Ms. Slav party night

I went to a party with Ms. Slav on Saturday night, and Ms. Slav was on good behavior. Or she was genuinely interested in hooking up with this chick, which she did for a long time, with me participating for a lot of it. Regardless of motives, things went well. Ms. Slav was more solicitous than she has been. She was a little tired herself, and I was a lot tired… the “tired” came from Home Friend the night before, but I didn’t share that with Ms. Slav. Ms. Slav was also a bit more subdued, and she let herself be led more easily.

Later on, we left and got some food, and then went back to my place. I was ready to crash, but Ms. Slav wanted to chat. She asked me to be her primary partner. And I froze… and then punted… I have seen less of her in the last month than I would like. I asked what makes her ask now, and I told her that I’d been thinking about this exact issue. She said that I’m willing to let her be free and that I’m more reliable than anyone else she’s met. Fuuuuccccckkkkkkk… “reliable” is synonymous with “boring” in girl-speak. Particularly young-girl-speak. Ms. Slav could tell I wasn’t happy with that description, although I tried to hide my initial response, and I didn’t quite want to tell her that “reliable” means “boring,” but I was dancing around that idea some.

We had a long talk about reciprocity and how, from my perspective, she’d been out f**king everyone under the sun… and she said that I would never have met Peaches if not for her (somewhat true, but less than she thinks), and that I should have “checked” with her first. I explained that I hear what she’s saying, but that, again from my perspective, she seems to be splitting hairs.

This is the girl who doesn’t experience jealousy and who opposes drama. Like I said in an earlier post, push hard enough and we’re all hypocrites in some way. Ms. Slav isn’t ready to acknowledge her hypocrisy. I don’t think she can even see it. I think she’s too deep in her own worldview to perceive it. She stuck to her story.

I debated telling her about Home Friend on Friday. I know she won’t like me f**king Home Friend. I know she won’t like finding out that I f**ked Home Friend later. But Ms. Slav is going back to her home country for a couple weeks shortly, and I don’t know what will happen when she returns. I don’t know what I want to happen. The last couple months have been so debauched, like I wonder if this is a kind of last hurrah for this part of my life. But I’ve built up all these skills and connections… there is a part of me that thinks it would almost be a waste to stop now.

I’ve written about this previously, but for a long time my mind was congruent: I love f**king, I like group sex, let’s just do as much as I can, as often as I can, while still maintaining my other duties and responsibilities. Now I’m more ambivalent, more divided, and less sure of what the focus of my life should be. I don’t think it’s an accident that I began writing online around the time I began feeling ambivalent. When my mind was united, I felt less need to share or explain. And my job soaked up pretty much every spare moment and thought. Now my role has changed and I have more time, but maybe more time isn’t so good for me after all. I have been blessed with many extraordinary experiences and opportunities. I will never be one of those people who looks back at their sex life and thinks, “I wish I had had the courage to try this, this, and this.” I have tried it all. For the good, sometimes for the less good. I have learned much. Some of that I am passing on. I wonder who will do what I do, in the next generation. The non-monogamy culture is out there. Players who combine it with game can achieve extraordinary things, as most guys in the scene lack game, and most guys who have decent game do not know about the scene, it seems.

With Ms. Slav, I left the “primary partner” discussion tabled. I think she may leave, and lose interest (time away is deadening for any woman, but especially a fizzy young girl), and by the time she comes back the problem will have solved itself. Ms. Slav thinks we fit well together because I have been superficially less judgmental of her behavior than others have. In reality, I know that chastising girls is largely useless. I know that Ms. Slav is the sort of girl who is going to have to discover principles of reciprocity the hard way. I’m enjoying the ride… I’m not in it for the long term.

Sunday morning she spent a long time going down on me. We went out for coffee. She went home, I went back to my place for a nap. In the afternoon I began writing this pair of posts. I need to get myself back to a more normal, rhythmic schedule. This weekend has been crazy.

Independent date with Ms. Slav’s friend from home

Friday night I saw Ms. Slav’s friend from her home country… we’ll call her Home Friend. She’s been hitting me up, although I did extend the invitation to dinner. Pretty straightforward deal, she took a car over, and I meant to have dinner first and then f**k her… instead, we spent like an hour and a half f**king in various configurations. I didn’t last very long during the first penetrative session, as she is young and so so tight. And… she told me that she has an IUD now. We know what that information, volunteered, means. I spent a long time on foreplay, warmup, spanking, etc., based on her feedback from last time and the fact that she’s complained about college guys being in a hurry to get in her and then not in a hurry to get her off. So I deliberately took a long time with her, ramping her up from normal-world psychology to sex-world psychology.

I’m not sure if, the first time Ms. Slav and I had a threesome with Home Friend, Home Friend was a kind of peace offering because of Ms. Slav’s sex rampage. Or if Ms. Slav genuinely wanted Home Friend to have a good sex experience, which she seems not to have had. Home Friend seems to be very interested in sex with men, but has not had satisfying sex with men. She also seems to like somewhat gentler sex than some girls… like Ms. Slav… Home Friend likes it very firm, but not as violent as Ms. Slav likes. Home Friend is more normal than Ms. Slav, except taht she has Ms. Slav as a friend and influence, and Ms. Slav spreads her high sexual charge to whoever is around her. Most girls are followers, and if their environment is sexually charged and sex positive, they become more sexual. If their environment is prudish and sterile, they become more prudish and sterile. Skilled players learn to create an environment that is sexually charged without being too overt, direct, or gross. Most chicks are creatures of the imagination, rather than visually-oriented creatures like men.

