Peaches, Stephanie, Ms. Slav updates and thoughts

Not much to report. Have seen Stephanie (1) again and I think she is turning into a reliable once-a-week girl. Easy lay, good in bed. Says she has a cold or flu so she may be out for this weekend. Also has gone to the gym with me once and shows interest in black iron, compound lifts, and I like that. Very strong sexual chemistry. She’s a loud, involved lover. Extremely satisfying. She is very girl, very feminine, in ways I like and appreciate. We spent some time talking shit about social media.

Have seen Peaches (2) again. Also very satisfying sex. She seems not to understand how hot she is, and she told me some unusual background material about her and her teenage life on the Internet. She is a bit too much of a follower, and that has harmed her economic life. I can’t imagine she is going to stay married, but I think she only wants upheaval in one part of her life right now. I told her about Ms. Slav and Stephanie. We may go to a party together in the next few weeks.

Peaches also says she wants to have a family. This perked my ears. I’ve been thinking about that comment since she dropped it. That would be an intersting line to pursue. Very unlikely that I will pursue it, given the myriad of problems with this line, but we seem to be more aligned in many ways than most girls. She is also in the right age range for me. Younger is great for fun, but girls under the age of 27 or 28 will not work with me for any kind of longer relationship, more substantial relationship.

Peaches entered the non-monogamous world relatively recently and may be getting her total f**k fest phase out of her system. If/when she does… it is not inconceivable to imagine going further with her, based on what I know now. “Not inconceivable” is a low bar.

Speaking of, Roy Walker said something intersting

Towards the end of the year the apathy was starting to set it. It had been a long one and I went through a lot of girls. As was probably apparent in my posts, I was getting fed up. I would frequently think about two things;

What is the point of all this?
What is my endgame?

The point is obviously to meet and have sex with new girls as we are apparently biologically programmed to do as males. I really enjoy meeting new girls on the street and dating them, the chase, it’s great fun. But then you bang them and then what?

In my earlier days I would bask in the glory of a new notch for almost a week. Now that glorious feeling lasts around 5 minutes. I wrote a drunken tweet [4] about feeling empty inside after a recent notch.

Sound familiar? Sure does to me. “Player disease” you might call it. He says he is in his early 30s, so a bit young for those feelings, but they are not unheard of among guys who’ve been in the game a couple years. Some of us, we’re a bit like Tolkien’s Elves, still living in Middle-earth but thinking about going West.

Before I become too insufferably melancholy, Ms. Slav (3) is back and heard about Stephanie and me, and she was or is unhappy about that. Not unhappy enough not to f**k me, fortunately. She still seems not to get reciprocity? I talked to Peaches about this dilemma / behavior. The talk with Ms. Slav led to another long talk about principles, but I am not sure Ms. Slav completely absorbed it. She may also be intuiting or feeling my own uncertainty about her. I like her… but our age disparity is too great… and she is too sexually active even for me. If had run into her ten years ago, even five, I might have gone for it. Not today.

No great stories about heroic pickup, just a continuation of previous threads.

It is so interesting talking to people—really talking to them—and they are so different in private than they are on social media. The more I talk to people, deeply, the more I think social media is garbage. The gap between the internal self and the external self is too wide for it to be interesting. All three of the women listed in the title, their true lives are very different from their social media lives. All three of them are much more minimally involved with social media than typical 18 – 30 year old women, but even then the gap is large. Stephanie has a job that involves some social media use. I seem to get along better with girls who are not social-media addicts.

Another random thought, I have read a bunch of game or RP guys saying that cooking and eating good food is for chicks and they just open up some cans and eat over the sink. Maybe I am just hungrier, but I make food most days and am diligent about what I eat. I suppose it’s possible to maintain reasonable nutrition with tuna, olives, nuts, etc., but I like variety too much to do that.

If you did not read read this post, please go read it.

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Profiling girls by age is not that useful

I’ve read a lot of posts and questions about profiling girls by age. I don’t think it’s very useful to profile girls by age, because girls vary too much by type. I read a lot of, “Women over 30 are no longer looking for just sex like younger women.” But I’m considerably over age 30 and this isn’t true at all: Women over age 30 who have partied a lot and are tired of partying, are looking for a provider guy to have kids with. They probably won’t be interested in casual sex offers.

But women over age 30 who have gotten out of a marriage or LTR… watch out. They are ready to fuck.

I think it varies some by life course so far. A lot of people (more than The Red Pill would have you believe) get sucked into long-term, monogamous or mostly monogamous relationships through a lot of their 20s. Many of those relationships dissolve in the late 20s or early 30s. For those people… men and women… the dissolution often leads to a casual sex explosion.

