A continuation of XBTUSD’s previous post, “Setting the non-monogamous frame and intention with women.”
My first (planned) group sex experience was a sex party that was relatively easy to get into, and relatively easy to find (the attendees were not that hot: which may not be a coincidence). It’s possible to find sex parties with two minutes and a search engine. I went with my girlfriend at the time and two other couples, and all we did was have sex with each other in a setting where other people were having sex with each other. It was disorienting to be having sex next to other people. I couldn’t cum because I was so distracted by being on an uncomfortable bed, and feeling like people were judging my sexual performance. Later, I learned that people are concentrating on their own experience, not on “judging me:” I was having a spotlight effect problem. Most people care about themselves, not about you, and letting go of the spotlight effect enables a better, more adventurous life. Luckily, I didn’t have trouble getting or staying hard, but it was surprising how nerve wracking it was (many guys use drugs like Cialis to give themselves a boost). I highly suggest doing something like this before you have a threesome or foursome to get some practice in a context where there are more people present than just your female partner.
It’s always the man’s job to lead, and to make the women feel comfortable, safe, and allow them to push their limits. Ideally, prior to the “event”, you should have an adult conversation where you talk about boundaries, things you’d like to try together, condoms, etc. Maybe I’ll write up a topic list in a future post. This convo should happen in a social setting like a bar, not the place you’re going to have sex (maybe not even on the same night as the group sex) so that it doesn’t kill the vibe/spontaneity of the actual sex. The more experienced the participants, the less this applies, because you can have the conversation during sex or right before. Once you know people’s desires/boundaries, you can push a lot harder because you don’t have to worry you might push too far. It’s also good to know people’s experience levels so you can tailor the energy level based on the experience levels of those in a group. Don’t do varsity level shit with most beginners. If she loves the first time, ramp up the next experience.
In a foursome (two men two women) you have a bit of a conundrum because we know that the man should lead (you), but there are two men. Should it be you or the other guy? The answer doesn’t really matter as much as some think, as long as the women feel like everything is moving naturally. The girls don’t want to feel uncertainty around leadership, so it’s important to either plan out, prior to the event, who’s going to lead between the two men, or, if one of you is more dominant than the other, defer to that. Also, if you’re in one or the other’s home, it’s natural to defer to the one whose home you’re in.
I like to take breaks, have a glass of wine with everybody, discuss how it’s going, be more social. I think the break in energy is nice for pacing and also conveys a sense of comfort for the women. It’s similar to a waiter stopping by midway through your meal to ask how its going. Women often need time to process things and can’t while the action is happening. What do I want more of, less of, vibe change, music, lighting, toys, etc? It makes the women feel like it’s not “all about sex” and that their needs are being cared for (hydration, rest etc). It shows the men are comfortable with this kind of setting, walking around naked having a glass of wine after an hour of fucking. It shows the men are not feeling rushed, or overly excited because this has never happened to them before. Even if this is your first time, act like you’ve been here before. Don’t slap your buddy a high five because you’re so excited this is happening to you! You want the women to feel that everything is going according to plan and that the night will continue to unfold magically for the them: perfectly planned and entirely spontaneous.
After a break you can swap partners, or go from two pairs of people interacting separately to all four interacting together, or three trying to make one person cum. One of the guys I have done this with a bit has a nice routine. He’s a massage expert (amateur) and has a professional massage table. He will give my girl a massage for around an hour. This massage includes “sexual touching” and this gives him time to get to establish a sexual rapport with her in a slow sensual way. They can talk and have a good time. On the other side of the room he will set me up with his girl at the “bar” and we will watch porn together and get to know each other, almost like you would on a date but skipping all the pleasantries and using “sexual touch” immediately. Porn is the vehicle for us to do something erotic together and show each other what turns us on without having to be so direct about it. Then we all reconvene around the bar and have some drinks and plan out what we all want to do together. This beginning hour sets the mood and allows a slow buildup between meeting and actual sex beginning. He will then lay out all his sex toys (numerous) on the bed and we start using the various toys on the women. This allows women some input into the night while being constrained to a set of choices we gave them. We led them, and they got to participate. This is a common pattern. Allow women to make choices within very defined limits so they feel agency, but aren’t overwhelmed by the feeling that they have to direct how things are going to go. They want to be acted upon, but only in the ways that work for them. This is a fine line but crucial distinction inexperienced guys are more likely to screw up, and only experience really teaches where the line is.
