Really, really, don’t get married–take it from a woman

I spoke of Esther Perel’s book, The State of Affairs, last year, but I was looking at it again after recommending it to a friend. Somehow I missed this the first time through:

Danica is hardly the first woman who shuts down at home and wakes up outside. Hers is archetypal tale of the muting of eros. I see women like her all the time—usually dragged into therapy by their frustrated husbands who are tired of being rejected, night after night. The typical complaint is: she is totally absorbed with the kids and has zero interest in sex. But it’s these very same women, I’ve found, who “come alive” in a completely unexpected romance.

Many men struggle to understand how the woman who can’t be bothered in the marital bed is suddenly having a torrid affair in which she just can’t get enough. For years, they’ve been thinking she’s just not interested in sex, period; now, with new evidence in hand, they reconsider—”she must not be interested in sex with me.”

For men, the reasons women behave this way is less important than the takeaway: don’t marry. Don’t cohabitate. Have an exit plan if you do anyway.

Seriously. Why would you want to be married to a Danica? I know you don’t believe your precious snowflake will turn into a sexless harpy (around you), while wantonly screwing other dudes, but reality doesn’t care about what you believe.

To a player, this book’s major lesson is, “Hitting on married women is a fine idea.” Hit her up at the right time and see what happens.

You can be the guy she cheats ON or WITH.


Author: The Red Quest

How can we live and be in society?

3 thoughts on “Really, really, don’t get married–take it from a woman”

  1. Do you think all women cheat and that there aren’t those who manage to stay faithful to their husbands? Aren’t there just as many, if not more, men who cheat on their wives?


    1. Not all women cheat. Obviously. There are 3 – 4 billion women in the world and some do not cheat.

      The issue is that a guy can’t tell in advance whether this woman will cheat on him or not. There’s a good chance she will. People also change over time. Humans may not be built for long-term monogamy.

      The other issue is that married women are rewarded for cheating with cash and prizes via the divorce system.

      I’m not a monogamy proponent, though, so I don’t worry too much.


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