I was reading a good book about storytelling, A Curious Mind: The Secret to a Bigger Life, by Brian Glazer (the hollywood producer) and a journalist named Charles Fishman (red pill dad on storytelling). It’s narrated by Glazer… and he has good advice for players… like, “Most of the best things that have happened in my life are the result of curiosity. And curiosity has occasionally gotten me in trouble. But even when curiosity has gotten me in trouble, it has been interesting trouble.” I should list some ways curiosity has gotten me into interesting trouble, but a look through the archives will yield a cornucopia of material… when “Libido Girl” first proposed a sex party to me, I was curious, and many years later I am still involved. Glazer says he is “not the least bit embarrassed to ask questions.” A guy should be the same, although, with girls, it’s often better to make statements or assumptions. Don’t ask, “Did you get a job making coffee because you like coffee?” Instead, “I bet you got that gig so you can flirt with the sexy customers.” As the conversation evolves some questions are fine & normal, but too many questions to an unresponsive girl feels like an interview. Some girls, however, are bad at flirting and non-responsive… but if she keeps complying despite being boring, you might find her complying all the way into bending over for you.
I read the Delicious Tacos book The Pussy and I can’t tell if it’s mostly a joke or not… The Pussy is like a Woody Allen movie, where you can’t tell if it’s more pathos or more humor, and the ambiguity is part of the appeal. Don’t read it if you’re not in the mood to be depressed. Depressed, like,
Four months since you left me. I’ve been trying to replace you the whole time. One girl came close; she was 22. Her face wasn’t like yours but she had big tits. She left me too. I was hurting from you and I tried to fix it and now I’m hurting from both of you and the evidence keeps piling up that I’m unlovable. Why won’t you love me. What is wrong with me.
The hole in this guy’s soul is large. I don’t know if it’s supposed to be fiction or nonfiction or if the writer/character is too miserable to care. He says, “Sex is the story. There is nothing else on Earth. Birds, flowers, sunsets: go fuck yourself.” Great, okay, yet other times he hates sex, although no guy hates women 30 seconds before he nuts in a hot one. I guess the book is about the male obsession with f**king, something I’m well familiar with. Joke: “What’s the definition of a nymphomaniac? The rare woman who thinks about f**king as the average man.” But homos can f**k whenever they want, and most of them seem to think about things other than f**king, like musical theater, or celebrity gossip… they seem like high achievers, most of them… they figure out that when you’ve had your fill Monday morning still comes around, so you might as well have a meaningful existence apart from f**king.
Is the pussy of the title the narrator? I dunno. I’ve read more boring books… I’ve spent more time on worse books, so I’ll probably give another one a go, like a girl I’m ambivalent about, maybe because one eye is bigger than the other, or she won’t go to the gym with me, or she gets angry when a post a tasteful pic of us f**king to a Snapchat story, but she’ll also let me rawdog her, and she also likes to hit sex clubs with me. By the end I was skipping sections… I’d seen the shtick… it’s a fine one, yeah, and it’s good he’s willing to use words like “mulatto.” Makes you know he’s not part of the political correctness police. Anonymous people admit the shit the named won’t. Usually. But listening to whining… I don’t have high tolerance for it. Personal opinion. Guys who were farmers living in the nineteenth century have things to whine about… guys in hunter gatherer tribes who spend their whole lives trying to stick the pointy ends of sticks into other guys, lest they receive the pointy end… have something to whine about. Us today… it’s harder to take seriously, despite the problems… listen to kids and they whine all the time. “No whining” is a top parenting rule. Adults learn not to whine because we learn that no one gives a f**k about our whining. People give a f**k about our solutions.
Alcohol is a stupid mind-altering substance compared to MDMA or psychedelics like LSD. That we think alcohol is great is an accident of European and Middle Eastern history. A depressed person like the person in the book (Delicious Tacos himself?) should connect with people through love drugs instead of depressives like alcohol. Our society is dumb. I ate too much Indian food tonight, although no animals had to suffer for my sustenance.
Being obsessed with sex and sex alone doesn’t do much for your identity (you will not learn how to f**k chicks from this book, unlike many other books I have discussed). If the rest of your life sucks except for jerking off, you’re doing it wrong. We feel existential loneliness and then we die. So what? Then what? What do we do now? Wallow in it, I guess. Or go make something. “Here’s the thing with me. I want to find a nice girl. But I also want to get you hammered in my filthy silverfish infested jack shack and rawdog you in the second hour of our first date.” Yeah, I have the same problem, like 50% or more of males. It’s called being alive.
While this guy is going on about his cock, other people are going out every day to produce the vast cornucopia of goods and services available. Thousands of people are working on coronavirus vaccines and treatments. Thousands, maybe millions, are making sure the Internet functions. It’s possible we’ll have a man on Mars within five years. UPS drivers make sure packages get delivered. Delicious Tacos, however, will be worried about his itches and commute. He likes a girl who has “her shit together but not in a drink the Kool Aid careerist way that made you sick to hear about.” Doesn’t make me sick to hear about, if her career is worth a damn (marketing, HR, and public relations don’t count, and neither do most girls in “art” or “media”). There is a difference between making a difference being a careerist, definitely.
Men would text him their woman problems. He told them go fuck another girl. They thought he was a genius.
The solution is always the same. Go to the gym. Pullups. Squat. Deadlift. F**k new girls. Realizing the simple things would’ve saved me much heartache. Ballache too. When I was young I thought it would be romantic to off myself over some random b***h, a legit way to fix the pain of romance, when in reality you can’t feel the pain of some girl when you’re tight and clenched as you’re about to deadlift.
