Women having affairs never make you use a condom

Women having affairs never make you use a condom.

I met Carol in a coffeeshop, where she was reading uncommonly cerebral things for a hot chick. I think I have a pavlovian response to coffeeshops, because I’ve done well in them with picking up chicks. And if I don’t, there’s still the sublime reward of coffee or tea. I’ve never been a mass cold-approach daygamer, although I admire them. Friendly chitchat about her work morphed to a tenuous connection between my girlfriend and similar work. We traded numbers. The four of us had dinner a bunch of times. Normal dinners. Like friends. Except it’s noticed that I like to be friends with the prettier girls… it’s true, but I deny it. Coincidence.

The easiest and most straightforward way to start an affair is to already have a girlfriend, wife, or partner. When you first meet the other woman, she knows you are taken (“taken”). You are not a serious threat, at first, but if you exude sexuality and sexual energy, you will not be a boring herbivore either. Red Pill Dad recently wrote about how, as a young man, he hid his dick and consistently failed to escalate. He had all the makings of a chad thundercock, except the ability to execute and the killer instinct most players have. He wasn’t an herbivore grass-eater, I’d judge, but he made critical mistakes… and those mistakes explain why older guys have a decent shot with many hot young chicks, cause guys their own age lack edge and the ability to escalate into her p***y. I’m not going to write out how to exude sexuality, read the rest of the totality of The Red Quest if you wish to find answers. Sometimes, if you merely keep escalating, you will escalate a compliant but distant girl into bed. Many girls have bad game and make their own mistakes.

The woman knows that bringing around a new single man will make trouble with her man. She usually won’t do that, although if she has a “work husband” or something, she may be willing to consummate that relationship. But another couple… that is a safe, stable arrangement. In chemistry, nature prefers stable arrangements of elements and electrons. In human relationships, single people tend to gravitate together, as do people in relationships, as do people with kids, etc. Many single people in their 30s feel lonely because their friend group has escalated into another phase of life, while they’re still trying to get laid. The mechanics of their relationship change. Their friends’s apartments/houses are child proof, and their friends don’t have the energy. The best way to hang out with those friends is to bring over substantial dinner and don’t demand extensive energy expenditure, because people with kids don’t have it. They have other things, like a fundamentally meaningful life… but not the energy to relentlessly hit the bars. Even a seemingly committed player like Paul Janka can quit the game to pursue fundamental interests.

I’ve read many accounts written by players but none, that I know of, focus on the mechanics and execution of affairs. They are too hard and rare for any guy to focus on them. I don’t focus on them, but they’re insanely hot when they can be pulled off. They’re the space away from reality, and everyone in them expects only one thing: hot hot sex. No, two things: the hot sex and also discretion. Discretion, transgression. If she’s in a relationship too, she’s incentivized to be discreet, as are you. Affairs with single chicks are truly dangerous, so it’s better to pursue them as threesomes. Not that I’ve always followed this rules.

Affairs are dangerous, because a lot of married/taken women will flirt hard with a guy who is also married/taken, because the women like the frisson of flirting, but the women are also pretty secure in the knowledge that the guy isn’t going to take it farther. Unless he does. The danger makes them hot (“Notwithstanding the problems of definition and the vague statistics, the consensus among social scientists is that the incidence of infidelity has been rising in recent decades. This is mostly attributed to the fact that modern life has increased and democratized the opportunities for illicit sex”). You never know how she’ll respond when you cross that line. She might flip out and confess to her husband. She might say no but be pleased by the attention. She might go all the way. If she does, she won’t make you use a condom, for the most part. I had a scare (thrill, really) with a married woman, early 40s but still surprisingly hot, who wasn’t using contraception, and I was bare inside her, and as she was starting to come, she kept saying, “Don’t stop,” so I didn’t… and as she finished she contracted around me and I finished… afterward she kept saying, “That was so dumb,” and I told her, “It will be fine, don’t worry about it.” Except she was late, and then she was fretting, and when she was on the verge of telling her husband the news/possibility (it wouldn’t have been impossible for it to be his, but the timing was right for it not to be, and he’s a low sex drive guy…), she got her period/miscarried. She already had one and officially didn’t want another. But then… what was she doing with me inside her? We’d f**ked before and I’d switched to using a condom, but she’d gotten too close and was too turned on at that moment.