My friend generally does not like to have penetrative sex in these contexts and generally likes to watch me “play” with both women. Something tangential to cuckolding but no aspect of humiliation or anything like that. He just really enjoys watching everyone else experience pleasure and “directing”. There’s clearly a power exchange happening, he gets to tell me what to do, how to pleasure the women (including his), and yet I am the one getting to fuck while he only watches.
I have not been in a foursome setting where the other man has had penetrative sex with my girl. This is often a boundary I’ve encountered with other men (not one that I have myself). All the threesomes I have had have been MFF. Although it’s not something I’m concerned about (my reaction to) I am aware that it could trigger jealousy, fear, etc. that I think I am prepared for, but am not. As such, I take things like this slowly and try to use the principles developed by Cognitive Behavioral Therapists, “Exposure Therapy”.
When I first started this journey, the types of sexual situations I now find myself in regularly seemed like the stuff of porn/fantasy. It was nearly inconceivable that these sorts of things happened to people in real life. It also seemed to me that these things “just happened” spontaneously, rather than being planned and executed. Now it’s rare for me to spend time with a woman who is not open to group sex. Almost all women who are casually dating in a big city are open to these types of sexual experiences. A lot of women want to have these experiences BEFORE they settle down with the provider male with whom they no longer want to have these experiences.
Not all women who will engage in these types of behaviors are open to doing it at the time you meet them. It might be in their future or their past. Becoming this type of man is a much bigger psychological leap for most men than they initially think. Awareness must be heightened and cultivated. It takes a lot of time to become the type of person who can lead women into these settings. As such only a small percentage of men will ever have these types of experiences, despite the way porn shows us that many people desire them. Once you become that type of man, it is astounding how abundant these types of experiences can be. Now that I am part of a “community”, I have open invites from many men/women in the community because we are all part of a secret society that is heavily vetted for people that can handle the intensity of the experience. As you might imagine, the bar for men is 10X higher than for women. Women can dabble. Men must plunge, or die.
Red Quest here: Try to make friends with people who have one or more Tantra Chairs. Get one of your own if you have the space.
In a typical foursome, before I start f**king the other girl, I ask her, “Is this okay?” or “I am going to get a condom,” that sort of thing. Then I ask the guy if this is okay. Either one can veto. The other guy can and should do the same. If the other guy starts f**king my girl and his girl says no to f**king, then I stop and say, “Hey, we have to stop this, she’s not okay with it.” It breaks the mood but who cares? That’s a bullshit situation… a rare situation, but a bullshit one. Normal people articulate those kinds of rules before sex, and normal people understand reciprocity. If a couple articulates that kind of asymmetrical rule, it’s time to end the date and 86 them. Or him… if/when the girl cuts him loose, she might be okay, but this is a rare situation on top of a rare situation.
I’d still be interested in where XBTUSD meets these chicks… on the street with cold approach? Bars? Apps? What’s his profile look like on a dating app? Does he have an especially wide and deep social network? Does he incorporate coke or mdma?
Once you’re in the community, meeting new random chicks is less important because you’ll have plenty of offers, but meeting new chicks and bringing them in still helps. I had a successful, decade-long run because I met a decent number of hot girls who hadn’t gone to sex clubs and events, then brought them in… if you’re the guy who brings in new hot girls, especially girls who are at least 7s you’ll be locally famous quickly. Couples will want to be your friend, and guys will come to you to fulfill their girls’ threesome fantasies, knowing that soon you’ll bring some new hot girl around.