“The Problem With Feminine Women”

The Problem With Feminine Women” matches my experiences (sorry for the bullshit sales popup on that blog… seems annoyingly common these days). If you’re a guy who wants feminine women, you have to be a masculine guy. Pretty much what you read here. The more experience you have with women, the more you understand this.

Hell, you don’t even need much experience with women. Just go about your everyday life and notice who is paired up. Usually the feminine women have masculine guys (and vice-versa), while the androgynous match up. Most people are within five or six years of each other’s ages. Etc. Some things, of course, cannot be changed… you cannot change your age. But some things can… it is possible to date hotter-younger chicks. That is what you’re learning from game. But many guys, maybe most guys, if you’re going to get the hottest chicks, you have to be the best dude… you start off working for the chicks, then you end up working on yourself.

Your life is a reflection of who you are

There is a guy on Reddit, I am not going to link to him, who wrote a post saying that, “Finding out women are brain dead, making me depressed.” And he says, “To me it seems that 99.9% of women are like semi-blind goldfish. It’s like they have absolutely ZERO control or recognition of their emotions, they just react without thought.” The first reply says, “Dude you’re not wrong, but you’re not going to be fun and enjoy the moment with a cynical mindset. Most women do have the attention span and memory of a goldfish though.” Actually, that dude IS wrong. He’s probably low value, though. He’s also hanging out with the wrong women.

Women have a somewhat different value system, on average, than dudes, more based on emotion and feelings. This guy is as blind to that as most chicks are to the male value system of achievement. It’s likely that high-value, intelligent women do not like this guy, do not find him attractive, and outright avoid him. It’s also possible that he’s in a bad environment, like a rural area or a bad school, and he is surrounded by people who are not the intellectual cream.

If you think most women are brain dead there are two real possibilities (I’ll discount the environmental possibility for now, because most people get into the environment they earn/deserve): 1. You are someone like Stephen Wolfram and working on Mathematica and you are a genius, in which case most people seem kind of dim (I have met geniuses), or 2. You are stupid and blind yourself. The vast majority of people who think they are geniuses are wrong and fall into category 2. Even geniuses often lack sufficient theory of mind to understand what chicks want.

If you think chicks are dumb, the problem is probably you, because your value is low and you don’t even know it, or the chicks you hang out with. The same guy who wrote the thing I am referencing also uses a ton of run-on sentences and likely doesn’t even know it. It’s very rare that someone thinks everyone around them is dumb and is correct. And even if you are correct, that’s a sign you need to make serious life changes. It’s amazing how many guys, who aren’t getting laid much and don’t have high value, think women are dumb / mean / cruel / all whores / etc., vs. how many guys who are getting laid and have high value often don’t think that.

Social cooperation vs. competition

This is another of the posts that guys in their 20s can pretty much ignore, as it’s not terribly applicable to them, but as I read “The Real Roots of Midlife Crisis: What a growing body of research reveals about the biology of human happiness—and how to navigate the (temporary) slump in middle age” I see some aspects that apply to me, even if I wish I did not. Like, “Midlife is, for many people, a time of recalibration, when they begin to evaluate their lives less in terms of social competition and more in terms of social connectedness.” I would not say that I have abandoned competition, which I still feel, but I feel less of it, and I realize that a lot of the competition I perceived when I was younger was just imagined. In any given situation I was often competing more than anything else against myself. And it’s often better to change the game than to keep competing in it. This is most obviously true for guys with one-itis. Instead of chasing after that one Magical Special Girl, go find another one… and make Magical Special Girl compete with the other girl. If she doesn’t, she was never yours.

Do you not get the promotion you wanted at work? Get another job.

Etc.

There is something to the idea that “age is just a number.” We have all met older people with incredible optimism and grace, while we have all met 20-year olds with the soul of 55-year-old accountants. But while there is something to that idea, biology imposes its own costs. You do not see 40-year olds suddenly breaking into the NBA. If you are 40, you will not get the kind of mentorship and even tolerance at work that raw 23-year olds might get. Injury rates go up over time. Such observations fueled “The deep psychology that keeps men in the game.” While guys don’t crash into the wall like most women do in their 30s, there is a wall and we do eventually hit it. Eventually, even with extreme diet discipline and gym discipline, a guy’s ability to get younger-hotter-tight (YHT) is going to decline. This is NOT an argument that you should think to yourself, “I am 35, it must be time to SETTLE DOWN.” But if you have been in the game for five years, ten years… you may find yourself thinking such thoughts. There are some real trade-offs, like the ones from “Two possible paths forward: Hedonistic partying vs children.”

One fact about the modern world, too, is that you can never surrender… your girl or wife (if you’re crazy enough to marry) could leave you at any time. Constant vigilance and preparation is the way of the modern world. You might not like it, but it’s true. It’s also true of women, by the way.

From the article, this also makes sense, “My dissatisfaction was whiny and irrational, as I well knew, so I kept it to myself.” Many of my dissatisfactions are whiny and irrational. They persist anyway. Overall I am well placed. Yet I feel that I could be doing a little better. A lot better, in some ways. I find myself thinking about chucking my career and doing something different, more technical… realistically I am not going to do it, but the dissatisfactions are there.

Also, I have been saying for a while that the death of elderly relatives is a common point for people to re-evaluate their lives, “As I moved into my early 50s, I hit some real setbacks. Both of my parents died, one of them after suffering a terrible illness while I watched helplessly.” For people in their teens and 20s it is easy to feel immortal. But the immortal feeling often wanes over time.

