Peaches, Cassie, Ms. Slav updates and thoughts

Not much to report. Have seen Cassie (1) again and I think she is turning into a reliable once-a-week girl. Easy lay, good in bed. Says she has a cold or flu so she may be out for this weekend. Also has gone to the gym with me once and shows interest in black iron, compound lifts, and I like that. Very strong sexual chemistry. She’s a loud, involved lover. Extremely satisfying. She is very girl, very feminine, in ways I like and appreciate. We spent some time talking shit about social media.

Have seen Peaches (2) again. Also very satisfying sex. She seems not to understand how hot she is, and she told me some unusual background material. She is a bit too much of a follower, and that has harmed her economic life. I can’t imagine she is going to stay married, but I think she only wants upheaval in one part of her life right now. I told her about Ms. Slav and Cassie. We may go to a party together in the next few weeks.

Peaches also says she wants to have a family. This perked my ears. I’ve been thinking about that comment since she dropped it. That would be an intersting line to pursue. Very unlikely that I will pursue it, given the myriad of problems with this line, but we seem to be more aligned in many ways than most girls. She is also in the right age range for me. Younger is great for fun, but girls under the age of 27 or 28 will not work with me for any kind of longer relationship, more substantial relationship.

Peaches entered the non-monogamous world relatively recently and may be getting her total f**k fest phase out of her system. If/when she does… it is not inconceivable to imagine going further with her, based on what I know now. “Not inconceivable” is a low bar.

Speaking of, Roy Walker said something intersting

Towards the end of the year the apathy was starting to set it. It had been a long one and I went through a lot of girls. As was probably apparent in my posts, I was getting fed up. I would frequently think about two things;

What is the point of all this?
What is my endgame?

The point is obviously to meet and have sex with new girls as we are apparently biologically programmed to do as males. I really enjoy meeting new girls on the street and dating them, the chase, it’s great fun. But then you bang them and then what?

In my earlier days I would bask in the glory of a new notch for almost a week. Now that glorious feeling lasts around 5 minutes. I wrote a drunken tweet [4] about feeling empty inside after a recent notch.

Sound familiar? Sure does to me. “Player disease” you might call it. He says he is in his early 30s, so a bit young for those feelings, but they are not unheard of among guys who’ve been in the game a couple years. Some of us, we’re a bit like Tolkien’s Elves, still living in Middle-earth but thinking about going West.

Before I become too insufferably melancholy, Ms. Slav (3) is back and heard about Cassie and me, and she was or is unhappy about that. Not unhappy enough not to f**k me, fortunately. She still seems not to get reciprocity? I talked to Peaches about this dilemma / behavior. The talk with Ms. Slav led to another long talk about principles, but I am not sure Ms. Slav completely absorbed it. She may also be intuiting or feeling my own uncertainty about her. I like her… but our age disparity is too great… and she is too sexually active even for me. If had run into her ten years ago, even five, I might have gone for it. Not today.

No great stories about heroic pickup, just a continuation of previous threads.

It is so interesting talking to people—really talking to them—and they are so different in private than they are on social media. The more I talk to people, deeply, the more I think social media is garbage. The gap between the internal self and the external self is too wide for it to be interesting. All three of the women listed in the title, their true lives are very different from their social media lives. All three of them are much more minimally involved with social media than typical 18 – 30 year old women, but even then the gap is large. Cassie has a job that involves some social media use. I seem to get along better with girls who are not social-media addicts.

Another random thought, I have read a bunch of game or RP guys saying that cooking and eating good food is for chicks and they just open up some cans and eat over the sink. Maybe I am just hungrier, but I make food most days and am diligent about what I eat. I suppose it’s possible to maintain reasonable nutrition with tuna, olives, nuts, etc., but I like variety too much to do that.

If you did not read read this post, please go read it.

Why the United States is filled with fatties

  1. Fewer Americans bike to work despite new trails, lanes and bicycle share programs” (biking to work is also far cheaper than driving).
  2. Sugar consumption remains high and might be increasing.

What you can do about these problems is clear: quit sugar and ride a bike. Like many things, these changes may be hard at first, but once you make them, you will be baffled that everyone doesn’t.

You are part of “The Revolt of The Public and the Crisis of Authority in the New Millennium”

If you are reading this, you are part of the revolt the public and the crisis of authority and therefore you should read this book so you better understand your own role in events. Anyone reading this blog is learning about ideas that are almost entirely absent from mainstream culture. You’re learning things that almost the entire educational edifice doesn’t want you to do (the big exceptions being 1. evolutionary biology departments in universities, 2. masculine sports coaches and some strength and conditioning coaches, and 3. the very rare, independent thinker who happens to work in education and stays under the radar). Taken together, the peer-to-peer information system is roiling the entirety of the developed world. People are learning things from each other that newspaper editors and other mainstream sources would NEVER put in front of readers’s eyes. Independent thinkers are able to put together ideas that wouldn’t be possible otherwise (and the importance of networked independent thinkers, those who form chains of knowledge, I address at the very end).