The Pussy is a little like listening to someone else’s drug stories… he goes back and forth between f**king chicks and feeling like they’re worthless and so is sex, to not f**king them, and feeling like they’re worthless cause they won’t f**k him… it’s like, dude, pick one. Some things are true, “I don’t have a dating friendly lifestyle, is what I’m saying. No one who works does.” So what? Everyone’s got problems. People who make a lot of money solve those problems. That’s it. That’s the big secret of working. Every job is solving someone else’s problem. If you can solve a big problem you get big rewards.
I guess The Pussy‘s a big joke… I think one book by DT is enough for me… it has a propulsive vitality at times. This guy should buy a bike and commute on it and work on it… riding is very flow… commuting does suck… a bike ride is better than social media. Some people are never happy and this guy appears to be one of them. I don’t know, I have somewhat limited patience for the howls of the miserable. I can tell a story about my life being miserable… I can tell one about it being great… guess which is better… there is no story in this book… it’s a collection of random moments… enjoy the vital moments I guess.
Two recent revisions to the free sex club guide book, both inspired by conversations with guys who read it.
Breeze wrote to me, “Before I read your book, I thought sex clubs to be drunken, bacchanalian parties filled with drugs. Your descriptions make them seem much more like friendly social gatherings where people have expert manners. That actually makes a lot more sense because there needs to be ‘hidden rules’ in place for this sort of ecosystem to be sustainable.” Exactly. Almost no large and public sex clubs allow drunks or people who use drugs to excess, or to the point that they violate other people’s space and desires. Sex clubs only work to the extent that women feel safe at them and to the extent that men know their dates won’t be molested. Take away the safety and the club will swiftly die, for good reason. People who violate the rules will quickly be ostracized (again, for good reason).
Think of rock climbing. Rock climbing is inherently dangerous. The people who do it successfully (and don’t die) are often very conservative about equipment, weather, and training. They make absolutely sure their safety gear is top notch and in good working order. If they see signs the weather is turning, they turn back, even if the summit is close. They train hard to consecutively reach more difficult mountains, glaciers, or rock faces, and no one smart starts with Everest, K2, or even Denali. Something similar can be said for sex parties: the people who do it successfully often plan their evenings and dates. They decide what their limits and rules are for a given night. If they want to change the rules for their next date or club, they can. They check in with their partners. If something seems off about new partners, they disengage. And the people who do sex clubs successfully look for others who share the same ethic. Drink and drugs that impair one’s ability to function properly and to respect others are not going to work with these needs. Manners and etiquette, however, help people structure interactions. Being too mannered is stultifying, but not being mannered enough is rude or confusing. People who are successful in a given situation learn to operate between those poles.
Another, not connected to the one above, occurred in a private chat and Magnum suggested it be stated explicitly.
Let me also pause to say this book throws a lot of data and ideas at newcomers. Pull back from the barrage of new ideas and remember not to overthink the experience, despite me dumping a bunch of data. the sex club and party are supposed to be fun and relaxed. If you get too in your head, too into trying to decipher every moment and motivation, the club won’t be as fun. Your girl wants to have a fun adventure with you. Think back to high school or whenever you first started dating. If you sweated every detail, every moment, every word said to the girl, you were likely too anxious to achieve flow, and the girl could sense your anxiety. Do enough planning and thinking to make the event happen without driving yourself into over-worry. The first time you try anything new, it’s not going to go perfectly. This book distills ten+ years of the game… I have noticed subtleties that won’t always be important. Harness the excitement and ride that. Don’t let fear be the mind killer.
If you go enough, you’ll become part of the scene and community: sex clubs and sex parties will become a lot more fun when you make friends who also regulars and connect with people on a level beyond a purely sexual level. Some of my friends and acquaintances have found employees, employers, business partners, climbing buddies, gym buddies, book clubs, and all manner of other, non-sexual connections through non-monogamy. For most of us, meeting tons of strangers is stressful, and trust doesn’t occur immediately upon meeting. It takes time to build, for good reason, since a lot of hours of face time and listening are necessary to evaluate other people (I mention later in the book that players have discovered most women, most of the time, need 4 – 10 hours with a man before sex. Sex clubs can shorten that time, but a lot of swapping happens after two hours of socializing and one hour of people f**king the partner they’ve brought, getting us close to the four hours many women want prior to sex). As you develop bonds with other people, the clubs and parties will become social and sexual events, and they’ll be more enjoyable because of those bonds. Like any scene, getting into it will take some time, but ongoing, repeated interactions are more satisfying than one-offs. People who think the sex clubs are purely about sex may be surprised to find that they’re as much about socializing, if you’re doing them correctly.
They’re both subtle ideas but I think they clarify a bit of the cultural practices you’ll find, along with popular misconceptions. Lots of people may have been turned on and titillated by that Eyes Wide Shut orgy scene, but it has very little to do with how most real orgies happen. A guy could probably try to re-create that Eyes Wide Shut scene… but he’d probably be paying the girls.
In the real world, young and hot women dictate the dating world (contrary to what shrieking feminist harpies claim), and the whole sex club scene is built around the needs and desires of women. Women need more context and comfort for sex, and sex clubs make those things happen by balancing danger/excitement with comfort/rules.
A lot of businesses are starting to shut down or scale back due to COVID-19, giving me too much time to tinker on the book, which won’t be of use to people during the outbreak, since sex clubs will be among the first venues to shutter.