Meantime, a lot of people party through their 20s… have lots of casual sex… and in their 30s they’re tired of that ride. So they shift gears and want to have a family. This applies to both guys and chicks, too. There’s a reason a lot of 25-year-old guys get in the game, and a lot of 35 – 40-year-old guys have experienced enough to want to have a family, rather than chase around vapid flakey chicks for sex.

There’s also a meme going around that young chicks, 18 – 24, they’re just looking for tons of casual sex. There are chicks like this. There are also a lot of chicks who are more conservative and inexperienced than guys on the Internet would have you believe. Who find the prospect of sex kind of scary. Who find men in general scary (if also intriguing). Some young chicks can be conservative and gradually lose their sexually conservative temperament through experience. I have met and sometimes talked to these girls.

I have also been called every imaginable name by young chicks (“gross,” “disgusting,” “you’re old enough to be my dad,” etc.). Those young chicks… are not for me. I’ve also been told I’m everything amazing by young chicks (“no one has ever done that to me.” “I can’t move my leg.” “You’re making me fall in love with you”). The difference is in the chick, more than in me.

What I’m saying is that I don’t think profiling chicks by age is that useful. There is a lot of noise in the data. It’s definitely true that a lot of 28 – 40 year old chicks are looking for a provider guy. It’s also true that a lot of chicks in that age bracket are exiting long-term relationships and want to f**k some guys to get it out of their systems, or just for the pleasure of it. It’s also true that some chicks love sexual variety throughout their life spans. Some chicks are prudes throughout their life spans.

I can’t tell you how many divorced women I’ve met at sex clubs. Some are even attractive.

For a guy, focus less on age and more on who a girl really is. Focus on improving your own value. Focus on accepting that most chicks will say no most of the time. Don’t be too worried about generalizing about chicks based on age.

Environment will matter too. If a chick is living in the Midwest, and all her friends are getting married and having kids, she will want to do the same. If you put the same chick in NYC, and all her friends are having casual sex, she will want to do the same. If she is in front of her whole family, she will be reticent. If she is on vacation, she might be down for casual sex. Much more than men, chicks are products of their environment. This is part of the reason players learn to be non-judgmental. Chicks learn to be shamed for their sexuality throughout their entire lives. When chicks find a guy who doesn’t do that to them, they often get very very excited.

Girls with high numbers

As usual, Nash arrives with a lot of perceptive comments, in response to this post, and I have so much to say in return that I’m just going to foreground it all here. If you don’t read that link first, most of what follows will not make sense to you.

> I would assume you don’t buy the “girls lose the ability to bond when they have X number of sex partners” argument.

Actually, I think that’s true for the average girl, who just gets f**ked up by too many partners. But there are some girls who have hindbrain/forebrain agreement and can seem to do it.

The bigger problem for those girls is that most guys, even sex-positive man-slut guys like me, don’t want to bond with the most promiscuous girls. “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”, that kind of thing. And it’s often tough for girls to put their partners first. Tough, but not impossible.

So is it true on average? Yeah. But it’s probably less true in the sex-positive community, where a structure for this thing exists.

Ms. Slav seems very uninterested in the concept of “quality men.” This is part of what bothers me: she lets too much of her value go. Riv likes to say men build their value, women protect their (pre-existing) value. Ms. Slav is not quite good enough at that, for my taste. This goes back to the idea of sex-positive, sexually experienced girls finding it hard to get primary partners. Even within the open-relationship and sex-club scene, there are some rules and principles. If a girl is not going to put a primary man first, she is not likely to find and keep one.

Even I am focused on value and reciprocity. Even girls in the scene find casual sex easier than longer-term bonding.

Nash also wonders if Ms. Slav is “damaged goods,” or if she will become that way. I can’t tell. Not yet. I think most chicks who are “damaged goods” cannot accept their past or reconcile their sexual proclivities with their higher-order thinking. Ms. Slav seems to have aligned forebrain/hindbrain. For that reason, I don’t think she’ll turn out as “damaged goods.” No guarantees, obviously.

A girl who is sex positive and likes to have a lot of sex with a lot of partners, and can admit that to herself and not be ashamed of it, will probably not turn out be damaged goods. Unusual goods, yes. But not damaged.

I’m somewhat hesitant to write about Ms. Slav as much as I have, because she is so unusual. A typical girl would generate less commentary from me.

While I’m not jealous per se, I do want to see people behave by the correct rules and principles. I try to impart those rules and principles to Ms. Slav. She has not totally absorbed them, however. I’m fine with group sex and non-monogamy if value is being exchanged for value. Ms. Slav is throwing the value equation out of whack, and I see it, and it makes me unhappy.

>>Separately: I read American Gods by Gaiman a few years ago (so-so book). He has a character called Pandora. She is like a lovely, predatory courtesan… she “consumes you” as you fuck her. And the character never came off as malevolent to me.