With Home Friend, I bought her a vibe and told her to use it on her clit while she was bent over and I was f**king her, and the results were spectacular. She said, “Sex with you is amazing.” It’s always flattering when a chick says that, but I don’t think it is. I’m competent, and she’s just used to super young, inexperienced guys. Probably with one or two super young, semi-experienced guys who still take their cues from porn. I don’t know how many guys she’s f**ked. I don’t really care, either.

I’m just calmer, more directive, and more knowledgeable than most young guys, who take too many cues from porn. Porn primarily caters to male tastes, desires, and fantasies… and professional porn very rarely represents the buildup normal chicks need. Home Friend and I talked quite a lot about that. I told her that, with young inexperienced guys, she needs to train them to do what she wants. She resisted that idea, which is not surprising because she is lackadaisical and doesn’t even know herself. Ms. Slav is much more advanced and mature than Home Friend. But I gave her some pointers about how to express herself without being dominant and gave her some suggestions for videos to watch with guys she likes but who are bad in bed.

Most men have to learn how chicks work through trial and error (like I did). It would be nice for chicks to take guys aside and be like, “Do this, this, and this, and think that, that, and that.” But chicks hate leading or educating in bed, and most guys don’t try to learn what to do or how to slow down, figure out the chick’s feedback loops, etc. Truly a situation that foments frustration.

Home Friend did have several incredible, whole-body-shaking orgasms from cunnilingus. The kind where she can’t talk for a few minutes after. The kind that bonds a girl to a man. After each one of the monster orgasms, I either f**ked her some more (my last orgasm I didn’t think I could have… I thought I was spent… but feeling her p***y around my fingers and her moans and the feel of her body coming got me up for one more round). It took Home Friend a lot of time to lose her nervousness. I’ve been through the process of breaking in sexually inexperienced girls a bunch of times, so I was accepting of her nerves, and that made the whole thing flow better.

With the “sex with you is amazing comment,” basically, she’s inexperienced and is mistaking competence with being “amazing.” I have some tricks and techniques available and am good at reading the feedback loop between her and me. She reads that as being amazing. She also said that guys her age would rather play videogames than f**k girls. This might be flattery towards me… or it might be true… I can’t say. She seemed surprised by me being uninterested in professional sports or TV shows. We talked about life’s highest and best experiences and how those are rarely mediated by screen. I have a sort of “guru” spiel that I’ve given too many times. Chicks listen to it in the post-sex, good-feeling moment… and the next they’re back on Instagram and Facebook, pissed off that Becky has such a good picture of her in a bikini on a beach vacation. Why isn’t MY life like that???

Saturday morning I sent Home Friend on her way. She wants to make plans with me for next week, but I have Peaches scheduled for Tuesday (thankfully not Monday, today, as I need a break). Saturday night I went out with Ms. Slav. Awkwardly, Home Friend was messaging me while I was with Ms. Slav. Fortunately, I make it a practice of not looking at my phone and even turning it to do-not-disturb mode, so the one did not see the messages from the other.

I don’t think Home Friend and I mentioned Ms. Slav at all. A chick may be inexperienced, but that does not mean she is not devious or wicked. Home Friend has communicated a lot to me about who she is and what she’s about. What a girl does to others, she will eventually do to you. Many guys want to ignore this basic lesson in the heat of passion and in the positive feelings from railing a new chick. But the hottest passion inevitably cools… who are you left with then? For my purposes with Home Friend, it doesn’t matter… and Home Friend doesn’t have the experience t perceive this. Plus, she has her own dualistic mating strategy to contend with, in which she wants investment from the kind of men who are least likely to invest in her.

Home Friend doesn’t do ANY pics or videos, so I’m guessing she’s used to opsec. I want em, but she’s firmly resistant. Most chicks can be persuaded and find sex tapes flattering. Not this one. Not right now. Seriously. I have no pics of her and haven’t friended her Facebook and she hasn’t friended me. Very unusual behavior for young chicks. Ms. Slav has said Home Friend loves social media, too, and that Home Friend is on it all the time.

Except with me.

Much as I like making sex tapes, if a chick is adamant, her wishes must be respected.

I told Home Friend to stop dating college guys cause they’re convenient and to get online. Most girls, from what I hear, are too inept to do this. We also talked about how to get guys to talk about their sexual interests and experiences (she seemed surprised to be getting advice about how to date other guys from a guy she’s f**ked… I think she is used to mate guarding). Inexperienced guys won’t be able to talk much about sex or, most importantly for Home Friend, foreplay. Ms. Slav seems to need less foreplay than the average girl. It’s fun to make Ms. Slav wait, but after five minutes she’s wet and ready. Home Friend likes much more prolonged foreplay and, from what I can tell, penetrative sex is much better for her after she’s come once already.

Chicks, man. They’re all different. I wish I’d known when I was younger. But when I was younger, I was like a lot of high school and college boys… the ones Home Friend is disenchanted with… always pressed for time and space, always worried about someone walking in, always stuck in a car or in some other uncomfortable spot. A weekend alone could be a luxury oasis.