I also notice a common pattern: people with large, functioning families work much better with age and aging. People who are alone, isolated, or with dysfunctional families work worse, especially in the face of injury. I don’t have empirical support for this observation but it is what I observe. One of the tragedies of the contemporary world is isolation. At any given moment isolation feels like the easy road, but over the long term it may be better to take the hard one.

I just wrote a tweet, “When you figure out the game and get your fundamentals in order, most of the rest is execution. That’s why most pickup, game, and Red Pill guys quit or fade away… the execution is the harder part.” I don’t think I’m a game master, but I have been doing enough things right for a long enough time that I have fundamentals in order. My main contribution to the community has been in writing about non-monogamy and sex clubs as they can apply to the game. If I have an “innovation,” that is it, but I don’t think it will become wildly popular, as non-monogamy is a sub-culture and game/pickup is a sub-culture… so I am target the tiny overlap between the two. Not a big market. Fortunately I did not write the book to reach a big market (that market doesn’t exist) but to explain what I have learned for the small number of people who wish to learn or think.

The rest of my game is mostly application of ideas better articulated elsewhere. That is why the sidebar links are important. I still like hooking up w/ hot chicks, don’t get me wrong, and I am not likely to turn into a TradCon. I do feel less competition than I used to, and more cooperation, so that is nice. In some ways, not giving a shit has its advantages w/ chicks, as they can sense that and it intrigues them. I wasn’t good at this, which players call “abundance mentality,” when I was younger. When I was younger I also thought it was important to be “right.” Now I realize that the overwhelming majority of people don’t care about truth or being right… they just want to be emotionally validated and have their team win. With a lot of things it’s like, “Uh huh, right, okay, great,” and then we move on to building connection or doing business or just to something that matters.

I have spent too much of a Saturday writing this post, but reading the piece sparked it in me, and I want to get it out while it’s fresh.

“The DIY Divorce: How I got divorced without hiring a lawyer”

The DIY Divorce: How I got divorced without hiring a lawyer” is yet another “Don’t get married” article. Why would men sign up for such a terrible deal in the first place?

This woman also makes the mistakes of trying to make it in a media glamor industry (same problem as “The Intern Who Doesn’t Have Time for Real Dates”) and trying to live in one of the most expensive cities in the country and world. A chick who is actually family-oriented will move to Nashville, Dallas, Denver, or a similarly family-friendly city.

The only thing the guy in the story does sort-of right is marry someone who makes more money than him. The sad thing is that modern marriage incentivizes both persons in a couple to make LESS money, as then the other party will be forced to pay them money.

Tell your girl to use a vibrator during sex, and other bedroom tips and sex skills for guys

I was chatting on Twitter and RedCoco said

I remember reading in one of your blogs teaching a Seeking girl how to use a vibrator at the same time as fucking her from behind [I believe the story is in the book—RQ]. I purchased one some time ago = game changer. Thanks. I’ve passed the idea on to a player friend of mine to test as he is good at seduction but his sex skills seem lacking.

Chicks of course don’t think to ask to use a vibrator during sex, or they’re worried that they’ll be perceived as “weird,” or whatever other chick-psych problems exist. As usual, expecting chicks to take the lead is ridiculous, so you as a man should be able to take the lead. In the defense of chicks, some guys also have fragile egos and limited knowledge of anatomy, the combination of which can lead to sub-par sex. My goal is limited ego involvement leading to awesome sex. “Limit your ego in pursuit of the goal” is a worthwhile endeavor in all aspects of life. Most of us don’t manage to limit our egos, and I don’t understand the psychological mechanisms behind that failure mode.

A lot of players share seduction techniques but fewer talk about sex. That is probably because sex techniques are already well-known. The book The Sex God Method is one place. She Comes First is another. I think a lot of players don’t talk much about sex techniques because that information is readily out there… many books have been written about the mechanics and build-up to sex, so it’s less necessary. But I will write most about mental state, which is trying to be relaxed and experimental. I’m doing things with her and sometimes to her, eliciting her responses, and adjusting those responses. Chicks can vary quite a bit in what they like.

Some chicks can achieve orgasm from internal stimulation alone (one of my favorite lovers, who I’ve not written about, was/is like this), typically of the g-spot, but most need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasms. That means a guy’s tongue or fingers or a toy needs to be on her clit. If she doesn’t have that, she likely won’t come and the experience won’t be as good for her. Some chicks also won’t relax sufficiently to come the first time she f**ks a new partner, so if a chick doesn’t come during initial sex encounters, but she’s having a good time overall, don’t sweat it. I try to conceptualize sex as being about making the space, time, and physical sensations necessary for her to come, but without putting pressure on her to do so, since psychological pressure on a chick usually kills her erotic experience.

Most chicks have had sex experiences with guys who don’t pay attention properly to her. Girls will give feedback, usually vocally and sometimes by shivering, undulating, etc., and the man’s job is to pay attention to her feedback and get a connection going with her. Different girls are wired differently, so it’s important to recognize that what makes one wild may not make another one wild. For example a lot of guys ape jackhammering techniques learned from pornography, which most girls in real life don’t like (or if they do like the jackhammer, it’s only after a lot of foreplay, leadup, and gentle initial penetration).

It’s often a good idea to go down on the chick for a while first. This will help her open up, get wet, etc. Some chicks will come from this. If you’re already f**king her, holding her down, maybe lightly choking her, etc., you probably don’t have the coordination or angle to effectively stimulate her clit at the same time (I don’t, usually).

