The world is a huge place, and any one of us sees a small small part of it. Seduction and Red Pill are a tiny part of a big world, and the guys in it are disproportionately ones with problems. I am thinking about it because I have a kind-of friend (see Female “friends:” the comprehensive statement), “Anna,” who is in her late 20s, maybe just turned 30, who is engaged… I’d rate her about a 6. A 6 with good habits, though… looking for a woman with good habits is under rated for long term relationships.
Anna knows about some of the things I do and am into… and she’s not into any of them. She’s been dating a guy for a while who is probably a male 5 – 6 in the looks department, though better in the economics / earning department. In Red Pill lore, that would mean she’s gagging to upgrade and stealing off to f**k random chads every weekend. It could be true… but I don’t think so… most girls can’t maintain a good-girl facade forever… most people will slip up. Online, there are many stories about guys being caught totally flatfooted and unawares by chicks who cheat, run up debts, etc., but in reality I think that’s rare… being caught utterly ignorant and without suspicion… most of these guys who claim to have been blindsided are not paying attention. With Anna, I think she’s going to marry the guy, if he’ll go for it. He might.
These are the stories no one shares online… cause they’re basic, quiet stories, about average people going about their lives. The millions of functional relationships out there are the dark matter that never make it to advice columns, people online, etc. Anna’s guy will probably never post about how WOMEN LIE because she’s not lying. In the Red Pill world, cheating, bad behavior, divorces, etc. get read… we should tell those stories because they are real and important… they are also viral because they’re outrageous. We don’t hear stories about monogamy, fidelity, sticking together through the bad times, etc., probably because guys in pretty good relationships never get interested in red pill and seduction.
I have also wondered if, the hotter the girl, the better the offers of cheating, etc., she typically gets, and the more likely she is to take advantage of all those offers.
The chicks dating online, the chicks who respond to cold approach… they are not necessarily representative of all chicks. The chicks who want monogamy and meet guys through school, work, church, or friends of friends, then stay with the guy, or break up with him in a reasonable way because they’re not compatible, we don’t hear about. Stories about how, “My girlfriend realized that we weren’t compatible, so we had a respectful discussion leading to a breakup,” do not get everyone angry and righteous. These stories are invisible to the online world of anger. For reasonable girls who are trying to be kind while getting their own needs met, their ex boyfriends probably aren’t telling stories about how evil they are and how all women are bad, cause not all women are evil or bad. Most are people. If I posted this to certain forums online I would probably be ripped apart for being a dupe, and then told how Anna is spreading her legs for randoms on the sly.
Could be, I don’t know, maybe Anna is getting gang banged by a gaggle of black guys every other weekend. Could be that she sociopathicly presents one way and acts another. Maybe in ten years she’ll divorce the guy out of boredom. Unlike most modern chicks, she’s not into social media… she thinks it’s kind of stupid… she’s had two serious long term boyfriends who I know of and not a lot of hookups, I don’t think. I know her from some mutual hangout spots, and I say that I’m probably not real friends with her because we are too different… we have some common interests, yes, and now some common friends, but it’s pretty rare for guys to be true friends with women, and our lack of real common interests keeps us apart, although we’re friendly and have spent a surprisingly long time talking. We feel a bit like work colleagues who learn from each other but aren’t emotionally close. Most chicks who know things about my life and know things about my ways will open up about their slut adventures, etc., if they have any, and Anna has not done that. Guys who present as sex positive will often get girls to reciprocate, and Anna does not. She is like me in that she wants to let other people live how they want to live, but she is not very interested in the things I have done.
The chicks willing to make sex videos and be with guys like me are not representative of all chicks. Etc.
For a guy, it’s not possible to know for sure whether a given chick is like Anna or like all the chicks divorcing their husbands, cheating on their boyfriends, enjoying the flirtatious attention of other men, etc. etc. But if you watch a given chick’s behavior, you’ll get a sense of who she is over time, and she will do the same with you. A lot of guys see chicks whose behavior is not consistent with what they say, and they ignore the behavior when they shouldn’t. But some chicks are consistent with what they say… they say they want families and monogamy, they go out and find a guy who will give it to them. Both Anna and her boyfriend seem to have a pretty strong sense of their sexual market value (SMV), something that makes them kind of rare in the world of online anger. A lot of people are trying to reach above their SMV value, then complaining that it doesn’t work well… these are also the people who generate outrage stories (I have known plenty of these people, too). The guys complaining about how mean women are… are they going for women who are 5s, low 6s? If they chase the same girls all guys want, the hot young ones, well then how much do they know about ALL women?
Plus… look at it from her guy’s point of view… he is dating a woman who seems to be pretty monogamous and about his SMV level. If he were chasing flakey 8s, he’d be posting online about why do these chicks play games, why is she cheating on me, why does she run hot-cold, etc. Instead, he’s not trying to chase the hottest girls… and that means he’s not posting angrily about how mean chicks are, etc., because he’s got someone he seems to like/love and he isn’t in the market for angry-man ranting.