Rarely has a title been truer than UNWIFEABLE, a book in which a hot woman tells us boredom = death, a lesson many guys fail to learn… let’s review the evidence, as she f**ks a dull rich guy, gets “halfway through a boring night at dinner,” then begins drinking to make the people around her entertaining. In New York City, “I make new [female] friends who tell me their stories of suffering through boring-ass business guys who get them into Michelin-rated restaurants and how they feel no qualms about taking them for a $300 meal because the guy is getting their company.” Nice guys have been erroneously told that money will make girls like them. Two women “exchange a secret glance within the first few minutes communicating the exact same thing: This guy is the reason women give up on dating entirely. He’s not even a bad guy—at all. He’s just so boring.” A man “launches into the world’s most boring story about his cell phone provider, and as we walk across the gravel, I am counting steps, grateful for the gift of disassociation.” “I find him boring, and I want to make sure he knows that. So as Blaine watches, I begin to flirt with everyone in the immediate vicinity—his friends, the caterers, my coworkers, gay men just trying to get out of my way.” You, Mr. Nice Guy, think of yourself as “stable.” She thinks of you as “boring.”
It’s amazing to me how mean many of these people are… Mandy is mean to any guy who reciprocates her interest in a direct and kind way (they bore her). Guys are mean to her. Is this what normal people’s worlds look like? But she makes me think… how many chicks have I met like Mandy, who say they want to be wives, but don’t act like it at all… and are then surprised when they don’t become wives. It’s like guys who think they want to be players, but don’t hit the gym, don’t go out and socialize, and complain online about chicks. When there is a wide gap between stated desire and actions that might bring one closer to that desire, it is time for therapy to try and understand why that gap exists and what might be done to close it.
All of us broadcast signals. We image match. If the signals we broadcast conflict with what we think we really want, there are problems. Mandy thinks she wants to be a wife, but she chooses to f**k guys who are not interested, not even slightly, in being husbands. Chicks are not stupid, although chicks, like everyone, may not behave optimally. This one seems to have a pattern: reject or ignore outright the guys most interested in her, and chase down the ones doing drugs and sex. I personally am not huge on chicks who are drunk or high, although yes I have been there too. A positive, direct thing I can say about her, however, is that she takes responsibility for her behavior and doesn’t blame guys for having sex with her when she’s drunk. That being responsible for herself counts as a virtue today speaks to today’s media culture.
This book, UNWIFEABLE, is so dark. I wonder how many chicks could write books like it, in which I’d be a bit character (“I look up and see this guy putting on a condom. What’s his name again? But my FWB who gave me the coke is already inside his date so I guess to I have to…”) Not a lot, I hope… not zero, either.
If you want to f**k around a lot, Mandy’s story makes polyamory look pretty good… in theory at least you are supposed to like each other, and care, a little bit, about each other, while also f**king other people. In this book the guys are all predatory and malevolent (the ones who aren’t are “boring”), in Mandy’s view… what is their view? How many of them were f**king her and looking into her eyes clouded by drink or drugs and wanting a family?
In her late 30s, Mandy goes through what Rollo calls the epiphany phase:
I’ve previously described this phase as a parallel to men’s feminine-redefined midlife crisis. This is a precarious time for women, usually the years between 28 and 30, where she makes attempts to reassess the last decade of her life. Women’s psychological rationalization engine (a.k.a. the Hamster) begins a furious effort to account for, and explain to her reasonings for not having successfully secured a long term monogamous commitment from as Alpha a man as her attractiveness could attain for her. . . . The self-affirming psychological schema is one where she’s “finally doing the right thing”, when in fact she’s simply making the necessity of her long term provisioning and security a virtue she hopes men will appreciate.
Rollo’s a little too harsh here, because I think most chicks do fundamentally want love… from a sufficiently high value man. Many of them, however, have dysfunctional ways of going about it (the more dysfunctional the girl, the better she responds to gamey game?), or, like this one, prefers excitement to love. She gets herself better than a lot of people do… “There is a true irony that people who are blogging or podcasting all about the minutiae of their lives are sometimes the loneliest people of all.”
Mandy also chooses an environment that’s high in excitement and low in commitment (New York City) and within that environment, sub-environments that are the same (stand-up comedy). Her book is funny, but mostly sad, and it’s a sad lament for the spinsters and to-be spinsters out there. It is bleak at times… “I am thirty-six years old. I have $279 in my bank account. I have no job prospects. I have no romantic prospects. I have nothing. And it feels like such a relief.”
Mandy’s memoir is red pill in another package,
The main epiphany for me came in realizing that success is not a finite, limited resource, and that I was coming from a mentality of lack versus one of abundance. Understanding this is a huge part of the battle.
Guys have the same problems Mandy does, when we get jealous of the success of others, instead of measuring ourselves and realizing we live in a world of abundance, if we choose to view it that way and access it (most of us don’t, sadly). This chick is going through what a lot of guys do… with the key difference that sex is easily available to her, whenever she wants it, which isn’t true of guys. But people don’t appreciate what is readily available (when were you last truly grateful for clean running water?), so that is kind of invisible, as is the way of chicks.
What people say, particularly the negative things, are often reflections of their own inner state… we think it’s all about us when often it’s not… Mandy, “How many times have I said cruel things—including to my ex-husband—that I may not even remember because I was in a rage blackout?”
Mandy is not sex positive and never integrates f**king a variety of people into her conscious personality. This limits her ability to enjoy it or even do it well and effectively. Guys who have read the free book know that many chicks need time to convert from their typical monogamous script into a non-monogamous script.
A book that is more red pill than red pill guys (it’s also super fun to read apart from what can be learned from it). Guys can learn a lot by listening and parsing what women say… women in certain circumstances and situations… not the ones saying “Just be yourself” “Just be nice,” but the ones who are a little more real.