With the one I started talking about, she seemed to be in a good marriage, but it was an early marriage, and she also seemed to like/want more. I’d talked to her about mdma, and one afternoon/early evening she was free, and I was free, and although I couldn’t do it with her, she tried some… we met at a hotel… she knew what that meant, I think… I love and hate the tension of waiting for a chick to show up for such a rendezvous… wondering if she’s going to change her mind… if she’s going to get there, pretend innocence, and run away… but this one went right through with it. She loves pain, too. I asked, “Are you sure you want me to leave marks?” She said, “I don’t care, do it.” Another one who doesn’t care in the moment, when she’s turned on, but does later, when she’s thinking about the rest of her life. Quiet during sex. Makes a cute “oh” when she’s hit, or when she’s coming. Most of them are nosier. Where does the copulatory cry instinct come from? Is it an effort to summon other males? Something else? It’s so common that it must have some evolutionary payoff. Nice shave that shows she’d been planning in advance too. Probably. I don’t know what will happen with her. A one-off, I think. I’d told her about and given her some of the books, like Esther Perel, that prepped her mind and soul to make the leap. I dunno, I could just have been overcooking her, and she was ready without any of the talk and prep work. Logistics are hard, but the hardness of them increases the satisfaction, I suspect. Much later that night I had to f**k again and barely had it in me… I pled exhaustion, which wasn’t strictly speaking false.

I’m not a complete monster. I’m not Grendel. (I don’t think… reasonable people may disagree.) I don’t have affairs or try to have a fairs with the WAGs (wives and girlfriends) of friends, although I may have been known to blithely say things like, “Life is short. Everyone has affairs….” The kinds of statements that undermine monogamy, put ideas in people’s heads. Sex is more exciting as a teen not just because it’s new, but because you’re almost always getting one over on the girl’s parents, the school, your cockblock friends, her cockblock jealous friends, etc. You’re taking her from her boring home life into an exciting and secret private life. Sex is more exciting when you’re risking her giving you something, something that tells you she’s already had affairs she shouldn’t have.

I don’t know whether Carol will be a repeat or one-off, but I think one-off. Because of sanity, time constraints, and logistics, probably a one-off, or few-off. Like most chicks today, she’s amenable to sex tapes, and I have a fancy new camera that’s seen little real use for this purpose. It generates huge video file sizes, but the cost of storage is worth it for the quality… I bought it, stupidly spending far more than I should have, but my life has changed such that I have very little use/need for it. A common story among amateur photo/video guys… by the time you can afford the fancy gear, your ability to get the hottest chicks, the ones you really want, is waning. Or you have made other life arrangements. You have made stupid decisions regarding investment and compounding interest, in the pursuit of a dream and fantasy that has fleeted past you, for the most part. The money is mostly wasted, because the thing doesn’t give you the life you want: you do. That part of life, when you had no money but many opportunities for erotic art, was then, before the money.

Have you had affairs (I can think off only one player who has, consistently)? Tell your story in the comments.

Author: The Red Quest

How can we live and be in society?

24 thoughts on “Women having affairs never make you use a condom”

