Bike Girl: One year away thoughts

Bike Girl ended a year ago, and I’ve already forgotten most of the details of the end… I wish I’d started writing the blog sooner, as many of the details around various chicks have faded away. There is no substitute for writing very close to the events as they happen in real time. Everything becomes abstract and mushy, given sufficient distance. I’ve been encouraging many guys to write their players journey blogs, and the value of fresh material is part of the reason why… the value of random search engine traffic is another… mostly you should write for yourself, but the fact that you might reach some other poor suffering dude is a nice bonus.

About Bike Girl, Anastasia asked on Twitter, “Have you heard about her after?” Not too much: little bit here and there… we kept fucking for a while after the breakup… but really we are too different. She is more looking for a guy who is kinda chill and matches her, or a guy who will take care of her (likely financially)… I am neither… she wouldn’t put it that way, though. Fort Worth Playboy asked, “How would she frame it?” A good question. I think she’d frame it as I’m a jerk and a player who takes advantage of her. I pretend to offer girls one thing, then don’t follow up on it. She was ready to move to the next stage and I cruelly ditched her. She is pretty enough that she can find guys who will happily commit to her… she has a few in her orbit… like so many chicks she’s most into a guy who won’t commit to her room, board, and upkeep. I’m a little harsh in the last sentence, as she did have a job when I was with her. But only a little harsh.

I think I confuse some chicks, because I don’t really read as fuckboy (contra this, which reveals more about the quality of Low-cut top girl’s mind and thinking than it does about me), but I also don’t really read as monogamous “good guy.” So chicks don’t really know how to categorize me… The ones I get along with, aren’t bothered by this. The chicks who are happy doing something a little different than the standard categories (e.g. consensual non-monogamy), often like me quite a bit because they get to be different. The ones who want the usual are often flummoxed. The ones who like me are okay thinking in shades of gray, rather than black and white. In conversation I ask a lot of “Why?” and “How do we know that?” and “Are we certain of that?” kinds of questions. Not in a mean way… I don’t try to use them as cudgels… but in a searching way… and girls who are searching like those questions… girls who already know everything don’t like them very much.

I think you can tell which kind of girl I like better. The chicks who are happy doing something a little different than the standard categories (like consensual non-monogamy), often like me quite a bit because they get to be different. Chicks who like rigid categories need to find guys who fit in those categories.

I hope Bike Girl is doing well. I could ping her again… last I heard I believe she was dating someone. I wish her well… but she is going to have a tough time trying to get a “got it all” (looks + money + charisma) guy. She can get a guy w/ one or two of those, I think. She seems like the kind of chick who will keep looking for the “just right” guy, as her 40th birthday sails past and her fertility window closes. I know some women who just stay on the shelf too long… it’s sad, but common. Maybe increasingly common. Our idiotic culture tells women that she should HAVE IT ALL. Stupid. But almost no one “has it all.” Not men. Not women. No one in our culture tells men that we need to “have it all.” I wonder why.

(That last statement is sarcastic.)

With the blog, Nash says, “I can tell by the way you write that pieces are ‘fresh,’ they aren’t stewed-on for weeks… and I appreciate that about your writing. I want to do more of that.” Some of them I sit on for too long… not all, though. I’m a fan of the 12″ MacBook and similar computers for their portability… got an idea? Pop in for coffee, execute it, move on. It’s amazing how far tech has come… laptops used to have to be big and heavy to be functional… now they don’t. By the way, don’t buy a 12″ MacBook the day this is being published in May 2019, as they are overdue for an update.

UPDATE: The 12″ MacBook is dead and now replaced by the 13″ MacBook Air. A less portable machine and I wish the 12″ MacBook had been updated.

I was tempted at times to start the blog earlier, but I didn’t because I knew it would suck up more time and energy than is desirable. As a consequence, many of the details have faded; looking at my writing from just one or two years ago shows me as much. I remember previous girls, that they existed, a few things about them and about us… but not the stuff that speaks to how it really was. Strangely, my habit of making sex tapes provides many of those details for other girls. One of my favorite girls, I haven’t written a lot about here, but I think about her a lot.

