue, Sex, and Notes on Four Girls”

Recurring Revenue, Sex, and Notes on Four Girls” is the most recent Nash post; in my own life, I don’t even think of it as “recurring revenue:” instead, I think of it as “what I tend to do.” If I like the girl the first time, I usually want to keep her around. It also seems that I’m somewhat less driven by pure novelty than some guys in the game, or by the desire to overcome the chick’s obstacles, like solving a puzzle:

But my point here is that I like the hunt, I like the conquest, I’m interested in my n-count… but I also like the sex itself. Not just “novel” sex, but the overall volume and opportunity for sex in my life beyond the conquest.

I’m not all that into the hunt… I’m more into the eating, to extend the metaphor some: I’m happy to skip the hunt and go straight to the meal. That may also be why my cold approach skills are not very good, since I do enough to find an acceptable chick or chicks, then stop I’m probably just getting “yes girls.” The guys who are really good love the hunt for its own sake, like an artist loves his art for its own sake.

“Skipping the hunt,” of course, is not possible most of the time. There is almost always a hunt of some kind.

I’m not talking about commitment (not at all). I’m not even suggesting making these girls “girlfriends” (I haven’t had a girlfriend in years).

I’m willing to do this, actually, but on my own weird terms, which some chicks will reject. Or accept them in theory, but not in practice.

For me, one common pattern has been: I’m with the chick -> she demands a relationship and/or moving in -> I refuse -> she ends it, or I say we have incompatible goals -> she looks for someone else, often while still sleeping with me -> she finds someone -> dates him for a while -> breakup -> back to me for a while.

(Based on her recent silence, I think Bike Girl has found someone else.)

I also have a couple of long-term partners or lovers from the non-monogamy world, who I see more frequently or less frequently depending on their situation and my situation. One of them I like a lot for sex, but I’m thinking about ending it with her because she’s too unstable in some ways. She hates her job yet can’t seem to get out of it. She’s on a bunch of  prescription drugs, including one that’s supposed to be a short-term drug, but she’s been on it for years (I don’t know what the fuck is the matter with her doctor).

But, on the other hand, she’s bisexual and a very reliable threesome partner. If she says she’s going to be somewhere, she goes there. We’ve had numerous threesomes and foursomes together because she’s so sexually uninhibited.

She raised the stakes by saying we should take a boat ride across the bay. This request seriously complicates the date (women = chaos). The boat ride was a bit of a pain in the ass, but she has asked me to do this before, and I thought I’d get it done this time.

This chick, the one I’m thinking about cutting off, is not chaotic, and that is very attractive to me because most women are. Most live in the land of “maybe.” But the drugs and her general life problems are not attractive. For such a pretty girl, her social skills are oddly poor.

“Fat acceptance” will never happen in the places it matters

Flat Lander writes,

“[the single mother] at the BBQ was too fat and likely old. I did my usual in that situation: didn’t say too much, but when I did talk, I only talked about lifting, fitness, and nutrition.”

@TheRedQuest doing his part against fat acceptance.

I appreciate the mention and encouragement, but I’m also really unconcerned with the fat acceptance movement. It’s pure virtue signaling and has zero impact in the place it matters most: dating and mating markets. Even the handful of people who think fat acceptance is a thing still prefer not to date fatties.

Markets are beautiful because they separate the lies people say (meaning, most of what people say) from what people actually want. Almost no one wants fatties. Even if most people are polite to fatties, as I typically am, the fatties still won’t be able to get good dates.

That being said, I feel some compassion towards fat people, but before you think I’ve become an everyone-is-special loser, I say that I feel some compassion towards fat people because our entire built environment is geared towards making people fat. Kids are told to sit down and be quiet from an early age; recess is in peril, while gym is often a joke. The vast majority of cities are built around cars that transport fatties around with zero effort, so that no one needs to bike or walk. White-collar work demands that most people sit at desks. Most people don’t even have a sit-stand desk (although I see this changing, slowly). Someone who bikes to work is seen as either an improbable hero who is far removed from everyday life or a weirdo. I’ve been seen as both.

Sugars and simple carbs are everywhere in our society. For decades, the USDA and other organizations encouraged everyone to eat a high-carb, low-fat diet (I believed it, too, up until the mid to late ’00s, when the counter evidence became overwhelming). In fact, the opposite is desirable: a high-fat, low-carb, zero-sugar diet.

Most people who don’t want to be fatties must actively fight against the society in which we live. Many don’t even understand nutrition or its importance in their lives. For most people, who just go with the flow around them, becoming a fattie is the default state. We should build a society in which cars are unnecessary, biking is common, and simple carbs are rare.