  1. Spot on point about exuding sexuality. I think I have some of that naturally, which is why I was able to attract women early on, but then as you said (and as I said in the post), couldn’t escalate.
    That’s probably the biggest difference between then and where I am now. Now, the chicks I date see me as a sexual threat (good), and they know I’m going to escalate. Lots of guys seems to have better luck with a two-date model, but I prefer to try to fuck on the first date if the girl is into it (lots are), and I often succeed–primarily because I exude sex and have come a lot further along in terms of my ability to seduce and escalate.
    On the Grendel comparison: this is tough for me, because I recently had a friend who’s marriage blew up precisely because his wife was having “hot” sex with a player (like yourself). On the one hand, it sucks, they had two kids, and I don’t think anyone will tell you divorce is a good thing. On the other hand, like–she was probably going to cheat, or divorce him at some point for other reasons, or cause the marriage to be stressful and not have much sex with him.
    In that sense, I’ve never had any issue with guys fucking chicks who have BFs or are married, although as far as I know, I haven’t done so myself, except for one girl last year who was at the same time she was fucking me, a sugar baby for some older guy.
    I guess in that sense I go with RedPill dogma on this one: sexual strategy is amoral. If a chick is willing to fuck and be seduced, I say go for it, whether she’s married or has a BF. If not you, someone else will probably take that position–a point you’ve made on this blog before.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sorry about your friend and his wife. I hope he uses that experience to look in the mirror, see himself for who he is, and grow. I hope he can put his kids first too, and over time let go of his acrimony towards his wife/ex-wife.

      Some people find that hitting the sex clubs once a month is enough to get the sex gremlin out.

      Sexual strategy is amoral, and my theory is that if she will with me, she will with someone else as well.

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  2. I’ve been the “other guy” 3 times in my life. There’s something to be said about it. It’s exhilarating because it’s taboo. It’s exhilarating because it’s dangerous. It’s exhilarating because it’s that “artificial reality” and everyone knows it. In the beginning at least.
    Every time I realize, “people get seriously hurt or killed over this” and it’s a reality check.
    Then again, people that want to fuck are going to find a way. Who am I to stop it? I’m not the morality police.
    I’ve found that if you don’t judge, women will be as honest as they can be with you about affairs. I could tell one had never done it before, she was so nervous about the logistics and getting caught.
    Another was a seasoned veteran. I wasn’t her first affair, nor would I be her last. Fucking another man was no big deal to her, just part of her adventure.
    I don’t go out seeking them, but I’m not against them per se.
    “If she’s going to cheat, might as well be with me.”

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    1. It does make you feel like you’re getting one over on the world… it’s also a very dark thing to learn. I don’t know the precise date/time I learned it, but I’d rather know the dark truths than not…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Can you elaborate on this or write a post on how you go about doing this? How do you check if she’s open to it?

        “I’ve also had a psychological/educational component… where I tell chicks it’s okay/normal to be sluts, etc.”

        How do you do this exactly? I think its more of the vibe of being non judgemental which puts them at ease. I am a very judgemental person and not good hiding my true thoughts but am learning to keep it under control or at least not show it to their face which makes things easier.

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      2. When you don’t judge women for how they are and what they do or want to do, they’ll often open up to you.
        I ask and they’ll tell, more often than not, just like that.
        You better be okay with whatever the answer is going to be if you ask though. Otherwise it’ll blow up in your face. If her answers may frighten you, don’t ask her scary questions.

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    2. > Fucking another man was no big deal to her, just part of her adventure.

      I like this comment, Rob.

      Because it takes all the “vindictiveness” out of the scenario.

      We have so many guys that only see affairs from their own “insecurity” so they frame the whole thing as “the ultimate disrespect” etc. When often… it is only about her experience, it is not really a reflection of him at all.

      I don’t expect men to be comfortable with their GF/wife being with another guy (I would not be), but if we’re trying to read women… they have lots of motivations. Dissing their guy is rarely an accurate read, as I see it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. One thing I’ve learned on my journey with women is that whatever they do, it’s seldom about “you.”
        No sense being pissed or jealous about most, if not all, of it.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Smart point. I still encounter so many guys who are SUPER concerned their girl is going to cheat on them, be with another guy, etc. And they wonder how I can be non-mono and not feel that way: honestly, I just don’t care.
        If a girl I’m with wants to fuck another guy, OK. As long as she doesn’t rub it in my face, cool. And if I’m fucking other girls, I’m not going to rub it in her face either.
        Chicks mostly cheat I think to scratch an itch, not to hate on or shame their man. But of course, that’s how most guys are going to take it.
        On the other hand, if you get married, you are SPECIFICALLY AGREEING NOT TO DO THAT! So like, I don’t blame the player who gets her to cheat, but I do blame the wife. If marriage means anything to her, she shouldn’t do fuck other guys. And I’m sorry, but when there are kids involved and stuff, it’s really fucking shitty for her to put that in jeopardy because she’s not getting fucked well.
        I also think Rob made a good point: people can get killed over this. For example, when I was married, if I found RQ in bed with my wife, he’d be dead. So would she. And I’d be in jail. So, it is what it is…TBH, I’d fuck a married chick or a girl with a boyfriend, because I truly think sexual strategy is amoral–but most people don’t think this way.

