Many reports seem to find that daygame, and game generally, works less well than it did before Feb. 2020, and these reports come from experienced, knowledgable, and previously successful guys. Why is game worse? I’ve been reading game blogs or forums for at least a decade, probably a bit longer, and most cold approach guys report that tourist/traveler girls make up a pretty solid percentage, maybe the majority, of the girls they get traction from… which may be why it seems to work better in tourist destinations like NYC or London. This girl came from online, not daygame, but she was visiting and therefore more open than usual to meeting random men, such as myself. Right now, for obvious reasons, tourism is down, and, with so much misplaced vaccine hesitancy fueling COVID’s spread, tourism is likely to stay down for the next month, at least, and maybe longer.
People want primal, immediate, physical experiences, yet much of the modern world is set up to deny exactly that. As the modern world becomes more cerebral, disconnected, abstract, and disembodied, we want to get the opposite. There is nothing like the immediacy of fucking or fighting to bring out the intense and immediate. BDSM is now commonplace because women want it to be commonplace… chicks are the primary readers of 50 Shades of Grey, a book I tried to read but it was too bad to get past the first few pages… chicks are also the primary readers of its predecessor novel, 9 and 1/2 weeks. Someone like Aella can write, “Forceful sex is a primal way of taking away the stress of choosing a sufficiently high status mate – that I am not admitting anything about my sense of sexual self worth by having sex with his person.” And the “forceful” aspect increases the intensity of the experience, in a world where intense physical experiences are too rare. We evolved to have them, not to stare into a glass box ten hours a day. Psychedelics are becoming more popular because they also create immediacy and the feeling of immediacy.
I didn’t fully get this when I was younger, but when I was younger the world also hadn’t digitized to the extent it has now, so I didn’t need to. Today, guys have to learn to reject the smartphone way and accept the real-world way, and that’s especially true in bed. The best sexual experiences almost always happen when at least one person, and ideally both, “forget” everything else, forget themselves, and there’s only the other person and the sensation the other person generates in this world. BDSM is one way to achieve that, particularly for women, which is why the first link in this post goes to one about BDSM and how to achieve it. Too much “Do you like this?” and “Is this okay?” talk turns most chicks off, because they don’t want legalistic bullshit and posturing, they want a guy who “just gets it” and can read their signals. The downside of this common desire in chicks, however, is the risk for the guy that the chick will regret what she does and then make the typical accusations that we commonly see today. Unfortunately, if the guy can’t read her signals and generate powerful, primal experiences, she’s not going to like him (or sex with him) that much. I don’t see a solution to this dilemma apart from both dudes and chicks being consistently reasonable… ha, good luck with that.
I’m not denying that the abstract world of the mind is important. If I didn’t think it is, I would not be writing here, reading books, or doing the work I do. But there’s a lot of need for balance and the world is strongly imbalanced towards the abstract and cerebral right now. People deny their real physical tangible existence and suffer for it. Normal women love flirting in the real world, for example, but many guys and chicks are becoming the sorts of autists who can’t flirt. Solution? Online dating and paying for online dating, but that has all the problems that everyone today is aware of. One problem many modern guys have is that chicks will respond on chat apps or social media but never get together in real life, because the chicks suffer from the paradox of choice and moreover have forgotten how to exist in the real world.
We live in an instant gratification society. Most people want the digital instant gratification. But that is not how the real world works, especially the sexual real world, where chicks usually want more time to see the guy and get comfortable with the guy. Most good real-world things come from slowly building work efforts. Yes, it’s true that there are a small number of guys who get lots of good things handed to them by genetics and their families. Fine, whatever. For most guys, it’s all about the work you put in, every day. You only see the tip of the spear, one of the more important things I’ve ever written.
BDSM on average becomes more important as people spent more time on their screens and less time in reality. She doesn’t actually want to spend all the time on Instagram, she doesn’t know better. Are you going to help her become the person she really truly wants to be? If you are, that’s going to set you apart from the normal guy. Most guys are too busy playing video games to be that guy.