She was likely a high 7 / low 8, principally due to her youth and hobbies (dancing). For whatever reason I connected with her strongly, but she did not want to do what I wanted to do (sex clubs), and I let her go. I wonder if I should have stuck with her longer… of all the chicks I’ve slept with, for some reason she stays with me the most. One of the early times we fucked, probably the third or fourth, at the end of it she sighed happily and said, “I needed that.” A little moment… a minor one… one I would have forgotten if not for the video… but the way she says it… it’s nice, like a few seconds later when she said that she’d been thinking about seeing me all day. She sounds so satisfied. Very satisfying to me in turn.

Sometimes I leave the camera on for a while after the sex, and the conversation after is tremendously interesting. I think people are more honest and less guarded right after fucking. I didn’t realize that making fuck tapes would catch some of those moments. Come for the smut, stay for the talking.

I have some more stories I need to finish, but I don’t think they have much in the way of real learning points, so they don’t seem urgent. I have been doing a bit of cold approach, but not in a good or consistent way… my head space has been bad for that, and it shows.

Author: The Red Quest

How can we live and be in society?

11 thoughts on “Bike Girl: One year away thoughts”

  1. I remember Miss Bumblebee, one of my regulars, echoing the phrase “I needed that” as she walked out the door after a good fucking session.

    We had not seen each other for weeks and she turned up on my birthday night without underwear or bra. She challenged me, calling me a liar as she thought I had told her I was working that night (I had mixed up the days). While we were at the front door, I turned dark and told her I was not a liar: “So in the politest possible way, why don’t you … FUCK OFF and go home!”

    She panicked and realized her error, lip quivering. She apologized. I let her in and we fucked pretty much after we entered my place. It was a real destroyer session.

    Interestingly, after sex, I asked her how she felt about me telling her to fuck off and go home. She said: “I was worried I would have gone home empty handed.”

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  2. “but I also don’t really read as monogamous “good guy.””

    How do you do this or any advice how to do this for someone who has got their life and finances in order and have a lot of potential to be successful and spends most of his time doing just that?
    It’s difficult to hide that and the fact that girls are perceptive about these things doesn’t help.
    I either come across as that thoughtful caring monogamous guy or go through phases where i swing to the other extreme and come across as non caring asshole player guy and girls auto-reject. Really difficult to calibrate that. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.

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  3. I liked this post. There are certain girls, for whatever reason, that just stick with you. Maybe it’s only 5% of them but these are the ones I’m in it for, even if it’s just for a few months.

    I write a lot in another medium about some of those little memories and it’s been a great way to hold on to them. But to your point I think I’ll have to leverage my tripod and record more.

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    1. Yeah. I should write one more about that one, I’ll call her Short Dancer. Not an interesting story from a game perspective, but I just liked her a lot and basically let her go because of the call of the wild. But the wild often isn’t as good as a chick you’re really into. Can’t be helped now.

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  4. I’ve sometimes thought it would be helpful to newbs to listen to pillow talk.

    I’m starting to form the idea that a lot of newbs lean a bit autistic, and that autistic traits are growing as a cultural problem. I’m starting to think that cultural and tech reasons are making people developmentally impaired plus over reliant on their left brain narrative. Less socially aware and emotionally embodied. Less flow moments, too much analysis.

    This should have been obvious to me ages ago, I suppose. Dr. Iain McGilchrist’s youtube videos about left/right brain functions made a big impression on me, and gave aha moments to large swaths of my life and social life. Including giving context to my Buddhist years.

    So sometimes it occurs to me that recording the pillow talk of me and my girl might make for good social imprinting on people who don’t have such resources.

    Pillow talk is the opposite of scriptable. It’s pure flow moments.

    That’s what people need to learn. Whenever I hear someone use the term “spit game”, I imagine someone who has no clue about genuine male/female social interaction. Do you “spit game” during pillow talk?

