Is it you talking, or your ego talking? Drop dead leads fast

A week ago I sent a catch-up email to this young chick who I knew from a while ago… I was replying to an email of hers from a couple years back. We’d flirted a little then, but I didn’t think she was interested, and that was fine (we had a bit of social connection), and her email from back then was charming. I read it by accident while I was looking for something else, and it made me think of her and send the catch-up message. The reply I got her this week was not charming.

She said, How dare you email me? Then some other nasty stuff. I was thinking, WTF? I was confused, too. Where was this coming from? I’m not sure, but it also doesn’t f**king matter, since it’s the kind of deliberate message that says, “Don’t bother.” In general, it’s not a bad idea to occasionally ping old leads, check in to see if some chick’s situation has changed, etc. It’s better to cultivate new leads, but it’s not always a bad idea to see who might be on deck… I’m not actively pursuing new leads right now but am happy to add potentials to the back of the list, in case I need it) .

I saw a Twitter thread a couple weeks ago (can’t remember who wrote it, sorry) with a very deliberate, straightforward message from a chick saying something like, “I don’t like you and I don’t want to talk to you again.” That is not a game-playing message, it’s not a coy message… it’s a “F**k off” message. When you get one of those (I’ve gotten my share), it’s over. Block her and move on. However alive you thought that lead might have been, it’s dead and gone now. These kinds of very deliberate, very cold messages are “game over.” Direct your attention more productively. Don’t send the message that says all the things you don’t like about her. It’s too late for that. There’s no sure-fire way to distinguish every one of these messages, but they are usually sent via text (in today’s world), and they are very cold and deliberate and not flirty at all. The chick will probably capitalize words correctly and use periods, even if she doesn’t do that normally.

It’s super tempting to have some equally mean or nasty reply, or to say something mean or nasty… but it’s not worthwhile. All day, annoyingly, as I kept doing other things, like work, or reading Nicolas Cage on Acting, Philosophy and Searching for the Holy Grail: “I wanted to have the mystery of the old stars, always preserved in an enigmatic aura”, I kept thinking about good retorts to this chick’s stupid, mean email. I had the best replies in my head! I’d show her! I’d make HER feel bad. I’d show her that I’m cooler than she is!

Doesn’t f**king matter, though. What good can possibly happen with that message? None, none at all. It will AT BEST waste more of my time and mental energy, to what end? To make me feel better? For a moment? At worst, it ignites a pointless feud, makes her denounce me online, etc.

I know, in my thinking head, that there is zero to gain by replying. Yet I want to. I want to badly. That’s the ego talking. Mentally I know it’s better to concentrate on my goals, even though I also want to say YOU SUCK back.

Instead of sending her a message, I waited, and then I wrote out my thoughts about why it is a stupid idea to send her the message, and you are now reading it.

Players are familiar with the need to persist through common obstacles, like “I have a boyfriend.” Typical answers are “That’s okay” or “I don’t care.” Or chicks who are flakey around scheduling, sometimes to the point where logistical fatigue prevents a meetup. Persistence through shit tests. There is a time for persistence and a time for disconnection, and when she gets cold and direct, that’s typically time for disconnection. Particularly when it also includes something she doesn’t like about you, something serious and not teasing. “I think you have a silly nose:” teasing. “I don’t like you and don’t want to speak with you again.” Probably not teasing (depends a little on context).

Part of growing up is learning not to do the stupid thing that feels good. The day I got the email I was thinking about all these clever replies… and the day after, it was mostly washed from my head. Not totally, or I’d not be writing here, but mostly. Waiting 24 – 48 hours before replying to emotionally charged messages is often smart.

There is a LOT of material online about how to open chicks, how to do the initial texting, etc. There is almost none about ending it with chicks, or chicks directly ending it with you. I think that’s because online is the world of beginners… we should have more about endings.

Why everyone is fat and has no money

According to a 2017 report from the USDA’s Economic Research Service, millennials shop at food stores less than any other age group, spend less time preparing food, and are more likely to eat carry-out, delivery, or fast food even when they do eat at home.

Prepared food sneaks tons of sugar and simple carbs into your food. Prepared foods also cost more. That is why everyone is fat and no one has money. We get into our cars (fat-generating machines), drive to pay a lot of money for sugary, high-carb food, then eat it front of TVs and smartphones. Then people want to know why they have no money. Do the math on spending $3 or $4 a day on lunch instead of $7 or $10 a day over the three years. Over ten.

