The second open-relationship, non-monogamy girl

A few months ago I wrote about Libido Girl, who opened me up to consensual non-monogamy and the sex club world. With and without her, I probably had sex with 15 – 20 women in the first year we were together. Most weekends we’d go to sex clubs or parties. Sometimes we’d go on dates with other couples. That 15 – 20 number could have been much higher, but we found a core group of 10 – 14 girls and couples we’d see pretty regularly. Just like with regular dating, every person has a finite amount of time and energy. It’s often hard to find the best chicks online because the best chicks, who know what they want and compromise well, get a boyfriend and disappear. They might appear online after breakups or when they move to a new area, but there is a distinct “market for lemons” problem that has become more severe in recent years (in my view).

Libido Girl and I basically maxed out our potential social calendar. We went more than I would naturally. She likely had more action that year than I did, simply because she had the energy and endurance. Towards the end we drifted more apart, which is a hazard of a lot of sex with a lot of different people. Her job situation was not ideal, and solving it involved her moving. Even before she moved, I began doing some online dating. This was in the mid to late 2000s, when online dating worked better (in my view) and chicks were not yet glued to their smartphones. I did well at online dating and upped my photography skills considerably and quickly. I’m also a better writer than most guys and often attract girls who appreciate that.

Flaking and other bad behavior was common then, as it is now, but I went on dates and figured out quickly that I wanted to sleep with a woman a couple of times, then try and get her to go to sex clubs with me. A few of those chicks met Libido Girl. I took one very young, wild, hot, and stupid/flighty girl to a club and she must have fucked half a dozen guys there, of her own volition, then basically ghosted me the next week. Which was fine with me, because it’s important for a pair who go to the sex club to operate as a team; if a girl won’t be a member of the team, she is not a good candidate (another potential subject for a post).

The next girl, let’s call her #2, was not as crazily libidinous as Libido Girl, but she liked sex and was pretty uninhibited about it. She was much less forward and in personality terms she was feminine and giggly. She had nice energy and was another solid 7 or so. She didn’t lead in most things but was happy to follow. She was also very positive, which is good for me, but she did like experimenting with other girls and had a very open mind. I think she was somewhat bored with conventional dating and was 26 when I met her: old enough to have some experience but not yet desperate for kids. As Libido Girl left, Girl #2 moved into her place, and I more or less absorbed her into the friend groups Libido Girl and I had formed. #2 never got into going to the gym with me, but she was young and had good enough genetics for that not to matter at the time.

#2 and I essentially repeated the Libido Girl process: for a year and a couple months we had lots of sex with each other and went to parties and clubs two – three times a month. I probably slept with another 15 – 20 girls during that period. Guys with low partner counts are endlessly interested in numbers, and guys with high partner counts don’t care, and by the time Libido Girl and I were halfway through our partnership I stopped caring about counts, to the extent I ever did. I had figured out how to integrate non-monogamy into my life. Some women ran away from that, but many did not. When a guy truly has “abundance mentality,” getting new women can become easy. I learned it then, or fully internalized it.

Not all the women I slept with were incredibly hot, but none were dogs and all met my own internal quality standards. It was common for couples who were unacceptable to hit on #2 (and me), but we were good at politely turning them down.

By now many of the individual parties and club nights have faded into a blur. I know some people keep records of who they did and so on, but I’m not one of them and prefer to exist in the moment.

The most notable thing about #2 was, to me, how easily she slid into the scene. I have written before that most of my favorite girls didn’t require that much “game” or persuasion. #2 was like that. She was ready to find what I offered her. Things came to end when she wanted to move in with me and get more serious. Which I did not want. At all. Finding the sex-positive and non-monogamous worlds felt like unlocking a superpower.

If I found a girl like #2 today, I might be more susceptible to her arguments and desires. At the time, it felt like the whole world was sexually open to me, in a way that I almost got when I was in college and immediately after, but my skills and mindset hadn’t yet come together properly.

Author: The Red Quest

How can we live and be in society?

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