A guy on Reddit says to me, “I just want to say thank you. You helped me,” but I was a little confused… how’d I help him? I asked, he says “A lot of the prominent voices in this community seem to be motivated by hate, but I don’t get that at all from your blog. It showed me that there is an intelligent way to approach the goals I have.”
I also read The Evolution of Desire because you had mentioned it, and that book is pretty illuminating. Its easier not to get stuck in anger when I at least understand what is going on.
Evolutionary biology is key to understanding human sexual dynamic fundamentals… evolutionary biology is the difference between trying to calculate the area under a curve with calculus versus without. Calculus is the difference between the modern world and everyone living in sod huts and being covered with shit, and there is no substitute for fundamental understanding (a common theme around here).
Read evolutionary biology and spend a lot of time with chicks, and a normal guy will develop/have some compassion and empathy for them. Chicks have their own problems, many imposed by their evolutionary path. The male path is simple, “hot chick -> want to fuck -> try to fuck.” More & hotter are better. Men who didn’t pass up sex opportunities with fertile chicks left more children than those who did.
Chicks… they’re more complicated. They vary by time of month and many other factors. They’re physically vulnerable to men, and for most of human existence, a chick’s family was heavily enmeshed in her mating decisions. Today, chicks are free agents, and some of them can’t handle, or don’t want to handle, freedom. For chicks, there are often few costs to waiting, so waiting is a fitness test. Unless another woman is likely to swoop in and steal her man, a woman is usually fine with waiting a little longer, to see if the guy is really fit, or if he’s a talker/faker. There are always fewer hot chicks, than men who want to f**k them, and time will let her evaluate the guy. Most hot chicks sense they’re in short supply… chicks usually hit peak hotness between their mid teens and early 20s, and their hotness decline starts at 30. That isn’t a big window to be at peak hotness. A high-quality guy can maintain pretty high levels of hotness into his 40s, if he’s got his nutrition and exercise locked down.
Chicks get their value, and guys earn ours (mostly… there are exceptions, like really pretty boys, or girls with PCOS or deformities…), a fundamental point, one that frustrates young guys, who resent chicks for not having to do much, apart from show up and not stuff too much sugar in their mouths. No point in resenting, once you understand.
But if you spend a lot of time around chicks, f**king them and talking to them… you’ll see that they have their own problems/issues/etc…. many self-created, but they can’t see that, any more than guys who are sitting around playing video games and getting fat can see how many of their own problems are self-created.
A lot of chicks are damned surprised at the speed of their SMV drop when they get fat, or pass 30 or 35. Yes they should know better but many don’t. Kind of like how some guys are surprised by their SMV gain when they hit the gym, get good nutrition, get a hair cut, start opening, etc.
When you understand, it is hard to hate. Many young guys have also not learned to properly cultivate and protect their own value (I didn’t then, either). “Value creation” and “value protection” are fundamental ideas for guys who want to get laid more and better, because many guys default to not creating enough value and not protecting what value they have. Excess attention to an uninterested girl is a common example of failing to protect value. I’ve made this mistake, too many times.
I get the anger at society some young guys feel. Society says that women are at a discriminated against (a lie, they’re coddled). Society says that the way to get girls is to be “nice” (a lie, they want fun exciting guys). Few parts of mainstream society say the truths, “Life isn’t fair. Get jacked, get to work, fix yourself, ask her out, accept rejection, accept that chicks are mean.” Big exception is the military, which is why getting their asses kicked works so well for a lot of young guys who don’t get it. Then a lot of them marry some young harridan and have to divorce when they realize they’ve been deployed for four months but she’s two months pregnant… topic for another time… Joady is back home, keeping her warm…
When they’re young, chicks usually face intense parental pressure to delay sex. Obviously there are exceptions, or chicks who say “F**k it” and go for it anyway, but the average chick is told to wait, because parents know chicks are irrational, irresponsible, and susceptible to pregnancy. Mothers have been that hot irrational girl and want to prevent their daughters from mating with sexy players. Many chicks take years and years to overcome that societal pressure. Guys trying to get laid often don’t understand the cross-currents in the woman’s mind.
I don’t want to get too deep into compassion… “There’s nothing more powerful in our culture than a beautiful woman.” On average, young women have far less struggle than comparable men do. Women default to sexual and erotic success, men to failure. In addition, a guy who is fat or misshapen can still raise his value through achievements… something far harder, if not impossible, for women. On average, men aren’t better off than women, or the other way around… we’re just made a bit differently by evolution. Understand that and female behavior will hurt, yeah, but you’ll understand it, and thus be better able to control it, like learning metallurgy and fluid dynamics allows men to build rockets (if chicks want to band together to build rockets, I’ll encourage them to… I’ll also wait… show me the chicks who band together to accomplish serious scientific, technical goals… there are a few, especially in life sciences, but not many).
