“Why meeting another’s gaze is so powerful:” the power of eye contact

Eye contact, eye contact, eye contact.

As well as sending our brains into social overdrive, research also shows that eye contact shapes our perception of the other person who meets our gaze. For instance, we generally perceive people who make more eye contact to be more intelligent, more conscientious and sincere (in Western cultures, at least), and we become more inclined to believe what they say.

Of course, too much eye contact can also make us uncomfortable – and people who stare without letting go can come across as creepy. In one study conducted at a science museum, psychologists recently tried to establish the preferred length of eye contact. They concluded that, on average, it is three seconds long (and no one preferred gazes that lasted longer than nine seconds).

Players practice it. Chicks respond to it.

Another documented effect of mutual gaze may help explain why that moment of eye contact across a room can sometimes feel so compelling. A recent study found that mutual gaze leads to a kind of partial melding of the self and other: we rate strangers with whom we’ve made eye contact as more similar to us, in terms of their personality and appearance

If she holds your eyes for those three seconds, go talk to her immediately. This chick is an example of eye contact’s power.

“He is exactly the kind of partner a liberated woman is supposed to want, and yet she despises him for it”

I’ve been saying that women are the truest red pillers… now we see an article by a chick, about books written by chicks, that are as red pill as anything comes… it’s about whether a novel can “capture the contradictions of female desire,” but it’s not hard to understand… one just has to remember that chicks are random and also that many chicks don’t want to be accountable for their decisions. Seriously, the chicks writing the novels and the chick writing the article agree with me, just not in the exact framing I use…

Their behavior mystifies them, and they discover that the selective work of authorship can relieve their confusion: if they choose some moments from their past and discard others, if they arrange these moments in just the right way, they might be able to understand themselves as logical and consistent, free of the messy task of figuring out what they want, and the even messier one of fully accepting these wants.

When guys ask women logical questions about the woman’s behavior and don’t get logical answers, that’s often because the woman herself doesn’t know. “Their behavior mystifies them.” One thing most chicks hate, however, is boredom, as we see here.

Of the intervening years, we have learned that she married and abruptly divorced a kale-loving man, a classmate in her grad-school cohort, whom she describes as “nice” and “ever so understanding.” She is mocking him. He is exactly the kind of partner a liberated woman is supposed to want, and yet she despises him for it.

Nice guys are boring. “Liberated” women want what other women want.

Years after her ur-erotic hotel-room encounter, the narrator finds herself in another hotel room, this time with a man she has picked up in the bar downstairs. Her husband is at home and thinks she is away at a job interview or visiting friends; she can’t remember. Alone with the stranger, the narrator tells him that she wants to be dominated. This time she’s articulating her desire, rather than discovering it through someone else’s, and in the act of articulation she can’t help but come face to face with her own agency. But the fantasy itself is for the opposite: “I hate making choices,” she says.

If she wants it, the husband doesn’t matter, the previous agreements don’t matter… all that matters is the moment. The impressive thing is that she says she wants to be dominated. Most women want guys to intuit that, to just know it. But “I hate making choices…” that’s why smart guys minimize the choices chicks need to make. In the old world, the anthropological hunter-gatherer world and then the agricultural world, chicks didn’t have many choices to make. They married who their families, mostly their fathers and brothers, told them to marry. Now we are surprised that a lot of chicks are unhappy to be introduced into the world of intense mating competition and that many chicks are ambivalent about the choices in front of them. Chicks live in the land of maybe, but most guys are never taught this.

Most guys don’t understand what women want during sex, or how to give it to them…

This contrast—of women raring to assert their agency in one context, then willing, even eager, to relinquish it another—captured my interest in part because of its familiarity. I’d seen it crop up recently in widely praised works both written by and featuring brazen, outspoken, and almost always middle-class white women. It’s in Sally Rooney’s “Conversations with Friends,” when Frances tries unsuccessfully to get Nick—older, married, kind—to choke and hit her during sex. And in Rooney’s “Normal People,” when Marianne discloses to gentle, sensitive Connell, her on-again-off-again boyfriend, that another man has hit her with a belt, choked her—that she asked for it, enjoyed it.