I was in my early 20s the first time a woman took my hands and put them around her neck. It shocked me. I didn’t know what I was doing. I think Google was around at that time but I didn’t think to search, “How do I choke a woman in bed safely?” I wrote her off as a one-off with unusual desires, not realizing that she’s closer to the norm than young red quest could imagine. I didn’t realize that many women, if not the majority, like being spanked and sometimes hit other ways in bed. I didn’t put a butt plug in a woman until I was in my 30s. I didn’t realize how those practices, done carefully and in a controlled enough way, activate the primal, immediate parts of the brain and shut off the chattering, doubting voice in the mind. Now that information, these kinds of stories, are out there, but most guys choose not to access them, choose not to stare at the darkness, the Apollonian world of the media pretending the Dionysian desires aren’t there. Dionysus asserts himself Saturday night, while Monday morning the woman wants to pretend Apollo rules, regrets what happened Saturday night in some cases, but, in many others, she loves those feelings, loves the man who can elicit them, when most men can’t. If you are reading this, you are reading a work about how not to be most men.
Xbtusd is back with more tales from the game.
My buddy is a successful Asian guy, in his 30s, and he winds up at a party with a bunch of Gen Z types, college and just post-college, who are there presumably doing what people try to do: hook up. My buddy’s wearing some very distinctive, polarizing things that also help conversation flow: he’s peacocking, in other words. His outfit helps him open a bunch of chicks, and some chicks even open him. Peacocking is an interesting strategy… I think peacocking needs to come off as both playful and masculine. The gap between “playful” and “goofy” can be narrow, but even goofy can work if the guy can transition to masculine dominance and identity. (Red Quest hasn’t done a lot of peacocking, he says). I’d guess that guys who peacock hard, like Mystery did, also need strong killer instinct and sexual vibe, otherwise they get friendzoned like I believe my buddy did. But he really friendzoned himself, by not acting on the girls expressing interest.
I’m going to bring race into the discussion, but also acknowledge that race serves as a proxy for a lot of things. I don’t want the discussion to get hung up on race in particular. Asian men are desexualized in American culture, black men are hypersexualized. Be aware of how you present. If you’re short, you might have to make up for that by being a little more masculine in other ways. If you’re Asian, you’re going to want to stay away from things that reinforce the stereotypes women already have about Asian men. Thus, when peacocking, you want to make sure you stay far from goofy, and do things that attract attention but in a masculine way. Maybe more in the vein of BDSM style gear. Race is just one factor for how women perceive you before you open your mouth, but it’s an important one.
According to my buddy, one hot girl was particularly interested, but he never tried to bang her, let alone kiss her. Wait, what—why? I ask him. He doesn’t entirely know. Is he afraid of the girl saying no? When I was young and dumb(er), I was afraid of “no.” He may be in effect friendzoning himself, if he doesn’t make the move. From my gf’s report, my buddy and the hot girl’s energy quickly grew into friend energy. The two of them became part of the project to facilitate my gf hooking up with a guy at the party she thought was hot. Having a shared project can be a fantastic narrative to allow you to bond with a woman, but you have to make sure the context of the shared project isn’t “friends,” but romantic partners who are building sexual chemistry. Escalation is key, in particular touch. Timing is critical, because the window can close quickly. Chicks are capricious, so when her buying temp is high, act.
Was he afraid to kiss her? I think he would say no, he’s not afraid of “no.” I think he is afraid of no.Continue reading “Peacocking, fashion, and a guy who tragically friend-zones himself”
I was at an unbelievable, aspirational, can’t-believe-people-live-like-this party last week, thrown by a relatively new friend who lives in a stunning, straight-out-of-Architectural-Digest Brownstone with a stage/amphitheater built into the backyard and hot tub on the roof of the second floor looking into the backyard. The main event was a backyard concert featuring a South American band led by stunningly beautiful women. The host and owner has constructed an incredible universe and filled it with the exact kind of people one wants to spend one’s life around, including “Madison.” The party had the energy of freshman year of college, that first week when everyone is open to meeting new people. Strangely, for this type of event, no one there seemed to know each other. The party started an hour before showtime, so when I arrived everyone was already mingling and getting to know each other.