It used to be that when I would bring in food like chicken, roasted broccoli, and an avocado, I’d be the weird one. Now I see more people doing stuff like that. Not a huge number of people, but more. We know how not to be a fatass… most of us just don’t bother implementing the program.

Now I am not a Spartan and do sometimes eat out, etc. The choice is not 100% typical fattie or 100% perfection. It’s about setting yourself up to do the right thing consistently. Most fat millennials are not doing this.

My biggest trigger point is right after I’ve been really railing a chick. Then, I’m like, “Yes, I’ll have the cake and the cookie and the sandwich.”

Bodi’s book *Death by a Thousand Sluts*, on pickup and escaping being a gamma

I read Bodi’s book Death By a Thousand Sluts, Part Two… the content is very good but the book effort itself has some half-assed qualities, as it does not even include mobi or epub versions, though the writing itself is often very funny and misanthropic… much funnier than the handful of stupid celebrity memoirs I have picked up, like a half-wit. Bodi, though, seems to (seemed to?) hate everyone, including himself, yet, fortunately, he is unwilling to off himself, and thus we have his two memoirs. Hate, despair, and contempt are very bad internal emotions for anyone trying to achieve anything social, including picking up chicks, so getting over those internal emotions is a huge part of his battle.

Although the book’s topic is Bodi’s internal journey and game experiences… if you read it, you will notice how much of it is really about Bodi’s relationship to Krauser, like an abused wife who cannot leave her man. Bodi cannot leave his guru/teacher/abuser but cannot not leave him either, and the scenes between them, as well as his love-hate for Krauser, could itself be a book, “Krauser & Me: A Love Story.” I’d read it.

For guys, the meta lessons from this book, *Death by a Thousand Sluts*, are to lift, to have or find purpose, and to focus on craftsmanship. Bodi doesn’t lift and consequently he is probably less attractive to women than he would be otherwise. This seems to be one of Krauser‘s hurdles as well, as his books include some photos of him, and he often looks like a head of cattle the day ax falls. That he can have that bad a body and yet still achieve game success is testament to the power of game and extreme grinding, but I have found it more pleasant to work out (makes you feel good) and also reap the sexual rewards. That is probably why my game is not that sharp, as I have relied on other dimensions to achieve my ends. If you are the sort of wanker who is spending time on Twitter, you have seen links to Cues of upper body strength account for most of the variance in men’s bodily attractiveness, as well as Hand Grip Strength and Self-Perceptions of Physical Attractiveness and Psychological Well-Being. I will summarize them as “stronger, more cut guys are happier and f**k more.” “Estimates of physical strength determined over 70% of men’s bodily attractiveness.” If you are not working on your physical body as well as your clothes then you are likely just leaving lays on the table for no good reason, except that you love sugar too damn much and need to pump some iron. Go read Arnold’s biography to get pumped for getting pumped.

It is painful at times to read a tale of so much self-sabotage. Bodi seems like he could be fine with women but is ineffective, mostly psychologically. I don’t think I saw the squat or bench press mentioned anywhere.

Having and finding purpose is more nebulous, as you cannot typically find these at a gym (or a gym alone), but they are good for your psychological well-being as well as being attractive for women. Most males, if we don’t create any value at all, begin to feel malaise. Bodi seems to be convinced that he has rarely if ever created value, and the malaise is deep in his soul. He is predominantly fighting against himself.

Do you know those people who, when you ask them about their weekend, always say “it was good” “nothing much” “I watched some TV?” Do not be them. Ideally have specific actions. “I hosted a party” “I went on a date” “I set a new personal record in the gym” “I learned how to make a bookshelf at the local Home Depot.” Most people actually love to hear about learning new things (that they don’t have to master) and these kinds of hooks allow others to ask follow-up questions. Don’t be a bore and learn to gauge interest, but a guy who has some determination and who is active is more attractive than the opposite. Learn to tell stories around these activities, while soliciting her stories, if she has any. Many chicks are actually quite boring and have done nothing, so it pays to be prepared for that too.

