Found out the problem with Ms. Slav

I mentioned in my last update that Ms. Slav has been pulling away. We had a talk and an exchange of long emails and I found out the reason why: she feels hurt that I’ve slept with other girls, without her. I also told her I was thinking about seeing Peaches on my own. I literally forgot that I’d mentioned it to her, because she has been f**king so many people that me saying I might bang one in particular seemed beneath note. And now she is unhappy about that? Or that I didn’t check in with her first about it?

If you’ve been following this saga, and you’re like me, you’ll have the same reaction: Hahahahahaha.

This is the same girl who’s f**ked like ten or fifteen new people in the last several months. Or more? Who forgets the names of guys who’ve f**ked her? Who’s gone to sex parties without “checking in” with me first? I think, anyway. Whose total freedom I haven’t complained about?

Turns out we’re all hypocrites, to an extent. You just have to dig deep enough. Ms. Slav likely feels greater jealousy than she let on. She seemed to want to live in a world of no rules or limits, but, like most people who think so, she actually doesn’t. She wants no rules for herself, but some rules for others.

I’m glad I learned the greater part of her feelings while she wasn’t there to see me laughing.

Like most hypocrites, Ms. Slav has a theory about why her behavior has been exemplary and mine hasn’t been, and that theory involves her telling me things first, which she has re-cast as “checking in with me.” Almost no one can reconcile primary relationships with totally unfettered, unchecked sexual freedom and license. Not even Ms. Slav.

None of this is to detract from Ms. Slav’s virtues, which I have enumerated, and I don’t want to devalue and dismiss her. But she is going to learn that you get what you give. She has been giving wanton, relentless, unchecked promiscuity… so she is getting it back in return.

She has also told me a long, probably true set of stories about guys “falling in love” with her, often without even banging her first. They give her shit. They behave in unattractive, weak ways. I haven’t done anything like that. Maybe she is surprised that I’m not investing in her or converting deeply into her frame and world. I’m way too experienced to fall for that. She is not at all suitable for long-term investment. I didn’t expect this level of wantonness. I’ve seen it in women, but it’s pretty rare, because most women consciously or subconsciously want some male investment… which Ms. Slav will find very hard to get.

Maybe she will learn.

Maybe she won’t.

The other thing I have to remember is that she’s very young. She seems much older, so I forget her age, but when I was her age, I was probably even more blinkered than she is. And while there are aspects of what’s really going on that I can tell her, there are other aspects I need to not say (about evolutionary biology, for example). We may stay in touch even after the sexual part of our relationship ends, or mostly ends, which I think will happen. I may even be the driving force to sever the sexual part. I may end up being more of a mentor-type person to her. Or nothing. I cannot say. I might be okay with dissolution, to be honest. She is too much for me. I don’t think she would accept a more casual relationship, despite that being our trend line. Most chicks are reluctant to accept a step down in the relationship trajectory. In most ways, Ms. Slav is not like most chicks. She might be, however, in this way.

Author: The Red Quest

How can we live and be in society?

8 thoughts on “Found out the problem with Ms. Slav”

  1. I can’t bring myself to laugh at her attempt to have it both ways, but I do have a wry smile. She’s just a kid; I dare say she doesn’t know her own mind or heart yet. I think it takes advanced maturity to be able to handle tons of casual sex without getting distorted by it in some unhelpful way. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it, I emphasize, but the hedonic treadmill can wear you down if you don’t have the ability to step back from it now and then and take stock: “What am I getting from this? What do I really need?” Anyway, she’ll eventually learn from her great sex adventures and come out a better person at the end (I hope).

    TRQ, you’ve written some great posts lately – insightful and humane. Thanks. I’m also enjoying your back and forth with DaysofGame.

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    1. You’re welcome, and I appreciate the encouragement.

      I’m not a fan of the “guys have to be totally selfish” or “men win / women lose” frame that I sometimes see in the pickup community or The Red Pill. I see things differently. People are people; we all have our strengths and weaknesses; few of us understand ourselves. Most women want to be seduced by hot guys and most guys want to bang hot chicks.