Don’t have a strong point in this bit apart from the idea that outrage sells and spreads, while the opposite of outrage doesn’t. Guys in satisfying relationships with women aren’t spouting off Red Pill things. Even among Red Pill guys, the most outrageous female behavior is the most interesting. I have spent a lot of time in the past ten years in short relationships (6 – 20 month relationships), and some have been very satisfying… and have generated few outrageous stories, because the girl is normal and well-behaved, and we like each other. If we go to a sex club once a month… and the girl is fundamentally in my frame and following my lead… and I am making sure to stay at her pace and maintain her comfort level… there is not necessarily a lot of drama involved. The periods with lots of tumult, with badly behaved chicks, with chicks who are out of sync with me, etc., generate good stories. There are people whose actions, desires, and words all match up… we’re not hearing about them online. They’ve invisible to the anger machines.
No one posts online, “I’ve been seeing this chick for 14 months and it’s going pretty well.” No one posts, “We realized that we weren’t right for each other anymore and had a respectful breakup.” Stories about how this one chick did a branch swing by f**king her coworker and finding their sexting… those stories are powerful. They are real too, I’m not denying them. I’m not denying that chicks are capable of outrageous and vile behavior. I am saying that most guys can tell which girls will generate bad behavior, and that the guys want the p***y (and often the drama).
I still think it’s a mistake for guys to get married… it’s a mistake for Anna’s man to marry her because I think he makes more $$$$ than her (a LOT more). Marriage is an expensive, risky move. But… she is also the kind of person who is probably NOT going to have a family with a guy she’s not married to, so that element is present. She behaves less hypergamously than most women seem to, and she seems to have chosen a guy with a set of features, good and bad, that fit with herself.
All chicks have the potential to branch swing, behave hypergamously, etc., and it’s good to know this cause it will happen to you if you date enough chicks… but not all do it. The ones who do, make for better stories and bitterer guys than the ones who don’t. We all build echo chambers for ourselves, we all struggle, etc. I think there is too much anger online. I get why the anger is there. If some woman blows up a man’s life in an unexpected way, he’s going to be angry and extrapolate. If some guy doesn’t have the SMV to get the women he wants, he’s going to get angry instead of getting better, cause anger is easier. A lot of guys have been told lies about what women want, and when they see past the lie they’re going to get angry, yes. I get it, it makes sense. But anger blinds… don’t be so blind that you mistake your world for the world.
It’s good to pay attention to the possibility of a high duplicity chick, of borderline personality disorder (BPD) chicks, etc. But… they are probably not as common in normal life as they are in the stories online. Don’t be blind. Do some spot checks here and there. Confront the things that don’t seem right. But don’t be paranoid either. If you are paranoid and convinced all chicks are just waiting to cheat, upgrade, etc., you will not have a very happy life, or happy relationships, or the ability to bond with the better chicks (if you want to do that… some guys want to be players… that’s cool… the game is about helping guys get the tools to get what we want, not about telling guys how to live every aspect of our lives). There is an optimal level of “don’t let other people cheat you,” and it is not being on red alert all the time.
I have been some dark places… I get the anger… I do… but I want to acknowledge the dark without having it consume me.
12 thoughts on “My friend Anna, who seems pretty monogamous”
Hey man, just wanted to let you know that your content is appreciated. I like your refreshing takes on situations and your perspective on game as a whole. I feel like a lot of the things on this site would get ripped apart on other forums by the guys that are all alpha, all the time. The same guys constantly passing shit tests but failing comfort tests then go about complaining that AWALT and fail to establish anything past the plates they keep breaking. This self licking ice cream cone just continues forever I guess, and that’s fine if that’s what you want.
You mentioned “the game is about helping guys get the tools to get what we want, not about telling guys how to live every aspect of our lives” and this is the perspective we should all have. The anger is real man, we’ve all been there. I get it. But there’s more to relationships with other people than constant distrust. The Annas of the world are out there. Great post.
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Diego, I started off writing at reddit red pill but then realized that if I was going to be real I needed to get off there, because the moderators and readers would never accept nuance or the deeper levels of the game https://theredquest.wordpress.com/2019/10/17/what-do-i-mean-by-levels-of-game-seduction-discussion. Same thing true of Nash, https://daysofgame.com, cause he’s most interested in the later levels of the game, which are invisible to most guys. Some guys react with hostility to advanced discussion because what is good for advanced guys may be actively bad for beginner guys, and the beginner can’t see this paradox.
We also create our own reality… if we are mean/harsh to girls all the time, well then we are going to get girls who respond well to guys who are mean/harsh. Then we announce that is how all girls are.