One of my favorite positions has the chick on the bed, lying down, with me standing up, thrusting inside her. That way I get a good look at her body, while she feels me thrusting “upward” against her g-spot. At the same time, I grab the chick’s right hand and direct it to her clit. That way, she can rub while I am f**king her. Often I experiment a little by putting her legs over my shoulders, which tightens her further and lets me access deeper parts of her pussy. I’ll also stand her up and bend her over the bend (or couch or chair or whatever) and, with my hand, guide one of her hands to her clit while telling her to stablize herself with her other hand. This is a position in which she’s unlikely to fall over.

If I start with her on her back, I also have good control over angle of entry. I’m not always a fan of starting with doggystyle because some chicks are too tight before they’ve had fingers and/or my cock inside for me to start with doggystyle. Ms. Slav is like that.

In terms of introducing toys, I just buy some vibrators and have them sitting around, ready to be busted out at the appropriate time. Same thing with butt plugs. Usually not during the initial encounter. If you introduce your chick to a butt plug, she will likely think you are a sex god. Chicks vary, of course, and not all will like butt plugs or for that matter anal. I myself am not an anal guy. Each butt plug is linked to the girl: I don’t re-use them at all, ever, and just tell her to keep it on her, or tell her to bring it over so I can f**k her with it inside her.

A lot of guys have ego invested in this stuff… “UHHhhhhhnnnn… if I’m a REAL MAN she will COME ALL OVER my PENIS because I AM A SEX GOD, raAWRR.” This is (mostly) fronting. Chicks’s clitorises are mostly internal and have different arrangements. So some chicks will come hard from having something up their bums. Others will come from their g-spots. Some will come from the external part of the clitoris alone. Many will experience some combination.

One technique is to do something lightly and then ask her how that makes her feel. For example, smack her ass fairly lightly while she’s nude or only wearing underwear. If she moans, arches her back, or otherwise seems turned on, just keep going. If you’re not sure, take a fistful of her hair and then whisper, “How does that make you feel?” If she genuinely doesn’t like it, she should tell you. Most chicks like being spanked but contrary to what you read online not all of them do. It’s also possible and useful to get feedback without having to constantly stop to check in with her. A couple check-ins here and there are fine. You’re a man and should study her carefully to read her cues. Most chicks will convey whether something turns them on or not, and most chicks don’t want a guy who is asking them every two minutes if this feels good or that feels good. Most normal chicks want a guy who just “gets it,” contrary to what you read in feminist propaganda.

It’s a good idea to start slowly, and, like I said, most chicks like to be led. Most chicks also aren’t 100% sure what turns them on. Most guys don’t do enough foreplay. When I was younger/stupider I somewhat thought the purpose of sex was to get inside her as soon as possible in case she changes her mind, or something stupid like that… now I realize the purpose is to connect, to have a great time, to let her warm up and be totally turned on. Most chicks take longer to turn on than guys. Realistically, most guys are content to stick it to whichever girl is open once he’s hard. I used to think that my main job was to move the ball over the goal line, and that once it was “over the line” I was pretty good to go. Experience taught me that is a stupid way to frame the experience. Nash wrote, “I think most men need some experience before they can relax enough to be sensual (to even know what that is), and to bring women into a sensual vibe.” A wise comment. Being aroused but relaxed at the same time is a skill.

It’s important to try and relax and go with the flow as much as possible… this is often hard for me, especially the first time I’m fucking a chick. I want to be in that aroused yet relaxed state. Not always easy to be in this headspace. Slowing down the experience can help enter it. I try not to put performance pressure on myself and to think that we’re entering this experience together. Again, I’m not always the best at this, but I consciously think about it and cultivate it. I have written that the best parts of relationships are often two weeks in until about two years. That’s the new relationship energy (NRE) period where the sexual performance is hottest and expectations are typically pretty low.

A lot of chicks are not comfortable with their sexuality because we live in a sex-negative society. Strangely, a lot of RP content, about guys “winning” sex and women “losing it” or having to “give it up” reinforces these notions… and likely makes it harder for the guy to get laid. Sex-negative chicks who are trying to denigrate rivals and monopolize high-status men, that makes sense. Sex-negative guys who are trying to sleep around… makes less sense.

There is no final, right algorithm for every girl… girls are different, they differ from each other, and if you become too algorithmic or repetitive when f**king her she will get bored. Changing up positions, places, toys, etc. every so often will help. I’ve had variety built into a lot of my sex life through non-monogamy and sex clubs, so interspersing variety along with familiarity has not been a great challenge for me. This is also a book-length topic, so a couple thousand words in a post wil not cover everything. The big thing that gets amazing responses in my life is just using sex toys with a chick. Doggystyle while she applies a toy to her clit is amazing. Seemingly very few chicks have experienced this, and I don’t think any chick I have done this with has not loved it. They get the best parts of doggystyle with the best parts of having her clit stimulated. I don’t know why this practice is not more widespread, outside of ego.

If you have read all of this then you should read the sequel about psychology, practices, etc.

“Women, more than men, tend to feel stultified by long-term exclusivity”

The Atlantic is now warning men to not get married: “The Bored Sex: Women, more than men, tend to feel stultified by long-term exclusivity—despite having been taught that they were designed for it.” This should be a familiar point to any regular reader here, where you have been warned many times to not get married. When a woman is bored, she’ll divorce you and take half your money, or she’ll cheat, then divorce, then take half your money.

And guys sign up for this why…?

For players, the corollary is, yes, it is worth hitting on that married / LTR chick. She might say yes.