At one point during the show I was crowded close enough to where Madison stood that it would have been more awkward not to introduce myself, so I did and the conversation naturally flowed. She had an effervescent personality, and we immediately clicked. She was in town from the West coast and wanted tips on what to do while she was in the city. We eventually migrated indoors to have a little more privacy. The conversation quickly moved into intimate topics like sex, sexuality, and non-monogamy. Unsurprisingly she was in an ethically non-monogamous (ENM) relationship, and like most of the sluts I know was bi-sexual.
Around this point my gf joined us and the three of us hit it off.Continue reading “A threesome saga: energy & vibe”
This short piece about hot chick Julia Fox is more revealing than it should be,
An older sister in one of those households worked as a dominatrix. “She would look at herself in the mirror, with the fish-nets and the PVC and the platforms,” Fox said. “And, in the back of my mind, I always knew it was an option.” In her last year of high school, she said, “I answered a Craigslist ad, when they still had the adult section, and I biked over after school and got the job.” A long-term romantic relationship with a wealthy older man, a client, followed. “I used to pray all the time that a guy would come in and take me away, and then it happened,” she said. “We were together for five years. He wanted me to marry him, and I loved him so much, but he wanted me to wear, like, Ralph Lauren Purple Label and Tory Burch. I felt like I was always playing a part.”
We get the normalization of sex work. But we also see a common bit of female fantasy, one that is nonetheless rarely represented in the media, that a man “would come in and take me away.” She’s young and hot, so she reaches out, and he does: such is the power of young hot female privilege. The writer doesn’t contemplate what happens to young guys in the same perilous circumstances… to most women, guys who they deem below them don’t exist, except as service workers, and as the people who keep their computers and phones working. Fox says, “In my personal life, I’m not having, like, crazy-wild sex.” She might be right, might be wrong, might have her internal compass set funny… she has a “five-month-old son, Valentino,” but we learn nothing at all about the father. To the chick writer and to Julia Fox, whoever inseminated her might as well not exist???
This is the middlebrow worldview, today. Sex work is good, fun, and liberating. Men are sources of cash and, should a woman need it, some semen. Being hot means a chick’ll make it in this world. The family is dead and unimportant. In current cultural conditions, is this wrong? Not, “should it be wrong?” but is it wrong? Julia says of sex, “It’s a necessary bodily function.” Yeah, cause for a hot chick, it’s available on demand, but, for the rest of us: the game. Love it or hate it, it is here, tantalizing you, to master the secrets of the p***y.
Your choice is to struggle, or die. I choose struggle. No one is going to come in and take me away (unless it’s to the gulag, for wrongthink).
If you are wondering whether Julia Fox is smart overall, listen to this podcast, and your questions will be answered. You will also discover real-time narrative formation for chicks… the podcast message is, “There’s never been a better time to be a player”… or a worse time to be a provider. Which will you be?
Last weekend, I rolled pretty hard with a woman and spent some time wandering a nearby strip of bars, where we chatted with and encouraged a lot of strangers… MDMA can make a person feel intensely social, and we felt a lot of that energy and chose to express it by going out. We also dressed differently than most people, closer to something like this and far from the typical street clothes, dresses, or slacks and collared shirts most people wore. I realized that we were peacocking: being shiny and different, in a way that worked. My companion got most of the attention, which is fine and expected, it’s a shame she’s not bisexual. A bisexual wingwoman in that environment would have killed. Even without being bi, she create and we engendered a lot of positive feelings… we felt at one with the human species, a sense that is hard to cultivate in everyday life. And we felt at one with each other.