      I admire game because it allows everyone to get what we really want. Women are frustrated by clumsy, stupid, or clingy men. Men are frustrated by frigid, shit-testing chicks, because men don’t understand why women are the way they are.

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  2. What if her lack of discrimination is a shit test?
    “I’m eating all this candy, I know it’s too much, will you tell me to stop?”

    The fact you mention becoming her mentor makes me think you are now holding back on educating her.

    She may feel your displeasure and her only way to express her need for you to strengthen your frame is projection.

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    1. >>What if her lack of discrimination is a shit test?
      “I’m eating all this candy, I know it’s too much, will you tell me to stop?”

      It’s not impossible. But I don’t think so; she imposes almost no shit tests. Which may be linked to her promiscuity and the sheer level of partners she has.

      Like

  3. Did you guys happen to read CainPrice’s post today about mental illness? LMAO it sounds like Ms. Slav is a candidate–or at least this behavior seems crazy.
    In all seriousness, it is interesting how these highly promiscuous women still seem to cling to the notion of fidelity. Last month I had a girl (she’s 21–I’m mid 30’s) contact me on FB out of the blue, asking if I wanted to hang out. After a little chatting and vetting, I’m like, sure, why not. She says she’s bringing a bottle of vodka to my place and we’re getting drunk. OK cool.
    She gets there, immediately starts taking shots, then we fuck after like an hour–then a couple more times in night and the next morning. This happens again later in the week. Then she stops communication so I next her, and two weeks later (a few days ago), out of the blue she sends me an angry DM about how I’m a dick because I’m fucking other girls and she never wants to see me again, why can’t I commit to a relationship, etc…
    The best part? The morning after we first hooked up, she shows me a note on her phone with all her sexual partners… 45. Names and everything, including if she took their virginity.
    Same reaction: ahahhaahahahahaa. Good one.

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  4. > I found out the reason why: she feels hurt that I’ve slept with other girls, without her

    You know I am always watching for “poly”/open people that somehow navigate JEALOUSY.

    > Ms. Slav likely feels greater jealousy than she let on

    Hmmm. And I believe you hinted at some (mild) feelings in that general direction in your last post.

    I want to understand mating/dating, and these chapters in your life help cement what I think I already know.

    > None of this is to detract from Ms. Slav’s virtues

    THIS is where I think you PERSONALLY set a rare and interesting example. You handle jealousy much better than most guys (which is not even a goal of mine)… But your “teaching” here is seeing the other pieces of the pie. Yes, there is jealousy. And, yes, there is more than that.

    And I am convinced I am where I belong… In non-monogamy, but in the “don’t ask, don’t tell” version of that lifestyle.

    I’ll trade the emphasis on “honesty” for a “sexual politeness” where we keep our appetites for others to ourselves, even when they are indulged.

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    1. I wouldn’t call what I’m feeling “jealousy:” I think it’s closer to “moral outrage when I see someone cadging value without paying for it.”

      I’m not totally immune to jealousy. But I dislike cadging value and I dislike hypocrisy (I’m not immune to hypocrisy either).

      And in Ms. Slav’s defense, I’ve never had the boyfriend/girlfriend talk with her, and even though I know (knew?) she wants me to be her primary partner, I’ve never broached that topic. I could have and chose not to. Not all the burden is on her. I know that I could have talked to her about being primary partners earlier on… I could have attended more events with her… I could have been more directive, and I chose not to.

      I didn’t expect her to be as wild as she has been, to be sure. But I don’t want to minimize or abrogate my own role and decisions. I notice that in some RP or game guys… “The girl did everything wrong, but I am a saint!” Does it play out that way sometimes? Yes, of course. But it’s pretty rare for bad behavior to be utterly one-sided.

      >>I’ll trade the emphasis on “honesty” for a “sexual politeness” where we keep our appetites for others to ourselves, even when they are indulged.

      This is very reasonable, and I do it this way because I like the (relative) ease of getting new girls without much work. As a practice, I also like group sex. I find it life affirming. So I do want to explain what I do and how it works. You’re doing a lot of daygame and are not worried about scooping up new chicks. I’m not worried either, but I figure that I like what I like and have figured out a system and set of principles.

      Speaking of, did you get the book manuscript?

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