(This one happened a few months ago, so it’s far out of date… wrote it at the time and then forgot to post.)
Home Friend. Remember her? Barely? Me too. She swung back around for a c**k ride, which seems to be happening every couple months… I wouldn’t mind her being more reliable but I do like her naked and bent over for me, so what can I say? Except that I am not doing the things I keep saying I need to do.
This time I talked more deeply with Home Friend, and it turns out that she has been dating a guy… I think she began dating him a while ago. They became “official” at some point, relatively recently I believe, since she was not in town for quite a while, but she is vague on when precisely she got back… fine with me… I am her side piece and she is mine, or one of mine, it would appear. “Official.” Did she have another “official” boyfriend in like the last year? I can’t keep all of the chick crazy stories straight. Home Friend’s latest boyfriend was apparently f**king another girl, and she figured this out by showing up at his place unannounced and the other girl was there. He wouldn’t let her in, and she is not a total idiot.
She was angry while telling me the story….. then she started crying! This is after the f**king, during which she was not crying, fortunately, because I am not a fan of crying chicks, although dating chicks means you will deal with tears. Things like this have happened before. I come across as sufficiently non-judgmental that chicks pour out their hearts and thoughts to me…… and they are pretty red pill most of the time…… and usually the chicks are missing an important piece of the puzzle, just like young guys who don’t understand why they can’t get the top chicks. My guess is this guy did the classic thing a lot of players seem to do,
- He likes some chick well enough. Most importantly, she is getting naked for him regularly.
- He really likes f**king the chick regularly.
- He also really wants to f**k other chicks, if he can… a big “if” for most guys. Most guys lack knowledge. It’s sad, but true.
- He knows chick #1 will turn off the sex if he won’t make it “official.”
- So he makes it “official” while continuing to f**k other chicks, or trying to. Home Friend has a pretty conventional girl mind… she’s not proven susceptible to alternate mental frameworks, like mine.
- “Official” girlfriend eventually figures it out. Or the side chick tells her. There are any number of ways for this to blow up.
I have been talking about non-monogamy as a way of getting around some of these problems. Some of you readers say that guys who do “official” girlfriend thing are idiots, and maybe probably that’s true, but I am also that idiot, right now, and I am doing things I really shouldn’t be doing, so yeah. The right thing is easy to do when you are debating it on the internet but sometimes harder to do when you confront it in real life.
I digress. Home Friend seemed surprised when I told her a lightened, edited, sanitized version of the above. I don’t think she’s ever thought of it this way before, despite her hanging around me, and despite her and Ms. Slav and me together. Most chicks…… they don’t understand the lives and minds of guys. Guys don’t get chicks either. We are not reaching across that divide.
At times I will point out to Home Friend, and chicks like her, that the guys she likes most are also… tall, good-looking, have good social sense (approach her, escalate her, etc.), and they are probably applying those same good attributes to other girls, so why doesn’t Home Friend go choose a guy who is shy, likes her, and is maybe a little scared to approach her, or intimidated by her? She didn’t appear to understand why she would do this. Her language skills are improved but she doesn’t read nuance well… I think if they had been better, she would have said what some chicks have admitted, that they want hot challenging guys and not really the guys who are available to them.
They want guys +1 or more above them in sexual market value (SMV). The story of modern dating is all about SMV mismatch, combined with hypergamy. Most girls don’t know the word “hypergamy” even as they enact it every day and with everything they do. Home Friend is a young hot girl so not many guys are above her in SMV… but she is not the hottest girl, so she’s stuck thinking about the hottest of the hot girls, who she thinks of as her competitors. She is stuck until she changes, or until she finds a guy who’ll do the things she wants. She might find him! She is hot, but she is also kind of placid, so she is only really choosing from the guys who come onto her, from what I can tell… I have seen almost nothing of her behavior in the wild. She uses alcohol to free herself and do some hookups, I believe, which leave her feeling bad and empty in the morning.
I said it the last time, but this is the last time. With her anyway. I need to not be like the player she found with another girl in bed! It will happen to you if you pursue that route.
Let’s talk about another player. I have been talking to a player who is going to a sex club pretty soon, or maybe he has already been? He seems to have uncovered a sex demon woman and it looks like he might bang one of her (attractive) friends as well. This is not a widely-appreciated part of f**king high-libido, no-jealousy women: you can end up f**king a lot of chicks, sometimes without trying very hard. She may end up being your wing woman. Like, when I was seeing Ms. Slav properly, I ended up in the double digits of random affiliated f**ks, and that is with me not even trying all that hard. Home Friend is part of the Ms. Slav run-off. And she is very attractive! Flakey as hell, but attractive.
If a guy manages to snare a chick like this and wants to have a lot of casual sex with different women…… he can do it. I have been through this cycle a number of times. I think it’s great… it solves some of the problems I mention above. The trick is finding an attractive woman who is into this. They exist, but there aren’t a huge number of them, and they are often already tied to a primary partner.
Some of them also haven’t learned about consensual non-monogamy. The player I’ve been talking to seems to have a woman like this, who is learning about it from him. I hope he’ll write a field report about his experiences. I also don’t know where he’ll end up going.
4 thoughts on “Home Friend, again, and the cycle guys choose”
Girls by themselves can’t make things happen. Even if she’s promiscuous and open to non-monogamy, she still needs a guidance and reassurance. The key is to unconditionally accept her for who she is and be absolutely non-judgemental.
A few can but most can’t and rely on guys to make it happen. It’s why guys need drive and aggression.
“I have been talking about non-monogamy as a way of getting around some of these problems. Some of you readers say that guys who do “official” girlfriend thing are idiots, and maybe probably that’s true, but I am also that idiot, right now, and I am doing things I really shouldn’t be doing, so yeah. The right thing is easy to do when you are debating it on the internet but sometimes harder to do when you confront it in real life.”
Co-signed 😎.Jack Nicholson has a great line in The Departed to the effect of ‘I don’t need new pussy, but I like it.’ I think most aging players find that to be true. At this point in my life I’m not interested in making room in my weekly schedule for more than 2 chicks and if I find one I really enjoy being with I’ll happily let the other drift away without ever actually officially ending anything. (Easy to do if you never officially started anything.)
As long as I maintain frame, and act no differently to how I would if I had a couple other plates spinning, I haven’t noticed it materially impacts the quality of the relationship with the girl. As I’ve gotten older I’ve personally found my frame easier to maintain, maybe because I’ve had time to fully internalize it. A big part of this is I’m ok with being alone for a while if she acts up or just leaves because I assume that I’ll find a new plate or respin an old one within a few weeks.
Something that I really struggled with in the past was when a girl I really liked fucking drifted away. There were times I got needy and did what I had to get her back in my life. No surprise that after I did this her attitude (and the sex) were always worse. Once I internalized the mindset that if I maintained frame they almost always come back (key here is you have to accept that you don’t control WHEN they will return) things got much easier.
In conclusion it all comes back to the oft quoted fact by you, RP McMurphy and many others. There has never been a better time to be an (older) player. On the surface a 48 year old man regularly fucking 20-25 year old 7’s and 8’s for the last 10 years (post divorce) is pretty ludicrous. If anything its gotten easier. especially over the last 5 years. It may well be harder to tie these chicks down with all the attention they’re getting online but thats the key point, I’m not trying to. Giving up the masculine need to control what chicks do is probably the most important thing I’ve done for my frame. It’s gotten to the point where my ego is so removed that my core emotional response when I think of my personal future in game is pure curiosity to see how much longer I can keep the wagon rolling.
I like new p***y too… but I am trying to pursue other avenues right now… I think the book is my major statement on game… I think it is pretty complete too.