    A baby step of thinking that you know what to say is better than being to timid to approach and then floundering if you do. But social interaction is about flow moments. Those moments of feeling fulfilled by feeling connected. Genuine sharing and mutual inspiration and fun. Pillow talk is likely a great teaching tool.

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    1. > So sometimes it occurs to me that recording the pillow talk of me and my girl might make for good social imprinting on people who don’t have such resources.

      When I was in college (and sharing rooms with roommates), I used to think the most “disgusting” thing you could ever hear was a guy doing his “love talk” with a girl. And it’s completely ironic that I ended up studying men that share similar levels of their time with girls.

      It still makes me nauseous to think of intentionally exposing myself to another man’s pillow talk. Sneaky Tom’s very terrible date product was an example of a lot of this… listening to the stupid shit he would say to girls in an unedited way was in fact, disgusting. And I admitted when I reviewed that product for my blog that I say equally retarded stuff to girls… but that doesn’t mean I want to hear another man say it.

      I bet a lot of guys would, though.

      And it’s about INTIMACY. To listen to a man in that state forces you to be “intimate” with him. I do see the potential of men learning intimacy from being “intimate” to another man’s time in bed. No homo, but it is a guy to guy intimacy we’re talking about, if a guy was going to learn from another man’s pillow talk and model himself after him.

      I am sure it would help a lot of guys.

      As for TheRedQuest listening to his own comments months/years later… that sounds like it would be humbling, but interesting and very intimate experience. And as for that soundtrack yielding specific of those moments… I am envious of him. Sounds cool.

      Part of me really misses Miss Thick. If I had audio of her and I in bed, I would be very tempted to listen to it… but I’m not sure it would be good for me. It is okay with me that I still ache for her (it’s a testimony of depth shared), but I don’t need to wallow in it.

      (All this reminds me of the movie Strange Days… shocking movie, unforgettable.)

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      1. “When I was in college (and sharing rooms with roommates), I used to think the most “disgusting” thing you could ever hear was a guy doing his “love talk” with a girl. ”

        “It still makes me nauseous to think of intentionally exposing myself to another man’s pillow talk. Sneaky Tom’s very terrible date product was an example of a lot of this… ”

        This is interesting feedback to get.

        When I was married in my early mid twenties, the pillow talk was mutually infantile. Back then I sidled up to being close by mirroring the woman’s interests and attitudes. I had no idea about masculine polarity.

        Does that sound like the pillow talk that you have heard so far?

        “Part of me really misses Miss Thick. If I had audio of her and I in bed, I would be very tempted to listen to it… but I’m not sure it would be good for me. ”

        I still have very vivid dreams of my last main near live-in GF. And we haven’t seen each other or shared one letter of txt messaging in almost two years. It’s probably a good thing that her facebook is set to private. Ya, ruminating over her would be too emotionally vivid and not helpful.

        I see what you mean about having others listen in on such emotionally vivid personal banter would also be a shared intimacy.

        I’m just thinking that our current culture is hyper fragmented and in places pathologically broken. Single parent families, too much social media, not enough unsupervised play, over emphasis on left brained activities, not enough mentors.

        I think a main way that we learn social skills is by imprinting. Imprinting, plus social feedback. Mentors, plus play and play dates and trial relationships.

        I don’t think that books or text or describing techniques can imprint. I think we need to see it.

        I assume it’s similar for sports and music. You have to hear great music before you realize the possibility of it. Then you can emulate it, then you can riff off the emulation, then after that you can invent your own.

        I’m sure it’s the same for any boy interested in soccer. Once he saw a top level player to amazing things, he realized new possibilities.

        Which touches on the subject of flow moments versus spitting game.

        I’m often conscious of using game principles within flow moments. Even with unconscious mastery, there is still awareness of technique. Even a tennis player who has decades of finely crafted muscle memory is still aware of micro-seconds of decision making happen. But the processing of the decision happens in a different part of the brain. Once you learn something and have that knowledge consolidated, you can drive the car and have a conversation and look in the eyes of the passenger at the same time.