I know that’s an improbable utopia. But we can try to do it. You, the reader, can try by getting a bike and riding it. That’s an improvement almost any normal person can do. Encourage other people to ride, but don’t be an asshole about it.

Two things are simultaneously true:

  • The entire food and physical environment is geared towards making people fat.
  • An individual person can choose a different path, one that takes him or her away from being a fattie. (As I have done.)

Saying “The environment is built to make fat people” does not absolve someone of individual responsibility, but it does make me understand why most of us are fat.

The “individual responsibility” part is why I sometimes invite fatties to the gym with me, or become a bore who only talks about sugar and deadlifting and foam rollers during certain social moments. We can do better, if we choose to do so. I pity the fatties, because most don’t really know what to do or lack the willpower necessary to execute the program. Being fat is detrimental beyond dating life. It signals sloth and low conscientiousness to employers. It increases health costs and decreases mental acuity. Why would anyone try to “accept” that? It’s a horrible condition that should be changed, not accepted.

If you want a fun mechanical hobby, take a bike repair class. Bikes are beautiful machines that most people don’t understand. Working on bikes is an absolutely terrible way to meet chicks, but it’s fun to do.

The dating, mating, and business worlds are already so mean to fatties that there’s really no reason to fight against “fat acceptance.” The fight has already been won and will remain won forever.

Always with the single moms

I mentioned going to a BBQ for the Fourth of July, and it was okay. Most entertaining was the single mom there, a friend-of-a-friend thing who saw me and made it her mission to ruthlessly hit on me, to the point that I think I know how young hot chicks must feel. That wasn’t the first time such a thing has happened, either; I think I read as good single-mom bait because from the outside I seem responsible and reasonably economically successful, and I’m in the same boat, so women (and occasionally guys) near my age think it’s “natural” for me to get set up with 30+ single moms. It’s “age-appropriate.”

But I’m not into being “age appropriate” (a concept chicks use to denigrate their younger, hotter rivals) and am very rarely interested. Mind, I’m not automatically and always opposed to chicks who have already reproduced… while the Internet is filled with guys who only bang stunning hotties decades younger than them (I’m sure all these guys are telling telling the truth without exaggeration), I can sometimes be fine with nailing older chicks who still got it.

Or enough of it to be fun in bed.

One of my long-term, occasional lovers is a woman in her early 40s who is hotter than many 20-year-olds, mostly because the older woman is naturally very slender and was a professional dancer. She still works in dance and reads as late 20s; I think she’s had a little work on her face. She loves sex and it took her about 15 years to get over her sexual inhibitions (as she once said to me, “If I could go back in time, I would have been the biggest slut in college.” She gets off, hard, on being called “slut” in bed). I met her through the non-monogamy scene, and she has a husband who tried to hang with her but couldn’t. He’s got no sex appeal, so she does her thing on her own and he can do his thing but doesn’t have what it takes. I think he has some sort of girlfriend, but she doesn’t bring him to events.

Fine with me. Another case of mis-matched libido. I get what I want and don’t worry about the other guy, or even her main boyfriend. Major point is that she has a good body type for getting older and hasn’t let herself go. She also has nice, goofy, non-bitchy energy, and that’s refreshing compared to many of her peers. She’s almost divorced her husband a couple times but didn’t quite get there, though I don’t know the exact details and really don’t need to.

So, I’m not such an aesthete that I can’t get behind the right mom, but the one at the BBQ was too fat and likely old. I did my usual in that situation: didn’t say too much, but when I did talk, I only talked about lifting, fitness, and nutrition: conversations normal people find very boring. At the end I told her she can come to the gym with me sometime. I even told her to look me up on Facebook. This one may show up, based on her eagerness.

Somewhere around age 30, hanging out with people my own age got much worse. At age 20 or 25, hanging out with peers brought innumerable sexual opportunities. Now, I have to seek those opportunities out, because they don’t arise by hanging out with people my own age. At the same time, I can’t really hang with packs of 25-year-olds. I mean, it’s not impossible, but for generic 25-year-olds I’m the “old guy” in the room, and that’s usually not a great place to be.

Everyone (actually, I mean “every woman”) thinks that I should be their divorced friend’s first stop. I’m attractive enough to be a catch but not so attractive as to be intimidating. And most of my corporate and vanilla friends don’t know much about my other lives, in game and non-monogamy. Some do… with enough drinks, I’ll let the dirty laundry out and yet make things plausibly deniable the next morning. Talk a little. But that wasn’t the situation at the BBQ. Most the guests were well over 30 or under 10. Not a good place for finding chicks. I’m sure this isn’t the last time I’ll find myself near a predatory single mom or that one of my friends will attempt to set me up with one.

I’m not desperate or old enough to go for single moms. Maybe in ten years I might be. But single moms see me and think, “it could happen.”