I’m getting some questions about older posts, including this one about Seeking Arrangements (I wrote it a long time ago and then re-posted it to this blog after I created it). I had some crappy SA dates that were oddly similar to crappy regular online dates, but I want to focus on the girl I mentioned who I saw for a long time. She was gorgeous and a very solid 8. Conceivably a low 9, although she didn’t dress or act like it. She dressed and acted like a typical college student: jeans, t-shirts, tank-tops, sweatshirts. Okay clothes but she didn’t have a lot of experience with or interest in fashion, maybe because she didn’t have the money to. Inexperienced but not stupid. She was a basic girl in many ways but also ready to shed some of her basic habits like TV, boring social networks, and adopt newer, more interesting habits. She didn’t behave like the hot girl and at the time I don’t think she fully understood how hot she was. Some younger chicks, especially the ones who don’t dress with their chests and butts hanging out, don’t fully understand their power or how to wield it. Some do, of course, and they can be obnoxious, but this one didn’t. I notice that a lot of girls don’t figure out how to wield their sexual power until ages 21 – 23.
I’d gone on dates with some other chicks from SA. Some were not as described, the typical online dating problem. One stands out, as she was an outright pro and pretty, but she wanted an outrageous amount of money, and I laughed in her face. She tried to negotiate downwards, but one key to negotiation is to be ready to walk away. I was ready to walk and promptly did. Real pros are usually a little too brittle and distant for my taste. I notably banged two chicks, one multiple times, and gave that one some money, about $200. But when I found SA girl, I stopped with the SA efforts.
SA Girl looked better than her pictures and was surprisingly demure. In retrospect, she said she found me deeply intimidating but also someone she could easily talk to. I used a lot of open-ended hopes and dreams and peak experience questions, all of which resonated with her. I think she’d gone out only with guys who wanted to get between her legs as fast as they could. They didn’t have good dating or seduction skills, or chose not to use them. Most chicks like to know something of the guy they’re going to let inside them, even if they’re to be paid. SA Girl really responded to hand-holding, one-minute silent eye contact, closing her eyes and visualizing her dreams and future, those kinds of things. I don’t know if I like girls who respond to that kind of thing better, or if girls who like me respond better, but I can get into the “bubble” quickly with it. When it works, it works. We were more compatible than typical people. That sounds like bullshit optimism, but I’ve been a lot of gray online dates. Exceptions stand out.
Our first date was a standard drinks date. My message was typical: “Let’s get a drink at [bar] and see if we’re compatible, and we can go from there.” I actively preferred not to attempt a first-night bang. This girl came in a little black dress (very nice, and also unusual) that I later learned she’d borrowed from a friend. I can’t say exactly how I knew, but I could sense that she wasn’t comfortable in what she was wearing or where she was. It took her time and a lot of comfort effort on my part to open up. Usually I only do hour-long first dates, but I stayed much longer with her, risking being cast as the provider boyfriend type more than the lover guy. We did a quick kiss before we departed, and I told her we should get together for dinner.
On date two a few days later I picked her up (this was before Uber was common) and made dinner and then we fucked. She was very nervous and this affected her performance, but I took a very long time with foreplay and warming her up, which allowed her to relax enough to enjoy it. She wanted to stay over and I slipped an envelope with like $200 in it in her purse. She never asked for money. Next time we got drinks together and she was much less inhibited about sex. The connection was still strong.
I may have been able to keep nailing her free, but if a girl is desperate enough for money, she may do both free and paid sex. I said we should do a $500 a month thing and she immediately agreed. That was a lot of money for her and, based on what I’ve seen since, she doesn’t have the personality for sex work (this is a good thing). She got out of the sex-work grind and I got everything I wanted. Again, I could be wrong and for all I know she was still hooking on the side, but if so she was a master scheduler between school, some normal joe work, and seeing me. It’s never a good idea to underestimate the caginess of women, but this one didn’t display typical signs of sign of outside action, like sudden absences, unaccounted time blocks, extensive phone guarding, etc.
As we learned more about each other, SA Girl said she’d only had sex with three guys before, and while I’m skeptical of these kinds of claims, I somewhat believe it. She’d dated a guy for two or three years, and she seemed surprised at how long I was willing to go down on her and how attentive I was to her reactions during sex. For example, she had extremely sensitive nipples, and her long-term ex either ignored her boobs or was too rough with her, maybe due to porn.