Two possible paths forward: Hedonistic partying vs children

I realized something else about Ms. Slav: I’m tempted by her because I think that, together, we could do a lot to build up the non-monogamous community and tell a lot of people about non-monogamy; that sounds grandiose, but hear me out. Like I wrote in this other post, you have to be cool / have status first. IMO I have reasonable status and Ms. Slav combines being young and hot with unusual intelligence and a total love of non-monogamy, sex clubs, group sex, etc. So much so that I was a little bit confused when I first brought her into the scene… most chicks need a fair amount of coaxing, coaching, help, etc. Ms. Slav just ran straight in, blew right past me, and is deep in.

Already, some of the non-monogamous dating we’ve done has been unexpectedly intense. Ms. Slav is a true bisexual, it seems, and likes to dominate women… a very powerful combination, since most women are submissive and reactive, so, when two bisexual women get together, they often fizzle because neither one will start things up… chicks are used to guys leading. Many bi chicks like couple-to-couple dating because the guys will guide the chicks into the hookup, which the chicks can’t manage on their own. One theme game guys learn is that a lot of chicks have trouble doing things without guidance/motivation/external stimuli… that may be why chicks do well in school and then don’t make it to the very top of workplaces, since top jobs demand autonomy and internal motivation, not just “do task a, then task b.”

Peter Thiel says that groups can get things done that individuals cannot. He is writing about companies, but that is true of other kinds of organizations, groups, and ideas too. We’re experiencing a feminist hellscape because lots of small groups of feminists got together in the 60s and 70s to figure out how they can extract more value from men, and they largely succeeded (their narrative is somewhat different than the one I have just presented, although the results are the same). I think I can do something similar with Ms. Slav… because she is hot, smart, and uninhibited, we could do a LOT of community-building in a way that I have not seen in other chicks.

Most people are only interested in their immediate needs and surroundings. Most guys who start to read the pickup literature, never do anything with it… the ones who begin practicing, most don’t write about it… the ones who write, most give up quickly… the ones who don’t, most don’t write books that might transcend their blogs… the number of guys who go beyond all that, is quite small. And usually they find themselves embedded in a group of some kind. One possible mistake I have made is not writing online sooner, although this might not have been a mistake, as I was focused on work and other matters and correctly anticipated that writing online could be a huge time sink with zero financial payoff. That anticipation has been totally correct. Importantly, though, Ms. Slav and I could built a large non-monogamy scene together, especially using couple-to-couple dating as an intake mode. Religious lunatics know that nothing beats person-to-person pitches… so do salesmen… real change happens one person at a time, ideally face-to-face (one weakness of guys writing on the Internet is that neither sees or knows each other… often one or both are full of s**t). I am tempted by doing that kind of messianic zeal with Ms. Slav, and I think she would go for it… she has the attributes for it, particularly if she’s led properly. She’s also young, though, and younger girls have weaker identities and are more prone to sudden shifts.

I’m tempted by her not just for the usual reasons (hot, lots of sex with other hot girls), but because she could be a powerful catalyst for showing other people the way. I have helped to host parties before… the two of us together could be a powerful locus for parties. I’m better organized than she is, not surprisingly, but she also LOVES non-monogamy like no other chick I’ve met, even Libido Girl. Or I should say, “Like no other hot chick I’ve met.” There are some desperate fat chicks who are eager to flaunt their sex positivity. Most chicks will not make crude propositions and come-ons to me, at least before first sex… but low chicks, like 5s and below, sometimes will. It is their only potential source of value, so they use it. Not interesting to me, but enough guys must be willing to take the zero-effort lay for it to work. And fat chicks, older chicks, chicks who aren’t very sexy… like attracts like, which I’ve been talking about too, so they typically can’t host good parties. You have to have a core nucleus of sexy chicks and cool guys to make a party work. Take away the sexy chicks, and the whole thing falls apart.

One sexy chick who can attract and retain other sexy chicks, and you have a potential core/nucleus for a larger group. I have seen this thing sort of start before… but the chicks I’ve been with have never had the right combination of personality, IQ, and desire. The typical chick still fundamentally wants a firm, one-on-one relationship with a cool guy, while the other things are secondary to that primary relationship. Very few chicks think bigger than themselves and their immediate surroundings. That’s true of some guys, too, but I’m not dating guys so I don’t give a f**k about that in these circumstances.

So yeah. I think that’s why I’m stuck on this point. I have a pretty clear question, or set of questions to answer… one way is to ease off the non-monogamy, group-sex thing, and work toward a kid. The other way is to join w/ Ms. Slav and go ALL. THE. WAY. To make the scene really happen. To leverage Feeld and other tools to meet a lot of people and to build a larger community.

If I had met Ms. Slav five years ago I think I would be doing this, or would have done this. Today, though, I feel my desire is not the same, and I am not as interested in building this kind of thing, compared to five years ago. I also recognize that my own desires seem to be shifting.

The trade-off is that doing this with Ms. Slav is not very compatible w/ having a kid. If you are going to comment and tell me how it is compatible w/ kids… please just stop, unless maybe you have had kids of your own… what people believe in theory is so far from what happens in practice, that I don’t want to hear it. Sorry.

Practically every guy on the Internet has some chick who is “not like” the other chicks… Ms. Slav is really not like other chicks. She somewhat knows, I know it.