I’ve been saying that women are the truest red pillers… now we see an article by a chick, about books written by chicks, that are as red pill as anything comes… it’s about whether a novel can “capture the contradictions of female desire,” but it’s not hard to understand… one just has to remember that chicks are random and also that many chicks don’t want to be accountable for their decisions. Seriously, the chicks writing the novels and the chick writing the article agree with me, just not in the exact framing I use…
Their behavior mystifies them, and they discover that the selective work of authorship can relieve their confusion: if they choose some moments from their past and discard others, if they arrange these moments in just the right way, they might be able to understand themselves as logical and consistent, free of the messy task of figuring out what they want, and the even messier one of fully accepting these wants.
When guys ask women logical questions about the woman’s behavior and don’t get logical answers, that’s often because the woman herself doesn’t know. “Their behavior mystifies them.” One thing most chicks hate, however, is boredom, as we see here.
Of the intervening years, we have learned that she married and abruptly divorced a kale-loving man, a classmate in her grad-school cohort, whom she describes as “nice” and “ever so understanding.” She is mocking him. He is exactly the kind of partner a liberated woman is supposed to want, and yet she despises him for it.
Nice guys are boring. “Liberated” women want what other women want.
Years after her ur-erotic hotel-room encounter, the narrator finds herself in another hotel room, this time with a man she has picked up in the bar downstairs. Her husband is at home and thinks she is away at a job interview or visiting friends; she can’t remember. Alone with the stranger, the narrator tells him that she wants to be dominated. This time she’s articulating her desire, rather than discovering it through someone else’s, and in the act of articulation she can’t help but come face to face with her own agency. But the fantasy itself is for the opposite: “I hate making choices,” she says.
If she wants it, the husband doesn’t matter, the previous agreements don’t matter… all that matters is the moment. The impressive thing is that she says she wants to be dominated. Most women want guys to intuit that, to just know it. But “I hate making choices…” that’s why smart guys minimize the choices chicks need to make. In the old world, the anthropological hunter-gatherer world and then the agricultural world, chicks didn’t have many choices to make. They married who their families, mostly their fathers and brothers, told them to marry. Now we are surprised that a lot of chicks are unhappy to be introduced into the world of intense mating competition and that many chicks are ambivalent about the choices in front of them. Chicks live in the land of maybe, but most guys are never taught this.
Most guys don’t understand what women want during sex, or how to give it to them…
This contrast—of women raring to assert their agency in one context, then willing, even eager, to relinquish it another—captured my interest in part because of its familiarity. I’d seen it crop up recently in widely praised works both written by and featuring brazen, outspoken, and almost always middle-class white women. It’s in Sally Rooney’s “Conversations with Friends,” when Frances tries unsuccessfully to get Nick—older, married, kind—to choke and hit her during sex. And in Rooney’s “Normal People,” when Marianne discloses to gentle, sensitive Connell, her on-again-off-again boyfriend, that another man has hit her with a belt, choked her—that she asked for it, enjoyed it.
Read from the right perspective, this “feminist” article in a feminist magazine about feminist novels tells us more about real chicks than most of the man-hating feminist writing. There are some dysfunctional women who hate men and some dysfunctional men who hate women, but most of all guys need to learn to understand chicks, and then their behavior becomes clearer. Chicks are often like random-number generators, a fact that explains my interactions with many chicks the interactions so many men have with chicks.
This article is great reading for confused guys.
Women are the truest red pillers.
Why’s there not more talk about the specifics of sex? I have some ideas… RedCoco says,
Pickup seems pretty quiet on the topic of sex skills.
I sense that as men we set our sexual baseline energy way too low when women are craving animalistic, dominant, rough sex from us.
We as men choose vanilla.
Women want the whole gelato bar!
I have a theory that most guys are not actually get laid much and the ones who are are not great in bed. I have been thinking about writing a “psychology of sex” essay to complement the sex-toy one (RPD wrote me, “Dude, thank you for the vibrator tip—chicks love that and it’s so easy”) … and now you have it. I haven’t written it because there are many good resources for sex skills, She Comes First being good. There is another one called The Sex God Method which is also fine. There is another one called Slow Sexthat is good for chicks who have trouble coming. Just F*ck Me! – What Women Want Men to Know About Taking Control in the Bedroom. So there are lots of resources for guys who want to get better at f**king, but not so many for guys who want to get better at seduction and pickup, so that is where the community hammers.
There is probably one thing that I think is useful above all others… take your time. Demonstrate to her that you are not in a rush… I made this mistake many times when I was younger. Most guys are so thrilled that a decent chick is getting naked that they want to rush through foreplay and to the stage when their dick is inside her. This is very rarely the best way to be… sometimes it’s necessary if you’re for example in a public bathroom or a car, but if you’re able, take your time. Guys warm up close to instantly, chicks warm up like an iron… slowly, but with great heat at the end. You never hear a girl say, “Oh God, it was so nice when he got inside me so fast! Wow! Next time I hope he is inside me even faster.” Chicks don’t say, “He came in two minutes flat, that was great.” But she will often complain that he skimps foreplay, she wasn’t fully aroused, she needed more kissing, she was still in her head, etc.
I tweeted this, last week, “At least half a dozen guys have messaged me to say they think they know a chick from one of my stories.” Ms. Slav, most often… since I’ve written most often about her. I think the repeated identifications are a sign, a sign that patterns in human behavior are universal. We are less unique than we think.