I’m not going to lie: I’ve thought about doing a branch swing from Ms. Slav to Home Friend. The risk is that 1. Ms. Slav may be extremely mad and cut both of us off—an outcome that would not kill me but that I do not yet favor. 2. Home Friend may prefer me as undercover lover to official going steady guy. 3. Home Friend is getting attached TOO fast. 4. Overall, Home Friend is less mature than Ms. Slav, I judge. 5. I don’t want to be in an in-depth relationship with a girl her age, however tight she is.

What I’m doing with Home Friend is unethical in the context of non-monogamy, or at the very least against the spirit of what we are doing. Guys in the game learn what rules should apply to wingmen, e.g. the guy who opens calls the shots. The guy who opens two girls, gets to chase the girl who most interests him, and the other guy has to let the opener chase first. Otherwise, the two guys are going to have crossfire problems and piss each other off. In non-monogamy, whoever brings a person in doesn’t have control over that person exactly, but should have priority over the secondary person. Ms. Slav should have priority over Home Friend, but I have not given that to her (that is what I discuss in Priorities and Ms. Slav’s challenges in non-monogamy). In my defense, Ms. Slav has f**ked a million people in the last several months. Ms. Slav has not been following priority rules, so I haven’t done that either. Once you start down this path, it’s hard to stop it. Not impossible. I have seen couples pull back, have a reconciliation, and agree to prioritize properly in the future. Ms. Slav may be like that. To make a primary partnership arrangement work, each person has to quell their immediate passion and ensure the other person is prioritized. Otherwise, the arrangement fails.

Home Friend also illustrates how the first bang is always the hardest. After the first bang, you’re a known quantity and you don’t “count.” For this reason, I’ve had many chicks swing around like a comet, banging me when they’re between boyfriends or horny, etc.

Ms. Slav may also be swinging around to greater interest in me (see next post), but do I feel the same of her? Less so. Age disparity is too great. Unless I just want to keep spending my life f**king and chasing chicks. Maybe I do. But I’m not so sure. It’s less satisfying than it was. Don’t get me wrong, f**king Home Friend was great. But in a way, it also feels like season 6 of a TV show, when the writers have pretty much exhausted the initial premise.

I’ve been thinking seriously about having one more kid. I could like throw a rock down the street and hit half a dozen thirty-year-old women who’d go for it. Some into yoga and crossfit enough for me to go for them. I know how ridiculous this sounds given my adventures of the last two years. Ten years, though I’ve been writing pretty steadily for the last two. But there is something unsustainable about what I’m doing now. I could keep it up for another bunch of years. Do I want to, though? Maybe there is nothing beyond f**king a lot.

It would be poetic justice if I decided to pursue that course, looking for someone to have one more kid with, only to find that I can’t find an acceptable woman to go for it. Or find that I find women… who just want to use me for sex. That has happened before. I already have some candidates in mind, but you never know till you jump out the plane whether the chute’s really going to deploy when you pull the ripcord.

I forgot to wash and change the sheets between Home Friend on Friday and Ms. Slav on Saturday. Or I didn’t bother? If Ms. Slav noticed she didn’t say anything.

Girls with high numbers

As usual, Nash arrives with a lot of perceptive comments, in response to this post, and I have so much to say in return that I’m just going to foreground it all here. If you don’t read that link first, most of what follows will not make sense to you.

> I would assume you don’t buy the “girls lose the ability to bond when they have X number of sex partners” argument.

Actually, I think that’s true for the average girl, who just gets f**ked up by too many partners. But there are some girls who have hindbrain/forebrain agreement and can seem to do it.

The bigger problem for those girls is that most guys, even sex-positive man-slut guys like me, don’t want to bond with the most promiscuous girls. “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”, that kind of thing. And it’s often tough for girls to put their partners first. Tough, but not impossible.

So is it true on average? Yeah. But it’s probably less true in the sex-positive community, where a structure for this thing exists.

Ms. Slav seems very uninterested in the concept of “quality men.” This is part of what bothers me: she lets too much of her value go. Riv likes to say men build their value, women protect their (pre-existing) value. Ms. Slav is not quite good enough at that, for my taste. This goes back to the idea of sex-positive, sexually experienced girls finding it hard to get primary partners. Even within the open-relationship and sex-club scene, there are some rules and principles. If a girl is not going to put a primary man first, she is not likely to find and keep one.

Even I am focused on value and reciprocity. Even girls in the scene find casual sex easier than longer-term bonding.

Nash also wonders if Ms. Slav is “damaged goods,” or if she will become that way. I can’t tell. Not yet. I think most chicks who are “damaged goods” cannot accept their past or reconcile their sexual proclivities with their higher-order thinking. Ms. Slav seems to have aligned forebrain/hindbrain. For that reason, I don’t think she’ll turn out as “damaged goods.” No guarantees, obviously.

A girl who is sex positive and likes to have a lot of sex with a lot of partners, and can admit that to herself and not be ashamed of it, will probably not turn out be damaged goods. Unusual goods, yes. But not damaged.

I’m somewhat hesitant to write about Ms. Slav as much as I have, because she is so unusual. A typical girl would generate less commentary from me.

While I’m not jealous per se, I do want to see people behave by the correct rules and principles. I try to impart those rules and principles to Ms. Slav. She has not totally absorbed them, however. I’m fine with group sex and non-monogamy if value is being exchanged for value. Ms. Slav is throwing the value equation out of whack, and I see it, and it makes me unhappy.