Martin Gurri is an impressive writer and I have not synthesized all of his insights. He understand, “Eventually the thought dawned on me that information wasn’t just raw material to exploit for analysis, but had a life and power of its own. Information had effects.” What happens if you learn that the dominant narratives are WRONG? In game terms, that means understanding that feminism is a lie (it’s not about equality (I support equality) but about special privileges), or that marriage makes men worse off? You pull one thread, and then a bunch of other threads come loose, and suddenly there is a bunch of bullshit that becomes obvious.

You read the Nassim Taleb books and learn that you are not the only one who is aware of bullshit.

You read evolutionary biology and realize that in today’s climate, monogamy is improbable. You realize that DNA testing should be mandatory at birth. You realize the state, as it presently exists, exists to extract resources from working men in order to give those resources to women.

You realize women are attracted to physical characteristics, which most of society underplays (except when it matters for money: Aquaman is popular among women and gay men).

Even if you don’t read evolutionary biology, you can read the books by Esther Perel, which target women, and realize that monogamy isn’t working. What do you do then? What do you do when you realize that your sweetheart, who pledges her undying love to you, will get bored of you in two or five or at most ten years, then use Facebook to stray?

You realize she loves her smartphone better than she will ever love you. If someone forced her to choose between her phone and you, she’d choose the phone. You realize she’s used her smartphone to send nudes many times.

You start to realize the civilization-enhancing lies that exist, that are woven throughout our lives.

You realize that anonymous advice by cads online is more useful for sex and dating than every movie you’ve ever seen or novel you’ve ever read. Why rely on the lie when you can mainline the truth? You realize that the amount of amateur porn out there reveals what women will happily do for men they’re attracted to, for men they perceive as superior in status to themselves.

You realize schools exist to enrich themselves. They’re still necessary for many people, but you become much more wary of them.

You realize you are just a consumer. You realize marketing is a lie. You realize chicks don’t care about the kind of car you drive, and that you should have spent one-third as much money on the car you now slave at a job you don’t like so you can afford that car. Why are you working the job you don’t even like instead of flirting with women and having sex? Why are you working the job instead of reading a book? You’ve never really asked yourself those questions.

Bloggers, and in general all dabblers in digital communications, are often accused of insulting sacred things: presidents, religion, property rights, even the prerogatives of a democratic majority. They speak when there should be silence, and utter what should never be said. They trample on the sanctities, in the judgment of the great hierarchical institutions which for a century and a half have controlled, from the top down, authoritatively, the content of every public discussion.

This is an excellent reason to write a blog: so you can insult sacred things like feminism and the feminine imperative, while helping other guys improve their game. I would probably not be writing this right not if not for Krauser in particular. Many other guys have written on the game but no one, to my knowledge, has done so at his level of depth. His racism is despicable but his knowledge and ability to convey his knowledge is great.

Game is useful because it has immediate practical applicability. Guys can and should go test it for themselves. No reason to take my word for it, or Krauser’s words, or the words of anyone in the side bar. Go try for yourself.

A third pattern [around the loss of traditional authority] would be the rise of alternative centers of authority. This is a corollary of the loss of monopoly. … Each vital community formed by amateurs interested in an affair becomes a threat to the authority of the institutions.

The best authorities for sleeping with hot chicks are not found in universities or the conventional media. They’re found online. Krauser, Nash, Yohami (if he ever gets a stable web presence) and a bunch of others are better authorities than all of literature, than any professor, than anyone writing for The New York Times or The Guardian. Even parts of Reddit are better for learning to have better sex with hotter chicks than traditional authorities. Alternative “centers” are rising, or have risen. There are other examples of this as well, but seeing as how I’m writing about f**king hot chicks, that’s the one I’ll focus on.

This is a great book for players, wannabe players, and anyone who looks at conventional culture, with its superficial “monogamy,” and thinks, “This shit is busted.” If you are writing online, you are part of the revolution. By historical standards, the revolution has happened fast.

This book, Revolt of the Public, reminds me of something written by the great Nassim Taleb:

It may be a banality that we need others for many things, but we need them far more than we realize, particularly for dignity and respect. Indeed, we have very few historical records of people who have achieved anything extraordinary without such peer validation—but we have the freedom to choose our peers. If we look at the history of ideas, we see schools of thought occasionally forming, producing unusual work unpopular outside the school. You hear about the Stoics, the Academic Skeptics, the Cynics, the Pyrrhonian Skeptics, the Essenes, the Surrealists, the Dadaists, the anarchists, the hippies, the fundamentalists. A school allows someone with unusual ideas with the remote possibility of a payoff to find company and create a microcosm from others.

It is almost impossible for someone operating totally alone to achieve as much as a small group working together. Peter Thiel says as much as well in his book about startup companies and the power of groups, Zero to One. The game writers are like a school or a small startup company, producing books, disseminating ideas, testing those ideas in the field, reporting back on which ones work. Early feminists didn’t realize that, in unshackling sex from marriage and reproduction, they also created the conditions necessary for pickup artists. Now, modern feminists are miserable harpies, living in a world their mothers and grandmothers created, failing to realize that, when high-status men refuse to marry, the meaning of their own lives would disappear. If feminists realized this, they’d be unhappy about it. Feminists don’t understand that normal women crave families and family life, yet feminists have succeeded in creating the legal and social conditions necessary to DESTROY family life.