What is happening to me… is happening to guys and chicks in every city. It’s happening all around you, you just don’t know it, or realize it. I didn’t know about this whole sex club, open relationship world existed until the chick I call #1 introduced me to it. Now I realize that it’s organized and that the people in it have to be organized if they’re going to keep it going on a regular basis. I have also slowly realized that the number of people involved is far, far greater than I ever would have realized. And also that more women are open to it than young Red Quest would have guessed. Many women are open to this pattern… though almost all want primary partners too.
To our parents… we are irreplaceable. And if our parents are any good, they are irreplaceable to us. But the parent/child relationship has many patterns. Rapidly, as you move away from that, we are more and more replaceable, and more like other people. Ideally, children are the same to their parents… they are a pattern, yes, but also unique and irreplaceable.
Game is about learning the patterns… if there were no patterns, it’d be no good.
I am more similar to other guys like me than I want to think. You are probably more similar to other guys than you want to admit.
Because the patterns are universal, I see patterns in other people and they see them in me. Baller psychologist Carl Jung argues that each of us taps into a universal unconscious that shapes us… maybe that is also why so many people believe in reincarnation/access to past lives… because that is the universal pattern reaching into them. The book I have been talking about lately, KING WARRIOR MAGICIAN LOVER: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine, is heavily influenced by Jung. It sets up types of guys. You should read it to get your head straight, and to figure out which type you are most… I am most MAGICIAN, I’m sure regular readers will not be surprised to discover. This has good aspects and bad aspects… good or bad I’m kind of stuck with them… I will probably never truly be a KING or WARRIOR guy, regardless of my own desires. To change fundamental types at this stage in my game… not easy.
The interesting thing to me is that no guy, from what I have seen, has written comprehensively about the patterns involved in game (as elucidated by Krauser, etc.) AND the patterns involved in sex clubs. A few people have written about one or the other, but not both.
That’s the one uncommon thing about me. I have seen the patterns and reported back on them. Guys have been seeing the patterns in game for a while… Nash wrote about a book from the ’70s that isn’t SO different from what modern gamers do. The old newsgroup alt.seduction spawned the SoSuave forum, and those two things energized Neil Strauss and Mystery. Strauss and Mystery seeded the London Daygame guys. All of those sources have percolated in my own mind, and they have influenced the book I put out.
Smartphones are changing some tactics but the overall strategy is the same. Jung gets it… he understands that we are patterns, and, if we are to have a chance at breaking the pattern, we have to see it first. Most guys never get the sex lives they want because they have bad value or they never get the patterns down. We need to read books so we can find the patterns hidden from us in our regular lives. Many men are frustrated by the game (that is the cause of sites like PUAhate and SLUThate) because they think they can never engage the methods that make guys successful, or the reality of sexual competition contravenes their early programming… frequently religious and sometimes feminist.
Knowing you are second-rate, sexually… it must be hard. Now we have porno and game blogs that CONFIRM you are a second or third rate guy. How do you respond? Some guys up their game. Some guys fall into depression. Some guys engage in denial, hate, and anger. Some guys spend their lives hunting for the girl who is the exception… there are girls who are exceptions… they are just super rare. If you have the skills to get girls in the centre of the distribution, you likely have the skills to get the rare girls, but not the other way around.
I think that’s the psychology behind haters and male feminists… the ones who see the pattern but can’t learn how to use the pattern. Guys who succeed learn the seduction process, through experience or synthetically through the game. Our processes are pretty similar. We think we are special, but we are wrong. Other guys think they know the chicks I have discussed… actually, they are seeing archetypes of those chicks, and that’s it.
Trippy, right? At the top of the game, the game starts to sound like hippie bullshit again. At the bottom of the game, the game is a struggle to amass sufficient value to attract decent chicks. It’s very dog-eat-dog.
When we are kids we think we are special. Some people never get past that notion. The rest of us learn that we have to make ourselves special.
When you read a book like WARRIOR KING MAGICIAN LOVER you find out that you are less special than you had thought… but you also learn how to optimize your strengths and compensate for your weaknesses. I have many weaknesses… but I have probably not emphasized them in the writing here. Maybe they can be guessed.
It’s funny to me, being the repository for other people’s projections and experiences.
One of the big things many guys have to learn, or unlearn, is that women love f**king… but they are compelled by their psychologies to conceal that somewhat, and they are told by the society they grow up in to conceal their love. So a lot of guys remain ignorant about female nature for a long time… some guys forever… thus movies like THE MATRIX resonating. Learning the truth, recognizing your own inadequacy in some domains… it can be very painful. For guys who are soft, who have never competed in sports or lifted in the gym, it can be really hard. For guys who have spent their lives optimizing the wrong thing, thinking that women will be attracted to well-paid, boring IT workers… it can be brutal and shattering.
There is no easy way, there is only the hard way. Particularly for men.
Spinster Candace Bushnell, the woman who wrote the original *Sex and the City* book and then created the famous TV show, is now in her 50s and has written a book about how being single and childless at that age sucks for chicks… most of you readers already know this, of course, because older women are competing for a pool of guys who would rather date women in their 20s or 30s, if possible.
Let’s not reiterate that again, instead I will observe that I am of the age in which pretty much every high school and college girl I knew watched the show when it came out and watched it again on DVD (before streaming was common, many movies and TV shows shipped on plastic discs that had to be purchased one-by-one, for you young guys reading). Chicks perceived SATC as very glamorous. I also read the *Sex and the City* book way back when and watched most of the show, here and there, usually w/ chicks. I think the key to a chick’s interpretation of either is how old the chick is. For teen girls and girls up to the late 20s (perhaps 28/29), the show reads as glamorous f**king around in the city and being serenaded/seduced by a wild variety of hot hot men who are going to pick up the tabs for fancy dinners, whisk them around to clubs, etc. The shiny fantasy rules.