Trying to describe the mental state an MDMA roll engenders is impossible… those of you who’ve experienced it will be nodding along with the descriptions above, those of you who haven’t will probably be rolling your eyes. A well-done molly roll, if it’s done with people who like each other in the first place, is a powerful bonding agent, of a sort I didn’t realize when I was younger. During this roll, I felt more of that. Alcohol is common, but it sucks by comparison. Learning MDMA is like becoming part of a secret society.
In Integrating smart drugs, like MDMA (molly), smartly, I talked about the bizarre dearth of MDMA and psychedelic discussion among the larger game community. I think Bodi mentions taking mushrooms in one of his game books, and the peak spiritual journey the mushrooms facilitated. Most guys interested in cold approach never get started doing cold approach, and most who do give up quickly, and most drunk guys in bars are too drunk to function effectively. MDMA, though, opens a person up to being more social and having more social experiences, and I wonder if facilitating an MDMA weekend would be a useful means of coaching, and of unlocking a person’s potential. I encouraged Red Pill Dad to offer an “Ultimate Package” in which he’d fly out, do a debrief, do a Friday night round of night game, do a Saturday MDMA-facilitated experience, and then a Sunday re-integration session: that might help a lot of guys who can’t get started, who feel the spotlight effect, etc. It’s using MDMA almost as a social therapy, to break patterns and practices that may not be optimal. Children are all ove the place, in a way that would be disastrously dysfunctional in an adult. Adults, though, can be too familiar with the everyday world, and with strategies to get through it and make sense of it. MDMA at its best can shake up those strategies, and those anxieties. Combine it with a guy trying to learn game, but having trouble getting started at cold approach, could be very powerful. Have any guys tried this? If so, I’d like to hear about it.
Basically, I was more doing the “shaman bro” style (more here) and less of the “finance bro” or “rich guy” or “cool business casual” sorts of looks. That might be where the world is headed. Guys who tried to do Don Draper in 1970 mostly failed, I suspect. Guys who tried to do hippie in 1959 mostly failed, I suspect (styles obviously change and someone has to be the leader… some guys decided to start wearing long hair early in the ’60s, and some women decided not to wear bras and to have a lot of sex, in order for the society to change as others copy them). Style & peacocking count.
We didn’t set out to pick up girls, and, unfortunately… the woman I was with is pretty straight (she has other compensating attributes), but I think we could have. Which is easy to say, when it’s not put to the test. No proof of work, here. Girls and groups kept encouraging us to join them in the bars, but we didn’t really want to: the bars were too loud, we didn’t want to drink, and we were most focused on each other, not the bar experience. We had a few other tricks, too, that could count as peacocking, and contact me directly if you want to try this and are curious about those other tricks.
Game teaches men to control and channel our emotions, but one of the hardest parts about the game, in my experience and, it seems, in many others’, is doing nothing. Saying nothing. Not responding, when every emotional fiber of one’s being cries out to respond. Those are the times when a chick texts something, and I yearn to text back what I think, or to convince her to act, but in my rational mind, I know that saying zero is the right move, and that my emotional yearnings must be curtailed.
“Impatience” is often the handmaiden of failed game. A few days ago, I met a chick I’ve loosely known for about nine months. I have a lot of logistical complexity, and she has some too, and I’ve run hot and cold by accident, because I know I shouldn’t try to bang her, but she’s also a hot 8, and looks and smells like sex, so here I am, wanting to bang her.
A few weeks ago I went over to some “clubs” with some friends (clubs of the sort I expect are dying: it’s something I don’t normally do, but the crowd urged me to go and I went with the crowd (what, it happens sometimes, you never do?)), and the club, despite its reputation and slutty Instagram feed, was strangely grim: too many guys and too few women, and the guys were circling the area, hunting, seemingly, for any hint of female attention. Superficially, a big happy party, but just under the surface, desperation, attention-seeking… the sorts of things any person with modest emotional intelligence could perceive. Perhaps people drink to dull whatever emotional intelligence they have. Without coke, I don’t think these places would exist.
