“Verbalizing Nonmonogamy Right Up Front” is an interesting post from Black Dragon, who appears to be the only other guy writing about how to incorporate open relationships into game. I haven’t done online dating for a while, and when I did, I never wrote explicitly about polyamory, as this guy does:
Makes my profile clearly unique. They contact me because they want to know about polyamory. I’m suddenly not a random profile on the website, I may be the only one stating my polyamourous lifestyle (appart from OkCupid, I don’t think many dating sites allow you to show your nonmonogamous lifestyle, and OkCupid is not much important in France).
That’s an interesting perspective and it might work. When I did online dating, I experimented with a generic “good looking adventure guy” type profile, which usually consisted of one or two activity shots (motorcycle, pools/beaches, that kind of thing), one headshot, one party or group shot, and one or two shirtless pics. Pretty standard online dating things for guys with something going for them. I also experimented with kink and BDSM-themed pics: rope, paddles, cuffs, that kind of thing, in pictures. That also made my response rate decline substantially. That’s similar to what commenter Paul experienced:
My response rate crumbled to 5% (0% amongst women my age). But two gals contacted me, and showed interest in polyamory as soon as they opened their online mouth (in France, it’s not as big as it is in the US). One told me she considers MLTR to be some ideal relationship. The other one just crave for air in monogamous relationships (in my opinion, she should really consider polyamory as a lifestyle).
But the chicks who did go for me, were usually really into me. And there’s heavy overlap between kink and non-monogamy.
The big downside I experienced was in terms of quality. A lot of heavy chicks are into kink and BDSM. I don’t know if that’s because they can’t get high-status guys through normal means, or if they’re more open about it, or what. I did find some hot chicks through some kink and BDSM-themed pics, but those pics seemed to lock me out of the highest tier of chicks and seemed to suck up some of the lower-tier chicks.
There were fewer flakes, time-wasters, etc. Not zero, but fewer. So I’m not sure what to infer from this. It’s also hard to draw conclusions because the online dating world moves so fast. Things that were true ten years ago stopped being true five years ago. Things that were true five years ago may not be true today. For example, I got on Tinder when it was quite new. Maybe in 2012 or 2013? Definitely before it was mainstream. I heard about it from college-age people, and when it first came out I would go to a college campus and get numerous matches. It was like fishing for salmon in a pristine stream. I’d stand by the side of the stream and spear chicks as they swam by. Young chicks who wouldn’t touch other online dating systems would try Tinder, “Just for fun.” I was older than most guys on it, which worked in my favor among chicks who like older guys.
Eventually I found someone I liked, dated her for a while, and by the time I tried Tinder for real again it was not anything like it had been. Today, it seems like verbalizing non-monogamy in the profile could have interesting consequences, for the reasons the writer lists.
I also can’t tell if we’ve seen a genuine cultural shift towards explicit non-monogamy. If we have, I have been a small part of that shift. Since I met Libido Girl, pretty much every chick I’ve been with for a substantial period of time I’ve introduced or tried to introduce to the sex club scene. I learned to give them the typical books, like More Than Two and The Ethical Slut. Both books are extremely blue pill and unaware of key differences between men and women, but they are fine places to start.
Today there are more chick-friendly books like Slutever. Whatever the player uses, it’s helpful to try and make the chick’s forebrain agree with her hypergamous hindbrain. Chicks also often infer higher status for a guy who is willing to risk losing them through sex with other people. I think chicks think, “Why is he not trying to monopolize me, like all the other guys do?”
I haven’t kept track of how many chicks I’ve introduced or tried to introduce to non-monogamy, but it has to be at least 20. Conceivably as many as 40 or 45, over ten or so years.
I don’t have much of a point with this post, apart from thinking out loud about what contemporary players might be doing. If you’ve attempted to verbalize nonmonogamy in your dating app life, leave a comment about your experiences.
It also looks like BD is doing some kind of seminar in Vegas. I was wondering about this the other day: is any player living in and writing about being a player in Vegas? From the outside it looks like a great place for a player: lots of tourists looking to party and an easy stroll along the Strip for cold approach. Cost of living is low, which gives it a leg up over LA or NYC. If I were a young guy with a location-independent job, I’d be looking at Vegas. NYC is probably the top city for game, but it is so expensive that I worry most guys will have to work all the time to survive there.