For women over age 28/29, *Sex and the City* starts to look like the “cock carousel” much-discussed online by men… older women see the guys in the show are getting copiously laid while offering the women a minimum of commitment, and female-female competition in NYC is fierce and relentless. NYC is expensive and, in the real world, it’s very hard for most women to make enough money to have a reasonable standard of living in the city without a guy to subsidize her. Most women in their 20s who appear to be living well in the city are either being subsidized by their fathers, or they’re sex workers. A lot of the guys in NYC want to play the field and will not subsidize some random chick. Older women detect underlying sadness in the show, but most younger women don’t detect the underlying sadness until it’s too late.
A lot of women feel like they have to viciously compete in NYC due to male/female ratios that favor men. That’s the thing the city still has most going for it, for players. Many women don’t read enough and don’t understand why NYC is a different market than most cities in the rest of the country.
Older women can accept that NYC is hard, choose a guy she perceives as “lesser,” or go poly, or just fuck around and accept that they’re not going to have kids, but that last one will make women bitter and alone when older, with the feeling getting worse the older she gets. Most women want kids, though, and can’t be happy without a family. Thus the neuroticism and deep unhappiness of single women over age 35. Such women are dangerous as bosses, I want to add.
The *Sex and the City* TV show’s undercurrent of hysteria is because most of the women are over 30 and know time is not on their side. The show is similar except that there is an unrealistic deus ex machina for Carrie at the very end. But if you watch the show carefully, you’ll be aware that most of the women in it are not very happy because they know they are living their lives poorly.
I also think many chicks have a dangerous precedent because they get enormous sexual market power (SMV) very early, as teens (provided they are not fat), and can fairly easily maintain that SMV power for fifteen years just by not being fat. Today, chicks using online dating can feel the incredible SMV power of their youth even more keenly than chicks before online dating. The decline in SMV can be rapid, however, leaving many women psychologically wounded because what was “easy” for them has suddenly become hard. The same thing happens to a few guys, like the high school athletes gone to seed who had high SMV and see it drop. More common is the guy who sees his SMV rise as he works on his body, mind, and income throughout his 20s and 30s.
Candace Bushnell was probably warned about her shelf life but decided that hot short-term sex is better than having a family, particularly a family with a low-status male.
The writer of the article that got me started on this piece is a feminist, yet she also notices, “Then I read some of the original Observer pieces, which were tough and unsentimental, even caustic.” That is also my reading, because even then Bushnell was in her 30s competing for cool guys who really want chicks in their 20s. Bushnell and her friends discover what lots of women do. The feminist writer says of the new Bushnell, “The book captures the buoyancy of the writer’s brand, but it also has a weather-beaten, mellow quality. If the women in ‘Sex and the City’ were living the dream, these characters are trailing after, reminiscing about, sometimes questioning it.” The women in *Sex and the City* were never living their dream, except for promiscuous Samantha, as their true dream is having a wealthy cool guy and having a family with that man. Something none of them were on the path to doing because they were too busy f**king hot guys. Lesson for guys is simple, be the hott guy. This lesson has been well-learned and now many women complain of “players.” Players exist because women prefer hot fun-loving guys to boring reliable provider guys. Even provider guys are figuring out that there is little benefit to being a provider guy and a lot of benefit to hitting the gym and being a party, hot-sex guy. I don’t think every guy has what it takes to be a party hot-sex guy but many do.
Women in many big cities and upper-middle-class households are socialized to chase the job and career, like men. Then women discover as they get older that those things are less satisfying than having a family, but they are not going to drop their socialized acceptance of the lame careers they have as middle managers.
That article has lots of bullshit in it, such as talk of “how our ideas of masculinity and femininity have shifted” between 1997 and today. They haven’t much. Yes, among some gender freaks in Brooklyn there are loser androgenes, but very few hot chicks will deliberately make themselves less hot and very few top guys will deliberately make themselves more feminized. There is more gender confusion, with fat chicks leading the way, but on the whole masculinity remains and guys who want a good sex life cultivate their masculinity, and women who want top guys cultivate their femininity.
Today of course the Internet helps guys learn the game and helps people interested in sexual depravity like myself discover others interested in sexual depravity. So I do believe that weird sex practices are increasingly prevalent, and players who don’t slut-shame women and who lift weights will have much greater access to those practices.
I am thinking about next life steps because I don’t want to be the equivalent of a 35-year-old woman who has f**ked her best years and highest value away and is struggling to set up what she wants to do next… a very common pattern that players age 30+ are familiar with. I wonder how many guys would also be better off moving to the midwest, where family is more valued, when they/we are less excited about chasing random chicks (guys under age 30 can ignore this statement). Many people also see their life priorities change when their parents or other family age or die… that can be a jarring reminder that life is finite and some of our choices preclude us from pursuing particular paths. At age 20 it is easy to think you will be young forever and that your family will be the same forever… you will not and they will not.
I don’t get the sense that lots of younger chicks still watch the show but I have run into a few who have, often at early ages (11, 12, 13… I meet them when they are much older I want to add!).
Overall, *Sex and the City* reaffirms that chicks want to be seduced by hot guys… but that impulse drives a lot of women in their 20s to waste their prime high-value years… and the guys who will chase her at age 33 are often not the ones who would at 25… so the thing that may feel great to a woman in her 20s may harm her in her 30s and later. But the desire to be seduced by hot guys remain, and that is what all their fantasies are about, in TV or in fiction, and men can learn how to seduce and be seductive.