So I am not saying that chicks’s behavior is totally rational, more like their “irrational” (to men) behavior is built into their psychology. They have a rand() function appended in lots of spots that guys don’t. In the evolutionary biology discussion I say, “women’s decisions are often arbitrary and beyond a certain point trying to analyze why they make a given decision becomes pointless.” A man wants to analyze a system until he understands it, whether the system is thermodynamics or the solar system or the microprocessor or ecology or women. But to understand a woman, a man has to realize that she can’t be deterministically understood, because she’s not meant to be that way.
Most chicks, despite having a lot of randomness, can, will, and do find a guy they like well enough to marry and have a kid with. Or… just have the kid, which I think is a better move for men today. A very large number of chicks who have kids are focused on their families, not on sleeping with random dudes. The number of normies out there is much vaster than the Internet realizes. If you are reading this you are probably not a normie. You are an alienated weirdo and need help to cultivate being normal enough to f**k hot chicks while not losing your weird edge.
Some chicks are just intensely likable, and some are very lovable (many aren’t, sadly). Very likable chicks aren’t going to spend a lot of time single… if they don’t want to be single, they pretty quickly won’t be. Short Dancer is like that: very likable, probably even very lovable, and an intense pleasure to be around. Normal guys will run into likable girls, and that will reduce their desire to write about how chicks are bad, evil, conniving, etc. I’ve found bad, evil, and conniving chicks (they are not common)… but I’ve also found likable chicks like Short Dancer. Normal guys who find very likable, attractive chicks, try to keep them around. If a player never finds likable girls, chances are there is something wrong with him, something wrong with his approach, something wrong with his vibe, something wrong with his energy, and the higher quality girls are responding to whatever is wrong with him by staying away. Some of the lower quality girls, however, will be attracted to whatever is damaged in him. He will rarely see the positive sides of female nature, and then he will write a thing, that resonates with other damaged guys, about how bad women are. There is power in anonymity online but also peril, because you don’t know if you’re listening to some damaged, f**ked up person… not without studying/reading them extensively.
For many guys, he’s either in the “dateable” and-or “f**kable” category to a given group or category of women, and he’ll do okay there, or he’s not. If you’re not a 7 yourself you’re going to have trouble with 7s. Our culture puts gorgeous women in front of almost everyone, in the form of advertising, and most men seek out further stimulation in the form of pr0n. Yet most men are probably not going to have sex with a true 8, ever, in his life, because he’s not an 8 or becoming one. In this mismatch, we see a great deal of anger, and I don’t know what to do with that anger, apart from trying to understand it.
Spending too much time online is a mistake. Losers are likely to spend too much time online and form societies of other losers. Online is an echo chamber, and it amplifies extremism and extreme voices. People say things online they’d never say in real life. This has some advantages… Red Quest would not exist without this… but many disadvantages. You should be spending at least 10x as much time in real life talking to girls, hitting on girls, hitting the gym, playing sports, etc., versus the time you spend online. One hour online = 10 hours doing real shit. A lot of guys aren’t doing that and their romantic outcomes are consistent with being too online. A guy who has no compassion/empathy for chicks, probably doesn’t spend a lot of time around them. Remember that when you encounter the haters.
11 thoughts on “Compassion and empathy for chicks”
If a girl chooses the wrong guy to make a baby with the consequences are disastrous – physical/mental impairments in their child, lack of support for the child, physical/emotional abuse for both mother and child. If i was a girl I’d be testing guys hard, looking for long term potential, and making them wait for sex.
It seems like a woman’s psychology out to work in that way to incentivize a man’s behavior. But there will always be sluts who will undermine them. If a particular woman with a high SMV insists that a man must do X, Y and Z before “giving” sex to a man, some other woman might only demand X and Y, and miss the opportunity to catch the man.
This obviously doesn’t reflect the typical scenario. But woman can and do compete for high-value men.
Changing the topic slightly, I also like the more balanced view of your blog, TRQ. The sheer anger that goes around in the manosphere is a turnoff, and also gives the other side to make a strawman “misogyny” call out of the content.
 I’m not trying to re-open the “whore vs. madonna” argument. I’m just pointing out that some women hold out for sex less than others.
>>Changing the topic slightly, I also like the more balanced view of your blog, TRQ. The sheer anger that goes around in the manosphere is a turnoff, and also gives the other side to make a strawman “misogyny” call out of the content.
Thanks dude… it’s just me writing about what I think I’ve learned… if guys are angry at women as a group, they’re usually some combination of 1. low value. 2. lower value than the women they seek. 3. don’t understand chicks and chicks’s evolved propensities. 4. have other mental/psych problems. 5. unsuccessful, or feel unsuccessful, in general (very close to but not exactly “low value”).