Men have learned not to invest financially in women. A man should invest in himself, in his skills, in his gym, in his food (vegetables, nuts), in his nice boots, and NOT pour money into women, which is a way of turning off most modern women.

A man today with a $400 used laptop, discipline, and an Internet connection can change the world.

You are an important part of the game network and that is why I encourage you to write about your pickup and game adventures. You may disagree with me and I may disagree at times with you, but you are part of an underground movement that is important.

I am going to re-read this book.

We’re discouraging marriage and families at every level

We’re discouraging marriage and families at every level, then we’re surprised when people stop doing both. That is the point of the new Dalrock post, along with the fact that some of these ideas are bleeding into the larger media ecosystem. I’m not a big fan of him and his relentless coverage of the relentless internecine battles among religious persons, but I subscribe to his blog and find this piece worth passing along.

Don’t just be a consumer: A cyclist is a disaster for the economy

A disaster for the economy, and a win for the individual. The less you spend, the less you have to earn, and the less you are taxed, and the more you can make friends, interact with people, have sex, etc., instead of slaving away to pay for your spending habits. Earn to live instead of living to earn.

Most chicks don’t actually care much about your earnings or earnings potential. They want a guy who is functional, who makes them laugh, who has a decent body, who has good sex.  Most chicks don’t really care about the stuff Hollywood and the advertising edifice wants you to think they care about.

Go ahead. Be a disaster for the economy. Then watch how everyone around you wants to pull you back into the same bucket they’re scrambling around in. Spend less, live more.

One of the smartest things a guy can do is make a lot of money and spend a little. Almost no one does this. Why not?

Profiling girls by age is not that useful

I’ve read a lot of posts and questions about profiling girls by age. I don’t think it’s very useful to profile girls by age, because girls vary too much by type. I read a lot of, “Women over 30 are no longer looking for just sex like younger women.” But I’m considerably over age 30 and this isn’t true at all: Women over age 30 who have partied a lot and are tired of partying, are looking for a provider guy to have kids with. They probably won’t be interested in casual sex offers.

But women over age 30 who have gotten out of a marriage or LTR… watch out. They are ready to fuck.

I think it varies some by life course so far. A lot of people (more than The Red Pill would have you believe) get sucked into long-term, monogamous or mostly monogamous relationships through a lot of their 20s. Many of those relationships dissolve in the late 20s or early 30s. For those people… men and women… the dissolution often leads to a casual sex explosion.

Meantime, a lot of people party through their 20s… have lots of casual sex… and in their 30s they’re tired of that ride. So they shift gears and want to have a family. This applies to both guys and chicks, too. There’s a reason a lot of 25-year-old guys get in the game, and a lot of 35 – 40-year-old guys have experienced enough to want to have a family, rather than chase around vapid flakey chicks for sex.

There’s also a meme going around that young chicks, 18 – 24, they’re just looking for tons of casual sex. There are chicks like this. There are also a lot of chicks who are more conservative and inexperienced than guys on the Internet would have you believe. Who find the prospect of sex kind of scary. Who find men in general scary (if also intriguing). Some young chicks can be conservative and gradually lose their sexually conservative temperament through experience. I have met and sometimes talked to these girls.

I have also been called every imaginable name by young chicks (“gross,” “disgusting,” “you’re old enough to be my dad,” etc.). Those young chicks… are not for me. I’ve also been told I’m everything amazing by young chicks (“no one has ever done that to me.” “I can’t move my leg.” “You’re making me fall in love with you”). The difference is in the chick, more than in me.

I don’t think profiling chicks by age is that useful… it’s more useful to look at life course. Chicks who are being subsidized by their parents or the state (student loans) are usually in “party mode” and don’t care much about a man’s resources, because they don’t have to. Chicks outside of that zone are more likely to care.

Despite this generalization, there is a lot of noise in the data. It’s definitely true that a lot of 28 – 40 year old chicks are looking for a provider guy. It’s also true that a lot of chicks in that age bracket are exiting long-term relationships and want to f**k some guys to get it out of their systems, or just for the pleasure of it. It’s also true that some chicks love sexual variety throughout their life spans. Some chicks are prudes throughout their life spans.

I can’t tell you how many divorced women I’ve met at sex clubs. Some are even attractive.

For a guy, focus less on age and more on who a girl really is. Focus on improving your own value. Focus on accepting that most chicks will say no most of the time. Don’t be too worried about generalizing about chicks based on age.

Environment will matter too. If a chick is living in the Midwest, and all her friends are getting married and having kids, she will want to do the same. If you put the same chick in NYC, and all her friends are having casual sex, she will want to do the same. If she is in front of her whole family, she will be reticent. If she is on vacation, she might be down for casual sex. Much more than men, chicks are products of their environment. This is part of the reason players learn to be non-judgmental. Chicks learn to be shamed for their sexuality throughout their entire lives. When chicks find a guy who doesn’t do that to them, they often get very very excited.

