Players (and, more often, wannabes) talk about the three-date “rule” before sex… guys will say, “If you don’t have sex by the end of date three, drop her.” But this rule is too strict: instead of mindlessly following it, analyze the mindset and experience this “rule” comes from… guys who are used to being taken advantage of, and from guys who are probably taking girls on expensive, elaborate dates (like dinner). Those guys worry that the girl is just tooling them for money and attention. If you’ve presented yourself as a provider guy and are spending $50+ per date… the girl might show up just to get free meals… like a squirrel in the back yard will keep showing up to eat birdseed, instead of going through the arduous process of hunting acorns. Smart, functional girls know that nothing valuable is truly “free,” but they might like the attention and have nothing else going on, so they’re happy to absorb some male attention, even if it’s shitty, low-quality attention. Too many guys have also heard and internalized stories about fast pulls of hot girls and then think every girl can/should be pulled and f**ked fast… my own stories like this one advance the “girls will f**k fast” narrative.
“Must get to fast sex” is the wrong mindset and narrative for most guys… Krauser’s memoirs, for example, are full of stories about five or more dates before sex… some hot girls need time. Instead of chasing speed, apply some simple tests to the girl and the dates,
- Is progress being made?
- Do you enjoy spending time with the girl?
- Does she seem to be tooling you for value or attention? Some girls are intensely pleasurable to be around, and some girls are a chore whose presence might be okay if that’s the road to sex but otherwise have little going for them.
- Does the girl herself seem high quality and to justify the investment? For me, a hot and wonderful girl is worth more investment than some marginal girl. I’ve been known to rumble a marginal 6 who is available, though I wouldn’t invest a lot of time and energy in her.
Experience will help you feel out each situation. Mr. V wrote,
“+1. Was able to get past LMR this time! Prob worth a lay report to dive deeper/lessons.
Now, imagine a girl breaks up with you, then you fly 8 hours to see her, and the very next day she fucks some other dude…
Last night I was that other dude”
Good work Mr. V. Another guy predictably wrote, “Hats off to your patience, I would have given up after 3rd date.” Mr. V replied with the text I mentioned, about progress and pleasurable company.
Mystery’s 7 hour rule is an average… some girls can be had in less time, some girls need more. “Progress” will mean different things with each girl, but I’d count something like kissing, making out, touching her body, her touching yours, feeling her responsiveness, etc., as progress. If she’s ice cold on the first date and ice cold on the third, roll off and let her go.
If she’s running hot and then cooler and then hot again, maybe she’s deciding between guys, or has something else going on. Some girls will also be ready to f**k but then get their periods, or get colds, or have something else that gets in the way and interrupts momentum, but, if the guy is patient, it will happen. If the guy throws a fit because she’s not willing to f**k on his schedule, she’s learned something useful and negative about him.
Clearly each guy should do what he wants to do. But some hot and wonderful girls take longer than others… they have not been my main study, but they can be good. Patience can be good, and some girls have taken a long time and many dates to crack, and I don’t regret putting that effort in. I also don’t buy into the idea that the longer a guy has to wait, the better the girl is. Some quality girls are horny and want it now, some need to know the guy better and spend more time with him. How fast she goes is not a perfect indicator of how much she likes you. Some girls who are so-so about a guy in the beginning will warm up to him over time.
The quality of girl will also vary with how much energy you put into dating her. I might go for a lower-quality girl who is convenient and available… but I wouldn’t put a lot of effort into chasing her… this seems pretty obvious to me.
Some guys have way too many chicks in the air, which is a great and wonderful high-quality problem… not many guys have this problem. Most guys are getting past the girl’s filter, not trying to filter out girls. If you’re a guy with this problem, and you want to focus only on the “yes” girls who move fast to sex, that’s a choice. It’s a choice that may make sense for a high-status guy with this unusual problem, but it makes less sense for most guys. I’ve been in this situation, which is wonderful, and I have used sex clubs and consensual non-monogamy as filters.
When I don’t have enough time, mental space, and attention for more girls in my life, I’m much more likely to talk about sex clubs and consensual non-monogamy with girls and see which girls are super interested. This strategy sets me apart from other guys, to offer some understatement. It’s not an optimal strategy, but it is a filtering strategy to see which girls are more into me, than they would be to a similar, average guy.
Before a guy spouts off about three-date rules, he should be asking himself where he’s at, where the guy he’s giving advice to is at, and whether he’s talking from his ego, or from his true goals. A lot of guys spout off about fast sex and a low number of dates because they want to show off to other guys and try to look macho, but, if they implement such rules in their real lives, they’ll lose girls. I want to get laid, not feed my ego through posturing. Life is short and girls need to be f**ked.
10 thoughts on “The three-date “rule” before sex”
Like all rules, the three date rule is meant to be broken, but it’s there for a reason. The key decision point here I think is exactly what you said: are you making progress, do you enjoy the chick. If yes and yes, keep going. Also seems to me why guys should avoid spending a whole lot on any date until she’s a regular.
1st date: drink/coffee and pull (if possible–defer toward not), 2nd date: dinner at your place and usually this will be a pull. 3rd date: do something active that ends at one of your places, like a hike, walk, some sort of physical activity, then yes, you should pull. 4th date: she should have you over for dinner or plan something–if she won’t, she’s not investing. Obviously nothing ever fits into a neat little pattern or box, but as long as you’re not spending a ton on the dates, it’s fine.
I suppose caveat here is you should be continuing to approach, date, and game other chicks in the meantime. Don’t get complacent unless you got in this for a GF, then I guess, good luck.
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Guys; We forgot the “pop smoke” rule. If you feel like something is off; you can always pop smoke and not go on other dates. Insert your reasons here________.
Q. Have you ever had a hard time getting a girl that isn’t interested to text you back?
Q. Have you ever had a hard time getting a girl out on a 2nd date?
Q. Have you ever seen a girl stare at her phone all night on a date?
Q. Have you ever seen a girl roll her eyes at a guy she does like?
Q. Have you ever…
>> If you’ve presented yourself as a provider guy and are spending $50+ per date… the girl might show up just to get free meals
A. Girls never intentional hang out with boring guys (unless they are a couple – ouch!)
A. Girls don’t need your food.
I think the notion that girls want your “dinner money” is one of the most off topic myths in date culture. It is true she might allow you spend all kind of ATTENTION without “deepening the relationship toward sex” (aka, the dude can’t escalate) etc. But it’s not for food. It’s not for free dinner.
“The free dinner girls” are a myth that guys that can’t escalate use to explain why they go on so many dates to nowhere.
> …more often, wannabes
A man is only an orbiter if he allows himself to be… by never testing her sexually. That is all him.
> like a squirrel in the back yard
Yeah, well… every “squirrel” that steps into my backyard… I WHIP IT OUT… and that squirrel is either “down,” or they are outta my yard.
You are exceptional in terms of liking dinner dates in restaurants and doing them well. That is great. Most guys seem not to like them that much and not do them well.
I had some challenges when I was younger and less savvy, with girls who were bored/whatever coming out for free stuff.
I know guys my age, who should know better, who have these problems.
I don’t think I wrote that all dinner dates are bad (they aren’t)… but in my entire life, I have probably met and talked to only a handful of guys who do them well, or seem to… one of them who does dinner dates well is in this comment thread.