I read Bodi’s book Death By a Thousand Sluts, Part Two… the content is very good but the book effort itself has some half-assed qualities, as it does not even include mobi or epub versions, though the writing itself is often very funny and misanthropic… much funnier than the handful of stupid celebrity memoirs I have picked up, like a half-wit. Bodi, though, seems to (seemed to?) hate everyone, including himself, yet, fortunately, he is unwilling to off himself, and thus we have his two memoirs. Hate, despair, and contempt are very bad internal emotions for anyone trying to achieve anything social, including picking up chicks, so getting over those internal emotions is a huge part of his battle.
Although the book’s topic is Bodi’s internal journey and game experiences… if you read it, you will notice how much of it is really about Bodi’s relationship to Krauser, like an abused wife who cannot leave her man. Bodi cannot leave his guru/teacher/abuser but cannot not leave him either, and the scenes between them, as well as his love-hate for Krauser, could itself be a book, “Krauser & Me: A Love Story.” I’d read it.
For guys, the meta lessons from this book, *Death by a Thousand Sluts*, are to lift, to have or find purpose, and to focus on craftsmanship. Bodi doesn’t lift and consequently he is probably less attractive to women than he would be otherwise. This seems to be one of Krauser‘s hurdles as well, as his books include some photos of him, and he often looks like a head of cattle the day ax falls. That he can have that bad a body and yet still achieve game success is testament to the power of game and extreme grinding, but I have found it more pleasant to work out (makes you feel good) and also reap the sexual rewards. That is probably why my game is not that sharp, as I have relied on other dimensions to achieve my ends. If you are the sort of wanker who is spending time on Twitter, you have seen links to Cues of upper body strength account for most of the variance in men’s bodily attractiveness, as well as Hand Grip Strength and Self-Perceptions of Physical Attractiveness and Psychological Well-Being. I will summarize them as “stronger, more cut guys are happier and f**k more.” “Estimates of physical strength determined over 70% of men’s bodily attractiveness.” If you are not working on your physical body as well as your clothes then you are likely just leaving lays on the table for no good reason, except that you love sugar too damn much and need to pump some iron. Go read Arnold’s biography to get pumped for getting pumped.
It is painful at times to read a tale of so much self-sabotage. Bodi seems like he could be fine with women but is ineffective, mostly psychologically. I don’t think I saw the squat or bench press mentioned anywhere.
Having and finding purpose is more nebulous, as you cannot typically find these at a gym (or a gym alone), but they are good for your psychological well-being as well as being attractive for women. Most males, if we don’t create any value at all, begin to feel malaise. Bodi seems to be convinced that he has rarely if ever created value, and the malaise is deep in his soul. He is predominantly fighting against himself.
Do you know those people who, when you ask them about their weekend, always say “it was good” “nothing much” “I watched some TV?” Do not be them. Ideally have specific actions. “I hosted a party” “I went on a date” “I set a new personal record in the gym” “I learned how to make a bookshelf at the local Home Depot.” Most people actually love to hear about learning new things (that they don’t have to master) and these kinds of hooks allow others to ask follow-up questions. Don’t be a bore and learn to gauge interest, but a guy who has some determination and who is active is more attractive than the opposite. Learn to tell stories around these activities, while soliciting her stories, if she has any. Many chicks are actually quite boring and have done nothing, so it pays to be prepared for that too.
Craftsmanship is learning to enjoy and compound small victories in any domain. It is the process of developing mastery over a skill. I don’t have much more to say about it, but you can read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values Paperback if you’d like some spiritual blather.
Bodi seems not to take pleasure in doing anything well. When this happens, it is both hard to do anything well and also hard to be contagiously interesting. I often talk, for example, on dates, about whatever meals I’ve been learning how to make, and that is an okay short date conversation. I will sometimes tell chicks to show me their knife skills (make them pantomime) and then “show” them the correct way to chop, which is a fine kino moment. I’m not saying you should do the same, but it is a true thing and one that interests chicks. Dinner is a common second/third date.
He seems not to be able to monetize his programming skills into consulting or running his own business… although I wrote the material you have already read before I read this in his book, “This is a lesson I learned and still hold in all aspects of my life. A long time ago I realised that lazing around doing nothing doesn’t make me happy; it makes me feel fidgety and low-value. Free time and relaxation is relative. It’s relative to the work that you do. The less free time you have, the more precious it is. Feeling good is caused by accomplishment and for accomplishment you have to work.” It’s f**king obvious and most people know it instinctively. Has no one ever told it to him? One problem with severe anti-social tendencies is that the guy doesn’t learn the obvious.
I also have had my struggles but nothing in the league of Bodi, so his book is a bit like reading about people born into third-world slums who have little ability to leverage their way out. He just doesn’t seem to be able to make his actions effective enough for him to leverage his way out.
Bodi should do standup, as his sad-sack stories are hilarious and can be made just misogynistic enough to be true but not so much as to alienate the audience. Standup stages are one of the few public arenas where sexual truths can still be uttered.
I have had anti-social tendencies, like you know, but they were balanced against athleticism. Strangely, being anti-social may have helped me deal with rejection more effectively when I was young and entertaining chicks -1 or -2 relative to me. But I was ahead of Bodi in other ways. He has intense fear, even nausea, on dates, has no idea what he’s doing wit chicks, etc. All feelings that were very familiar to me from ages 16 – 22-ish. Obviously I still get those feelings occasionally today, but I know how to squash them and soldier on. If you deeply believe that you are the prize and the chick will be lucky to get you, you have a different world than if you do not believe that. If you don’t, you have to fake it till you make it. Bodi goes through this much later in life but he does go through, which is good.