Craftsmanship is learning to enjoy and compound small victories in any domain. It is the process of developing mastery over a skill. I don’t have much more to say about it, but you can read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values Paperback if you’d like some spiritual blather.

Bodi seems not to take pleasure in doing anything well. When this happens, it is both hard to do anything well and also hard to be contagiously interesting. I often talk, for example, on dates, about whatever meals I’ve been learning how to make, and that is an okay short date conversation. I will sometimes tell chicks to show me their knife skills (make them pantomime) and then “show” them the correct way to chop, which is a fine kino moment. I’m not saying you should do the same, but it is a true thing and one that interests chicks. Dinner is a common second/third date.

He seems not to be able to monetize his programming skills into consulting or running his own business… although I wrote the material you have already read before I read this in his book, “This is a lesson I learned and still hold in all aspects of my life. A long time ago I realised that lazing around doing nothing doesn’t make me happy; it makes me feel fidgety and low-value. Free time and relaxation is relative. It’s relative to the work that you do. The less free time you have, the more precious it is. Feeling good is caused by accomplishment and for accomplishment you have to work.” It’s f**king obvious and most people know it instinctively. Has no one ever told it to him? One problem with severe anti-social tendencies is that the guy doesn’t learn the obvious.

I also have had my struggles but nothing in the league of Bodi, so his book is a bit like reading about people born into third-world slums who have little ability to leverage their way out. He just doesn’t seem to be able to make his actions effective enough for him to leverage his way out.

Bodi should do standup, as his sad-sack stories are hilarious and can be made just misogynistic enough to be true but not so much as to alienate the audience. Standup stages are one of the few public arenas where sexual truths can still be uttered.

I have had anti-social tendencies, like you know, but they were balanced against athleticism. Strangely, being anti-social may have helped me deal with rejection more effectively when I was young and entertaining chicks -1 or -2 relative to me. But I was ahead of Bodi in other ways. He has intense fear, even nausea, on dates, has no idea what he’s doing wit chicks, etc. All feelings that were very familiar to me from ages 16 – 22-ish. Obviously I still get those feelings occasionally today, but I know how to squash them and soldier on. If you deeply believe that you are the prize and the chick will be lucky to get you, you have a different world than if you do not believe that. If you don’t, you have to fake it till you make it. Bodi goes through this much later in life but he does go through, which is good.

I believe this story starts at age 36, and, for Bodi, “Like me, in fact, the world scared Steve Jabba. Leaving his job and trying to forge a new life in a now threateningly Red-Pill world worried him and gave him anxiety.” This should worry him and give him anxiety. Careers have trajectories and if you f**k around being an unemployed pickup artist long enough you are likely going to f**k your career and earn real money. Earning real money is not something to be laughed at, as, if you need it, you might really need it. The people who earn large amounts of money usually develop their skills and networks over many years. While there are rare exceptions to this idea, the exceptions are just that, exceptions. Most people who spend years out of the labor market and network market permanently retard their ability to make money. That in turn is going to seriously retard your ability to have a family, assuming you want one eventually.

Most normal chicks also want a guy who they can tell a story about moving towards marriage and kids. Even chicks who will have a little fling cause you get them at the right time and right place. If you live a weird full-time player lifestyle you may be able to have short-term flings with those normal chicks, but you are not going to be able to retain them. Higher value and smarter chicks who want real boyfriends, or guys who they can tell real-boyfriend stories about, are not going to go for this.

Obviously a guy can shoot to be a pure player and forego long-term relationships, and he can shoot for chicks who are okay with this. Lord knows there’s a lifetime of those chicks out there, at least until the player ages out of them.

This is sort of like the male equivalent of a chick who spends all her energy on her appearance. A chick who spends all her energy on her appearance will find that she can be f**ked by some top guys, but the guys she wants the most aren’t going to wife her up. The better, smarter guys with good options are not going to take her seriously, because they don’t take f**kgirls seriously. Chicks with anything going for them are not going to take unemployed players seriously, and they shouldn’t. They might go for adventure with them.

My argument is NOT that guys should become basic corporate drones, wife up a fat chick, and move to the suburbs where she can live vicariously through reality TV, divorce her husband, and take up with a violent, emotionally unstable construction worker because she’s bored. But a guy who becomes an unemployed player is giving up a lot of value and that would worry me and make me anxious because I have the ability to plan for and think about the future.