Read from the right perspective, this “feminist” article in a feminist magazine about feminist novels tells us more about real chicks than most of the man-hating feminist writing. There are some dysfunctional women who hate men and some dysfunctional men who hate women, but most of all guys need to learn to understand chicks, and then their behavior becomes clearer. Chicks are often like random-number generators, a fact that explains my interactions with many chicks the interactions so many men have with chicks.

This article is great reading for confused guys.

Women are the truest red pillers.

Women don’t think that women can make adult decisions and be held accountable for those decisions

Years ago I worked with and sometimes supervised a college-age intern. She was into me for what I assume to be the usual reasons… she initiated the flirting and while I flirted back, I stay somewhat reserved in work settings. While I stand by what I wrote in If you are not a pussy you will do better than most guys: ‘When Women Pursue Sex, Even Men Don’t Get It’ and argue that men should be more aggressive and direct, it’s also unwise and unnecessary to f**k where you earn.

I slept with this one at the end of her time: I didn’t actually f**k her until she was done with the internship, and as far as I know we enjoyed some good times. If she was faking it during the sex, she was a first-rate actress. It was an easy, fun lay and she was also extremely petite and extremely tight. She was mobile and moved out of my geographic area, and when she got back I tried to re-engage, but she said a hard “no.” Too bad, but it happens, and chicks are random.

We’d stayed Facebook friends since then and while Facebook is a waste of time I do use it occasionally… usually to set up hookups or arrange real-world meetings. A year or two ago I happened to see a post about a career milestone for this girl (although I think she’s going in the wrong direction, I’ve not been asked my opinion so I shut the f**k up about my views). In the post she wrote about her career decisions and her relationship . . . with an older guy . . . who “took advantage” of her. I’m omitting some details, but she was definitely talking about me.

She wrote that I had taken advantage of her vulnerability and used age and wisdom to become intimate with her. She also wrote that I had betrayed her trust in me. This is funny because she was an active participant in seducing me and I recall what she was like in bed (eager, happy, seemingly satisfied or, as I said above, faking it well).

Our relationship did end in a somewhat untidy way and she got lost in the shuffle because I was f**king a couple other girls at the time, and she left the area pretty quickly. One day during that time I was supposed to meet her for coffee and as I walked in I saw my #1 girl already sitting at the window! I hadn’t properly prepped either for non-monogamy, so I had to run and make some unfortunate and very lame excuses… part of the angry girl’s reaction is probably due to my own hectic schedule at the time, and I should rightfully have done a better job of setting expectations, boundaries, etc. I wasn’t as good at that as I am now, or I just hadn’t had time to.

The aggrieved tone of her post is ridiculous and she is claiming the mantle of victimhood as if that’s something to admire. That woman (and she is now really a woman, not a girl) doesn’t think that women are capable of making adult decisions for themselves. Like a lot of “feminists.” For her, anything women do that they later regret is something that happened due to “emotional vulnerability” or “manipulation” or some such other nonsense. Women like this one are arguing, without realizing it, that women are children and shouldn’t be culpable for their actions and choices. Regret something? It’s a man’s fault.

I disagree with that view, but I’ve heard enough women express it to stop me… and make me think… what if those women are right? So many argue that women can’t be held responsible for their own actions and choices.

There are a handful of women in public who want women to be held to the same levels of accountability and rationality that men are. They don’t buy into the SJW worldview. They are just… rare. But a lot of other women think that women can’t be trusted to make their own sexual decisions. Feminists want to treat women like children. Sometimes I think, “Maybe feminists are right, given the female propensity to rewrite the past to fit present circumstances.” There is an epidemic of reframing consensual encounters as non-consensual, like that chick.

Here’s the other thing that I think plays into these problems… a lot of women from around the age of puberty up to age 22 or 24 don’t properly and truly understand the incredible sexual power they have over men. Or how powerfully and profoundly they excite men. Many men will go to almost any length for sex with them: this kind of power is enormous and it cannot be learned to be wielded correctly in a short period of time. Women experimenting with their sexual power are often surprised by how powerful it is. They are also sometimes surprised by the intensity of their own sexual response in the moment. But our society simultaneously tells women that they are oppressed and that men are bad guys. Enormous power + rhetoric about how she’s not responsible for herself = bad things.