Low-cut top girl asks if I am a “fuckboy”

Got a text the day after our last session from Low-cut top girl saying, “Hey, I have to ask you this are you a fuckboy?” For context, I had sent her my typical “Good seeing you yesterday” text, and she replied saying she had a great time, then a couple hours later she sent that text. I laughed out loud when I read it and decided to ignore it for about 24 hours, in keeping with typical texting practice that focuses on logistics and retaining my own ability to concentrate.

I replied to her “I don’t know what that means.” In the same text, I invited her over, offering dates and times (covering logistics). She resisted at first saying that it’s important for her to know, and I said I’m not a big texting person and that we can talk in person. She agreed. In person I can gently probe what she means. I pretty much know… and that’s okay. I think I’m going to talk more about being sex positive and invite her to a club. I have lost chicks at points like this… while the seduction community is full of good responses to accusations of being a player, in reality girls who are mentally healthy and want a significant, one-on-one relationship are not going to hang around very long with a guy who isn’t going to give it to her.

You can increase the probability of retaining her with a good response, and I have a bunch, but you cannot guarantee it. I may be too indifferent with this one… I have a lot going on at the moment, more than I really want/need, so that makes it easy to be blasé, which is another word for “abundance mentality.” It’s also interesting that girls like the term “fuckboy” more than “player” now. I think.

This kind of conversation has gone both ways for me. I can tell Low-cut top girl is extremely interested because of how much she texts me, and she seems bothered that I don’t reply immediately most of the time. Attention is the only tool men have and I gave her a copy of Deep Work. She seemed to think that being given a book is weird. She seems to be continually thrown off balance by me. She also seems super basic, and to have had her one big relationship with a super basic guy. I still wish she were just a little bit hotter. She seems like a bad candidate for anything long term, as she is one of these girls who fancies herself as very intelligent when she is in fact not, and she seems to have had limited exposure to really intelligent people. It’s okay to not be that bright and understand that… it is bad to think you’re up there and not be. Being basic / average and owning that is fine… being basic / average and pretending you’re not, can be kind of annoying. I don’t say anything about that directly to her, as there’s no need, but I can feel it, and I think she can feel it. She has not read enough to know anything and hasn’t had nearly as much life experience as she thinks, so she is guided by her feelings and by random, anecdotal evidence, and mistakes that for wisdom. Not a super common set of characteristics, but I have seen it before.

The younger the girl, in my experience, the more desperately she wants rapid text replies, and the stranger she finds my texting habits. That’s okay with me, as I want to set frame appropriately and not be beholden to a flighty chick’s random notions and urges.

This post sounds more negative than it should. Low-cut top girl is mostly pleasant to be around and she obeys me sexually. I find her more entertaining than not, but I also know that girls who are entertaining because of their ignorance can become annoying for the same reason later. I feel like most of her challenges I have already seen from other girls, almost like she is just a Markov chain automated text generator spitting out typical female nonsense. Overall I am enjoying the sex with her, so I should probably shut up and enjoy the ride.

How do you avoid the Markov chain text generator feel? Learn a lot and try your best to think for yourself. Most chicks, unfortunately, do neither. Ms. Slav, does both pretty well, and that is part of the reason she is more interesting to be around than most chicks. Most guys don’t do this very well either… they select conversation topics from the fields SPORTS, WORK, or VIDEO GAMES. Or FAMILY, if they have one. Then they are surprised when chicks find them boring, or when other guys find them boring.

Overall, Low-cut top girl’s question at this stage is likely a form of comfort test, a subject that doesn’t get much play online because I think most guys never reach this stage.

How I started learning the game and seduction

If there is one thing I have learned about chicks, it’s that most guys lack masculinity and chicks are hungry for masculine guys. So much of “the game” is about how to be a masculine guy. That’s 90% of the game, the rest being logistics, approaching, etc. Chicks yearn to express their essential femininity, but they need a guy w/ masculine polarity to achieve that, and most guys can’t or won’t do that any more.

There are two main ways I can write my early story… one way is to make a “Journey of the mythic hero” story following Joseph Campbell’s schema, which is compelling to readers but, in my case, less honest than the real answer, which is that I’ve learned game/seduction by muddling through, learning bits and pieces of things here and there, and not having real confrontations with demons or the underworld… my story has also been pretty bereft of benevolent helpers (think of the Obi-wan/Yoda role in Star Wars, or Gandalf/Strider in The Lord of the Rings), probably to my detriment. When I was younger, I of course had lots of talks with guys (and some girls) about how to get chicks, date, have sex, etc., but those talks were typical haphazard ignorant bluster, with more myth than reality guiding us. Even the termination my longest-term relationship was not a very low point, because I had become mentally, logistically, financially, and psychologically ready for it before it happened… I think it was a much lower point for my ex than for me. I also try to keep my material needs restrained, which is a useful way of buying freedom. Every time you spend money, you are also buying your way a bit closer to bankruptcy… I internalized that notion early on, and it has rewarded me. When other guys are spending stupid money to impress chicks… I’m trying NOT to do that.

My origin story doesn’t start with consciously learning seduction and the game, because when I “started” in high school and college The Game didn’t exist and guys like me tried our best more or less on our own, or listening to our friends’s bad seduction advice. I had to try and understand chicks by looking at their (inconsistent) actions and by listening to their (self-justifying, inaccurate) talk. Naturally, I noticed that what chicks said and what they did differed (one example), but I also had bad game with hot chicks and inadvertently good game with so-so chicks. With hot chicks, I’d put myself in the friend zone, orbit for weeks or months at a time, be scared to make a move, be scared to make her mad, agree with everything she said. This worked about as well as you’d imagine.