As long as we are discussing anxieties I might as well let slip one of my own… Bodi says,

Nearly every man I’ve seen that’s exceeded 100 lays has become broken. They can no longer emotionally connect with women. Their circuits are fried from repeatedly going through the ‘attraction cycle’ with an excessive number of partners.

I have been wondering if I am emotionally broken and unable to connect properly. I am trying to break that pattern… and also sadly not doing as well as I should. I do not want to be one of those guys, people actually (women do it even more often) who is in the game until the moment he cannot effectively be in the game anymore. I don’t know what to do about this, to be honest. I have thought idly about trying those sex addict rehab type things, but they sound unbelievably horrible and, even worse, feminist. How many times can I tell some chick to bend over while I have a camera ready to snap? Do I still want to be doing this in ten years? I don’t think so and yet I find myself doing things that I know are bad for me long term.

Most people, including me, want a story in which their lives are meaningful, and I wonder if too much skirt chasing in itself prevents meaning formation. If skirt chasing is a result of some other activity, like being an artist or running a business, then it can be meaningful, but as an end goal in itself, can it? I genuinely don’t know the answer.

None of the players Bodi konws has a dog, or teaches anyone anything except for game. Family relationships seem tertiary at best.

Back to Bodi anxieties, “I could literally just poke my penis into a woman twice, withdraw then walk out and go home, ecstatic, and update my secret spreadsheet, reverentially.” Laughter. But is her serious? God, I hope he’s not serious. He might be serious. I don’t keep spreadsheets and that sort of thing… not opposed to them, but not for me.

It is also funny reading about people who are obsessed with the evils of socialism and who admire Ayn Rand characters, while simultaneously producing little of economic value themselves. No architects heroically struggling against aesthetic mediocrity in this bunch. Today, I wonder if any of them would try to become Pornhub amateurs as a depraved side gig.

Overall this book shouldn’t be fascinating yet it is, like watching a car crash in a porno or something similarly outlandish and yet compelling. There are also comments beyond the immediate, like,

PUA is a response to societal change. It was born out of Beta men suddenly finding that being able to provide no longer rewarded them with a pleasant, thin, subservient wife, like it previously did. Increasing socialism, feminism, immigration: all have weakened the SMV of Beta men. PUAs are at a unique position in history and sociology; they are a sociological phenomenon which is a response to a specific societal change

I don’t think most guys understand this yet. Or they understand, but accept their undersexed lot and the fat chicks surrounding them. But if you want a girl who is better than average, you have to be better than average yourself, or very lucky, or both. It is funny watching fat, or skinny-fat, or otherwise low-value guys who don’t understand why the hotter chicks are not knocking to get them. Bizarrely, many of the PUAs lower their value via video games, but that doesn’t seem to hurt them too much in short-term mating.

Bodi is a long description of mostly what not to do. He does take some action steps which are to be commended. Bodi did a bad course at university and does not seem to have corrected his path. He does seem high IQ because dummies cannot write as coherently as he does. It is a shame that Bodi does not harness his powers via e.g. standup comedy.

 

What graceful femininity looks like and sounds like

What graceful femininity looks like and sounds like,

(direct link)

The best answer? The very last one. The last five seconds. “What’s the best way to decompress?” And she gives him that look, like, “What do you think, dummy?”

She loves her kids… but that does not stop her from loving her husband as well… if there is a woman who is consistently putting her kids well ahead of her husband, that is a big problem.

Yes, it’s a celebrity thing, so all this could be totally put on. Even if it is put on, it shows that celebrities also know what graceful femininity looks and sounds like… it doesn’t sound like what some of the C-list celebrities are screeching today.

Most chicks don’t aspire to be feminist harpies, despite what you read written by angry fat chicks in the media. Most aspire to be lovable and to be loved. Graceful and graced. If you are consistently getting bad reactions from chicks, your value is probably too low, your social skills are too bad, or something else is up.

Most chicks don’t have good models for graceful femininity, just like most guys today don’t have good models for effective masculinity. Both masculinity and femininity are demonized by the feminists who run schools and the media, leaving most individuals adrift, unless they are lucky enough to have such models in their immediate lives. In the world of the feminist media, dumb fat chicks should be served by improbably hot guys who feel lucky just to have the attention of a dumb fat chick. Needless to say, the results are all around us.