“Sex Clubs, Non-Monogamy, and Game:” The free ebook

The free ebook Sex Clubs, Non-Monogamy, and Game is done and it is available for download as:

* A .mobi file for Kindle readers.
* A .epub file for other readers.
* A PDF, for anyone who wants to print a copy or read in some other manner.

paper version is here, on Amazon: I suspect most of you will read on Kindles, iPads, etc., but an easy paperback option is now available. I have also put up an Amazon ebook download, although I haven’t been able to get Amazon to give me a $0.00 price on the ebook version; Amazon will only offer $0.99, so that may have to remain.

The cover is pretty crappy and I made it in five minutes. If you’re a graphic person and want to make a better one, shoot it over and I’ll replace the cover in future editions. Magnum and others have suggested that I pay a couple hundred bucks to get an online freelancer to do a better cover, and they are probably right, but I’m just not willing to go that far for a free book that I’ve already spent way too much time on.

Please get in touch if you have ideas or responses. I view this book as a potential work in progress. I don’t think I’ve covered every aspect of the field, but I haven’t read any books that are as detailed and thorough as this one. The copy I’m releasing today, on 3 January 2019, can be seen as a refined beta release; if I get good feedback, I will put out another version in response to that feedback.

The book is being released under a Creative Commons 4.0 Attribution license. That means anyone can redistribute the book or edit it, provided that your version attributes the original to “The Red Quest.” I have gone back and forth about whether I should make this book free or paid. A free book is more easily available, but most people value a thing at its price: “free” things are usually worth what’s paid for them. I hope Sex Clubs, Non-Monogamy, and Game is the exception to that principle.

There are other free books discussing the floating around, with The Book of Pook being the best-known. I just read it. I hope Sex Clubs, Non-Monogamy, and Game will be passed from player to player, without restriction, and that guys learn to be guys and learn how to live their possible lives. Please email copies of the book to whoever you think may want to read it.

The book is dedicated to Nash and to everyone who has ever taught me about the game. The first version of the book was about 31,000 words, and this version is about 42,000 words, the majority of those words in response to initial reader feedback.

What kind of guy is willing to appear in these articles?

Commenter Jake says,

I read the first link (as much of it as I could stomach) and I can only concur with Nash’s comment to the second link that poly in the US must be a “shitshow”. If consensual non-monogamy wants to become widespread, it needs to distance itself from these new-age-nooky nutjobs. Indigo wants to change the world by making others refer to her as “them” (but using the personal pronoun when talking about themself!), and screwing a few lame-ass soyboys who couldn’t even construct an IKEA bookshelf, let alone a coherent society. SMH

Nash is mostly right. But: cool, masculine guys doing poly, don’t want to come out to the world as doing poly: they don’t want to humiliate themselves, humiliate the women they’re with, or disrupt their jobs and lives. Cool, masculine guys doing poly do it under the radar, in private conversations. They (we?) don’t want to be activists and don’t want to be associated by the kind of losers who appear in qz.com articles.

Most people want to associate with cooler and higher-status people, and no one willing to speak up for being poly is either. That’s because open and poly are too disruptive to the normal social order, so the only people who speak up and identify as “advocates” are freaks, outliers, etc. Being publicly non-monogamous under your real name is a good way to lose a lot of real-world jobs, paying real-world rent.

There aren’t good, public spokespeople for this, and maybe there never will be. Cool women don’t want to be publicly non-monogamous because, if they do, they kill their ability to get one guy to commit to them, even as a primary partner. Coming out as publicly open is just saying, “Hit it and quit it” (obviously there are some individual exceptions). Cool guys don’t want to perceived as a “cuck.” There is not much benefit to being super public and many costs, so guys with nothing to lose get quoted in the media. They’re people with nothing to lose. Kooks and weirdos. Anyone remotely mainstream, stays away.

Some of my friends know a little about what I do. Some from the mainstream world know a little bit, revealed in dribs and drabs, with some concealing ambiguity and uncertainty remaining. Most importantly, some of them see the fruits… if you’re a guy and you’re seen with a lot of cute or even hot chicks… your friends are going to be a lot more curious and interested in the non-mainstream parts of your life. The proof attracts interest (like guys who have hot girlfriends get asked how to attract women, and guys who don’t, don’t). That’s where something like “Ms. Slav at Thanksgiving” comes into play. Many of my friends and family have seen some evidence of the “not mainstream” parts of my life. They are curious about it because guys like me “shouldn’t” be getting some of the chicks I have. So they ask questions… I drop a thing here or there… and let them put it together.

You know how no normal chick has an Excel spreadsheet of every guy she’s dated? Few normal chicks will admit to the number of guys they’ve f**ked, all at once? Chicks are the master of trickle truth, while guys have an engineering mindset and want to explain everything. It can be useful to not explain everything all at once. It’s like the “rules for talking about RP concepts.” Guys shouldn’t use the jargon and, first and foremost, they themselves should be seen as cool and socially desirable (“The real knowledge comes not from what you say but how you live. Your life is the best example”). If you cannot do that first, no one wants to hear from you. No one wants to hear about wealth management and creation from some guy living paycheck-to-paycheck, on the verge of being fired from his job. They want to hear about it from Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger.