>>Separately: I read American Gods by Gaiman a few years ago (so-so book). He has a character called Pandora. She is like a lovely, predatory courtesan… she “consumes you” as you fuck her. And the character never came off as malevolent to me.

Maybe… maybe somewhere… there is a highly-sexed girl (as in 50+ partners) that comes out at the level of “sex goddess,” giving herself in this open, radiant way, year after year, with no corruption.

I am open to the concept… but I have never seen it.

I have seen it, I believe. Ms. Slav may be like this. I am thinking of another woman I was seeing for a while who has this kind of quality. Some of these women are just very independent and don’t want to conventionally pair-bond. They don’t want kids. They have self-sustaining, good jobs. It’s not super common, but I have seen it. Ms. Slav may be like this. She has a lot of work ethic. Her family is very rich, too.

I think some women like this become escorts. Why not make big bucks for doing something you’re already doing for free? Kind of like how a lot of amateur porn is now being made under the aegis of Pornhub’s Verified Amateur program. Why give it away, when you have something valuable enough to make a few bucks at it?

I don’t know what will happen with or to Ms. Slav. She is at least seven years away from thinking more seriously about kids and family. More likely ten years. A long time for me. An ocean for a girl her age.

What I’m up to isn’t for everyone. Yet many players are implicitly doing this. Sexually adventurous chicks are surely more responsive to players than sexually non-adventurous chicks. You probably aren’t getting many girls of this type among introverted Asians, however. Maybe some Japanese girls. I have heard about the kink clubs in Japan.

What flaking looks like, from a woman’s perspective

What flaking looks like, from a woman’s perspective,

8:30 p.m. It’s a pretty mellow scene but of course I know how to spot the one bad seed. Surprise, surprise, it’s one of the bartenders. He has a twinkle in his eye and we are flirting. I try to nurse one glass of red wine, sipping very slowly. I ask the bartender, “Is this as fun as it gets out here?” And boom, we’re off: He has the tiniest amount of cocaine and slips it to me with a cocktail napkin.

8:45 p.m. I finish his coke, which was not much, and just when I leave the bathroom, I make eye contact with my sister. I don’t think she knows anything but I just feel like shit. I don’t want to do more coke. Now I just want to go home and cry.

He may have been thinking same-night lay (SNL) and not gotten it. A few days later,

1:30 p.m. I get a seat at the bar. Without even asking what I want, the bartender delivers me his special bloody mary. Ah shit here we go. It goes down really nice … it’s a fucking delicious bloody. I order the veggie burger and take out my book. Another bloody arrives.

2:30 p.m. I’m drunk and my veggie burger was great. The bartender is off at 3. I tell him to text me when he’s done and that I’m going to go shopping on the street there. We all know where this is going….

2:45 p.m. I look at my phone as I leave the restaurant. A text from my ex: He wants to know if I want to take a warm trip together this weekend … he just found some deal to Turks. This is a total surprise! It throws me off. I walk back to my sister’s thinking about my options and totally forgetting about the bartender.

If this bartender posted to The Red Pill or a seduction forum, guys would ask about his stack. Is she invested enough? Is his game tight? Was his frame strong?

Some of them would say he’s being a beta b***h by giving her food and drink without her f**king him first.

The true answer, however, is internal to the chick… her emotional state swerves and so the bartender is forgotten, and she returns home un-f**ked. He was probably within an hour of f**king her, maybe less… most external “game” analysis is irrelevant to this situation. I’m fond of saying chicks are random and this is an example of their randomness.

What’s the difference between the bartender and this other guy?

I came home all fucked up at 6 in the morning, and I had had unprotected sex — one of the first and only times I’ve ever did that. The guy was some budding musician-rapper. I took the pill and dealt with it, but I was still disgusted with myself.

This musician-rapper was in the right place at the right time. The bartender was at the right place at the wrong time. One got the lay and one didn’t, with neither one having the “wrong” game in this chick’s view.

If the bartender posted online about the experience, most of the speculative analysis would be wrong… she was on the way to getting f**ked, but her emotional state changed and suddenly she wasn’t. Chicks live in a stew of emotions most guys cannot comprehend. That’s part of what makes them bond to their own children very fast and part of what makes most of them poorly suited to most high-level corporate and government positions.

The right thing for the bartender to do is hit on more chicks. He’s a bartender so maybe he knows that’s the solution to any one chick’s randomness.

I emphasize this story not because it’s special but because it’s average. Same girl, different situations, different outcomes, for reasons outside the guy’s control. Novice players often don’t appreciate how random chicks are. The opposite can happen too. I’ve f**ked chicks the night I met them not because my game was so tight but because the chick was in an emotional or physical mood to get f**ked. Guys are the fishermen, women are the fish.

Figured out why Vegas seems bad for daygame

In a couple posts I wondered about being a player in Vegas. From my vague memories, mostly in the big casinos, it seemed like it might be a pretty decent place for it. Low cost, lots of tourist churn. But I figured out the problem, for daygame: almost no one goes outside, apart from a very small part of the Strip.

Most of Vegas consists of very long, very wide boulevards that discourage pedestrian traffic. In normal cities, there are sections where people get out of their cars and walk. If a player can live in or very close to one of these areas, he’ll have good logistics. I live within walking distance of two good bars, so for dates I meet chicks at the further one, then walk closer, then try to bounce her back (depending on how likely she seems for the lay). Suburbia rarely offers this dynamic, because everyone is in their cars, which reduces the rate of normal interaction and ease of logistics.