The non-monogamy tools… they will also be utterly rejected by low value guys… who can only barely conceive of the problems these tools are supposed to solve. Might as well show a 3-D printer to a tribesman in Brazil and ask them to use it to build a part for spacecraft.
I said this in other comments but probably I will quit writing. I have said most of what I think I have to say.
There are guys on reddit who are ready for advanced material, and that is why there is some value to the guys who link there or upvote… grab up the few ready for something better.
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Red, how much of this do you think is down to location ? Big coastal cities naturally attract younger, hotter, more hypergamous girls. I’m in NYC and de facto assume any girl I am fucking is seeing or at the very least talking to other guys. But if I was in a smaller Midwest city for example I could imagine that being a lot less common. If for no other reason social ties and bonds are stronger, traditional monogamy more common, and the likelihood of being caught hanging out with other guys and the social penalties for doing so are much higher. Once you get off the coasts, there are plenty of smaller cities where almost all the daytime activities, social meeting and shopping places are in one small area. Running into people you know is not uncommon.
With all that said even in NYC once in a while I will meet a more introverted girl with limited social media presence who I’d be fairly confident isn’t riding the cock carousel and genuinely wants to settle down. Other than social media I’ve found the most useful tell for these is to pay attention what they do on Friday and Saturday nights. If they are almost always at home or at the home of 1 or 2 close friends or family its a strong sign of an introvert and more monogamy inclined girl. I try to uphold a fairly strict catch and release policy with these girls, feel like you’ve written how players should not lead on girls who genuinely seek commitment and I completely agree. Shame though as I find their company a welcome relief from the usual extrovert party orientated girls that nyc naturally attracts
It’s another subject but if I do ever decide to settle down with one girl I will make a point to move to a smaller city or more surburban area. Trying to maintain a monogamous relationship from either side in somewhere like NYC or Miami feels like a losing proposition.
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Not sure regarding location. There’s also some sorting going on… if a girl (or guy) wants to be a big slut, she moves to the big city. It’s about the culture of the place but also the people who move there.
There are girls of all kinds in all places, though, as you mention.
I also like the catch and release policy https://theredquest.wordpress.com/2018/01/12/catch-and-release-women-who-want-families/ for chicks who want families and are of age. I am less worried about that for chicks under age 25 or 26, since a lot of them are experimenting sexually and not that interested in having families.
The danger of smaller cities and suburban areas even for married guys is that your own options go down. If she falls in love with a coworker or the dad at the playground, etc., how good are your options?
Probably bad especially for me because despite being white I do better with (Latin, black, Asian) chicks
Last line is really the crux of the matter though, wherever I move to what are the chances of her remaining completely faithful? Higher if we have a kid (which is the only reason to settle down anyway) but soon enough the kid goes to school and she’s sitting at home alone and bored. Obviously depends on the girl, there are Annas out there but as you wrote,
‘The chicks online, the chicks who respond to cold approach… they are not necessarily representative of all chicks. The chicks who want monogamy and meet guys through school, work, church, or friends of friends’
So by definition, the average city based player isn’t meeting many of them. (Or at least I’m not)
My guess is a lot of players who want to settle down end up trying to turn less monogamous chicks they met through their usual funnels (daygame/nightgame/online) into Annas, who go along for the ride for a few years and eventually get bored and cheat. Which as you say, probably happens wherever you end up living.
>>So by definition, the average city based player isn’t meeting many of them. (Or at least I’m not)
There are some… they’re not impossible to meet… if you cold approach one and she’s unattached and in the mood, then yeah, it’s not impossible to find chicks who are pretty monogamous… just hard. And if you come across like too much of a player, they will probably be unattracted instead of attracted. Need more comfort and less seduction (just the opposite of casual sex girls). I think Krauser wound up with a decent number of these.
It’s probably not impossible to tune for such girls… if you are looking for them… but I don’t think most players tune for them. I also suspect that the more monogamous chicks are going to screen guys for monogamous inclination and probably look for guys closer to their age.
I’m the wrong person this discussion though because I have specialized more towards wild sluts and filter a lot of more monogamous girls out with my wild sex banter. Guys who want monogamous-type girls and families probably don’t write player blogs cause their journey ends when they knock her up or start having brunch with her family or whatever it is that monogamous guys do while I’m having group sex.
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Great post. I loved the ending. That is the spirit that should prevail in my opinion.
By now it’s fairly well known that social media is being managed by algorithms, for the most part – and they are designed to find and promote things that involve upset and outrage.
It is not just that such things tend to be of interest to guys with their own problems. These days, anger and negativity gets picked up and plastered all over and fed to anyone who goes near a computer or smartphone – globally, and automatically.
Meanwhile, plenty of people do post low-key stories online. There is still a whole lot of food being served and hugs being had, on sites like Facebook.