Not sure why, but today I was reminded of a girl, “Katy,” who I met through the scene. She was married and poly but also, surprisingly, attractive. I thought so, at least. We’d flirted here and there, but she eventually broke it off with her long-term boyfriend, and I somehow ended up going on some dates with her. I expected things to go straight to sex, but she’s more of the “poly” part of the open relationship universe, rather than the “swinging” part of the universe, so we went on some dates.
I don’t remember much of the dates, apart from the fact that I liked her, and she liked me, especially because she couldn’t rattle me (though she kept trying, softly). I think when I finally got her back to my place, it was in an afternoon. She has an unusual job that oscillates between extreme hours and no work. We may even have gotten together on a weekday or holiday.
The thing I remember most is the letdown feeling when she was finally naked and I was there to f**k her. I’d seen her in lingerie before. I’d seen her f**king before, albeit from a distance and in dim lighting. She is very tall, but not quite as lean as I would have liked. She is the sort of woman who, if she quit sugar, would probably add a point. But she’s not as disciplined as me in that respect. She still wasn’t bad looking, but for whatever reason we did not match. She was not as hot as I would have liked, and some girls just drive me crazy by their smell, by their essence, by their being. She is not one of them. I hate to sound like a chick, but there is an element of “chemistry” in attraction, especially with chicks who are not 8+.
I like to say that you’re rarely fully aware of how hot a girl really is until you see her naked. Some girls get bumped up a point or two, some down a point or two. This one bumped down. Some of these girls I have way under-estimated, some, like Katy, I have over-estimated. In personality terms, Katy has an edge I like, but not so much edge that she loses her sense of playfulness. Yet I couldn’t get properly excited about her in bed. She is the kind of girl I would have happily f**ked as a teen or in my early 20s, for sport and pleasure, when just getting inside an acceptable woman was a monumental event. By the time I found Katy it was less monumental and I was more discerning. Too discerning, it turned out, or we were just wrong for each other.
I know some guys only want what they can’t have, and when they get a chick, they lose interest in her. That has not been me. But when I get a chick and am disappointed with what I realize I’ve gotten, I know it.
Now I still see her at parties every so often, but we say hi and that’s about it.
There is no real learning point to this story; it’s just a small slice of my life.
4 thoughts on “One I got and then didn’t want”
Player’s Dilemma – where the notch does not equal the chase.
I chased a beautiful mixed Maltese-English girl, 23,and eventually got her. I discovered she was vegan which seemed to create an odd body odor, had dyed pubic hair, and identified as bi. Terrible blow job. One-way sex, ie. a lot of take but little give. Her kit came off and her breasts were saggy with stretch marks. Horrible.
She wanted to meet again and I reluctantly agreed. Fingered her and then took her to the beach to avoid sex. Did a photo shoot and got a wonderfully radiant portrait of her. Her orbiters fawned on her on Instagram and send emoji love hearts. Never again.
I’ve been turning down marginal notches for a while: https://theredquest.wordpress.com/2018/04/12/turning-down-marginal-notches/, but sometimes you just don’t know till you’re in the moment. I thought Katy was going to be great… then she wasn’t… but I felt like I had to go through with the thing, which I did. How much I’m into a chick is unpredictable. With this one, I was so optimistic… I went on those dates… when I got her back for sex, I was like, “Jackpot.”
Then I had her naked… and I felt deflated.
Experiences like this one with Katy are part of the reason I find the notch count conversation so uninteresting. In my life, five or ten very high-quality girls are worth more than 50 lower-quality girls. But I rarely know in advance which a girl will be.
I can understand the feeling of “having to go through with it” – almost like a bit of post-purchase rationalization. I wonder whether some of the awkwardness between a man and a woman after a first fuck could be attributed to a poor “try before you buy” experience.
Some girls are clearly a repeat Yes, and others are a Maybe subject to improved performance, and then finally there are the No repeats. The Maybes are risky are you really are hedging your bets that repeat sex is on average better – often it’s just a wasted evening.
I’ll do the maybes. First-time sex is very rarely the best, and it takes like three to five separate sessions to figure out whether I’m into a maybe girl. But I just could not get into liking this girl, Katy. There have been others like her.
Sometimes when I’m standing up to write and am trying to think of a good example to illustrate a point, I come up with nothing. But often some memory will return to me at a random moment, and I will think, “That is a good story” or “That is a story readers may take something from.”