Vegas, however, has nowhere to walk except inside the casinos themselves and in a very small part of the strip. A guy who lives in Vegas could probably walk the Strip, picking up chicks, but he’ll have no way to walk them back to his place, because there is nowhere to live nearby. He’d almost certainly have to do some driving. The big condo complexes don’t have bars or coffee shops in their ground floors, so anytime a guy wants to go on a date, he has to drive to the date. Then get his girl to drive to his place. A logistical nightmare that will discourage casual sex.

Even for nightgame guys, you have to stay in the casino / club complex to get good logistics. That’s great for vacation but not good as a place to live. My guess is that guys who live in Vegas, end up online a lot, or hit the clubs and parties most of the time. Do a lot of girls land in Vegas, then fire up Tinder to line up dates? Seems plausible, but I will defer to guys who live in Vegas on that. I’ve also never been much into nightgame. I did some when I was younger but didn’t like getting hammered. Check out this report from Pancake Mouse for Vegas nightgame details. He says:

>> We hit up the gym and traded some Tinder tips. My buddy showed me some of the girls he has closed from Tinder and my jaw dropped. This guy is overweight, bald, and Indian, with a strong accent. He looks actually worse than many of the guys here complaining about not getting laid.

>> Fellas, this fucking Indian guy is closing girls HOTTER THAN YOU ARE. 6.5s to 7.5s. The occasional 8. And all because he has hustled to improve his Tinder photos, bio, text game, and date game. He also moved from St. Louis to Vegas to concentrate on improving at Game. The next time some Indian guy claims he can’t get girls, I will pistol whip him with this guy’s story.

I only did one real open, on a Latina-looking chick with big tits who stared at me like a piece of steak while we were walking past each other, so that I had to say hi and give it a shot. Too strong an IOI to ignore. She was responsive but claimed she had a boyfriend and refused the number, despite being into the interaction. She might be the kind of girl who turns out to be hot or turns out to be fat, but I’m not going to find out.

Jane Jacobs described the problems with long, wide boulevards in The Death and Life of Great American Cities. Humans like short blocks and cities that mix retail and housing, so that most of what typical people want is within walking distance (a grocery store, a bar, etc.). Human-scale neighborhoods encourage interaction and walking, things that are key to players. You can’t really open a chick as she zooms past you in her car. The way most people live is antithetical to a good, connected life, as most people live in detached houses in distant suburbs where they have to drive everywhere. The only thing they can do at night is watch TV. I don’t watch TV. Why watch TV, when you can read or have sex?

Many Americans are miserable because they live in distant suburbs, then ruin their bodies in long, traffic-filled car commutes, then get back at night just to repeat the same boring process the next day.

In Vegas, a player probably could do daygame on casino floors, at least for a while, but I wonder if security would kick out daygamers. The casinos are these massive, self-enclosed fortresses. Again, the opposite of the human-scale cities where daygamers thrive.

My family sees me as pretty weird. I’m not fat. They like going to bars in Vegas… to get drunk… not really talk to new people… yell at each other… wake up hungover… then go eat more. Pretty boring and expensive in my view. I can be extremely profligate in some areas (e.g. I have paid for sex) but extremely frugal in others, especially around housing and transportation. I think most guys don’t have the ability to look into their souls and realize they buy the expensive cars and houses they do to attract women… but there are far cheaper, smarter ways to get to that end game.

I see the average guy as hopelessly frustrated and frustrated without understanding the situation he’s in.

My family also makes fun of me for my food habits, love of the gym, and love of biking (I rode the shitty, shitty bikeshare in Vegas… Lime and Jump are badly needed). I think a lot of people think I’m kind of insane. Sometimes I wonder if I’m the sane one, and everyone else is crazy: I want to live a socially connected life that respects and enhances bodily integrity. Everyone else seems to want to live a disconnected life that destroys the human body.

“The Loneliest Generation: Americans, More Than Ever, Are Aging Alone”

The Loneliest Generation: Americans, More Than Ever, Are Aging Alone” is not about the game. (Alternate temporary pastebin of the story). Guys under age 30 need not read it. But for guys over age 30, it’s worth thinking about. We all know that female sexual marketplace value is highest around ages 15 – 25. It declines more seriously after age 30 and very rapidly after age 35.

But there is also a male sexual marketplace value peak, typically in the 30s or early 40s. Some players will end up like the loneliest generation people described in the article. Some of those people have no one but themselves to blame (“Karen Schneider, a 69-year-old in East San Jose, Calif., went through an acrimonious split from her husband in the mid-1990s that left her estranged from her two daughters and without anywhere to live,” and that’s code for “she wanted to chase strange d**k and her kids now hate her”).

It’s popular for Red Pill guys to make fun of women age 30 or 35+ who don’t understand that their own SMV is going to fall, sometimes very rapidly. At some point, however, guys have to decide how they want to live as well. The term “pickup artist” is useful, as some artists practice their art till the very end. If a guy conceptualizes pickup as a form of lifelong artistry, maybe he should keep going until the moment he cannot.

Almost everyone age 50+ who I know derives their life’s meaning and satisfaction from their families and family relationships. Guys who get deeply into the game are not normal guys, but we should think about what we might learn from normal guys.

Players also learn better social skills than normal people, so we have that working for us.

But the body, even taken care of, does break down over time.