Do first, speak later.

The best players I think I’ve ever met, in real life, haven’t identified as players. They don’t brag about their conquests (they don’t need to… they’re secure… others might brand them players, but they don’t need to do it themselves). They’re a little bit “Under the radar.” Women love being seduced… preferably by a guy they think is “naturally” seducing them. I know the concept of being a “natural” is ridiculous to anyone who is not one, but that’s chick logic for you. The best players have some ambiguity about them, and women fill that ambiguous space with dreams of being the woman whose magic clam makes the player change his ways and commit to her.

Almost no hot chicks will want to be with a publicly “poly” guy. Their friends will make fun of them. But a lot more chicks than you’d think will go for this sort of thing if it’s pitched to them properly. Most guys lack underlying value and the ability to calibrate their pitch. A guy who gets women will understand the female need for covert sexual behavior, and that kind of guy gets the need not to be publicly poly (and thus besmirch his partner(s) when he’s announcing his poly shit).

Plus, a guy who comes out as poly is saying to every other guy, “Take a shot at my girl.” He’s saying, “My girl might be down to bend over for you. Why don’t you find out if she’s available?” As I have said many times, the bulk of the non-monogamy community is about guys, in particular, trading value for value. Women do some of that, but in a different way. When a guy announces he is poly, he is leaving a pile of sandwiches on the table, or a stack of cash… whoever happens by is going to try and grab that value. Smart guys (mostly) don’t want to offer value without getting it in return. But when you identify as poly in an ultra-public way, you are doing just that.

A publicly poly guy is almost all drawback and almost no gain. I don’t want to be publicly known as a player, although many of my friends may infer that about me. I don’t want to be publicly known as poly, although many of my friends may infer that about me, too. But there is a big important gap between “inference” and “public knowledge.”

Think about chicks on vacation. When they’re away from most friends and family, they’ll do things they won’t do at home, because those things are less likely to to affect their reputations. Similar thing here. Most guys with something to lose, don’t want to “come out” as poly.

Interesting Wednesday night. Happy New Year!

So, Wednesday night after Christmas some friends are having a party. About 20 people are there. It’s the day after Christmas, so most people have no or minimal work. I go alone; Peaches, Ms. Slav, Home Friend, and other recent guests in my life are home seeing their families. Most of the guests there have seen me with Ms. Slav. The people there either haven’t gone home to see their families or are tired of their families and frisky for something else; I think I’m going to socialize for a while and check out early,

There is a girl there who I’ve seen around before. She’s most interested in rope bondage. We’ll call her Cassie. She is pretty, a high 6 / low 7, but I like her vibe. Also the pervy twinkle in her eye. Some chicks just exude the sense that they’re up for it, they’ll be good at it, and they’ll make it a fun time. She has that vibe. There are also not a lot of unoccupied girls there, and she’s one. She has an interesting job.

In the forthcoming non-monogamy book I talk a little bit about girls who like bondage or similar activities more than actual sex. Usually that’s more typical of girls, but in this case, this guy in the scene is not very interested in f**king and loves ropes. This guy is very curious, as his drives are different than mine. He’s very sedate and seems to like tying chicks up much more than he likes f**king them. Don’t ask me why, people have their own things going on. He doesn’t f**k them at all, from what I can see. He brings his whole rope setup to parties, though. Because of his personality and interests, he is very popular at parties… I have seen him tie up like eight or ten chicks in a given night. Why so few, over so many hours? The guy is efficient but takes his time, making incredibly intricate patterns. Chicks who like rope even a little bit LOVE him, and, as I said, he is not doing this as a prelude to f**king the chick, like I would be. So chicks don’t have to make a f**k/no f**k decision about him when they ask to be tied up. It’s a “no f**k” decision, and that means more chicks will do it. He gets off on the tying up, I guess? I don’t totally get it.

I’m spending some time describing him because he’s unusual and because the typical guy online will be like, “lol beta cuck wut.” That is not exactly him, although maybe elements of those slurs can apply to him. As far as I can see, Rope Guy is living the life he wants to live… though it is not the life I would want to live. To me, that’s the fundamental aspect of the Red Pill: understanding how the world works, so that you can live the life you want. Most guys are not living the lives they want. If a guy deeply wants to be a provider-type dude with a fat, nagging wife, or he wants to be celibate… I think that’s fine. Not for me, but whatever. The Red Pill exists because most guys have no idea what’s going on and aren’t leading the lives they should. It gives men options, once they can see clearly.

That’s an aside. Point is, this night, this girl is there, and she’s gotten into the scene through Rope Guy. Rope Guy and I get along well, and he’s tied up a bunch of chicks I’ve brought to parties. I encourage them to get tied up by him. It’s a kind of division of labor. He ties them up, I f**k them later. It seems we both get what we want. I get what I want, I know that. This night, Wednesday after Christmas, Cassie and I have flirted a little bit on and off. She has a more-interesting-than-usual job and life story. More interesting, though less lucrative, than me. I don’t ask the typical questions of her, and I think she likes that.

