“The Startling Rise of Choking During Sex” is not so startling… the massive success of 50 Shades of Grey demonstrates that women really, really, really, really like rough sex (not all of them, of course, but a whole lot of them). Guys learn to experiment with choking and find that, when done well, the chick enjoys it more and comes harder than she does without it… so the practise spreads… and now it’s mainstream and many chicks are disappointed if they’re not choked during the act. It’s so mainstream that the Atlantic writes about it. It’s more mainstream than dinner dates (most chicks hate dinner dates).
Guys who have read My Secret Garden already know the depths of female fantasy… but most guys just don’t get it, and women flit from guy to guy until they find one who does. To be sure choking can be hazardous and it has to be done deftly, and built up to… but done right, it bonds the chick to you more effectively (like going raw). It’s good to start by playing with her neck a little bit and asking how that feels, then lightly cupping her neck with her hand and seeing her response, and then move up from there. I’m sure lots of teenagers and young dumb guys try to mimic what they see in porn, with bad results that legitimately scare young and inexperienced chicks.
The Internet, amateur porn, game blogs, etc. also let the secret out… that chicks like to be choked. I remember the first time I had a chick put my hand around her throat… before I knew about the game, the forums, the blogs… I was like 23/24, and we were making out against a parked car after drinking at a bar. I was not 100% into her (I can’t recall her name) but didn’t have anything better going on at the time. We were there and then a f**king COP car pulled past us, and I stood back from her (quite a ways). The cop car stopped like half a block away from us and I just talked to her and that sort of thing, wondering WTF I was going to say to the police… but they started driving again after a minute or two. Who knows, maybe the cop(s) didn’t see anything and were stopping for some other reason… if I recall correctly the girl wouldn’t go home with me that night, and it took an outright date to seal it… but she was marginal and I think there was some SMV mismatch, as she was more into me than I was into her. I don’t recall if I was appropriately courteous to her afterwards… probably not, as I had worse manners then.
That chick was bold, but I didn’t have the mental framework necessary to integrate what she was communicating to me. That came later. I was startled when she took my hand and put it around her neck. Although I’d had a decent amount of sexual experience by then, I didn’t have the experiences or network to contextualize what that meant, or that the desire to be choked is common. Today I can’t pinpoint a single moment or experience when I realized women’s love of BDSM. Red Coco has a post about sex skills and I have one coming as well… there’s not much explicit commentary on this subject in the community and there should be more. I theorize that most guys are not actually getting laid much. Also, once a guy masters the toolkit, there’s a limited amount he can elaborate on it, and most of us forget how much we had to learn to get where we are today.
Today, there are also some explicit video websites that also have educational “how-to” videos on this subject. I don’t want to post links to them here as I believe that will hurt search engine rank, but you can find them yourself or contact me privately if you want some links.
10 thoughts on ““The Startling Rise of Choking During Sex””
Reading the article, it almost entirely absolves women of responsibility and agency for their own desires … again the burden of performance and responsibility rests with the man.
Similar to your experience, it is often the woman initiating the rough sex act and demanding it. This puts guys in a moral quandary as men often don’t enjoy this kind of play. Or the woman demands so much roughness that the male feels he is going into a dangerous area of slapping, choking and degrading acts.
Much of what I see in women is really just acting out a rape fantasy. They seem to be trying to just switch off the active forebrain by going into really dark sexual places.
One woman I went on a date with told me that her sex story always was the winner at parties: “I was the unicorn to this couple and the woman asked me to … shit in her mouth. So, of course, I did – and immediately regretted it afterwards”.
A mate of mine SG summed it up after sleeping with 37 girls in seven months: “why can’t I meet a chick and just have vanilla sex for a change?”
>> Similar to your experience, it is often the woman initiating the rough sex act and demanding it
To be sure that was one experience… it’s very very rarely been initiated by the woman. But once I figured it out… it became clear that it’s almost universally enjoyed.
Also, I think the chicks most responsive to players are probably also the ones into more unusual sex… so we have a selection kind of issue going on.
“why can’t I meet a chick and just have vanilla sex for a change?”
About being a guy not (yet) into dominance/submissive games, don’t assume it’s a matter of your own personality.
Personalities are fluid.
You learn these things. Slowly. Five or ten years from now, you’ll be a very different person, with a very different perspective and back history.
We become new things. It’s not out of the question to become someone who knows all about BDSM stuff. Then even gets bored with it.
I learned these things, embarrassingly slowly… now I know why some chicks were kind of bored and faded away when I was younger… I wasn’t f**king them properly and with sufficient dominance.
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After researching I got confused. The proper way is to slightly block the blood flow on the carotid artery, or you’re supposed to block airflow too?
Artery. A bit to the sides, not on the direct center: you don’t want to obstruct her airflow that way. Less is more, and go very gently at first.