For men, we are lucky to find KING WARRIOR MAGICIAN LOVER, a book that is passed from man to man, rarely with the help of the official “educators” who are not doing their true jobs (I am closest to the MAGICIAN archetype, sometimes to my detriment).

Both male and female psychology is so messed up, in the main, that it is strange and beautiful to find an example of positive feminine psychology being demonstrated by a famous person. Women are taught to be angry screechy feminists who hate men… men are taught to be passive weaklings who supplicate to the woman… no one is happy. Fortunately, our innate desire to assume appropriate gender roles resists this media indoctrination, but the confusion remains in many souls.

Sex club culture and socializing there

I heard from a player who went to a sex club for the first time, and he found about 70 people who were decently attractive, yet “there was no one that either of us was ‘wow’ over (a lot of the girls were still a bit chubby for my taste) but no one was terrible looking” (his girl is very hot, which I want to state for context… I have seen pics). His experience of the attractiveness level is decently typical… there are not a lot of wow girls, like solid 8s who are 18 – 25, at sex clubs. There are some but they are just not super common in life or at clubs… depends on the venue and night as well. If you bring an 8 and another 8 shows up, they will often gravitate to each other, as like finds like. In my experience there are not a lot of true 8s in life in general.

He also found that some people seemed unsure. At the clubs, some couples will appear to keep to themselves, because they don’t know the social etiquette. Since most other people are scared of approaching… in that kind of environment I am often the one who is initiating. Yes, some venues have rules stating that women must approach, etc., but in the real world that means they want guys with decent social skills who aren’t cruising. At bad events, socially retarded guys will just go from chick to chick, flagrantly hitting on each one and poisoning the atmosphere. We’ve all seen socially retarded guys and what they can do to a party, assuming they don’t get kicked out altogether. Think about those guys and how much worse they are at a sex club, and that is why the rules exist.

Especially if you start out talking guy to guy, you can chat with other people, as many women won’t initiate (players obviously know this). If you have a girl who is bolder than typical, you can encourage her to talk to other girls… girls know how to compliment another girl’s dress or hair or jewelry, they can talk about that for a minute or two. Common conversation topics are whether this is their first time, how they found the club or venue, etc. Really basic openers are fine, like “I saw you two and wanted to come say hi.” Even topics like whether they’ve fantasized about this kind of thing, etc. can work, in the right situation. Normal chitchat about jobs, etc. is also fine… like with normal dates, some normal chitchat that shows you’re not a lunatic and some sexual spikes/innuendoes show that you know what’s up. Read Krauser’s books for detail on this. Both normal topics and sexual spikes/innuendoes are fine and should be used together.

Most people are uncomfortable, scared, and don’t know the etiquette, so there can be a lot of discomfort at first. Many people who look closed off are just uncertain, so, if you can do some normal socializing, you will ease their mind… there is a popular imagination thing that anyone at a sex club is a crazed sex maniac, and you mostly want to avoid that impression. When you’re chatting, you can also do some classic Mystery/Neil Strauss set merges. Talk to one couple, excuse yourself to refresh your drink, talk to another couple, and then introduce couple 1 to couple 2. I am not an expert at this as I’m not naturally the life of the party, but a lot of people will appreciate some social lubrication, even if it is a bit clumsily done (I can be a bit clumsy).

The initial phase also seeds the possible later switches. I’m usually more eager to chat with the attractive women who I’d like to see more of later than with the less attractive women (and if the girl you’re with wants to chat with a couple, you should try to make that happen or help her make it happen). Women are often more interested in switching with someone they have had even one or two social interactions with, than they are with someone they have never spoken to (this maybe seems like a small thing to guys, but to a woman even one or two small social interactions can help you break the barrier between her and the outside world… one or two social interactions = this guy isn’t crazy = this guy might be safe = this guy is okay to have sex with).

For women, much more than for men, sex is an intensely social act. Many more men like anonymous hookups than women. Many men will pay sex workers for anonymous sex acts, and no women will do the same. Even the ultra-rare older woman who pays a man usually wants that payment to be embedded in a story about her vacation or whatever.