While we’re talking, the guy who I describe in this story and this one is also there. He turns out to be a bitch, so I’m going to call him The Bitch. The Bitch and I had some rapport before the Ms. Slav thing, but he now hates me. At the party, early on, I nod at him and say hi, and he says nothing back and looks away.

A little bit more background on him: I can’t tell if he’s dumb or not, but he comes across as stupid. He sounds stupid: I mean that his voice literally sounds like a stoned, stupid surfer dude. That probably doesn’t matter a lot of the time for him and chicks, but with this one it turns out it does matter… or she just doesn’t like his vibe.

He comes over to start hitting on Cassie and more or less ignores me. I don’t think she’s as into him as she is into me, though, as he is pretty clumsy and playing the typical boring 20 questions game, work, family, yada yada yada. So I roll off and say that I’m going to get a drink and beckon Cassie, so that she’s very close to me, and I whisper in her ear, “When you get bored, come find me.” She giggles. She gets it. Prolonged eye contact as I leave. There is a strong feeling between us, and The Bitch is outside it.

I know “experts” on the Internet think that a guy’s looks are all-important and that all chicks are eager to f**k only the physically hottest guy they can find. That has not always been my experience, however. Just as most chicks have a “looks” threshold, many also have an “intelligence” threshold. Not intelligence as in book-smarts IQ, but they want a guy they can talk to, who has accomplished something in his life, who stimulates their minds, etc. That stimulation can be through humor or through deep thought or any number of other things. When students fall for their male teachers and professors, this is often happening: the chick is attracted to intelligence, as well as social position. On average, of course, basic chicks will chase the hottest guys, but some chicks go for someone else.

So Cassie has some intelligence threshold, and I believe The Bitch doesn’t pass it. I have written that my daygame is not that good, largely I think because I have not needed to make it that good. The Bitch may be kind of stupid because he hasn’t needed to get smart to achieve his goals. But he will sometimes lose out, because he is stupid or psychologically weak.

When another guy tries to swoop in with a girl like Cassie, I usually prefer rolling off or laughing, rather than trying to lock horns with him. This has likely lost me some chicks but gained me more than I’ve lost, I believe. Sometimes, in other circumstances, I will say to the guy something like, “Nice to meet you,” and then hold my hand out to the girl and tell her something like, “Follow me” or “Let’s go.” If she won’t go… then she is not my girl for the night and I have already lost her. Many guys delude themselves into thinking a chick is “theirs” when she is not. I often want to find out quickly if the chick is mine, or if she is just passing through. If she is not mine, and not likely to become mine, I want to cut off the attention early.

I see a lot of online advice about how to handle these kinds of situations. Some of the advice is good, but sometimes the girl doesn’t like you that much, or she likes the other guy better, or she just likes attention. There is no 100% shot for this kind of situation. In general, I don’t want to feed attention to the girl unless she is doing what I want to reward. When another guy is overtly hitting on her… I don’t want to feed her more attention.

I have not seen THAT many situations where I’m competing hard for a chick with another dude. I just don’t seem to get in as many of them as some players say they do. So with Cassie, I’m in a somewhat unusual position for me.

But a couple minutes later she finds me. I said something to her like, “That looked tedious. Sorry you had to go through with it.” She falls right into frame. Soon, Rope Guy is setting up, and I encourage her to get tied up. I hang back and watch. Some other girls come over to watch too. Rope Guy’s skills advertise themselves. There are a few other cute chicks there, but they have boyfriends/dates/partners, and I don’t want to interrupt their couple dynamics. As a single guy at a sex party, it is smart to hang back and let them come to me, if they are going to, and no guys there “owe” me a bang, if you will. Even if they did… I would likely not have collected, or sought to collect.

Rope Guy is in the tying and admiring and untying process with Cassie for like 45 minutes. He has another chick lined up immediately after her. I can see The Bitch eyeing her, but she is a bit dazed and I say hi, she says, “That was amazing,” and I ask if I can kiss her. She says yes, and it’s very straightforward from there. I pick her up and deposit her on one of the mattresses and she comes the first time after like 90 seconds of oral sex. By the time I’m ready for her I’m very much into it. I honestly don’t last as long as I would like, as this girl is insanely turned on, and her being turned on turns me on. It’s surprisingly good. When we are done, we wait half an hour and go again. We exchange numbers at the end of the evening.

Funny thing is that The Bitch does up f**king a fat chick, a chick who is like -3 points compared to him, maybe worse. The disparity between them is astounding to me. I would not f**k this girl under ANY normal circumstances. I guess he is desperate? It seems out of character, as I have in fact seen him with hot chicks. My other guess is that he has no game whatsoever, and as a result is dependent on online or being in this ecosystem. He takes from the ecosystem, but I don’t think he does enough to replenish it. Because of that taking and his inability to replenish, I think he has a desperate quality, a desperate edge, that probably further degrades his game.

I don’t want to knock him too much, as he has f**ked very hot chicks. But he also is not getting past his own psychology. He has a youthful vibe but is now I think in his mid-30s. The youthful glow is still there but going… and what will it be replaced with? For guys, the older you are, the more substantive you have to be, and I don’t think he’s making himself substantive. He might lack the intellect to become substantive. Maybe he has done too many drugs. I do think he is too reliant on chicks already in the scene.

