Planning your life, ten years out

One way to assess your life now is to try and think about where you might want to be in ten years, then take daily steps towards wherever that place is. Chances are, you should want some aspect of your life to be different in ten years, but what aspect that is will vary by the guy. I’m thinking about this because I’m pretty sure that, in ten years, I won’t want to be doing what I’m doing now. But what should I be doing instead? That’s the key question. For a long time, chasing chicks has basically been my sport and hobby, and a lot of my life has been oriented around that activity. Things that support that goal I pursued, and things that detracted from that goal I mostly avoided. I’m okay with where I am right now, but I don’t think I want to be in the same place ten years from now… which means I need to think about what changes I should make.

This applies to guys in a lot of situations regarding women, sex, etc.:

  • If you’re 20, in ten years you’ll probably still want to be in the game.
  • If you’re 30, ten years out you might still want to be in, but you might not.
  • At 40… maybe so, but I start to wonder about that.

I observe that, the older people get, the more their families take priority and the less they care about a lot of other stuff, possibly including getting laid by the widest array of new chicks. This is an “on average” observation, so maybe you are different. In addition, I think many people go through life epicycles of 5 – 10 years. So someone who does monogamy or, much worse, a marriage from age 25 – 40 may get out of it and want desperately to f**k around for a couple years. A lot of people need to have sufficient variety in their life to make it intersting, but not so much variety as to destabilize it.

I have been dealing with some injuries, and I have been of course been observing the people around me. The older people I know who have families are almost always more satisfied than the ones without. I think we need the right, productive kind of struggle to live satisfied lives. For a long time, the right, productive kind of struggle for me has been in the game, with all of its attendant challenges. The important question is what should happen next. Some advice generalizes well to guys in all states of life (lift, stretch, maintain physical well-being, read books), but other advice is more age- and context-specific.

Some guys want to chase chicks till the moment they can’t anymore. If that’s you, that’s fine… one time I thought it would be me… now I’m not so convinced.

Author: The Red Quest

How can we live and be in society?

9 thoughts on “Planning your life, ten years out”

  1. “In addition, I think many people go through life epicycles of 5 – 10 years.”

    This. Enjoy your current epicycle and don’t worry too much about the next one. The transition comes naturally.

    I’m 53 and coming out of a self-imposed monk mode that surprisingly lasted about 5-years. I occasionally got laid, but I mostly avoided ladies to focus on my kids and career. Now I’m going back out and setting-up open relationships similar to what Black Dragon, Magnum, and you discuss. So, this epicycle is about enjoying my first empty-nest years and relishing the lack of family responsibility that I have. Not having to worry about kids, after 20 years of being focused on them, is a lot of extra freedom.

    My next epicycle won’t really happen until I retire and/or I become a grandparent. I certainly think about it, but there are so many variables that I don’t over-think it. I mean, it would be nice to have a place in the Keys and a boat in Croatia. However, I have no idea what my kids will be doing, where they’ll be, or whether I’ll have grandkids. So like I said, I’m enjoying the current epicycle and not worrying too much about the next one.

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  2. Having the foresight to craft your present life to accommodate your future desires seems obvious, but it’s good to be explicit about making active modifications, and that’s why I enjoyed this post (and a couple other ones in the same vein that you’ve posted recently). It made me reflect on my own life, and it’s also interesting to see you honestly reflecting on your own psychology.

    I’ve noticed the same trend of older folks tending to find more fulfillment through family than any other aspect of life. I think this is probably because building a family is the easiest way for normal people to live meaningful lives without top-tier competence in a specific field (ie. it’s pretty easy to accomplish, and provides outsized emotional returns). Ironically, the more competent a man is, the better equipped he is to search for and appreciate meaning in his life, and perhaps the more he stands to gain from family.

    Much of online game content seems to agree that settling down is too “easy,” and I feel like this is why there is a lack of conversation around the later stages of a player’s life. Here’s hoping that you can create some novel content in this space about how to balance male freedom and sexuality with the seemingly universal desire to create a family — and maybe achieving and maintaining that balance is a struggle in and of itself.

    Looking forward to the next post in this “series.”