With so-so girls, though, I’d run hot-cold, be indifferent, be a cocky asshole, etc., and in this way I had more sex and sexual experiences than the average high school guy, although still not a lot (like 6 – 7 total). Big exception to this was one very hot girl toward the end of my senior year of high school who I did my usual orbiting thing with, but she was ready to make sexual debut before college (get some experience under her belt) and, in hindsight, I believe she selected me because I was a pretty safe, pretty okay choice to get some sexual experience with. That was a good read on her part, and we “dated” until we left for separate schools. Often, a guy’s first hot chick relaxes him psychologically, because he realizes that hot chicks are still humans and that, realistically, ten seconds before he blasts in her, how much better is she than a somewhat less hot chick who is still acceptably pretty? Right. Many guys spouting opinions online have only spent significant time with zero or one chick, and it shows. Spend a lot of time with a wide array of chicks and you won’t dislike chicks, who have their own problems, problems a lot of inexperienced guys don’t understand or appreciate.

Hot chicks have insecurities, weaknesses, dreams, desires, etc., just like everyone else, and when you’ve been f**king one for a while, her beauty, while still powerful, is not so overwhelmingly intoxicating. Guys also realize if they can get one hot chick, they can get another. Hot chicks also know, usually subconsciously, that when they date a guy, they are communicating to all other hot chicks, “this one is good.” F**king one hot chick will often lead to f**king the next one.

Today, I’m actually not sure I’m “good” at game… certainly wasn’t in high school. But by the time I was in early college, I knew I needed to make a stronger effort to be more social, and I’ve kind of been doing that ever since, though it’s a fight against some of my natural introvert tendencies. Like any logical guy, I realized that I am not going to get laid by hanging out in my room reading. Beyond that, it’s just been reading, observing, and trying to apply what I read and observe. Starting with The Game, around the time it came out. And The Red Queen. I also paid attention to the world around me… often, the hotter the guy, the better he did, and that kept me into intense physical activity. I read many of the pickup and seduction blogs that appeared after THE GAME… lurking only… I thought about writing one myself but worried, correctly, that it would suck up too much time and affect my work and work habits.

I’m getting out of order. Jumping back in time, before THE GAME, when I started college, I managed to get with a fairly attractive chick pretty quickly, and that introduced me to the idea of network effects, although I didn’t know the term. Today, some of my game is still about networks and network effects… this is why sex clubs and non-monogamy work for me: I can bring in new chicks, which most guys can’t, which gives me status/reputation, so that I can bang more of the high-libido chicks who have already been filtered. In school, the guy who gets the reputation for getting chicks, tends to get more chicks. The more you try, the better you get. Chicks can tell a guy who is good with women from a guy who isn’t. Competence is attractive to chicks, and in some ways I’ve been working on competence my whole life. Competence alone isn’t enough, as nerdy engineer and programmer guys know… it needs to be competence, but also social competence, and chicks today value social competence more than they value being a top engineer.

“Focus on competence” underlies You only see the tip of the spear. And it underlies how it often takes ten years to succeed overnight. The game is not that hard for most guys, but I bring this up because guys who succeed young are usually a) good looking, b) athletic (or musical, or some other talent/skill), c) naturally outgoing, or d) don’t take rejection hard, so they persisted in the face of rejection. When younger, I would spend weeks or sometimes months moping because some hot chick rejected me… I was too dumb to know that I should really thank a chick who firmly rejects me, because I can move on to other chicks. I also thought that if I just showed a chick how much I like and care for her, she would like me back (in fact, the opposite is almost always true). So I had some pathologies and some strengths. The pathologies were sufficient to help me understand many of the problems guys have, and The Red Quest helps address those pathologies.

I was sensitive to rejection when I was younger… I had to get over that. Most guys are rejected by most chicks most of the time. I won’t say I am now absolutely totally immune from the sting of rejection… but I recognize it as part of the process, like the good pain from lifting heavy objects. I also figured out that chicks, particularly young hot chicks, like hot guys, so that kept me involved with various forms of athletics, which are both personally satisfying on a visceral, physical level, and satisfying because the results help attract and retain chicks. It seems like most guys in the game, writing about the game, are cerebral bookworms who don’t get the physical, tangible world. Or those guys aren’t even bookworms and are instead damaged, ignorant men with neither good bodies nor good minds. Chicks are physical, tangible creatures, and they like hot guys both for aesthetics and because they know how guys are better in bed, have good stamina, can throw the chick around, etc. There is the book by Geoffrey Miller, What Women Want, that chicks want a “tender defender:” a guy who is strong and competent, maybe potentially scary to other guys, but who is tender to the individual chick and who uses his strength to gratify her sexually without hurting her physically. Being into sports helps a guy develop into that physically, while also growing him psychologically by putting him into adverse conditions and making him perform.

Over time in college I got a system together for getting with chicks, involving chitchat, social circle questions, and inviting them over for a beer and a movie. Pretty simple, but I racked up a decent number of chicks/lays that way from my late sophomore year on, as I figured out that rejection is okay. I was also working in chick-friendly jobs, so that was a good source of chicks and caused me to write, “Don’t be too eager to get a corporate job and wear a suit [Career][lifestyle].” Most conventional jobs yield very little access to hot chicks and are filled with guys and fat/old women, so, when you’re young, and if you can afford it, you’re not going to be bad off taking jobs in bars/restaurants, tutoring centers, pools, etc. that are likely to yield easy access to lots of hot chicks. Like all college students and 20-something guys I didn’t appreciate that my peers and everyday life brought me into natural contact with tons of young hot chicks, something that stops happening after age 30, when access to young hot chicks has to happen online or with a lot more engineering.