Another word on Rope Guy. The guys who are rope experts, use it to get laid, and I admire it. The rope is foreplay for the chick. In the past I’ve made the mistake of hurrying too fast for the sex, and the rope forces the guy to slow down. For Rope Guy, the rope is the thing, so he has no incentive to hurry. Arguably, the opposite. But while chicks love rope, most of them don’t want to spend two hours or more being tied up. With most experiences, there is an “entry” point, a building sensation, a “high” peak, and then an eventual letdown. Sex is that way. If sex goes on too long for the chick or the dude, it doesn’t have quite the effect it should, as it is best to end at or near the high point. Same thing with rope.

Some rope guys also have very good Instagrams. I’m on the record disliking social media, but I get why guys who do it well, do it. Rope Guy has a good one that helps him with chicks who DM him. I have done some photography for him.

There was another party last night, on New Year’s Eve, and many of the same people were there, but Cassie had work obligations. A shame. I am supposed to see her later today. In some ways, she just “fell” into my lap. In other ways, I was able to apply all that I have learned about the scene and the game into this one moment. On NYE, the party was less good from a girl perspective, but I liked being there.

I have expressed a lot of ambivalence about what I’ve been doing and how I want my life to be shaped. This story, however, like the Home Friend story, illustrates why I am reluctant to make a big change in life, in life direction. I f**ked a pretty girl in her 20s, had an incredible sexual experience with her, and had to do very little immediate work to get there. I have put in far more effort for far less reward many, many times.

I’m in this network, I’m even a central node in this network, and it is a very good place to be. I’ve done a ton of work to get here. Wednesday night is an example of that work bearing fruit. I have had many less-good nights in this world, by the way, so I don’t want to pretend that I’m some f**k stud laying out new hotties four nights a week. I’m not. But when the scene is good, it is very good. It’s also more fun than most vanilla parties. At vanilla parties, people stand around getting drunk and making stupid remarks. I don’t like getting drunk, and I’d rather skip some of the preliminaries and admit that everyone at the party is curious about what everyone else looks like, naked. Let’s get there and see what’s up. It’s more honest. People aren’t cloaking their intentions. I like that.

The Tom Torero lay report book, “Below the Belt”

If you’re interested in Torero and have never read his books, start with Daygame, or his textbook (I can’t find the name of it now). Below the Belt is a series of lay reports and it’s fine: it does what it promises for guys who jones for more lay reports. At least a few of these have appeared in other forms, including some in Daygame. It’s strange for me to read them, as I’ve read some of Nick Krauser’s books, and I know enough about the background between Krauser and Torero to find Krauser’s absense notable. There seems to be some narcissism of small differences between them… they are similar in so many ways… yet some obscure-seeming beef separates them. Like Nabakov and Edmund Wilson having a falling out. I find whitewashing the past like that to be odd, regardless of what precipitated the split. I would rather learn about the tensions between them. There is a deep literature on creative partnerships:

In his book “Collaborative Circles: Friendship Dynamics and Creative Work,” from 2001, the sociologist Michael P. Farrell made a study of close creative groups—the French Impressionists, Sigmund Freud and his contemporaries. “Most of the fragile insights that laid the foundation of a new vision emerged not when the whole group was together, and not when members worked alone, but when they collaborated and responded to one another in pairs,” he wrote. It took Monet and Renoir, working side by side in the summer of 1869, to develop the style that became Impressionism; during the six-year collaboration that gave rise to Cubism, Pablo Picasso and Georges Braque would often sign only the backs of their canvases, to obscure which of them had completed each painting. (“A canvas was not finished until both of us felt it was,” Picasso later recalled.) In “Powers of Two: Finding the Essence of Innovation in Creative Pairs,” the writer Joshua Wolf Shenk quotes from a 1971 interview in which John Lennon explained that either he or Paul McCartney would “write the good bit, the part that was easy, like ‘I read the news today’ or whatever it was.” One of them would get stuck until the other arrived—then, Lennon said, “I would sing half, and he would be inspired to write the next bit and vice versa.” Everyone falls into creative ruts, but two people rarely do so at the same time.

It would seem that Torero has had several of these partnerships, with Antony (who is mentioned) and Krauser (who is not). If you want the negative take, Nash has you covered. I don’t have a strong view on the issue. I’m also in a different world, as my entire life doesn’t revolve around seduction or writing books and other products teaching it.

The Torero lay reports are valuable, and I don’t have a lot ot add to their value. Game reports reinforce how flakey and random girls are. A girl can be DTF one night, then ghost the next. Most guys don’t appreciate the randomness of girls, and more guys should.

Overall these stories seem like they match my own experiences, and that is nice. If we’re all having somewhat similar outcomes, then the system mostly works, probably mostly for the reasons worked out by guys who know evolutionary biology and create game systems that incorporate the results from it.