In As Good As It Gets, the Jack Nicholson character is asked, “How do you write women so well?” and he says, “I think of a man and I take away reason and accountability.” I don’t believe this, and yet I see a lot of women in the media and online arguing it… not in these exact words, but with their meaning. Should we trust women who are making these very arguments, and believe them, when they tell us women can’t be reasonable and accountable?

Holly Madison Reveals The Hell That Is Playboy Mansion Life. Now, I don’t doubt that life in the Playboy Mansion was torpid and boring for the girls (how could it not be, with so little dick available and so little growth possible?). But Holly Madison got fame and a place on TV and rescued from her own inept life choices by nothing more than her beauty. After the fact, she’s pissed off about it and doubts her own ability to consent. She thinks she can’t be responsible for her own decisions… just like the former intern.

What women will think if men start taking them at their word? That women can’t be trusted to be consistent in their own decisions?

There are of course women who criticize the fainting-damsel mindset… the Red Scare girls do it in this podcast, where they talk about the power play at work and the displacement of desire by girls on to men. Camille Paglia demands accountability and responsibility in women, and she understands that many women have regressed into a childlike state of fantasy good and evil, and they show a longing for a patriarchal figure to take care of them. But without fathers or husbands, they are lost, and don’t understand themselves or masculinity. We’re in the midst of a new Salem Witch Hunt, in which hysterical girls can’t handle their own sexuality or admit to their own sexual agency. Years ago, women fought for the idea of sexual autonomy… now women fight to get rid of sexual autonomy and for the claim to be victims.

Passionate love and companionate love for guys

Got some feedback on this, “Short Dancer, maybe the last girl I was in intense love with (while ago now),” and it seems to be off-brand for me, based on the feedback… but the reactions have alerted me to some oversight… there are at least two kinds of love, passionate love and companionate love (may have got the terms slightly wrong but the idea is right). Passionate love is in the intensely erotic and sexualized love that often characterizes the beginning of relationships, crushes, etc. It’s intense, all-consuming, like a drug, etc. Companionate love is closer to friendship, involving kindness, compatibility, similar values, etc. These two are not completely exclusive… it’s possible to find someone highly arousing but also companionate. Or companionate but also arousing, if you like that better.

They don’t have to go together.

But they can.

I may have misjudged Short Dancer, because I thought she was more hypergamous and more interested in being an experimental s**t than she might be in reality. It’s hard to say because I don’t know a lot about what she’s really been up to, so for all I know she has a secret side guy besides her official guy. But she seems to be more interested in monogamy and a steady relationship than I thought (unless there’s something I don’t know)… but our experience together was primarily passionate. Very passionate.

Passionate love is wonderful… it’s also not very sustainable… after you’ve f**ked a woman hundreds of times, passionate love will probably begin to decline as you acclimate to her and her to you. What’s left when the overwhelming drug exhilaration goes away? Until it does, you don’t know… you probably can’t know… you’ll probably be blinded by her beauty and the feel of her p***y… a lot of the better long term relationships with kids can start with passionate love and decay into companionate love. Not impossible for that happen. But it’s also possible that most women with whom you experience passionate love, are not suitable for long-term relationships. And some women who are great for long-term relationships don’t generate the most intense sexual passion.

“Picking up girls” skills and “long-term relationships” skills have some overlap but a guy who wants to f**k a lot should focus on the first set of skills, not the second set. Lots of guys have neither set of skills and just take what they can get. Probably the majority of guys, in reality. Most guys writing about the game focus on pickup… as they should… it is hard to have a satisfying long-term relationship without having options and without knowing that the woman you’re with can leave and you’ll be okay. Women prefer guys who the women know can get other women. Guys are going to have lots of trouble having good long-term relationships with companionate elements unless they can pick up chicks.

I’m bringing this up because it’s possible to have a long term relationship with family and kids with a woman who goes from passionate love to more companionate love. It happens, yes. But… a lot of divorces, nasty breakups, etc. happen when someone, or two people, mistake passionate love for good long-term compatibility. Short Dancer was a great passionate love but I think the age gap and other factors made us unsustainable… beyond that, I wasn’t quite looking for that kind of thing at that time.