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  3. > I met Carol in a coffeeshop

    Is this recent??? It sounds like it is… and I hope so. I like to hear you having fresh breeze in your life.

    I love the concept of Affairs. I am very “friendly” about affairs, I see their upside, I can romanticize them quite easily.

    MR. MARTINO: You wanted everything.
    MR. MARTINO: A woman at home. Pussy on the side. Like most men.

    That is from my piece on the intersection of affairs and marriage. I think they’re fundamentally connected.

    https://daysofgame.com/theory/what-every-man-wants-from-the-deuce/

    This is what I mean by “hopeful. ” I think affairs “enable” marriage, by filling in missing pieces that are almost guaranteed to occur in a marriage.

    I have never been married, but I have fucked a lot of girls that were married or in relationships. Lots. And I understand the SMP enough to see the role of affairs.

    (And of all the married women and “girls with boyfriends” I have fucked or hooked up with… I have never seen them disrespect those other men… not once. It never comes up. The affair is about she and I – likely as I came charging into her life after her – and NOT a reaction to her domestic thing.)

    I actually try to never be a “boyfriend,” only a “lover.” And a “lover” is what you call your partner in an affair. Typically, I want the energy of an “affair” without there needing to be a “third party” for either me or the girl I am with. The energy of an affair is hot, romantic, etc. I don’t think it needs to be clandestine to feel like that – but, of course, I understand how the “secret” of an affair could make it hotter. And I have enjoyed that version of the “affair” too.

    …..

    I have this story in my head… of someone (me or someone else, doesn’t matter), and they love the person they are married to. Totally love them. They have a life together. But they have an affair (or many) on the side. And it does for them what their marriage cannot. And in this “fantasy” of mine, it goes on forever. I stay married, love my wife (let’s say), but I have a parallel relationship with my lover… that goes on for 10 -20 years.

    I think that kind of thing happens. Just like that. No disrespect for your married partner, but “needs” that go beyond the marriage. And you “preserve” the marriage by taking care of what you need elsewhere (that is the point of my essay about The Deuce)… instead of complaining, getting bitter, or getting divorced.

    I think that kind of thing exists… and has been a “helper” to “monogamy” for a long, long time. I think it is kind of beautiful, actually… both holding the marriage together, and the “side action.” Both have a romance for me… different kinds of romance.

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    1. I have become pretty jaded on monogamy, as I think a perusal of the red quest will show… I’m sure some people do monogamy well… but also… the vast majority of women I’ve put out feelers towards, have said no. So, it’s not easy, in my experience, to get women to cheat.

      And the one I mentioned with the pregnancy scare, started out as being consensually non-monogamous with her kind of herbivore husband… I tried a foursome with her and her husband and my girl, back then, but it did not go well for my girl and even the other guy… but the woman and I kept in touch… she liked her family, and she needed sex in a way her husband I guess did not/does not.

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      1. > the vast majority of women I’ve put out feelers towards, have said no. So, it’s not easy, in my experience, to get women to cheat

        This is my experience as well… over and over and over.

        If I have a really good daygame set, she will often “hide” the BF/husband until I press for a date (because she loves the energy of the pickup and she loves feeling alive/attractive). But then… those girls DO fizzle. I will always test to see her interest (“Hey, I understand you have a BF/Husband… and I don’t mean to be rude, but I like you anyway). And 95% fizzle.

        And that actually warms my heart. I am glad for her, for her rel, for society, that even girls that really like me, that have a great pickup, that are willing to give me their number, and message… won’t cross the line.

        Intuitively this all makes sense. The worlds does have some order to it. And my “offers of affairs” have a strong element of disorder to them.. and should be rejected most of the time. And they are… even when she likes me.

