After reading the comments to fashion and clothes for players, I thought about the two black guys I’ve known who did well with white chicks. Both of them did the basic stuff right, like lifting, but they also dressed “up” at least one level compared to anyone else in a given situation. If everyone else wore jeans and t-shirts, they’d be in dress pants and a collared shirt. They wore suits much more often than I would recommend for the typical guy.
Why? Since neither was (or is) stupid, they understood that they needed to play against and overcome stereotype. That meant dressing better than the average guy, speaking better than the average guy, and being friendlier/warmer/more smiley than the average white guy. Their (probably subconscious) goal was to communicate to chicks, “I am friendly and am not going to hurt you. I have my life together.” Their goal was to avoid the immediate reaction (which, sorry black guys reading this, is often justified in everyday experience).
My goal is usually to NOT appear like a boring office drone. Given my life and personality, I need to increase my implied “edge” and not seem to boring. Both the guys I’m thinking of, needed to convey other ideas to functional, middle-class chicks and higher. Contrary to what you may see in porn or elsewhere in anxious men’s writing, most functional chicks are NOT attracted to low-class and ghetto behaviors / personas. The exceptions tend to make for spectacular stories, but they are exceptions.
It’s possible that lower-class/ghetto behaviors are effective with equivalent girls, but I don’t know a lot about the bottom-level world of true social and economic dysfunction. My sense is that most chicks in it are fat/ugly by their early 20s if not sooner. When I did conventional online dating I would run into occasional girls from that world, and even had sex with a few, but we never really got along correctly because the cultural/intelligence chasm between us was too wide. Plus, as I said, I think most chicks in that culture have terrible diet and exercise habits, so even if they start off as attractive teenagers, the decline is swift. Perhaps other guys can chime in with experiences.
There might also be a world of super rich people hooking up mostly with each other, or where the guys have so much money that the gap between “paying for it directly” and “implicitly paying indirectly” is very small. In this world, maybe it makes sense to wear $5,000 in fancy clothes that other ultra-rich people can recognize. But if this world exists, it’s very small and immaterial to me, as well as to virtually all guys who aren’t already in it.
2 thoughts on “Addendum to the fashion post: figure out your weaknesses”
Agree with this. I think fashion is about a couple of things:
1. it shows social awareness and acumen. Women sub-communicate a lot through fashion and doing this well as a man shows you “get it”
2. differentiation like you said. Displaying contrasts. So for a white male mid 40’s like myself, showing that I’m not a boring beta drone, but also offsetting my imposing physique. A mix of comfort and danger
3. good fit like you said in the previous post – to show you have a decent physique (no gut, broad shoulders, narrow waist).
ultimately though fashion should be a like the paint job on a ferrari. Meaning you as the man have to have the underlying physique and body language, and fashion is the top level coating on that strong base.
It’s also not too hard to get right. If a guy is starting from a typical stupid-guy wardrobe that looks like a box of crayons (Nash’s term), it might be somewhat expensive, depending on where he lives. But once he gets it right, he doesn’t have to think too much about it.
Many of my posts are pointing to this idea that guys who get chicks are usually not doing one Magic Thing right… they are doing a bunch of things right that work together cohesively. Fix a lot of little things and you get to the big effect.
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