A lot of broken relationships are founded on passion, and male desperation. Almost all regular romantic/sexual mainstream advice focuses on companionate relationships… those are fine, but the advice is almost always half-blind. I don’t emphasize companionate relationships because the commentary on them is so readily available… but almost no mainstream advice focuses on maximizing passionate relationships… or is even comfortable with talking about them. Players are rare because we value passion and strive to create it in both men and women, while the mainstream seeks to tamp down and deny passion. I want to acknowledge passionate love… but also acknowledge companionate love, here and now. Companionate love can exist without you reader personally wanting to engage in it right now. Get lots of passionate experience first.

In many good long term relationships, passion decays gracefully into companionate love… in a lot of bad relationships, the need to chase passion predominates. One interesting question to me is whether some aspects of non-monogamy can square that circle. Not perfectly, but a little. I’ve seen people do it.

If the relationship is too companionate, especially for younger women, she’ll get bored, and we know that Boredom = death. But women vary in how easily they’re bored, how hypergamous they are, etc., and women who aren’t easily bored are better for long-term relationships. Some women are also incapable of companionate love. I have met women in their 50s and 60s who are still chasing the D like teens.

I’m in favor of being in love. Love is fun. I’m against marriage but in favor of love. You can also love a chick w/o being monogamous.

Advertisers can’t sell products with companionate love, for the most part, so we see passionate love depicted. But companionate love is a thing too.

Many players and s**ts love passionate love and will eliminate partners as the passion subsides. If you commit to a woman while you are in the throes of passionate love, you are setting yourself up to fail, and a lot of guys do this, then post online about how chicks are evil, while taking zero responsibility for their own actions and choices.

Most of the mistakes I write about, like mistaking passion for compatibility, are mistakes I’ve made.

How not to be boring on dates

You know boredom = death. You don’t know how to not be boring. “Talk Less. Listen More. Here’s How. Lessons in the art of listening, from a C.I.A. agent, a focus group moderator and more.”

Good listeners ask good questions. One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned as a journalist is that anyone can be interesting if you ask the right questions. That is, if you ask truly curious questions that don’t have the hidden agenda of fixing, saving, advising, convincing or correcting. Curious questions don’t begin with “Wouldn’t you agree…?” or “Don’t you think…?” and they definitely don’t end with “right?” The idea is to explore the other person’s point of view, not sway it.

Often it’s better to make statements than ask questions.

You also want to avoid asking people personal and appraising questions like “What do you do for a living?” or “What part of town do you live in?” or “What school did you go to?” or “Are you married?” This line of questioning is not an honest attempt to get to know who you’re talking to so much as rank them in the social hierarchy. It’s more like an interrogation and, as a former C.I.A. agent told me, interrogation will get you information, but it won’t be credible or reliable.

In social situations, peppering people with judgmental questions is likely to shift the conversation into a superficial, self-promoting elevator pitch. In other words, the kinds of conversations that make you want to leave the party early and rush home to your dog.

Instead, ask about people’s interests. Try to find out what excites or aggravates them — their daily pleasures or what keeps them up at night. Ask about the last movie they saw or for the story behind a piece of jewelry they’re wearing. Also good are expansive questions, such as, “If you could spend a month anywhere in the world, where would you go?”

Research indicates that when people who don’t know each other well ask each other these types of questions, they feel more connected than if they spent time together accomplishing a task. They are the same kinds of questions listed in the widely circulated article “36 Questions That Lead to Love” and are similar to the conversation starters suggested by the Family Dinner Project, which encourages device-free and listening-focused meals.

These are things players teach guys to do. Many guys are technical, focused on achievement, and blind to most of the emotions/feelings chicks have. Conversationally, many guys see in black and white, while chicks see in full color. Most chicks are not results-oriented, they’re feelings-oriented, so when guys try to talk about whatever they’re learning or their latest achievement, most chicks zone out. It’s even worse when the guy’s only achievement is from playing video games

There are exceptions. If a guy has learned something about dancing, acroyoga, theater, singing, etc., a lot of chicks will be interested in that. Lots of chicks are into gossip, but gossip is dangerous, if you make her think you’re not part of the secret society or are going to judge her sexually. Gossip is also irrelevant from online dates with girls who you don’t interact with socially.

Good conversationalists get that way through practice. If you’re the typical online social ret**d it’s going to take you a while to get there. You practice a little bit every day and after a couple years you get pretty good. Like everything else.