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    1. >>Much of online game content seems to agree that settling down is too “easy,” and I feel like this is why there is a lack of conversation around the later stages of a player’s life.

      I think most guys who are basically content (no one is content 24/7) just aren’t online talking about game or to other men. They’re doing their thing.

      Who’s online? Guys actively doing game; guys dissatisfied with their lives, relationships, or lack of relationships; guys going through divorces or having gone through divorces. It seems like most guys who do the player —-> family transition, they drop out.

      Even with the game… if you have mostly mastered it, then it’s just application.

      So guys who get good, or who get what they want, abandon their platform. For another generation to re-discover later, sometimes.

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  3. I know I always harp on this, but this is the idea I don’t think women understand very well at all. Like, it may sound awesome to be single and travel and never have kids when you’re in your 20’s and hot and get tons of attention and everyone’s really nice to you, but when she’s 40-45, having kids isn’t really an option and no high quality guy is going to be interested in marrying her… and then what?

    We’re lucky as guys–especially players with strong game–that we can potentially meet a younger woman (25-35) when we’re in our 40’s or 50’s and still have kids no problem, build a family, etc. The problematic thing is marriage and maintaining an LTR, but at least that’s an option–for women it’s just not.

    I’m glad you’ve brought this up, because I’ve been thinking about it quite a bit myself. I’m starting to come into my own as a day gamer and player, but I’ve got a long way to go–I’m comfortable doing what I’m doing til I’m 45-50, which gives me 7-12 years. At that point, however, I’m going to be looking to transition into a more stable situation regarding women: whether that’s a traditional marriage (probably not) or some sort of arrangement, I don’t know. Despite the fact that I’m not happy I got married, I’m glad I have my son, because that’s an amazing part of my life and it gives me a relationship I know I can count on as I get older and women become less important to me.

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    1. >> Like, it may sound awesome to be single and travel and never have kids when you’re in your 20’s and hot and get tons of attention and everyone’s really nice to you, but when she’s 40-45, having kids isn’t really an option and no high quality guy is going to be interested in marrying her… and then what?

      I think some women understand this… but they’re focused on monogamy, on developing a relationship with one guy, etc. They’re also probably more likely to be living in the midwest, not in elite coastal cities where most guys in the game hang out. Chicks who want to win the corporate rat race and f**k top guys in New York, LA, etc. are different from chicks who prioritize family.

      I’m against marriage but in favor of co-parenting.

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  4. Great post and discussion in the comments. There is definitely a lot of wisdom in keeping one eye to the long view. A great book I’ve re-read a few times that actually breaks down the “5-10 year epicycles” for men is called, “Seasons of a Man’s Life.” It’s a longitudinal study and (accurately for me) lays out when those epicycles occur and what challenges men face in each.

    The counterpoint I’d say is it’s damn near impossible to predict life 10 years out. I’m 44 years old, date multiple cute college age girls, and have a tremendous amount of freedom, although I struggle with some key health issues. 34 year old me was married and couldn’t even envision getting divorced, had little freedom and knew nothing about game, but was in perfect health. Life is full of surprises.

    One exercise I like to do is to think about my perfect day. What things do I do that excite me to get out of bed (work and relationships). Who am I spending time with and where am I living. With that clear vision, I compare to my status quo and then start making the changes now to bring that vision into reality. It’s helped me realize a lot of goals in the now, maybe it’s a useful way to think for others as well.

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    1. I’m thinking about long view because I think I’m at or near peak. Have you ever heard, usually of finance crises, “The sign of the crisis is the crisis?” Same thing is likely true of both men and women and their game. Chicks hit it earlier, but they find the top guys don’t give them as much attention… they have to try harder… guys are flakier… fewer guys are trying to make them long-term girlfriends, etc.

      For guys it happens later, but for most guys I do think it happens. By now you probably know guys who have had serious injuries or died, or guys (people) who have gotten early cancers, etc. All reminders about having to make hard choices over time.

      And for a lot of guys… the game loses some of its luster, eventually. I call it “Groundhog Day.”

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      1. Yeah… it’s like, I keep doing the same thing over and over… I have tuned my entire life towards f**king randoms, though, and now I am trying re-tune.

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