Why players get out of the game

It’s not the post’s title but it is a title.

I don’t think there’s a definitive length of time an individual guy “should” be a player. That length will vary by guy. Male peak sexual market value (SMV) also tends to peak much later than female SMV. A forty-year-old woman is on the verge of infertility while a forty-year-old man remains potent and in some ways likely more desirable than he was at 28. Given enough time, however, everyone’s SMV declines to zero. Mortality’s reminders probably drive more men off the game than anything else. Look at most guys age 50+… their families and especially children seem to provide much more meaning and significance than banging the latest hottie. That doesn’t mean a guy should turn 40 and quit. But it is worth looking at people throughout the age spectrum and contemplating what will matter at age 50 or 60.

For most 20-year-old guys, everything above is immaterial: “Who at 20 would understand the world through the same lens as a 40 year old man just because they share a common pastime?” When I was 20 I thought knocking off skirt would be the be-all, end-all for my entire life. Now I am not so sure, and I have a “rambling” category on this blog describing those feelings.

It’s also possible to try co-parenting or similar arrangements, giving space for a family and for skirt-chasing. I don’t personally know any guys who have consciously done this effectively, but many divorced guys end up co-parenting by default.

If a guy eventually does want a longer-term relationship, the older he is, the older the chick has to be. Very few people are going to be in sustainable relationships with someone 15 or 20 years their junior. It’s not impossible, it’s just very unlikely.

Read the comments thread as well. Nash appears, which means epic and interesting comments. The comments on this one are as useful as the post.

Cause things change

I have an acquittance (not really a friend, exactly, but a friend of friends) who is one of those travel bores, forever flying somewhere and then telling everyone about her trip. But last time I saw her she was complaining about how it was harder to connect to people, how her “friends” flaked on her much more frequently, fewer people wanted to meet, etc. She attributes this to greater rudeness and the spread of social media.

I have a different explanation. She’s reaching into her late 30s now. She’s never been hot but was okay… I’ve definitely done worse. I’m not a fan of the concept of “the wall,” but she has hit it. Is hitting it. Suddenly, the ease with which she traveled is going down, because a lot of guys who used to grease the skids for her aren’t doing it anymore. Or they’re willing to do less for the same output. But she can’t figure out why. Or she chooses not to think about why.

She also has a long, complicated story about why things didn’t work out with “the love of her life,” which isn’t complicated. Now she’s older, has no real career, and maybe she’ll keep doing the travel thing. We’ll see where it gets her, in the end.

Really, really, don’t get married–take it from a woman

I spoke of Esther Perel’s book, The State of Affairs, last year, but I was looking at it again after recommending it to a friend. Somehow I missed this the first time through:

Danica is hardly the first woman who shuts down at home and wakes up outside. Hers is archetypal tale of the muting of eros. I see women like her all the time—usually dragged into therapy by their frustrated husbands who are tired of being rejected, night after night. The typical complaint is: she is totally absorbed with the kids and has zero interest in sex. But it’s these very same women, I’ve found, who “come alive” in a completely unexpected romance.

Many men struggle to understand how the woman who can’t be bothered in the marital bed is suddenly having a torrid affair in which she just can’t get enough. For years, they’ve been thinking she’s just not interested in sex, period; now, with new evidence in hand, they reconsider—”she must not be interested in sex with me.”

For men, the reasons women behave this way is less important than the takeaway: don’t marry. Don’t cohabitate. Have an exit plan if you do anyway.

Seriously. Why would you want to be married to a Danica? I know you don’t believe your precious snowflake will turn into a sexless harpy (around you), while wantonly screwing other dudes, but reality doesn’t care about what you believe.

To a player, this book’s major lesson is, “Hitting on married women is a fine idea.” Hit her up at the right time and see what happens.

You can be the guy she cheats ON or WITH.

Choose.

Sex robots from an evolutionary biologist

This article about sex robots and their potential effects on the mating market is by evolutionary biologist Diana Fleischman, and unlike most articles about sex written by women it’s not filled with hampstering rationalizations. She writes many things, among them that guys who are too weak to learn and apply game may turn to sex robots for sexual release and companionship.

To me, that sounds pathetic, but there are many guys out there who cannot or  will not face and slay the dragon. Today there are no good male initiation rituals and many boys do not learn how to become men. That is very bad for individual guys, but it’s good for me personally if some guys turn towards sex robots because that improves my relative market position.

Feminists have been surprised by the way the end of marriage has not turned out well for women. Most women want a partner and children, but now that men are slowly realizing that they don’t need marriage to obtain sex, and that marriage is a bad deal, we’re refusing it, and thus making it harder for women to achieve their primary ends. As feminists work to make most normal men more reluctant to approach women, those men will be shunted out of the dating market:

The average single man paying attention to contemporary social fashions will struggle to understand the new rules of meeting, courting, or having sex with women. Something as banal as trying to converse with a woman wearing headphones is now often considered harassment. A man’s chances of mating success increase when he approaches many women, but so too do his chances of a gaining reputation as sexist, exploitative, or immoral. To take a fraught example, how does a man know that a woman is genuinely consenting to sex? A lack of ability to pick up on cues can incur catastrophic costs.

I view “contemporary social fashions” as another form of shit test, as do most Red Pill guys, but the average basic guy probably doesn’t realize as much, thus leaving more women to me and other guys who learn game and learn what women actually like, as opposed to what women say they like, or how women present.

As women raise the cost of sex for normal men, normal men will turn towards robots, porn, and professionals, leaving cads like myself the majority of the market. This will likely also make women unhappy, as they offer sex but get no commitment in return. I don’t expect feminists to realize this dynamic, and I feel bad for the guys who never discover game, but for game-aware guys all of this is great news. Players win.