When the problem is not the problem

Remember the girl I had to cut loose? I got a text from her saying that her roommate moved out without telling her, and that she’s looking for someone, almost anyone, to fill her place. While she doesn’t live in a terrible location, she doesn’t live in a great one, either, and in my view is likely overpaying for her apartment. This girl also has a bunch of self-imposed financial problems that make no sense, but she’s a girl and doesn’t know shit about money, even the obvious parts of money, like “spend less than you earn.” She has an okay job, although she should have left it at least a year ago. Remember that in modern corporate America, you should probably be changing jobs every 18 – 24 months, contrary to what your parents and older relatives may tell you.

The problem with her (I’ll call her Roommate Girl) is not the roommate who suddenly moved out without warning. It’s her. And she’s not addressing her core problems, psychological, financial or otherwise. While many of her problems are superficially external and outside of her control (she cannot control another girl), the root of Roommate Girl’s problems are within. Her drug issue, which affects the rest of her life, despite the fact that the drug is prescribed. Her doctrinaire, New York Times feminism, which I find one of her least attractive traits despite me mostly ignoring it, comes from inside her. There are other problems too. She went to an expensive college and took out student loans to pay for it.

Before you think this is about women, it’s not. It’s about guys, too, because most of them have the same issues as Roommate Girl. They externalize problems that exist within them. That’s one reason, a major reason, most guys do poorly with women. For a lot of guys, game starts as a set of superficial tricks to get laid. But if a guy does it to fullness, it becomes a total psychological and often physical revolution. For a lot of guys who don’t come in with a strong personality, it’s necessary to fix everything. That is the Krauser point in reveal vs. restructure, a post I keep linking to because it is very good. When a guy’s internal psychology and external actions are wise and congruent, game doesn’t become easy, necessarily. I don’t think it’s ever been easy for me, and I’m rocking a lot of advantages that most guys who write about game aren’t. But getting laid comes, if not easily, then much more directly than it does otherwise. Having one chick or a group of chicks on hand also makes getting the next one easier.

All the problems in a person’s life are typically linked together. Often, those problems have their roots in childhood. Being an adult means taking responsibility for problems that you yourself may not have caused. Roommate Girl has failed to do that and as a result she is suffering from many disparate problems that seem unrelated but start inside her.

These kinds of people often don’t reveal themselves at first glance. Roommate Girl presents extremely well. She intimidates a lot of men. As I’ve gotten to know her, I’ve seen through the facade. Her longest relationship lasted three years, and I don’t know how it lasted that long. I suspect the guy was a pretty weak and dramatic beta dude. Whatever the case, I feel bad for Roommate Girl, but she is also not the kind of person who is going to figure herself out.

Author: The Red Quest

How can we live and be in society?

One thought on “When the problem is not the problem”

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