Are “involuntary celibates” (incels) in the news? I have been getting questions about them for some reason, despite not having much to say about the topic… there are very few true incels out there, but they congregate and make noise online when they should be at the gym, pumping iron…. the true incels are guys with major health problems, literal retardation, etc. Most don’t have the time and attention to post on incel boards. The ones writing are mostly unhappy because of low value and SMV appropriate to their value. You can lower your value considerably by believing you have low value, and you can raise your value some by believing you have high value.
Guys working hard to raise value… probably aren’t online, cause they’re working to raise their value (same reason I wisely didn’t start writing this blog sooner). The bigger problems for online “incels” are physical (typical fat/skinny fat guys) and psychological… the two are linked. Guys with bad psychologies don’t take steps to improve themselves. Guys who don’t take steps to improve themselves develop or become mired in bad psychologies. Most incels look at successful guys and only see the tip of the spear, or they’re not willing to get the girls appropriate to their SMV. Just like fat or old women don’t get prime guys. See the theme of this blog? Reciprocity and value.
Our culture lacks the rituals and efforts necessary to turn boys into men. Those rituals build male value and outside of sports and some intellectual competitions they’re dead. Many boys lack fathers or have fathers who are hysterical women, fathers who might as well be women because of their lack of masculine identity. Moving from boy to man means accepting rejection, working towards goals, suffering, and persisting in the face of suffering. Men suffer because nature is cruel and women are unpitying in their evaluation of men. Women suffer when they have no families or when they pick men who cannot provide for pregnant women or small children, and so nature has made women pitiless in their evaluation of men. The modern context is obviously different but the evolved psychology remains. The modern context also gives us lots of fake achievements: video games, porn, fantasy sports, social media counts, TV. In moderation or as a single vice many of them are fine… but a lot of guys, especially incel-identifying guys, live in the world of these fake fitness indicators, and they are so far in the fake world that their egos cannot take the real-world feedback telling them they are unfit and need to change.
Meantime they look at the absolute top men for models. Yes, it’s true there are a small number of men born blessed with looks, money, good families, etc., who get top women without intense struggle. They are probably as rare as the men born f**ked. Everyone else…. we all struggle. But looking to others above you doesn’t matter because you can’t control them or live with their advantages. You can only control yourself, as incels don’t seem to emphasize. If you are healthy enough to get a boner, there is probably someone out there for you. If your market value level is low, you need to try and raise it. It may be very hard. Most high-value guys spend many years getting there. In my limited experiences with incels, none of them seem to emphasize this, or emphasize the way their own psychologies are f**ked.
One cruelty of our modern culture is that it thrusts the most beautiful women into advertisements all around us. We should try to avoid TV ads especially for that reason but also many other forms of hyperstimulating media. Most of us, instead of avoiding them, seek them out, then are depressed comaring them to our own lives. Then we go play video games and watch porn to compensate, propagating the fake fitness cycle.
I don’t know where I am wandering with my point, except to say that I feel bad for guys who think they’re incels, because a lot of them aren’t. They are guys with bad psychology, guys who don’t recognize their market value. If you are not where you want you have three choices, 1. bitch, 2. improve your value, 3. pursue what your value gets you. 2 and 3 are not exclusive. I have met plenty of unattractive guys who realize what they’re working with, improve what they can, and get on with it…. they often marry women who are their image match, have a family, and concentrate on that. Maybe they pay for sex sometimes, I don’t know. I was at one guy’s wedding who is like this. Probably a 4 in pure physical attractiveness and he married a woman around that same neighborhood. He’s a little chubby, she’s a little chubby. He’s short, she’s short. They have a couple of kids. People like this… they don’t make a lot of noise online. They don’t sit in forums complaining. The guy has a good job and career and gets where he’s at and works with it.
This is likely to be my only post on the topic of incels because creating a whole identity around perceiving yourself as a loser strikes me as r^tarded, and I don’t have a lot of time for r^tards. Incels probably project a r^tarded identity around them in real life, so anyone successful doesn’t want to be around them, perpetuating their cycle of failure. I have time for people who, if they are starting from a bad place, are working to make progress. I am only really interested in people who want to progress. People who want to stay mired where they are and bitch about being covered in mud cause they’re stuck in the mud… they are not interesting to me or anyone else. Lease of all attractive women. The smallest amount of progress is better than none. If a guy thinks he is an incel, if he has a functioning body, why is he writing online instead of doing a pushup?
5 thoughts on “That one and only one about incels”
Great post. Our society is littered with people who believe they’re entitled to benefits without having to do the work to earn those benefits. There is only one group of people who get benefits they didn’t have to work for: hot chicks–especially true when they’re young–which is why they’re so squirrely and capricious. They have this incredible gift and value, but they didn’t have to do a goddamn thing to get there. I should point out, before moving on, that without any work, the benefit for all but the hottest chicks is very short-lived. Most chicks who are hot for any period of time watch what they eat, exercise, learn to wear clothes that are flattering, how to do makeup, etc.
For everyone else, you’ve gotta work. Want a car, a house, a chick, a ski vacation, whatever–you’ve got to do the work. I too don’t really understand why incels exist. If you want to fuck, become fuckable and someone will fuck you. Tons of guys quoting studies on Twitter today about how less people are fucking and women are desperate for manly men who have game… but the fact is, too many guys are lazy fucks who’d rather play video games and beat off to porn than learn cold approach or hit the gym.
Feels like I’m repeating what you said, so I’ll end it here, but part of the reason people in today’s society become so worthless is that they get stuck in these false careers, where they feel accomplishment because they got a bunch of likes on Instagram or beat a video game–activities that seem valuable, but aren’t.
“If you want to fuck, become fuckable and someone will fuck you”
Not true. I am not in great shape at the moment, but definitely “fuckable”, and sex does not just happen (needless to say that I am not picky regarding girls). Lifting for over a year, going out nearly every week… best thing I got recently was making out with a forty-something year old for fucks sake, and I am 30.
I don’t identify as an “incel” as if it was a trademark or have anything to do with the online community, but whether I care or not, I am involuntarily celibate at the moment. I agree with the gist of what both you and Theredquest are saying, that you have to make an effort, work for it, but don’t pretend it is small or easily achievable.
What I always assumed when I was younger is that being normal, average was more than enough to get laid. In my experience now, it is not.
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Reblogged this on Free Matt Podcasts and commented:
***Re-blog from the brother at The Red Quest. I don’t write on the weekend. But this article presented astute questions that we haven’t had answered about incels. Please enjoy***