This is not an argument that players should pack it in at age 37 and go get a wife and a s**t house in the suburbs. It is a warning, though, that friendships rarely replace family and that what you value later in your life may not be what you value today.

I think the game is fantastic and men must know the Red Pill to understand the society we live in. I’m never going to be one of those guys who repudiates who I have been.

The Feminist Life Script Has Made Many Women Miserable. Don’t Let It Sucker You” talks to women, but this is relevant to men as well:

We all want to believe that we’re exceptional, that patterns of human behavior don’t apply to us. That while bad things happened to other people who did the same things we are or want to, those bad things won’t happen to us, too. We’re special. We’re different.

We are all the products of evolutionarily success parents, going backwards to the start of sexually reproducing life. Our psychologies have been tuned to the needs of family life. That doesn’t mean a man should marry (today, he should not). But a lot of guys, as we get older, we think about what we leave behind and what we want to do besides getting laid. There may be nothing beyond the next notch. There may also be a reason many players age 35 – 40 exit the game and focus on their families.

Hollywood knows exactly what to “do” with childless women

A head-in-the-sand feminist writes, “Hollywood Still Doesn’t Know What to Make of Childless Women.” But that’s not true: Hollywood reflects a lot of society and biology. Older women out of their child-bearing years are of no interest to men, who like younger and fertile women. Younger women aren’t interested in them except insofar as they’re a warning about what not to do. Older women who have children are focused on their children and families, not on spinsters. The audience for movies about childless women is very small.

We all reap what we sow. The writer, Megan Garber, is an overweight woman struggling to make a living writing for a content mill. She’s heading towards spinsterhood, so her interest in the issue makes sense.

Older women derive meaning from their families. Those without families usually bitterly regret not having them.

Found out the problem with Ms. Slav

I mentioned in my last update that Ms. Slav has been pulling away. We had a talk and an exchange of long emails and I found out the reason why: she feels hurt that I’ve slept with other girls, without her. I also told her I was thinking about seeing Peaches on my own. I literally forgot that I’d mentioned it to her, because she has been f**king so many people that me saying I might bang one in particular seemed beneath note. And now she is unhappy about that? Or that I didn’t check in with her first about it?

If you’ve been following this saga, and you’re like me, you’ll have the same reaction: Hahahahahaha.

This is the same girl who’s f**ked like ten or fifteen new people in the last several months. Or more? Who forgets the names of guys who’ve f**ked her? Who’s gone to sex parties without “checking in” with me first? I think, anyway. Whose total freedom I haven’t complained about?

Turns out we’re all hypocrites, to an extent. You just have to dig deep enough. Ms. Slav likely feels greater jealousy than she let on. She seemed to want to live in a world of no rules or limits, but, like most people who think so, she actually doesn’t. She wants no rules for herself, but some rules for others.

I’m glad I learned the greater part of her feelings while she wasn’t there to see me laughing.

Like most hypocrites, Ms. Slav has a theory about why her behavior has been exemplary and mine hasn’t been, and that theory involves her telling me things first, which she has re-cast as “checking in with me.” Almost no one can reconcile primary relationships with totally unfettered, unchecked sexual freedom and license. Not even Ms. Slav.

None of this is to detract from Ms. Slav’s virtues, which I have enumerated, and I don’t want to devalue and dismiss her. But she is going to learn that you get what you give. She has been giving wanton, relentless, unchecked promiscuity… so she is getting it back in return.

She has also told me a long, probably true set of stories about guys “falling in love” with her, often without even banging her first. They give her shit. They behave in unattractive, weak ways. I haven’t done anything like that. Maybe she is surprised that I’m not investing in her or converting deeply into her frame and world. I’m way too experienced to fall for that. She is not at all suitable for long-term investment. I didn’t expect this level of wantonness. I’ve seen it in women, but it’s pretty rare, because most women consciously or subconsciously want some male investment… which Ms. Slav will find very hard to get.

Maybe she will learn.

Maybe she won’t.

The other thing I have to remember is that she’s very young. She seems much older, so I forget her age, but when I was her age, I was probably even more blinkered than she is. And while there are aspects of what’s really going on that I can tell her, there are other aspects I need to not say (about evolutionary biology, for example). We may stay in touch even after the sexual part of our relationship ends, or mostly ends, which I think will happen. I may even be the driving force to sever the sexual part. I may end up being more of a mentor-type person to her. Or nothing. I cannot say. I might be okay with dissolution, to be honest. She is too much for me. I don’t think she would accept a more casual relationship, despite that being our trend line. Most chicks are reluctant to accept a step down in the relationship trajectory. In most ways, Ms. Slav is not like most chicks. She might be, however, in this way.

Priorities and Ms. Slav’s challenges in non-monogamy

Yesterday I did something new: I prioritized Peaches over Ms. Slav for sex. Ms. Slav has a somewhat difficult schedule, as do I, but she has been, or become, less reliable than I would like. I was tentatively supposed to see her for a nooner tomorrow… but Peaches was available, and I was more confident she would show up, and we’ve been having sex without condoms, and Ms. Slav has been becoming less reliable, so I picked Peaches.

The sex was great. Hotel sex is so dirty, and a lot of guys don’t seem to do it properly… except for guys I know. While everyone else is busy doing normal things I’m in a woman, doing the thing that everyone else really wants to do.