Socially skilled players also know when to break rapport. If she’s rambling on about her family, treating you like a girlfriend, etc., or extensively engaging in long, too-safe topics, it can be useful to break rapport, spike her sexually, etc. Every situation is different and no guy does this perfectly all the time. As usual, Krauser’s textbooks have loads of details on this subject and much more depth than I can offer. I have heard many chicks complain about boring conversations with guys and many guys complain that chicks seem bored and bitchy… rather than blaming chicks for being who they are or blaming guys for being who we are, I suggest pragmatically upping your skills, instead of complaining.

Game, intelligence, IQ, image match

The players writing about the game almost always have above-average intelligence, and it shows in their writing. This makes sense because you can’t be a total dummy and develop high-level game skills. It’s too complex to learn the skills, integrate the skills, practice the skills, and so on, for real dummies to do this. You have to plan and execute ideas. Some of the things you do may not bear fruit for many months or years (IQ, conscientious, and foresight are correlated). Diet and exercise discipline is hard and takes months or years to see results. You must learn from harsh rejections and cruel women. If you are too stupid to get feedback from women, incorporate the feedback, make changes, and try again, you will fail. The Internet is full of guys doing the same thing over and over again, then complaining about chicks.

We know quite a bit about food and nutrition but it takes time and energy to learn these things, which many people never do. I myself have spent thousands of dollars over the years on coaches, trainers, and physical therapy (to repair damage). These things are impractical for the ignorant… or just stupid. Someone bedazzled by images and unable to learn from reading is probably not going to execute the game effectively. Someone who likes playing video games to the detriment of the rest of his life, same problem.

Don’t want to toot my own horn too much, but I have heard guys who get into this say there are fewer idiots than they expected. To be sure “smart” isn’t everything and smart-enough people can have motivated reasoning problems. Krauser, to use one sample, suffers from a lot of motivated reasoning and racism but his overall IQ can’t be so low. The racism and foolishly anti-immigrant sentiment is linked to his motivated reasoning; he often denies historical and scientific fact that conflicts with his racist, in-group views. Yet his overall IQ is evident from his writing.

Going back to the image match thing, some girls will not sleep with guys below some minimum IQ (or will do so very rarely and in exceptional circumstances, like sports heroes or very hot guys). I’ve had success with smart girls who won’t f**k stupid guys but who are pretty… and they have a small market because plenty of “smart” guys (in a raw IQ sense) smarten themselves out of style, social skills, and game. Think about many engineers and programmers on the autism spectrum. So I can end up pressing a lot of those girls’ buttons very quickly. Some pretty but smart girls have found me almost a relief from the basic guy, and while they are not super common themselves but I have found myself in a lot of situations where they congregate. Dumb girls will often f**k smart guys who are also fun and flirty, so smart guys with game can go down in IQ and still touch on the smarter girls.

It can go the other way, too… for long term relationships… after you have f**ked a girl a couple hundred times, maybe a thousand times… her physical beauty is just not going to be as important as it was the first time you saw her, the first time you got her nude, etc. It won’t be unimportant but it won’t matter as much. Her capacity to say surprising things, learn new things, etc…. that can continue for her entire lifespan. Smarter girls will also understand the importance of fitness and nutrition, and they will have the ability to understand that eating the ice cream today has important negative consequences tomorrow. The smartest people don’t just take in, judge, and evaluate new information… they use that information effectively to make changes. Longer-term relationships work better with girls who are effective than girls who are ineffective. If you are an old enough guy, you have met hot girls, or once hot girls, who have lots of short and medium term relationships but can’t seem to keep the guy. Sometimes the fact is that they are hot but vapid, so a man is happy to f**k her until he’s bored of her. F**k a woman a sufficient number of times and you’re likely not with her anymore just cause she’s hot.

Our society does a poor job teaching guys what chicks want… so guys who want to really know, have to learn for ourselves, and from other guys. This is hard for guys who are blinded by advertising, video games, etc., or guys who are just dumb.

Singles push politics and societies to be more extreme??

How single men and women are making politics more extreme… fewer people are marrying and having children, but women with sons have a strong incentive to protect a “male” point of view and the same is true for men with daughters, who have a strong incentive to protect a “female” point of view. Strip out some of cross-sex ties that come from marriage and children and both extreme feminism and the red pill stem from the same family locus.