Maybe… maybe somewhere… there is a highly-sexed girl (as in 50+ partners) that comes out at the level of “sex goddess,” giving herself in this open, radiant way, year after year, with no corruption.

I am open to the concept… but I have never seen it.

I have seen it, I believe. Ms. Slav may be like this. I am thinking of another woman I was seeing for a while who has this kind of quality. Some of these women are just very independent and don’t want to conventionally pair-bond. They don’t want kids. They have self-sustaining, good jobs. It’s not super common, but I have seen it. Ms. Slav may be like this. She has a lot of work ethic. Her family is very rich, too.

I think some women like this become escorts. Why not make big bucks for doing something you’re already doing for free? Kind of like how a lot of amateur porn is now being made under the aegis of Pornhub’s Verified Amateur program. Why give it away, when you have something valuable enough to make a few bucks at it?

I don’t know what will happen with or to Ms. Slav. She is at least seven years away from thinking more seriously about kids and family. More likely ten years. A long time for me. An ocean for a girl her age.

What I’m up to isn’t for everyone. Yet many players are implicitly doing this. Sexually adventurous chicks are surely more responsive to players than sexually non-adventurous chicks. You probably aren’t getting many girls of this type among introverted Asians, however. Maybe some Japanese girls. I have heard about the kink clubs in Japan.

Found out the problem with Ms. Slav

I mentioned in my last update that Ms. Slav has been pulling away. We had a talk and an exchange of long emails and I found out the reason why: she feels hurt that I’ve slept with other girls, without her. I also told her I was thinking about seeing Peaches on my own. I literally forgot that I’d mentioned it to her, because she has been f**king so many people that me saying I might bang one in particular seemed beneath note. And now she is unhappy about that? Or that I didn’t check in with her first about it?

If you’ve been following this saga, and you’re like me, you’ll have the same reaction: Hahahahahaha.

This is the same girl who’s f**ked like ten or fifteen new people in the last several months. Or more? Who forgets the names of guys who’ve f**ked her? Who’s gone to sex parties without “checking in” with me first? I think, anyway. Whose total freedom I haven’t complained about?

Turns out we’re all hypocrites, to an extent. You just have to dig deep enough. Ms. Slav likely feels greater jealousy than she let on. She seemed to want to live in a world of no rules or limits, but, like most people who think so, she actually doesn’t. She wants no rules for herself, but some rules for others.

I’m glad I learned the greater part of her feelings while she wasn’t there to see me laughing.

Like most hypocrites, Ms. Slav has a theory about why her behavior has been exemplary and mine hasn’t been, and that theory involves her telling me things first, which she has re-cast as “checking in with me.” Almost no one can reconcile primary relationships with totally unfettered, unchecked sexual freedom and license. Not even Ms. Slav.

None of this is to detract from Ms. Slav’s virtues, which I have enumerated, and I don’t want to devalue and dismiss her. But she is going to learn that you get what you give. She has been giving wanton, relentless, unchecked promiscuity… so she is getting it back in return.

She has also told me a long, probably true set of stories about guys “falling in love” with her, often without even banging her first. They give her shit. They behave in unattractive, weak ways. I haven’t done anything like that. Maybe she is surprised that I’m not investing in her or converting deeply into her frame and world. I’m way too experienced to fall for that. She is not at all suitable for long-term investment. I didn’t expect this level of wantonness. I’ve seen it in women, but it’s pretty rare, because most women consciously or subconsciously want some male investment… which Ms. Slav will find very hard to get.

Maybe she will learn.

Maybe she won’t.

The other thing I have to remember is that she’s very young. She seems much older, so I forget her age, but when I was her age, I was probably even more blinkered than she is. And while there are aspects of what’s really going on that I can tell her, there are other aspects I need to not say (about evolutionary biology, for example). We may stay in touch even after the sexual part of our relationship ends, or mostly ends, which I think will happen. I may even be the driving force to sever the sexual part. I may end up being more of a mentor-type person to her. Or nothing. I cannot say. I might be okay with dissolution, to be honest. She is too much for me. I don’t think she would accept a more casual relationship, despite that being our trend line. Most chicks are reluctant to accept a step down in the relationship trajectory. In most ways, Ms. Slav is not like most chicks. She might be, however, in this way.

Priorities and Ms. Slav’s challenges in non-monogamy

Yesterday I did something new: I prioritized Peaches over Ms. Slav for sex. Ms. Slav has a somewhat difficult schedule, as do I, but she has been, or become, less reliable than I would like. I was tentatively supposed to see her for a nooner tomorrow… but Peaches was available, and I was more confident she would show up, and we’ve been having sex without condoms, and Ms. Slav has been becoming less reliable, so I picked Peaches.