So, at the start of the club night, the party, whatever, demonstrate that you have a little bit of social acuity, that you can make small talk, that you’re embedded in a social world and not a murderous psycho loner of the kind all women have an instinctive aversion to. Will you see some chicks have sex with a man they’ve never spoken to, once the chick gets into her sex zone? You will. Is that the most regular thing you’ll see? No. Make the smarter moves.

When things start to heat up, you can sometimes invite another couple into the separate sex space, or onto a couch, or wherever, if you like them and you want to access that kind of energy. During the sex itself, the physical space matters… if there is a couple or a woman you’re interested in, try to have sex with your girl next to them… then, if you want to trade, the physical proximity is there. Girls will often touch other girls, especially… it’s also possible to see if you can touch the other girl a little, just ask first. Sometimes the other couple will say yes (cool), sometimes they will say no (also good feedback). It’s common to have sex with your girl, relax for a while, and then switch with another couple for round two.

Like I said, it’s a weird environment, especially for people who have never been to parties before or who have only been to one or two. Everyone knows why they’re there, and everyone knows that they’re going to be f**king in front of each other real soon. The atmosphere is powerfully charged in a way that can be similar to a normal date, when you and the girl know you’re heading towards f**king, but it’s different when it’s in a group.

I have a general point about non-monogamy relationships that work, “Couples that last put each other first.” At parties, smart couples work on “putting each other first.” They will be the ones checking in with each other if they need to. If they have rules, they stick to the rules. Sometimes I will ask, “What are your rules at parties?” Many couples have not adequately thought through their rules… if so, it’s often better to let them sort out their problems on their own. Often the guy will be more eager to switch than the girl… sometimes the opposite happens.

If you are like me, you want to search for more upscale venues. The downscale venues will be really grim, like downscale strip clubs. Chances are that most of you have at least wandered into a downscale strip club… they are filled with guys who look like they just got on parole and haven’t been in civilization in years, and strippers so busted I wouldn’t even upvote them on a dating app. People who are overweight or underweight or have other problems with lifestyle. Like with everything else, different venues will have different vibes that attract different kinds of people. A long time ago that I am trying to project a kind of hipster Don Draper vibe, so I want a venue that is going to match that decently. Like I have said, if the venue is off, if the people are off, if anything else feels wrong, leave. If you are an experienced guy you should be able to tell the difference between “feels uncomfortable because I’m in a new situation” as against “feels uncomfortable because there is something f**ked up here.”

I took a few minutes to re-read this and I find that it feels a little autistic, because of the paint-by-numbers, algorithmic description of socializing, but sex clubs are their own little world that don’t have widely understood social rules, so maybe being super explicit is worthwhile. It took me a lot of observation to be able to understand what’s really going on (the game is arguably just social hacking + escalation + looking good), and it’s easy to miss what’s really going on. I did, at first. Many of them also have this bullshit equalism rhetoric, which is not really true… in reality, the more attractive people are more popular, just like you’d predict, and just like the pretty girls and handsome dudes are more popular. Most chicks are not going to be into guys who they don’t perceive as being at least on their level… just like the rest of the world. You can find exceptions, you can be the exception if you are charismatic and have other things going for you, but the principle is there for a reason.

I do think I’ve learned a lot just by trying to articulate the things I think I have learned/discovered. The process of attempting to teach and explain educates not just the reader but the writer. Downside for the writer is of course a lot of unpaid time and effort. But I had not thought about all of this until began to explain what’s happening and how the game fits into the sex clubs.

If you like this post, it is now part of the free book about how to incorporate non-monogamy and sex clubs into the game. I got started writing this post because of a Twitter direct message that kept going and soon I had the key points of this post. Outsiders seem to believe that sex clubs are giant orgies with no consent and everyone uncontrollably f**king everyone, but in reality female mate choice rules and is very important.

The player also said

One observation I made of sex parties is that it is one of the few places you can’t use your phone. So socializing seems almost old fashioned. Honestly, the socializing is a lot of fun as it has an undercurrent of pending sex about it. You also are in a sorting phase where you are looking for connection with couples. I can see why parties are addictive – you can fail at finding someone … and then they just appear out of nowhere.

Sex clubs might be becoming more popular because they are one of the few phone-free environments left… people are fully present instead of being constantly attached to their electronics… the overall experience is far superior than most “social” venues today, where 60% of the average person’s attention is on their phone, leaving the social vibe dead.