Someone wrote about their experiences,
>>I bailed on the SF hippies… and you overlap with them in many ways… but are wiser, as I see it.
I have some overlap, but the SF hippies have no knowledge of history (communes and free love have been tried), no knowledge of evolutionary biology, no knowledge of economics, and no knowledge of game theory. Their ideology is usually one that allows them to attempt to take value without offering similar value in return. The minute you get into that kind of situation, things fall apart fast (this is why socialism doesn’t work: lack of reciprocity and encouraging people to take without giving). Evolutionary biologist Geoffrey Miller describes SF hippie weaknesses, “Polyamory Is Growing—And We Need To Get Serious About It.” The hippies, consciously “alt” type people… are not serious about it. Fine, good for them. I have run into them now and then, then go about my business, ignoring them. The hotter women… almost all have some sense of their value, and they don’t want to give that away. The low-value women are fine with the hippie thing.
I DO want to make the world a better place. I DO think monogamy doesn’t work for many people. I DO want to have ecstatic experiences. So we have some things in common. But I am too pragmatic for SF hippies.
Marriage today is a problem because it assumes lifelong partnership and a stay-at-home wife who should get half the resources in the event of divorce. Today, most partnerships are not lifelong and most wives don’t stay at home or maintain themselves or submit to their husbands sexually or be truly monogamous. Marriage lets women take without giving… like socialism, it fails for a lot of people. So the whole marriage contract makes no sense, for anyone who thinks about it for ten minutes.
I think kids are important, but marriage is bad… almost no one is thinking this through. Most people maybe need the romantic mystification to have kids. They believe the lifelong love myth, long enough to have a couple kids, then they get divorced, which is catastrophic for the individual, but maybe good for the group and society and the selfish genes.
So I am thinking about how to have shorter-term pair bonds, how to have kids, how to negotiate those kinds of things, but without the marriage expectation.
Most chicks have not thought about any of this stuff either. When I introduce a chick to non-monogamy, she can later get the rest of my payload and my theories / interests, cause she is starting to get it, to see things differently. Sort of like how pickup and dating advice from pickup artists leads a lot of guys into the Red Pill. It starts at sex… then it leads towards other places. Political and societal places.
I don’t think I have all the answers… I am trying to follow the thread.
I have also been called calculated and similar things by chicks… the chicks are probably right. It is a downside to the analytic mindset. I don’t have as much of the passionate, headlong rush in me.
Stability and novelty/pleasure are probably just not going to happen fully together. Possible solutions to this problem interest me.
One thought on “Where I’m on-board with alternative lifestyles and where I deviate”
The ‘kids’ problem is the hard one.
I got pretty lucky in this department – I didn’t get married and have a good relationship with the mother of my kids. We had no shared assets, and she makes (a lot) more money and has a higher status career than me (and she was well aware of this from the start) so she’s not chasing me for child support money. Her mother bought her house for her outright, another incredibly fortunate thing for both of us. We’re both pretty flexible/easygoing with childcare arrangements and my parents help out a lot too.
I’m now very grateful that she dumped me because it has forced me to improve myself in every way (still working on the $$$ part though).
I know a guy who is ‘stuck’ in his low sex marriage because he doesn’t want to give up his house he worked so hard for, and doesn’t want to miss out on seeing his child for long periods.
There’s probably a lot more men who won’t admit it but are in a similar situation.