I like this:

In this book I’ve also made a conscious decision to document the darker sides of the player lifestyle, from rejections and dry spells to runaway egos and fuck ups. If you want to be a member of the Secret Society and get lots of casual sex without the romance then there’s a price to be paid, even if it’s not initially obvious.

Some guys writing about the game are either very young (in which case their life is all about the game and banging new chicks, as it should be) or underestimate the dark sides. I think there are still darker sides than we get here. The ego protection mechanism is still at work.

I vehemently disagree with this:

A long-term PUA has to be selfish, by default. He doesn’t settle down in one place or with one girl. He goes for what he wants and perfects how to get it. Learning the pickup skill set is exactly that: improving your frame, standing up for what you want, not being the Nice Guy doormat. The same techniques that work with gaming girls (breaking rapport, qualifying, leading, dominance) spill over into all your interactions. It’s not only girls that start calling you an asshole and a jerk.

A long-term PUA does NOT have to be selfish. Good PUAs create “win-win” situations. Chicks want to be seduced and wish more guys would learn how to seduce them well. A guy who seduces a chick is not being selfish. Especially if he does not hide that he’s a casual sex guy. A guy who sets the relationship frame appropriately is creating value in the world. A guy who pretends he might marry a girl and then jilts her… he is being a selfish asshole. I think chicks can sense that I have a generative spirit, despite my non-monogamous ways, and I think that helps me out. “Generative spirit” does not mean I’m a “nice guy” (I’m not), but I also try to make the world a better place. I genuinely think game does make the world better, because it teaches guys the skills chicks already wish guys had. I’ve been told that it’s nice to be asked out in public, by a guy, in person. Even chicks who say “no” or “I have a boyfriend” have said that. There is a problem with masculinity in the United States and maybe the world in general. Game is part of the solution (a topic for another post, maybe, although it will be a rambling, philosophical one).

“A long-term PUA has to be selfish, by default” tells us about the writer, not about the world. It is true that chicks will project eventual monogamy and domesticity onto the player. I have had that happen (although some of my interests in group sex retard the chick’s projections).

“The loud, cocky confidence which attracts girls is abrasive when you’re dealing with it 24/7.” Yes. I have met these guys.

She said that I was the third guy she’d ever had sex with (the first two were long term relationships) and the first guy who’d not bought her expensive shit. She also said she liked the direct way I stopped her on the street and that she knew I wanted to fuck from the start. Good feedback for a player, I’d felt my frame improving since daygaming Russians.

The thing about gifts is very similar to what Ms. Slav told me. That said, if you are trying to keep a girl around for the medium term, gifts can help a guy pass comfort tests. There are no comfort tests mentioned in this book, or if there were I missed them. A girl only loves gifts if she’s earned them. If she hasn’t earned them, a gift is a demonstration of lower value. Guys mistakenly see chicks go ape shit for gifts in movies and TV shows but forget that movies and TV shows are fiction, often catering to women who love the idea of an already high value guy giving them gifts.

If you ask a chick, “Do you like gifts from guys?” they say, “YES,” because they are imagining it coming from a hot, high-value guy. In which case a gift is very good. From a low-value guy, it can be okay but kind of icky.

After the lay we reclined on the bed and I asked her my typical post-sex questions (you’ve got a short window after the notch to get a girl to spit some truth from her hindbrain before her forebrain guards take over again).

I’ve also seen this. Right after sex is the best time to talk to chicks.

A weakness of writing books of just lay reports (like my first book in particular) is that once you work out how to have casual sex, the infield reports start to sound robotic as you get less and less learning points and levelling up in each one. The puzzle’s been solved, the hustle has become consistent, so why keep writing? Is sex just sex at the end of the day?

I have been thinking about more stories from my past, but many of them are not that interesting. Particularly the girls I’ve met online.

Some chicks are also attracted to players:

Finally she found out about my double life and my Tom Torero brand (I’m not sure how, but who cares). After a little bit of coldness she was increasingly turned on by the idea of me fucking lots of other girls for my job.

In a later story, Torero talks about dating a woman for a year and breaking up with her because she wanted a deeper relationship and perhaps a family. I would’ve liked to hear more about this. That may fit my own pattern of a larger number of short and medium term relationships, as opposed to a large number of one-night stands and ultra-causal encounters. If I like a chick, I try to keep her on rotation (non-monogamy can help with that). A guy who loves the one-night stand ought to do the one-night stands, and some girls want ultra-casual sex or decide they don’t like the guy after he takes her for a ride.

In my experience, it’s also rare for the first-time sex to be the best sex, so there is that aspect for me. Usually it takes three to five sessions to hit the peaks. Many guys who Yohami would call “bottom guys” think of consensual non-monogamy as a beta move that allows the girl to get strange dick while the guy sits at home playing video games. For guys with options, and guys who like a chick to stick around, the big problem can be retaining her in the medium term.

Should you read it? I dunno. If you want more lay reports, then sure. If you’ve already read a bunch of them, as I have, then I don’t know if it’s that useful. They do get repetitive, and that sense of repetition may be part of what’s making me thinking about the next part of my life. I have a kind of sense of having seen it, done it, it’s not as satisfying as it was, what’s next?