Go further than the writer, who can’t go as dark as anonymous writers, like this anonymous writer… a lot of guys feel shut out of the sexual market altogether, and form communities of lost boys on the Internet, or fill their time with porn and video games, cause why bother trying for sex if they’re so far out of the sexual marketplace? Anger takes the place of success, when a guy isn’t numbing himself with video games. The less practice with women a guy has, the less able he is to seduce, attract, and retain women, leaving him with an angry festering emotional void where a relationship is supposed to go. (I’m not advocating this point of view and advocate the opposite, but it is out there.) Yes, it’s true that feminism has destroyed a lot of the school system and made it extremely anti-male, fostering video game dependency with its anti-male hatred… but a guy still exists in this world and for most people not having any relationship at all is bad, worse than all but the worst relationships. Particularly as one grows older. At age 20 you can say it will happen for me one day. For the average 40 year old man (yes I know about 40 year old players with hot 20 something women, that’s not average), it’s probably not going to happen.

A lot of women, meantime, have been “liberated” from the scourge of male resources and support. Haha, thanks feminism. I bet most real women really love that liberation from male wages and secure male attention. Women are used to being financially and emotionally subsidized by men, but now women are freed from the bonds of marriage to pursue hypergamy… they can chase guys +2 in SMV or more, get f**ked by them, and then have those men move on to the next field (woman). This hurts women. Worse still a lot of women at the bottom of the scale don’t even get to feel the pleasures of male attraction and attention. Hot men won’t pay attention to me? Feminism has the answer, that men are scum, etc., answers that are not true or interesting.

The red pill is a reaction to this situation. Feminists weaponized gender first, and now it’s happening among men. Men have also realized that if we hit the gym, practice seduction, learn what women like, and learn how to press women’s buttons, we can get as much sex as we can handle without having to marry the woman and subsidize her. It used to be that men traded resources for sex in marriage. Now we don’t have to trade. So for some top men… why bother marrying? Divorce still favors women… so why do it?

Women are unhappy when society favors marriage… women are unhappy when society doesn’t favor marriage… women vote for various means to extract subsidies from men via taxes rather than via marriage… men have mostly not figured this out. Too busy playing video games and watching sports. And we wonder why national politics are hopelessly fucked up, when they mirror a gender fight we all see on the ground. Feminists who started this gender fight didn’t think about what would happen when men get into it. Average men and women are still probably okay, the ones not contaminated too much by feminism… elite men are doing well (f**king as much as we like, based on good habits and knowledge of female attraction triggers). Elite women are doing somewhat less well because they have to compete so hard for other elite men.

We are getting into a situation where the extremes are more extreme. There are more virgins and incels than ever, and more hard-core players than ever. The hard-core players can learn from each other… I have been hearing reports from guys racking up 10+ lays in under a year from learning the game, then applying it to sex clubs. A guy who wants to raise himself above average has a clear path to doing that.

It has never been a better time to be a player… or a sexually unrestricted woman… it has never been a worse time to be a provider guy… or a medium tier woman trying to lock down a higher status man. An individual who can’t get what he or she wants is annoying… an army of women or men who can’t get what they want is a political force. A destabilizing political force. Families moderate humans. Adult humans without families are reshaping our society for the worse.

BDSM dates & sex skills & online dating

Most guys still don’t know and can’t do BDSM, but Yoylo, who is working the game says, “I know it sounds a weird request – but how would you stage a sex date with a girl who has complained all her life about sex not being rough enough? I’m planning the date with the MILF for next week.”

Not odd/weird… there are lots of things to do… if you have space and money for a spanking bench, that is a nice touch (etsy seems to be the place to buy them, don’t know why, but check your local sex shops too). Many apartments/flats are too small for spanking benches. In thinking about BDSM… do the slow/teasing leadup… most girls complain that guys go too fast and are in too much of a hurry… so do the opposite. Sex skills for guys, and this one about vibrators, are also good posts with actionable advice applicable to BDSM dates.

Once you have read those two… you’ll understand some basics, so we’ll start when the chick is back at your apartment. If it’s one-on-one, start with kissing her, holding her neck, etc. When she is ready, collar her and put wrist and ankle restraints on her. You might use them, you might not. I wouldn’t gag her the first time, tempting as it is.

Have nipple clamps (key) and a collar.