A lot of the people were trying to be sexually successful but would probably be more sexually successful if they quit alcohol, sugar, and other simple carbs.
THE GAME comes out in 2005, MYSTERY METHOD a year later. A bunch of pickup blogs show up then too, almost all abandoned since, and sometimes descending into madness and/or conspiracy theories along the way. Few guys have any desire to write about pickup and chicks for more than a few years, and the ones who do are often, or usually, unbalanced, or nuts in some other way(s). It’s important to have coolness and status before trying to evangelize or teach, yet the most prominent and least anonymous guys appear to have neither. Most are the kind of guys I’d want to avoid, not the kind who I’d want to get a drink and chat with.
A few years ago (2015) the book MATE: BECOME THE MAN WOMEN WANT, by Geoffrey Miller and Tucker Max, also came out, but it didn’t seem to make a splash. In a major occasion on par with the moon landing, Red Quest as a blog is founded in 2017, its initiation commemorated by a massive, 10-ten granite ziggurat next to the Washington Monument in DC. Red Quest’s readership peak is 2019, as of this writing, although you never know, maybe some feminist tweeters will come along to denounce me, and thus drive up traffic. Most people who find their way here from twitter or reddit, belong to twitter or reddit, prefer corporate media, and aren’t much interested in other venues. They’ve been captured by the big-tech borg. Some people complain about centralization of power among big tech companies, but the vast majority of people’s actions show preference for big centralized platforms, not for decentralized, censorship-resistant efforts (describing what seems to be true is not the same as approving of a thing that seems to be true).
What’s going on? Knowledge about how to do better with chicks is available, but few guys seems to avail themselves of it. Chicks themselves are not out there talking about the excessive number of socially smooth, interesting, and cool guys who are seducing them. If anything, chicks are complaining about how cold it is to meet guys through online dating, and how they wish guys would approach them in real life. Chicks are lonely, bored, and understimulated, by their own admission. Memes about funny cats go viral, ideas about how to get laid, don’t. I post that most guys just don’t care that much about getting laid, and even the ones who somewhat care, don’t care or care much about figuring out how to do so effectively. The information itself has been around for at least a decade and a half, probably longer, and it’s still very niche.
Some guys still seem to think that doing better with chicks is simply impossible: and yet the guys who practice the game demonstrate otherwise. Or maybe most guys really aren’t picky, and are okay dating a few points below themselves. They perceive the mountain to be too high, and go back to the Shire of video games. I know a coach who says his clients think a same-day lay (SDL) is impossible, because it’s so far out from their idea of what’s possible.
Overall, it’s not like men are better at getting laid via some other avenue. Men seem to be getting laid less than they did a few years back, which is also consistent with the “most guys don’t care much” thesis. You’ve probably seen the graphs showing that the number of guys in their teens / 20s who have gone without sex in the last year has something like doubled, or maybe a bit more, from like 8% to like 22%, in the last ten to twelve years:
Number of video gamers and herbivores seems to be going up, which is I guess kind of nice from a “competition” level, but existentially depressing from a societal and cultural level. Maybe one day humanity goes extinct cause the video games are too good. Maybe the effort and subtlety needed to master the art of seduction is too great. Most guys have returned to an oral-first culture, and thus the extensive written corpus about how to get laid lies fallow, for want of readers. In a similar human puzzle, Why aren’t there more computer science majors? It’s probably the most lucrative undergrad degree, and highly impactful on the average person’s life (the average person spends an unbelievable number of hours per day on the phone, which is another way of saying, “Doing things CS majors produce”). Lots of people go to college, get worthless degrees, and spend the next decade plus paying back “student” loans that can’t be discharged via normal means like bankruptcy. Weird! I hypothesize most people aren’t smart enough to do computer science degrees but maybe there are other reasons. Most guys are smart enough to implement the rudimentary parts of game, however, they just don’t. Maybe guys are just lazy?