I took a hiatus from game for a long stretch in my 20s, but even during that hiatus I didn’t stop doing sports, I didn’t stop reading, and I was actively working to build my career. Over time I was working to just understand the female mind and understanding how to appeal to chicks. In school I was taught that men and women are the same. To seduction guys, to Red Pill guys reading this now… I’m sure you’re laughing. But I think the same things are taught today. A lot of guys get confused when they find chicks aren’t attracted to the exact same things guys are attracted to, and that chicks have evolved to have somewhat different preferences.

I’ve also had to learn to tame some nerd tendencies, because chicks really do just want to have fun, and if you can be the fun guy, chicks will want to f**k you. I would love to discuss philosophy, books, public policy, theory of the firm, things like that, with chicks, but 98% of chicks don’t want that… chicks just want stories about your life, about her life, interpersonal gossip, personality discussion, flirting. 90% of celebrity gossip is consumed by chicks… look at chick websites and magazines… they’re all about looking cute, gossip, getting a man, etc. So I’ve learned to re-frame my conversational topics… chicks will do some idea talk, but only after a lot of sex and after they’re well into my frame. Brain topics are good once a chick has already decided she likes you sexually. They don’t substitute for visceral attraction. Ideally, I have a couple stories from within the last month or two that will appeal to a chick’s sensibility. About a party, a drama between friends, those kinds of things. What kinds of things I’ve learned. I have “just learned” about massage in a bunch of different months… it’s a handy thing to have “just learned about.” There are others.

Chicks are so heavily into “feelings” and “interpersonal relationships.” Even intelligent/intellectual chicks want to be made to feel feminine by a high-status guy. The number of chicks who are really into abstract/cerebral topics is very small. Smart chicks will want to go there, but after a guy has shown himself to be fun and masculine.

Most chicks LOVE sex but are also kind of afraid of it and guys. It is hard to underestimate the underlying psychological fear inside most chicks’s heads. I try to alleviate it… most chicks are amazed by that effort, because I don’t think most guys “get” how fearful chicks are. Chicks get slut-shamed by society, they are justifiably worried about sexual assault, they are worried about what their friends will think… most chicks love a guy who is sex positive, who doesn’t shame them, who can alleviate their own anxieties. Today that means a guy who can be present and who isn’t on his smartphone 24/7 and who thinks social media is for girls and that what happens online doesn’t matter. I try to get chicks to focus on the here and now and to be as honest with me as they can about what they want sexually. Chicks seem confusing to guys because chicks are also confusing to themselves. Weird, right?

Chicks want to come… they want good sex… they want guys… they just have a biologically wired urge to try and make guys prove themselves, and to put barriers up to sex. I focus on the “chicks want good sex” thing and de-emphasizes the barriers and the nature of female psychosis. Guys who seem to have trouble with chicks reverse those two things… they focus on barriers and competitions, rather than the innate drive to sex.

So I guess “practice” and “trial and error” is a lot of where my “game” came from. And building underlying value, where possible. I’m still building it, in the body and mind. Probably will keep doing it, until I die.

To be me, part of the game is just extending a lot of leads and seeing who’s into it. Being a little bit flirty in a deniable way. Like I said, chicks really do want to be with hot guys who aren’t going to sexually shame the chick… that seems to be pretty rare. I had some problems with internalized feelings of sexual shame around female sexuality when I was younger, but those are absent now.

I have also learned to try and work with my own personality, not against it… that means making my nerdy personality more flirty. Or, and I have used this example before, I’m not musically inclined, so I don’t use playing an instrument and going to concerts/music events in the game, even though those kinds of things seem to work really well for some other guys. I do try to tap into a chick’s dream-state and to get her out of her everyday, logical and stressed-out state.

Along the way I picked up The Game (the book)… I discovered some online writers, many of whom are in the sidebar right now… that gave me a lot more theory, which fed into my practice, and helped me with some sticking points and taught me about ideas like “shit tests” and that sort of thing. I also got more into the idea that it is possible to meet chicks randomly, in a “cold” environment. I built up some “warm” environments for meeting chicks, which helped, but I got a bit better at just chatting up chicks at coffee shops, places like that.

Today, I actually do quite a bit of somewhat “indirect” openers, like with Bike Girl, and am not a big “direct” opener most of the time. This girl was a more direct opener, because of the environment.

Today, I’m also trying to practice the things that I know lead to high value and good outcomes. It seems I am also in a better environment than many guys. Being in a rural or suburban area is poison to game. Being in an urban area with one and ideally two decent bars within walking distance is amazing. Today, some urban areas have hot chicks in them, and universities do, and that’s it. Most chicks don’t take care of themselves and they default to getting fat early. Hot chicks over age 30 are just too rare. The older the guy, the more he has to think about his pipeline for chicks age 20 – 30, who are in prime territory, as he is not likely to default into them. The average chick is also fat and thus invisible to me.

Most guys just don’t go all the way. They can’t or won’t. So they don’t succeed. I am weird because I have gone further and farther than most guys bother. I think I am fairly actualized, as a person… now I am thinking about how to help the next generation become actualized.

I actually think I like the sex-club world because there’s a kind of algorithmic approach to it… you find another couple you like, you chat with them, excuse yourself to get more drinks, and later on you can ask if they want company, then proceed from there.

I write many long posts on many subjects because it’s not possible to answer completely and honestly in shorter spaces. So many guys seem to be giving and taking game advice from Twitter, which has its place, but it’s way too hard to reach the necessary depth in a small number of characters.