Be ready with a butt plug and lube.

Talk dirty, tell her she’s a slut, etc.

As you are kissing her, strip her as typical when leading to sex. Play with her nipples and see how sensitive they are. If they’re very sensitive, she probably won’t like clamps. If they’re less sensitive, she’s more likely to. Don’t use clamps immediately, but when she’s very warmed up see if she’s interested in having them on her.

Eventually she’ll only be wearing her panties (assuming she’s wearing any). While she’s still standing, bend her over partially and begin spanking her. If you’ve never spanked a woman before, “How to spank a woman” in a search engine will give you good resources for this. Alternate spanking and caressing. Pay attention to her sounds and body. You may go back and forth with a paddle, or with a flogger.

It’s also reasonable to engage a leather paddle. Move to a wood one if you think she is not reaching her terminus. If you are swinging a wood paddle like a baseball bat and connecting with her ass… and it is not enough… then she is going into places I (personally) don’t want want to go. It’s getting too close to something like torture instead of bondage. There are chicks who go for that… I find it to be a real turnoff when she’s into that level of pain/suffering. For newbie chicks, hands and paddles are usually sufficient.

At some point you want to slide your hands in and begin touching her clit. If you’ve spanked her well and her body responds well, she will probably already be wet. This can go on for as little as four or five minutes or as long as 20 or 30, intermittently, with some gentle caressing in between.

Move her to the bed at some point, or the bench mentioned earlier. Like with sex, it’s not a bad idea to move spaces once or twice. Not so much as to break flow, but enough to keep her from getting bored or too acclimated. And go a little more slowly than you think. It’s tempting to just ratchet up rapidly. If you sense she’s getting bored or restless, ratchet up more quickly. For a lot of chicks, anticipation is as good or better than the execution.

Play with the restraints and with blindfolds. When she’s been spanked well, tie her to the bed and try going down on her and you will likely get a great response, for example. At some point just f**k her as you normally would, but incorporate spanking and choking into it. Hold her collar, lightly, perhaps. This can be dangerous because you don’t want to hurt her windpipe, so be careful with it.

Some chicks who like needles and who like a level of pain and bruising I’m not into. This chick would send me pictures of her entire ass and upper thighs turning black with bruising. I would hit her HARD with paddles, and she seemed to… not shrug it off, but I was not touching her innermost space. I consciously decided she goes too far for me… I don’t want to really beat up a woman, or leave her like that chick liked. I don’t want to mess with needles and blood. I have seen chicks who like that and I’m just not interested and don’t find it erotic. These girls are pretty rare.

Like with sex or symphonies, it’s good to have some mini crescendos, then back off, then build up again.

Like with business, proper preparation is ideal. For chicks, guys make things “just happen” so that the chick doesn’t have to do anything besides pick her outfit and bend over. Chicks live in a world where they just show up… and the guy has done the work… so do the work. Feminism’s noise about “equality” is bullshit. Most chicks want an experienced guy to show them the way.

So that’s my step-by-step towards a chick who has never had it rough enough. This is a scaleable action plan, because some chicks just want a little light spanking and paddling, which they’ve never had from their pussy, feminist boyfriends. Some chicks want extreme pain that I don’t want to get to. Most chicks won’t know where they are until you take them there, and ideally the chick will say “yellow” if you get her to that end state. A good dom is monitoring the chick carefully and backing off when necessary.

I don’t think Yoylo, who asked, really needed the above… it sounds like he’d gotten it all figured out before my reply and was prepared, but he was also ready to change based on the feel of the mood and other contingencies. Being prepared decreases any stress or anxiety in the moment… I have done a little description of prep to friends who say that it sounds like a lot of work. But then I point out that advance work improves the moment because you don’t have to worry about where the paddle is, whether the cuffs are available, how to tie her up, how to release her, etc.

Also, you don’t have to use the equipment at all, or not all of it, every time. You can just use what feels right and if she’s fatigued or you’re just done, you can have it and not need it. Like firearms and condoms, better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it.

My sense is that the BDSM market is not tapped properly online, unlike the general market. This guy, Andy has/had a BDSM Tinder profile that seems to have worked well for him. Will it work for you? No idea… if I had to try online dating again I would give this a shot, given how terrible most online dating has become. You have to decide for yourself.