Ms. Slav is getting a lesson in sexual marketplace values, I think, as well as her own difficulties. She has met a series of people (men, women, and couples) who she has liked. One couple pulled away from her when she started dating another couple whom the first couple had had a falling out with. Another couple, led by a guy, tried to make her their “girlfriend” after like one sex date. She was flakey with him, then he had a blowup at a party or event or something (I’m slightly hazy on the details myself). Guys keep adding her on Facebook, and she indulges them, in a way she should not. I think she should protect her value (I have implied that without using those words), but she is not doing that.

I think she believed the non-monogamy scene would be filled with people who aren’t placing limits or bonds on each other, and who don’t feel jealousy, as Ms. Slav says she doesn’t. She has found some people like that. But she has found guys who are trying to take her, make her theirs, and control her sexuality… just like in the regular, monogamous world, just to a different degree.

She doesn’t appreciate how desperately most guys desire young hot girls. There are just not that many really hot 18 – 22 year old girls in the scene. In anywhere except universities. When a young hot sexually explorative girl shows up, all the sharks rise, like throwing fresh meat into the water. I think Ms. Slav doesn’t quite understand her own value. That makes sense, because I have seen some of the not-hot girls she’s dated. She is less focused on the appearance of her partners than almost any other hot girl I’ve ever met. Most girls who are “pansexual” still aim for the hotter guys and girls. Ms. Slav doesn’t do that. Very unusual. I know the Internet is full of guys saying, “This girl is different,” but she is different. Ms. Slav can have sex with any straight man she wants. Guys do not experience the same with straight women.

At the same time, though, she wants someone like a “primary partner,” to use the lingo of the scene. Most people in the scene don’t want totally anonymous, random sex all the time. They want a boyfriend/girlfriend-type person who is not sexually exclusive, but who does form a team, for lack of a better term. More on this later. As part of a team, each member has to put each other first. Guys want this an as a way of getting into parties and getting new girls by exchange with other couples. Girls want this for emotional reasons, and it’s also a defense against predation (guys are less likely to try to coerce or heavily persuade girls with boyfriends).

Ms. Slav was also invited by a guy to a party, then invited me, then we had sex, then the other guy tried to say she was his date (she didn’t think so), then he was like, “Don’t interfere with my date!” and I was like “I have nothing to say to you, buddy,” and we ended up leaving. Weird, as he is good-looking but turned out to be quite pathetic. I know him tangentially. Rich guy, a trust-fund kid maybe, although he is not a kid anymore. I thought he wouldn’t be so desperate, but he was… he must have no game (that is my most probable diagnosis). Maybe he is so good looking that he is not used to having girls say no. Strangely, very attractive people can take rejection worse than people who are used to rejection. He is better looking than me, to most chicks… not all, but most. Pretty-boy looks. He found Ms. Slav on Facebook then invited her to an event… which she invited me to… and once there I found out about the arrangement. Annoying. Even I feel some amount of possession and jealousy. Or, more likely, I want to see fair value exchanged for fair value. Ms. Slav bollixes up that equation by her sheer love of f**king.

Oh, and there is yet another guy she liked but who has pulled back from her for unknown reasons. He hasn’t quite ghosted her, but I think he has de-prioritized her. He has a good setup… he probably doesn’t need a primary relationship with Ms. Slav. She’s surprised by that, I suspect.

Ms. Slav has now found that, when she meets new people and especially guys in the scene, they do one of two things: they try to “date” (monopolize) her, or they have sex with her for a while, then go find another random for sex. She wants someone in between and is not finding them, because finding someone who wants to let her go f**k like wild and let the guy pick up whatever sex he can is probably not going to happen. She is also a high IQ person, and the average person bores her (apart from sex). High IQ, but inexperienced. I have figured out a lot of stuff Ms. Slav hasn’t yet figured out. She probably will, eventually, but I’m not like other guys she’s met. No one else has tried to bring her into the sex-positive scene.

I have seen a few chicks in the scene get into a scenario like Ms. Slav’s, where they are so sexually open that they cannot find a primary partner. Those chicks find all the casual sex they want but then are unhappy when the guys won’t become the chick’s primary partner and won’t even take them to dinner. Seriously, I’ve heard this complaint a couple times over the years: “Guys want to hit me up for 9pm sex, but why can’t we at least go out for dinner first?” Or, “I want to do other things than just have sex, then the guy leaves because he has to get up in the morning.” There is no point in explaining evolutionary biology or fundamental value to these girls because those ideas will just offend women, even as they feel the effects of evolutionary biology and value at work in their lives and relationships.

Hearing Ms. Slav’s story also clarifies to me why I do so well. I have the ability to meet and seduce new chicks, then bring them into parties: most guys can’t or won’t do that. My game is not as tight as some guys’s game, but it is sufficient for me to have a “reputation” as the guy who brings in new chicks. The good-looking guy I mentioned before ought to have life on easy mode in this respect, but the bitch came right out of him when he didn’t get the things he wanted. For me, if one chick falters, I find another one and don’t complain about it. I don’t want to claim I’m a total stoic. I’m not. I get annoyed, I get hurt, internally I get annoyed with badly behaved chicks. But it’s also axiomatic that you can’t beat the market. That is obvious in financial markets, where people who attempt to beat the market usually end up bankrupt. People who attempt to “beat” the dating market may get some lays they “shouldn’t” have but tend to end up alone and disconnected.

There is always a shortage of young hot girls. Every straight many desires them. Many young hot girls do not fully appreciate their powers until the powers wane. There are also girls who, when young enough, are just a little bit heavier than I prefer, but they haven’t yet stacked on the pounds that will make them unacceptable to me.