        Good. I like all that. The world makes sense.

        >> she liked her family, and she needed sex in a way her husband I guess did not/does not

        I think THIS ^ is what guys should understand about the motivations for women to take on “affairs.” And they should expand “sex” (which is a very male read of what is happening) to “something.” She needs SOMETHING that she is not getting in her rel. Could be sex.

        And the husband may need sex/something too… it’s just that longterm monogamy and sex don’t align well at all.

        So affairs serve a (sexual) MARKET FUNCTION or helping fulfill those unmet needs (sexual/emotional/intellectual/spiritual/social).

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      2. At any given time, few women will have an affair… over the course of decades of relationships, a fair number will have some indiscretion. Depends on the woman and many other factors. The rise of women working and so forth probably increases affair propensity.

        Realistically, over long periods of time… people have mismatched sex drives. Even when it’s super duper hot at first, some people’s drives will diverge over time. Telling modern people to give up sex for years/decades doesn’t work. So a highly sexual person can have an affair, or divorce, or be miserable.

        In the old days, most people were probably too tired to have many affairs. Too much work. Too many kids. Today, the work is nothing like agricultural or manufacturing work.

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  4. > Women having affairs never make you use a condom.

    This ^ however, seems unrelated to affairs.

    In my experience, lots and lots of girls will fuck me without a condom. Almost every girl. I can only think of one girl that was serious about making sure I had one on in recent times… and I can think of several that tried to “stuff it in,” even very early in the relationship (first night, first time, etc).

    I think what this is about – girls that are willing to fuck w/ no protection – is that girls are terrible planners. Horrible at seeing the future. That seems more “on point” to me. They are emotional things, and they go with what they “feel” like. So… if they feel like “stick it in” in a given moment, “it just felt right,” and they will. I have seen it 1000 times. Shocks me the risks girls are willing to take with me.

    I think that is still true in affairs, but likely there is some additional incentive for her NOT to do that. This is the theory: She would want, very much, not to be known as a “cheater” (a word I rarely use), so she might risk sex (which can be hidden), but would be very hesitant to have an “evidence” of that sex (like an unwanted baby).

    I can, however, also argue against my own theory: If her husband is a “provider,” she would instinctively go get “good genes” elsewhere. Not a logical thing, just her body achy for the seed of attractive men. And also… the affair has a strong emotional/passionate component… so maybe despite the risk, the “thrill” would override any logic she might have (however little) and she would pursue “carefree” sex even it might get her “banished” from the community if she is caught.

    Mostly though… girls are so tied to the “herd,” they can’t risk losing herd status. So… a baby that doesn’t look like her man is a very risky, “soon to be low status” kind of behavior. Could cost her everything. At least pre-sex, that should be on her mind.

    > she would instinctively go get “good genes” elsewhere.

    This might be what YOU see, RedQuest, as you represent that “thrill”/attractive/”alpha” opportunity for the girls you have had “affairs” with. What you see might be more about YOU than about affairs.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve noticed that in the last 20 years chicks have mostly stopped enforcing condom usage… I don’t know the precise date when it changed but I think it was 2010 +-2 years. Around the time IUDs became much more commons. Chicks obviously know that it feels better bare, but I also theorize that, as more chicks got IUDs, chicks realized that, to keep top guys, they had to go bare, or lose top guys to the competition. Certainly that is true of me… no matter how hot the girl, the sex is just not satisfying enough to me to keep her around after maybe a month or two.

      Maybe they’re terrible planners… maybe they know it feels much better… maybe in their past, they’ve gotten the IUD, and thus have “planned” to let it happen.

      A woman who has an affair with a guy already in a relationship, knows that she’s less likely to be found out that way. It’s a more stable configuration.

      I’ve also had a psychological/educational component… where I tell chicks it’s okay/normal to be sluts, etc.

      Top experiences usually have something fresh/different/forbidden.