        I think a risk of theory heavy advice to newbs is that the end result is a constant nearly neurotic games playing assessment. I think it’s very difficult to get across emotions such as actually FEELING relaxed and loved. Emotions such as making another relaxed and feel love. Emotions such as joy. Values such as fun, ease and laughter.

        That’s why I think we need to broaden our ways of teaching to include imprinting.

        We can’t do that with bootcamps; that still is too separate; too analytical; too distinct from embodying the process. I mean yes, it’s ideal to get real life feedback, and ideal to watch someone in set, and to get first hand view of his technique and vibe. That is the type of mentorship and imprinting I’m suggesting is crucial. The social imprinting people need. But to really see behind the curtain, I think we need the paper thin walls to listen in on the neighbours..

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    2. > Whenever I hear someone use the term “spit game”, I imagine someone who has no clue about genuine male/female social interaction. Do you “spit game” during pillow talk?

      Xsplat, I am with you on the spirit of your comment, but yeah… I have had to “spit game” in pillow talk. I did it last week.

      And the reason for that (still agreeing with you), is even as I was having sex with that girl, I didn’t know her. The sex was mostly physical. But afterward… since she didn’t run off, I had to intentionally work up a vibe that I would like and would a part of a good experience for her. I had to fill that space. I filled it with my natural self… but there was “game” in creating the right mood.

      I think you’re right, these moments with truly intimate partners are about FLOW. But I am often just getting to know a woman during sex. We may not be well suited for each other. Post sex has the potential for awkwardness. It is a part of my experience (especially this last 18 months) that I have more non-Flow time than not. Too many “new girls,” not enough regulars, not enough real depth… a lot of “performance.”

      I am very interested in my “responsibility” as a seducer in good “care and feeding” of the girl post-sex. I think she is vulnerable in that moment (maybe more so than before sex). So if there is no true intimacy, I will work to manually move us along to the best of my ability. And I have some topics I would use for their utility alone – not scripted, but certainly practiced.

      I’d do that for her. And for myself.

      There is a window after sex when one or both of us will think “what now?” And a little non-flow charm in those moments can settle her, and then she can fully relax yet again… and you might slip into real intimacy and flow from that structured start.

      My guess is, your personal style, that you get deep so fast, means you don’t deal with non-flow, post sex moments as much as some more traditional player types might.

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  5. Glad you posted this–game is full of ups and downs: the girls we leave and the girls who leave us. Right now I’ve had a bit of a downturn in terms of luck and women. Too often game and red pill guys write about all the pussy and success–which is there for sure–but there’s also tons of failure, rejection, etc. Wondering what/how guys get themselves out of these funky periods?
    https://redpilldad.blog/2019/05/14/rough-patch-with-a-lot-of-flakes-next-steps/

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  6. > She is pretty enough that she can find guys who will happily commit to her… she has a few in her orbit
    > She seems like the kind of chick who will keep looking for the “just right” guy, as her 40th birthday sails past and her fertility window closes

    Ahhh, I can’t imagine being a girl. This ^ search, with the impending timeline. For the ones that go through the usual life stages at the usual times, it’s business as usual. For the girls that don’t… and aren’t “alpha women” – I feel very sorry for them.

    I date some of those girls. They rarely think of me as “the guy” that is going to help them pull it all together at the buzzer… but knowing where they are is a sad part of dating them… being so close to them (and close enough to what they are looking for) as the clock counts down.

    Wow.

    With Krauser and Roosh both rolling over on game in the mid-40s there has been some talk of men’s “epiphany stages” as well.

    A couple of guys have recently called me out on my interest in girls/wives/kids… and I am at peace with all of that for now. No interest. I suspect I will have a lot of friends, and likely an interesting relationship to women right up until the end… but I assume I’ll live alone (aka “die alone”).

    And I’m not the slightest bit sad about it. There is “fresh air” in that thought for me. I never see it that way for women, though.

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