Two points on loneliness, family, and evolutionary biology

I have often banged on about evolutionary biology, it being the theoretical and intellectual core underlying game, as guys have evolved to like young hot chicks and chicks have evolved to like guys with skills, knowledge, resources, height, and status. But we are also an evolutionary puzzle,

Humans are almost unique in having menopause; most animals keep reproducing until they die in late middle-age. Why does evolution want humans to stick around without reproducing?

Because old people have already learned the local culture and can teach it to others. Henrich asks us to throw out any personal experience we have of elders; we live in a rapidly-changing world where an old person is probably “behind the times”. But for most of history, change happened glacially slowly, and old people would have spent their entire lives accumulating relevant knowledge. Imagine a Silicon Valley programmer stumped by a particularly tough bug in his code calling up his grandfather, who has seventy years’ experience in the relevant programming language.

On average, it seems like the people I know who have kids are more satisfied and content. Often they are not happier, if you think of happiness as a giddy joy, but they seem to have more purpose, and purpose can satisfy us.

What we find most satisfying when we’re younger, like status among our peers and f**king younger-hotter-tighter, we might find less satisfying when we’re older. Those thoughts are underlying Kids, the player, and the Red Pill: Comprehensive statement. We focus on the game because, although it may be sad, it’s also true that we need game and to understand women in order to form satisfying relationships, particularly in an age of legal theft via marriage and paternity fraud. It’s necessary both to guard your interests and for most guys to have a family. Many guys don’t do either one effectively. Your stage of life is relevant and I see too few guys discussing stage-of-life points, so I want to change that here.

The other point,

Postwar baby boomers, born between 1946 and 1964, were Generation Zero for the Second Demographic Transition in the United States. Now shuffling their way into their sixties and seventies, older boomers give a glimpse of the long-term downside of the post-SDT culture. If we had to pick just one word to describe it, “lonely” would do. In widely quoted research published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, Ashton M. Verdery and Rachel Margolis uncovered a recent surge in the number of “kinless” older adults. Lower fertility translates into fewer siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins, whether for hospital visits or emergency contacts.

That article is amazing and please read all of it. I will emphasize that living without kids for your entire life is probably contrary to our psychology and leads many people to bad second halves of their lives. It must be especially hard for guys who fail to be players and learn about chicks in the first half of their lives, then spend the second halves of their lives with no or estranged families. Suicide rates for middle-aged and older guys have been going up for a long time and I bet that’s part of the reason. Younger guys can learn game and get laid (the way is hard but it can be done), while older guys without families don’t have that source of meaning.

I’m still anti-marriage (it’s a bad contract) but I also see the sadness in many of the older people around me, and I see a lot of younger people (mostly chicks but some guys too) who seem to be heading towards that path. Game is important because it can reduce loneliness in some ways. It can also be supremely lonely in other ways, I want to add, as game and Red Pill in general can estrange you from a lot of society when you begin to learn how the real world works. Aging is more painful for women and low-status guys than for top guys, as top guys can keep nailing younger-hotter-tighter for a pretty long time. Not forever and that is where the family aspect becomes more important.

If you are a 31-one-year-old guy do not despair and think you are over the hill. You’re not and still need to learn game and do all the Red Pill things.

Author: The Red Quest

How can we live and be in society?

5 thoughts on “Two points on loneliness, family, and evolutionary biology”

  1. Redquest, At what age do you think it becomes too late for a guy to learn game? Also, at what age do you estimate that even if a guy knows game, it may be too old for him to have it yield results?

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    1. In some ways never… but there will likely be limits to how far you go. If you are a fat stupid 60 year old guy, maybe you can get a 50-year-old woman instead of whoever you would get otherwise. It’s all about where you are starting and where you are going.

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  2. I was trying to talk to my friend about this yesterday. He’s blue-pilled and it veered into talking about women and game in general (goddamn I just have to say, his white knighting pisses me off but I can’t really say anything). Anyway, he and his wife have chosen not to have kids, and while I totally respect that decision, I was trying to point out to him that it’s great now, in our 30’s–like yeah, I have a kid and it’s definitely a weight on my social life.

    But at the same time, he’s my fucking son. We’ll have a relationship for as long as I live. And when it’s a man to man relationship like we’ll have–and I do thank the red pill for that–it’s deeper than anything I can feel for a woman at this point, sorry.

    That’s what people who don’t have kids cannot and will not ever understand… until it’s too late. It’s the other point I was trying to make to him, which is that there are a ton of women in this generation who just assume that the right man will be there for the taking when they decide to settle down, post wall, at 35. He’s generally not. And the problem is that these women won’t come to that realization until it’s too late, just like he and his wife won’t miss having kids until their late 40’s or 50’s… when it’s too late.

    So what’s the lesson here? The lesson is that people overvalue short term rewards versus long term results. And the problem is that when you have a lot of people doing this, it has a pretty significant impact that’s almost always bad… in the long term. I’ll have to do a longer piece on this, but there’s also an advantage to be had too, like brokers who short the market:

    Think long term.

    Long term thinking allows one to focus on the mission in his life, have outcome independence, and make more rational choices…

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    1. So what’s the lesson here? The lesson is that people overvalue short term rewards versus long term results.

      I have been struggling with this.

      Anyway, he and his wife have chosen not to have kids, and while I totally respect that decision, I was trying to point out to him that it’s great now, in our 30’s–like yeah, I have a kid and it’s definitely a weight on my social life.

      I don’t understand getting married if you’re not going to have kids. If you want to have kids, and the woman you’re with will ONLY have them in the context of marriage… that at least makes sense. It’s still a bad contract, but it makes sense. To marry without wanting to have kids… it’s crazy.

      All the disadvantages of marriage with none of the advantages of being a player.

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