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      1. > I’ve noticed that in the last 20 years chicks have mostly stopped enforcing condom usage… I don’t know the precise date when it changed but I think it was 2010 +-2 years

        I bet it was something about YOU… not the rest of the world. I bet you became more compelling… and “planning” took a backseat as those girls just wanted to “be closer” to you. They wanted “more” of you. I think that is the level that girls make decisions.

        These girls don’t plan all this out…

        You can see it in the “wild” look in their eyes as they “lunge” for unprotected sex. Even for bright, “good girls,” if they “feel it” for you, something happens and they “shift” to dropping all barriers. It’s animal. It’s sexual, but for girls “sex” is almost always blended with other more intricate instincts.

        Miss Bangs… was a very “K” girl. Super introverted, etc. She told me she “loved me” and angled for unprotected sex first time we spend the weekend together. As I see it: Her feelings, the sex and the “love”, were all the same thing. She “FELT IT” for me… and all the barriers disappeared.

        I called her out for trying to get me to go raw (I will almost never fuck a girl raw) and again… the look in her eyes was telling. She had some “words,” but I saw her reign in the “wildnesss” instantly as I made my comments. She never tried again after that (which was good for me… like I said, I don’t want unprotected sex).

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      2. > >Around the time IUDs became much more commons. Chicks obviously know that it feels better bare, but I also theorize that, as more chicks got IUDs, chicks realized that, to keep top guys, they had to go bare, or lose top guys to the competition

        SIDE COMMENT: I haven’t had sex with a girl that was using any kind of birth control in years (7 years ago?). Not the “pill,” not IUDs, nothing. I have never once heard a girl even mention these topics in at least 7 years. The girls I date are never using birth control that I know of. 100%. I bring condoms, but otherwise… there is nothing in their world about birth control, nothing modern, certainly.

        This is partly because I date shy, introverted, Asian girls. But I bet money if I was in Europe, dating the same psychological type, I would ALSO find these shy/introverted girls that are NOT in the habit of having birth control ready.

        I don’t date girls that are active in “hookup culture,” and they are never prepared for that kind of scenario.

        As men, especially men that see a lot of action: We develop a type. We “specialize.” And some “types” of girls are very ready for modern birth control and “hook ups.” So men that like that type will see the world the way. And other girls… different psychological profile/habits… no such experiences for them.

        I am very happy here in Japan. But I would almost like to do 6 months in Latin America or Europe, dating non-Asians (but still dating shy/introverted girls) so I could prove this theory out. I don’t believe the “Asian-ness” is the factor.

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  5. I’ve been “the other guy” quite a few times. There’s a lot that goes into it I think. I also think Nash really hit onto something above that I agree with, and it’s sexual mismatch.

    There’s the hordes of inexperienced aspiring players out there wanting it all, not realizing that she has more sexual experience than him. I can’t remember who used the analogy but it was something like “guys want the woman that’s a Ferrari, though they’ve never driven a Ferrari. When they get one, they don’t know what they’re doing with it,”

    On the other hand there’s a ton of people that just kind of fall into whatever relationship they can find. It’s not that they actually LIKE the person, it’s more of a matter of desperation or ease (and this is true for both men and women). A pretty significant portion of the population is essentially undatable, yet manage to end up in a relationship.

    I think a lot of relationships have an ongoing problem with resentment. People stay together despite being fucking miserable, for whatever stupid reasons they can find to justify it (for the kids, sunk cost, nobody like her will ever love me, etc).

    Most people also aren’t capable of sustained improvement (and especially not self improvement). They get into a relationship by happenstance, they get fat, they stop going out, they stop being fun or challenging.

    For a while there it seemed like none of the women I was with were actually single. It wasn’t out of animosity towards their husbands, it was some combination of being desired by someone new, and they’d already checked out of the relationship mentally/emotionally.

    One of my regular FBs now is married. Her husbsnd had a very low sex drive, whereas she doesn’t. I don’t suspect they’re going to last long, but not my problem.

    Though when anyone touches upon infidelity, it’s just bullshit and useless stuff that gets spouted (rather than actually getting to the cause). Most people don’t want to admit that a lot of people have a need for sexual novelty, or are just in shitty relationships.

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