I’m not convinced I’m really up there in daygame terms with the advanced guys; I have just figured some stuff out and set up some systems that work for me. The various things I do (online, cold approach, some ecosystem, non-monogamy) work together and complement each other well. I didn’t exactly set out to these things, but they began coming together as I tried out various routes and realized that no single route works best for me. Guys like Krauser and Tom Torero, who seem to only do cold approach… I admire them, but I also lack their tenacity, in some ways. Doing hundreds of truly cold approaches… it seems super time consuming, and I don’t see that many attractive chicks wandering around on a given day. I’m not a great daygamer and would rate my skills as advanced beginner / low intermediate. I just don’t have the practice. I do have expert-level skills in one or two areas (outside of game and women), so I know what expertise feels like. I also know I don’t have that expertise in daygame. I still stumble over words, can’t quite decide what to say/do next, don’t speak fluently, etc. Not all the time; with this chick I was on, granted that she also made it easy and was out to meet guys.

And I’ve definitely hit some pitfalls, especially around 1. One-itis, 2. Expecting chicks to be logical instead of random, and 3. Thinking in my mid-20s that I should somehow find a “good” girl and get settled w/ her. I’ve definitely missed some common pitfalls organically / through luck, most notably marriage, getting fat/complacent, thinking women are angels, and probably one or two others. Even my one-itis problems were less extreme than some guys’s one-itis. Some guys make themselves a random hot chicks bitch for years and years… I didn’t do that, though I have some embarrassing stories from my teens.

People also tend to get out what they put in. People who put in extreme effort, tend to get out extreme results. Those who don’t, don’t. Many hot young chicks don’t put in extreme effort and suffer for their lack of effort as they move through life. Hot chicks who ghost, act bitchy, etc…. that’s an external manifestation of their internal problems. Yes, I would still like to f**k those chicks, but they are the ones who suffer. Trick is to allocate attention correctly.

Like most normal men, I admire guys with deep skills I lack, and that is why I link to many daygamers in the sidebar. The main domain where I have skills/experience most guys seem not to have, or to have developed, is in leveraging the non-monogamy scene in game, so my aim has been to discuss more of that and less of the things I lack expertise in. If I didn’t have some other things going for me, I would probably do a lot more daygame because I would have to.

There is no “moment of clarity” for me. For a lot of guys, that happens because of divorce, because of their one-itis getting banged by some hot guy, because they look in the mirror one day and see a fatass who has been playing video games for the last three years solid, because their “one and only” girlfriend leaves them. I’ve missed most of the very deep bottoms. I like the game because I am curious about how the world works, and because it has taught me things I likely wouldn’t have learned on my own. A couple thousand guys have found this site via search engines, and in that batch I hope there are a couple who have learned how to improve their own lives. We exist on this planet for a very short time, too short to suffer so many bad relationships. But, by historical standards, the world is changing very quickly. From 1900 to 2019 the world has changed in almost unbelievable ways. The things our parents or grandparents did, may not be the right things for us to do.

Most of the “bad” things women do to or with men… are only possible because guys enable them. If a guy withdraws attention and stays away from a woman who is not going where he wants, a lot of the “problems” one reads about will go away. Women thrive on attention.

If I write a book about how to be a man and achieve greater dating success, this post will probably be the introduction. It might be my only other major Red Pill work.

Chicks find it hard to get someone attractive yet interesting

Was seeing an occasional lover last night, who’s lost her primary partner, and she said that it’s hard to find guys who are who they say they are (via online dating) and that she meets a lot of guys who are either way too forward or way too timid. Apparently I am “just right.”

She is also bisexual and has been interested in dating women, but she says that women are terrible at making plans and showing up. It took a lot of effort me to not say, “Now you know why women don’t make it up the corporate ladder.” I did commiserate and say that she knows how guys feel, which she agreed with. Dating girls sucks even for girls.

Satisfying sex, except for her strict condom rules. I drank a bit more than I should have at the bar. I originally met her at a party, something like 1.5 or 2 years ago, when my date was this chick. I like my occasional lover… she is in the community because she seemingly does not want a real relationship, but based on her comments last night I’m not sure that’s true anymore. She also has a key advantage in that she’s very reliable: if she says no, she means no, and if she says yes, she shows up where and when she promises. That’s a big reason why we’re still seeing each other. We’ve also had some good threesomes and small orgies together. So many girls seem unable to maintain relationships because they’re flakey.

We may go to a party together tomorrow night, but I’m not as excited about parties as I used to be. Low-cut top girl also wants to get f**ked tomorrow, despite me telling her honestly why I couldn’t see her last weekend and her not liking the reason but being okay with it. I really wish Low-cut top girl were like half a point hotter than she is… she is ALMOST hot enough for me to be excited about, but not quite. If she were just a little more slender or just a little perkier in key areas, I’d be excited about her. I’m going to try and get her to go to the gym with me. Rarely works, but you never know, and in doing so I think I’m conveying to chicks something important about me and who I am.

Kind of tired this weekend. Not much personal game news to report. Ms. Slav still being flakey. Peaches stepped up. I have about as full a plate as I want… maybe more full. Sexual chemistry w/ Peaches and my occasional lover remains strong. Still like f**king Ms. Slav and yet I feel like there’s this thin but noticeable invisible barrier between us, one that if I haven’t breached it yet, I’m just not going to breach it. Tonight I’m looking forward to turning off the Internet and other noise machines to read some books.