Some guys will no doubt say that I shouldn’t have brought Ms. Slav into the community in the first place. But here’s the thing: with her, it wouldn’t have mattered. She is not going to be monogamous, no matter what. She has always had short-term relationships or cheated on her boy- or girlfriends. Some people virtually cannot be monogamous, and Ms. Slav is one of them… all I have done is given her an intellectual framework and community.

She doesn’t prioritize me sufficiently, or to the extent I would like, which is an unusual position for me to be in. Typically, women say they feel I am too interested in sex with other women and not devoted enough to the primary relationship. Now I’ve found someone who is doing to me, what I have arguably done to others. I think I’m hurt, or showing some signs of inner turmoil, because I’m accustomed to being in the power position in the relationship. I’m accustomed to being the one who is too much for the woman to handle. Now I see some bad signs of the sort I am used to giving to others, but in Ms. Slav, doing them to me. I have begun to de-prioritize her, as she has, I think, been doing, somewhat, to me. It may be unconscious in her, as she is genuinely not like normal chicks, or even like normal people, and she has long been estranged from most of her natural community and affinity group(s).

Most guys find sexually indiscriminate women unattractive for anything more than extremely casual, no-strings sex. I am among those guys, despite what I have written here, because even within the non-monogamy community, most people still exercise careful discretion. Those who don’t, have problems like Ms. Slav’s (if they are female and attractive) and will be expelled from it (if they are male and do not bring value back into the community).

I can’t remember if I said this, but I got her friend who is from her home country, and the friend is very hot, so that is very nice.

A chick like Ms. Slav is amazing for the sheer number of sexual opportunities she opens up, but I’m not sure that is what I’m seeking right now. Most couples in the scene form a team. If they are not a team and fundamentally devoted to one another, they fall apart. Yes, I know that most anger-phase Red Pill guys will say it’s all the fault of the evil woman for defecting, but often it is the fault of the man for de-prioritizing the woman. To do this successfully demands a lot of social, emotional, and sexual intelligence, which most people just don’t have.

Ms. Slav also gets attention wherever I bring her. I mentioned taking her to Thanksgiving. I have also brought her to yoga with me a couple times. There is a woman there, probably in her early 30s and okay, who has been flirting with me. This is unusual for me, as yoga classes and gyms have not been productive places for me and I rarely hit on women in those environments… I go back to the primary yoga studio and gym over and over again and do not wish to poison the waters. Anyway, I hadn’t mentioned Ms. Slav to her… and now she’s seen Ms. Slav… and she had a barrage of questions about Ms. Slav. I admitted to the woman at the yoga studio, “Ms. Slav is too young for anything serious, but I like her.” Which is true, but appropriately vague. Women love vague, and that’s why so few women become engineers. The yoga studio has surprisingly few hot chicks in it. Every yoga apparel company advertises with mid-20s hardbodies, but the reality has been somewhat different, in my experience. Yoga also doesn’t make up for sugar intake.

I have been emphasizing that non-monogamy is hard, although it is hard in a different way than game itself.

I travel some for work and Ms. Slav is out at events, almost every weekend, and I know what that means. She has zoomed past me in terms of wanting to go to events. She wants to go to a lot of events, and now that she’s well-known she gets invited to literally everything going on in my city.

I may shift away from Ms. Slav and towards choosing her for couple-to-couple dates. Her love of f**king and lack of filter makes her well-suited to that role. But those same qualities make her ill-suited to being a primary partner or girlfriend, as she is finding out.

Sin City as a temporary escape

In a couple days I’m leaving for Vegas, partly for work and partly to see family, and I’m actually looking forward to the respite from Ms. Slav, Peaches, Ms. Slav’s hot young friend, and the other things I’ve been up to. I feel like I need to keep up with Ms. Slav as best I can, which is not sufficient. Normal people go to Vegas to party, but it seems I am going to recuperate.

As a city for pickup artists, Vegas seems interesting, being far less expensive than California, New York, or Chicago, but also having many tourists who allow the waters to constantly be replenished. I’ve also heard good things about sex clubs there, but I don’t have the experience to comment on them.

Artists thrive in cities with low rents. Many guys in big cities like New York are going to be forced to work very hard to survive and pay rent, forcing them to spend less time on the hunt. For some that is okay (I have prioritized career over the game, to an extent), but for some guys it is not a good lifestyle decision. Does Vegas offer low rent with a target-rich environment? It seems like it might.

I considered attempting to bring Ms. Slav with me on this trip, but I need the break. At home, I feel like I’m in a tornado. If I stop, though, I feel like the whole thing will breakdown. Maybe I need that breakdown, in order to find out where I need to go next. I read a cool post from Troy Francis, “Game Is No Longer Dirty Enough,” and that is probably true for most guys. For me, game has been plenty dirty. But I feel like I’ve had an ingrained set of responses around chasing women for sex, and while that’s been fantastic, I too often feel like a machine doing it because that’s how I’ve oriented my life. Where is the alternative, though?

The Friendship That Made Google Huge” is a story about two men who, together, have produced a staggering amount of value for humanity. Thousands of times more value than I have. They have gotten laid far less than me, of course, but I admire those kinds of accomplishments more than I used to. I don’t want to be those guys (they probably don’t want to be me), but I have been thinking about what value to humanity more than I used to.