I believe this story starts at age 36, and, for Bodi, “Like me, in fact, the world scared Steve Jabba. Leaving his job and trying to forge a new life in a now threateningly Red-Pill world worried him and gave him anxiety.” This should worry him and give him anxiety. Careers have trajectories and if you f**k around being an unemployed pickup artist long enough you are likely going to f**k your career and earn real money. Earning real money is not something to be laughed at, as, if you need it, you might really need it. The people who earn large amounts of money usually develop their skills and networks over many years. While there are rare exceptions to this idea, the exceptions are just that, exceptions. Most people who spend years out of the labor market and network market permanently retard their ability to make money. That in turn is going to seriously retard your ability to have a family, assuming you want one eventually.
Most normal chicks also want a guy who they can tell a story about moving towards marriage and kids. Even chicks who will have a little fling cause you get them at the right time and right place. If you live a weird full-time player lifestyle you may be able to have short-term flings with those normal chicks, but you are not going to be able to retain them. Higher value and smarter chicks who want real boyfriends, or guys who they can tell real-boyfriend stories about, are not going to go for this.
Obviously a guy can shoot to be a pure player and forego long-term relationships, and he can shoot for chicks who are okay with this. Lord knows there’s a lifetime of those chicks out there, at least until the player ages out of them.
This is sort of like the male equivalent of a chick who spends all her energy on her appearance. A chick who spends all her energy on her appearance will find that she can be f**ked by some top guys, but the guys she wants the most aren’t going to wife her up. The better, smarter guys with good options are not going to take her seriously, because they don’t take f**kgirls seriously. Chicks with anything going for them are not going to take unemployed players seriously, and they shouldn’t. They might go for adventure with them.
My argument is NOT that guys should become basic corporate drones, wife up a fat chick, and move to the suburbs where she can live vicariously through reality TV, divorce her husband, and take up with a violent, emotionally unstable construction worker because she’s bored. But a guy who becomes an unemployed player is giving up a lot of value and that would worry me and make me anxious because I have the ability to plan for and think about the future.
As long as we are discussing anxieties I might as well let slip one of my own… Bodi says,
Nearly every man I’ve seen that’s exceeded 100 lays has become broken. They can no longer emotionally connect with women. Their circuits are fried from repeatedly going through the ‘attraction cycle’ with an excessive number of partners.
I have been wondering if I am emotionally broken and unable to connect properly. I am trying to break that pattern… and also sadly not doing as well as I should. I do not want to be one of those guys, people actually (women do it even more often) who is in the game until the moment he cannot effectively be in the game anymore. I don’t know what to do about this, to be honest. I have thought idly about trying those sex addict rehab type things, but they sound unbelievably horrible and, even worse, feminist. How many times can I tell some chick to bend over while I have a camera ready to snap? Do I still want to be doing this in ten years? I don’t think so and yet I find myself doing things that I know are bad for me long term.
Most people, including me, want a story in which their lives are meaningful, and I wonder if too much skirt chasing in itself prevents meaning formation. If skirt chasing is a result of some other activity, like being an artist or running a business, then it can be meaningful, but as an end goal in itself, can it? I genuinely don’t know the answer.
None of the players Bodi konws has a dog, or teaches anyone anything except for game. Family relationships seem tertiary at best.
Back to Bodi anxieties, “I could literally just poke my penis into a woman twice, withdraw then walk out and go home, ecstatic, and update my secret spreadsheet, reverentially.” Laughter. But is her serious? God, I hope he’s not serious. He might be serious. I don’t keep spreadsheets and that sort of thing… not opposed to them, but not for me.
It is also funny reading about people who are obsessed with the evils of socialism and who admire Ayn Rand characters, while simultaneously producing little of economic value themselves. No architects heroically struggling against aesthetic mediocrity in this bunch. Today, I wonder if any of them would try to become Pornhub amateurs as a depraved side gig.
Overall this book shouldn’t be fascinating yet it is, like watching a car crash in a porno or something similarly outlandish and yet compelling. There are also comments beyond the immediate, like,
PUA is a response to societal change. It was born out of Beta men suddenly finding that being able to provide no longer rewarded them with a pleasant, thin, subservient wife, like it previously did. Increasing socialism, feminism, immigration: all have weakened the SMV of Beta men. PUAs are at a unique position in history and sociology; they are a sociological phenomenon which is a response to a specific societal change
I don’t think most guys understand this yet. Or they understand, but accept their undersexed lot and the fat chicks surrounding them. But if you want a girl who is better than average, you have to be better than average yourself, or very lucky, or both. It is funny watching fat, or skinny-fat, or otherwise low-value guys who don’t understand why the hotter chicks are not knocking to get them. Bizarrely, many of the PUAs lower their value via video games, but that doesn’t seem to hurt them too much in short-term mating.
Bodi is a long description of mostly what not to do. He does take some action steps which are to be commended. Bodi did a bad course at university and does not seem to have corrected his path. He does seem high IQ because dummies cannot write as coherently as he does. It is a shame that Bodi does not harness his powers via e.g. standup comedy.
Despite my big talk about no Internet on the weekends, I updated the book. It’s now 45,000 words, about 50% longer than the initial draft. I added a few sections based on reader stories and feedback. The section about socializing at clubs is the most valuable addition, and I’ll add an independent post from it next week.
The book is open source. If you have any feedback or experience, let me know, particularly if you go to a sex club. Nothing beats real world experience.
I have still not found any book like this one. If you know of any, please tell me about them too.