She’d never used sex toys during sex before, and that was a revelation for her. She could come many times by being bent over and having me behind her while she used a vibe on herself. Pretty standard stuff in my world but a total game-changer for her. I think her long-term boyfriend was some combination of young, selfish, and inexperienced. Good sexual communication seemed foreign to her. It took a fair amount of training and openness on my part to get her up to speed, sexually speaking.
Again, to be sure, I can’t say the truth about what she was telling me and what I inferred. Why would she stay with a guy who isn’t that good in bed for such a long time? Young chicks are often dumb and don’t know any better, and she seemed to not know any better. I was much more patient and knowledge than other guys she’d been with, and I may have just hit the right girl with the right stuff at the right time. Or she was flattering my ego. But her behaviors seemed to match her words. That level of congruence is not always common. Players know that sometimes a girl is just into you, for whatever reason, and players know to ride that wave when it hits.
To the extent she wanted sexual adventure, she already had it built into our relationship. Even if I had been interested in a monogamous relationship, she would have been too young to attempt one, apart from how we met.
She was willing to go to sex parties with me and was typically the youngest chick there and always in the top three or five in terms of beauty. Like attracts like, as I’ve written before, and if we found another attractive couple, it was always the couple in the top two or three. As with most things in life, the more value you bring, the more value you get. Some of those couples and women I’m still friends with, long after SA Girl moved away and started some other life (she’s married now, or maybe I should say “for now”).
In my local scene, I’ve been seen with multiple extremely hot chicks. That gives me a standing and reputation that has led to many invitations, events, etc. SA Girl in particular made an impression. Lower-level girls can dress themselves up a level or two, but when all the clothes come off we see who a person really is. When the clothes came off, SA Girl was spectacular.
Eventually it was time for SA Girl to move on, and she talked about either staying in my city or me moving with her. The latter was not feasible for me, in terms of work or family. The former was not wise for her: she would come to resent me, and she was too young for a long-term committed relationship. There were a lot of tears on her part, but, just like I say it is wise to catch and release women who want families, it is good to catch and release young girls for whom a long-term relationship is too early. It is better to let a lover go than to wait until the feeling curdles. Many of you will be familiar with people in high school relationships who try to keep it going at separate colleges, or when the guy leaves for college and the girl goes to high school. It almost never works. My typical strategy for this conversation or set of conversations is to explain that she needs to be free, she needs to explore the world, she needs to see what else is in it: if it is meant to be, she will come back and then we will be together.
Spoiler: I am always right and she doesn’t come back. Or she comes back for some casual sex but not for a long-term relationship. Even then, when I was seeing SA Girl, I knew that no girl under age 25 or 26 is suitable for a long-term relationship. Guys who think otherwise are typically deluding themselves and setting themselves up for drama and heartbreak. At worse, they marry chicks who are too young and set themselves up for expensive divorce. No thank you!
I don’t know what SA is like today, as I’ve not used it or any other paid site in some time. I assume that, if I stay in the game long term, I will eventually turn towards paid sites again. The Internet is of course filled with 55-year-old guys tagging hot 24-year-old chicks, and, while I know from seeing it that that’s possible, it’s also hard to do, even for top guys. And that depends on continued health and wealth. A couple months ago, an acquittance died from cancer. He was in his late 30s with two young kids. News like that makes you think about what you want your life to be about.
For guys, SA and related sites are closer to online dating than is commonly realized. It is possible to blow a disgusting amount of money on lame chicks there. It may also be possible to be very cost-effective. I spent far less money on SA Girl than some guys spend on their divorces, their stupid McMansions, and their Teslas… cars are incredibly overrated as far as game and women are concerned.
I don’t know what SA is like today and right now I feel no urge to find out. I can say this particular girl was worth it. We eventually integrated into each other’s social networks, which was weird and fun for both of us. She liked being around older and sophisticated people. I liked some of her young hot college friends. The ones who weren’t hot and weren’t curious about the world I didn’t spend any time with, because there was nothing we could offer each other. Some of her friends thought it weird she was dating an older guy and some of them were intrigued.
Later I ran into one friend on the street and banged her, so that was a nice bit of pre-selection, but the friend was about a high 6 or so. Nothing special apart from the age disparity, but a nice experience whose seeds had been planted years prior. Many players appear to be wanderers, always finding new cities, cold approaching in new places. I’ve pursued the opposite strategy: living in one place for a long time, knowing it thoroughly, and attempting to build and maintain networks in that place.