Also, a very man frame of mind and being is, “How do I accomplish this thing? How do I fix this problem / set of problems?” Red quest’s best parts answer that q via the non-monogamy framework and practices. The only other guy I’m aware of who’s written extensively about this is black dragon, but he seems not to have done the clubs/parties, and he is most focused on selling stuff. That said some players I know have learned a ton from him.
I’ve also seen guys who are short/brown/black/yellow whatever succeed and succeed pretty wildly with chicks, including pretty white chicks, but the way they do is actually not so different from how all guys do… they fix their diet/nutrition/fashion, if any of those are broken, they hit the gym, they work on their personalities, they open a lot of girls, they build social networks, they have an attractive/appealing overall life. Maybe the way is harder, and the overall success rate as measured by percentage is lower, but success is still possible, https://theredquest.wordpress.com/2019/02/07/you-only-see-the-tip-of-the-spear/
@TRQ: “feel unsuccessful” that’s an interesting comment. Can you expand on that? I think i am in that category. I am pretty successful by society’s standards but don’t feel successful yet as i wanted to achieve so much more. I have come a long way but at the point where i am realizing life is more important than work. I am a workaholic but thinking of prioritizing life now and start working to live instead of living to work. So i have drop the big ambitions of conquering the world which makes me feel bad and like i failed to do what i wanted to do because of human limitations.
@Robinhood, Yeah, sure… feeling unsuccessful can mean a lot of things, ranging from guys who are genuinely unsuccessful with chicks, to guys who are really successful and yet can’t accept that, or feel it in their core of their being. Delicious Tacos is one of the latter, it seems, he’s said on podcasts that, five minutes after he last got laid, he’s the guy who “used to get pussy.”
There is also a question about the word “achieve.” Are chicks a pleasure to you, or an achievement, like climbing a mountain? Maybe both of them… to me, fucking and chicks are mostly about pleasure, and less about achievement. Probably the former mindset is more conducive to feeling successful.
It’s hard to gauge more about your goals re: big ambitions versus “life.” That’s too deep and personal a topic for comments sections, I think… probably if you hire red pill dad or someone like him for game or hell, life, coaching, that might be useful.
Ambition is overall good. Doing well in your work life is good too. But some jobs really suck, including many prestigious ones, like working in big consulting or big law. There are jobs in which you make a ton of money but your life sucks, and if you have one, getting out of it makes sense. On the other hand, people who do big, important things often have big ambition. So it kinda depends also on what kind of “success” you have in mind, with regards to career. I’ve met tons of guys with $$$$, way more than me, who’re basically miserable cunts cause they work all the time. So I don’t have the answers. I have been lucky (maybe skilled, too) enough to make okay money while being able to chase skirt, etc. But my goal has never really been to be super rich. My goal has been to fuck a lot… and I have mostly managed to achieve that…!
The biggest problem with the manosphere, ironically mirroring the whole social media landscape, is that the most vocal are the ones less fit for having a say, as they don’t know what they don’t know, and lack real world experience to accurately assess themselves and others.
The negativity can swallow any impressionable man and it could take years to get out, as happened to me.
The biggest breaktrough moment for me was finall accepting how random behaviour was and finally taking a step back and realizing there wasn’t much personal in abandonment and cheating, just, as it’s the case with modern female education, emphasis on self-indulgence and “go with the feelz”.
The lack of long-term strategy planning in most women continues to baffle me, and makes me question deeply my drive towards having kids: It will get much worse (or better, if I decide to go full on fuckboy).
>>The biggest problem with the manosphere, ironically mirroring the whole social media landscape, is that the most vocal are the ones less fit for having a say
Yeah… and a lot of the most normal and functional ppl are going around, being normal and functional.
>> The biggest breaktrough moment for me was finall accepting how random behaviour was
I don’t think this point crystallized for me, until I started reading the player and pickup blogs way back in the day, and I think some guys came to this conclusion (https://theredquest.wordpress.com/2018/12/19/there-is-a-very-large-amount-of-randomness-in-pickup-and-game/). There are patterns, yes, and they matter… and a lot of, maybe most, interactions, should have a brief “after action” report, where a guy thinks about what he might do better… but within those caveats, it’s hard to say.
>>The lack of long-term strategy planning in most women
“Girls just want to have fun,” as the song goes. At least until they’re in their late 20s. And if girls follow the herd, get their degree or get an okay job or whatever, things turn out fine for them.
Plus, the girls who are long-term planners, who want to have a family and want a guy who wants the same… they aren’t on the market much, https://theredquest.wordpress.com/2020/03/23/priorities-and-what-you-bring-to-life