Some of the guys who download and read the book probably don’t do anything with its ideas right away, but a planted seed may sprout years down the line. Could be that “time” is a key element for ideas to spread. But ideas from THE GAME and such have had a long time to spread, and seem not to have. Video game ideas, by the contrast, appeal to many millions.
There seemed to be a lot of energy in the pickup and seduction worlds in the ’00s and early ’10s. Where’d it go? Guys in their 20s don’t seem to be writing about seduction and dating experiences (if I’m missing guys who are, let me know). Maybe, today, being in good shape, a male high 7, and having okay pictures of a guy looking buff and hiking or whatever, is enough to snare high 6s and some 7s off dating apps, so the drama of cold approach and bar seduction isn’t needed. The process is a little smoother, its terrifying peaks and valleys and storms smoothed into a neater, more manicured path. Meanwhile the guys playing video games and getting fat are mostly out of the game altogether, or get women consistent with their lives. A guy who gets frustrated enough with his underperforming sex life will find his way to the knowledge he needs, while a guy who is fundamentally content with underperformance, won’t.
It may also be that most guys interested in and writing about seduction are fundamentally unappealing or crazy, a point elaborated in, “The most stridently asserted opinions will disappear down the memory hole.” I look at most of the guys writing about player blogs and they do not seem cool to me, and many of them say and tweet crazy things that will repel normal people, or reasonable people. So it’s hard to separate the crazy opinions on various topics from the reasonable, but slightly unconventional, views on how sex and dating actually work.
Maybe this sort of thing will always be of interest to only a small group, for some other reason I’m not aware of. Maybe I’ve not plumbed the psychology of man sufficiently to discern it. I think I’d imagined that Red Quest as a blog would be more enticing: more efficient, and often effective, ways of getting copiously laid. Even if most guys aren’t interested in undertaking these practices, I imagined they’d be interested in or curious about them. They’re powerful tools, however unusual.
I don’t have much of a conclusion. Whatever makes ideas popular, does not appear to apply to guys figuring out how to get laid.
The last year and a half have been revealing. I’ve speculated in private that I think this universe is self-limiting, because the accurate and useful ideas about, for example, picking up chicks, are often swirled together with a bunch of other off-putting, inaccurate, and widely disliked ideas: a bunch of anti-social people discussing social skills.
If you know any, direct them here, so they can denounce. Ten years ago, it seemed like pickup artists and such were regularly denounced online and in the media, and now, no one does. It seems the culture wars have moved on. By the way, we lost, at least in terms of numbers and attention.
Nash has a story about dating a peculiar girl, one who is “cold, confident, powerful little ‘push’ in how she receives you” and who seems to have a “bitchy hot girl routine.” Her responses to him are curt and highly factual, to the point Nash feels like “something is missing.” She’s a mystery (read the whole thing to understand more), and one possibility I posit in the comments: aspergers. She has little apparent interest in other people or a normal social life.
Psych diagnoses are overused today, granted, and lots of guys want to label unhappy chicks as “borderline personality disorder,” while 3/4 of chicks today claim to have “social anxiety disorder,” when the only actual disorder they might have is “7 hours a day staring at my smartphone disorder,” but in this chick, aspergers might fit, and that could also explain the lack of sexual debut, cause she’s too weird and antisocial to get there. I’ve obviously not met the chick Nash is describing, and sometimes it’s hard to say who’s just weird, and who is maybe diagnosably weird, but her behavior as described at least seems consistent with aspergers or similar.
I’ve run into some chicks who are a bit on the spectrum: if a girl likes to f**k for the usual reasons (sensation, orgasm, pleasure) but is also much more logical/systematic than a normal girl, she’s more likely than average to wind up doing non-monogamy, and thus I’m more likely to run into her.Continue reading “Dating unusual girls who have aspergers, or are non-reactive”