The sex was great. I love mid-day hotel sex. It’s so dirty. Everyone else is at work, and I’m in a woman, doing the thing that everyone else really wants to do.

Ms. Slav is getting a lesson in sexual marketplace values, I think, as well as her own difficulties. She has met a series of people (men, women, and couples) who she has liked. One couple pulled away from her when she started dating another couple whom the first couple had had a falling out with. Another couple, led by a guy, tried to make her their “girlfriend” after like one sex date. She was flakey with him, then he had a blowup at a party or event or something (I’m slightly hazy on the details myself). Guys keep adding her on Facebook, and she indulges them, in a way she should not. I think she should protect her value (I have implied that without using those words), but she is not doing that.

I think she believed the non-monogamy scene would be filled with people who aren’t placing limits or bonds on each other, and who don’t feel jealousy, as Ms. Slav says she doesn’t. She has found some people like that. But she has found guys who are trying to take her, make her theirs, and control her sexuality… just like in the regular, monogamous world, just to a different degree.

She doesn’t appreciate how desperately most guys desire young hot girls. There are just not that many really hot 18 – 22 year old girls in the scene. In anywhere except universities. When a young hot sexually explorative girl shows up, all the sharks rise, like throwing fresh meat into the water. I think Ms. Slav doesn’t quite understand her own value. That makes sense, because I have seen some of the not-hot girls she’s dated. She is less focused on the appearance of her partners than almost any other hot girl I’ve ever met. Most girls who are “pansexual” still aim for the hotter guys and girls. Ms. Slav doesn’t do that. Very unusual. I know the Internet is full of guys saying, “This girl is different,” but she is different. Ms. Slav can have sex with any straight man she wants. Guys do not experience the same with straight women.

At the same time, though, she wants someone like a “primary partner,” to use the lingo of the scene. Most people in the scene don’t want totally anonymous, random sex all the time. They want a boyfriend/girlfriend-type person who is not sexually exclusive, but who does form a team, for lack of a better term. More on this later. As part of a team, each member has to put each other first. Guys want this an as a way of getting into parties and getting new girls by exchange with other couples. Girls want this for emotional reasons, and it’s also a defense against predation (guys are less likely to try to coerce or heavily persuade girls with boyfriends).

Ms. Slav was also invited by a guy to a party, then invited me, then we had sex, then the other guy tried to say she was his date (she didn’t think so), then he was like, “Don’t interfere with my date!” and I was like “I have nothing to say to you, buddy,” and we ended up leaving. Weird, as he is good-looking but turned out to be quite pathetic. I know him tangentially. Rich guy, a trust-fund kid maybe, although he is not a kid anymore. I thought he wouldn’t be so desperate, but he was… he must have no game (that is my most probable diagnosis). Maybe he is so good looking that he is not used to having girls say no. Strangely, very attractive people can take rejection worse than people who are used to rejection. He is better looking than me, to most chicks… not all, but most. Pretty-boy looks. He found Ms. Slav on Facebook then invited her to an event… which she invited me to… and once there I found out about the arrangement. Annoying. Even I feel some amount of possession and jealousy. Or, more likely, I want to see fair value exchanged for fair value. Ms. Slav bollixes up that equation by her sheer love of f**king.

Oh, and there is yet another guy she liked but who has pulled back from her for unknown reasons. He hasn’t quite ghosted her, but I think he has de-prioritized her. He has a good setup… he probably doesn’t need a primary relationship with Ms. Slav. She’s surprised by that, I suspect.

Ms. Slav has now found that, when she meets new people and especially guys in the scene, they do one of two things: they try to “date” (monopolize) her, or they have sex with her for a while, then go find another random for sex. She wants someone in between and is not finding them, because finding someone who wants to let her go f**k like wild and let the guy pick up whatever sex he can is probably not going to happen. She is also a high IQ person, and the average person bores her (apart from sex). High IQ, but inexperienced. I have figured out a lot of stuff Ms. Slav hasn’t yet figured out. She probably will, eventually, but I’m not like other guys she’s met. No one else has tried to bring her into the sex-positive scene.

I have seen a few chicks in the scene get into a scenario like Ms. Slav’s, where they are so sexually open that they cannot find a primary partner. Those chicks find all the casual sex they want but then are unhappy when the guys won’t become the chick’s primary partner and won’t even take them to dinner. Seriously, I’ve heard this complaint a couple times over the years: “Guys want to hit me up for 9pm sex, but why can’t we at least go out for dinner first?” Or, “I want to do other things than just have sex, then the guy leaves because he has to get up in the morning.” There is no point in explaining evolutionary biology or fundamental value to these girls because those ideas will just offend women, even as they feel the effects of evolutionary biology and value at work in their lives and relationships.

Hearing Ms. Slav’s story also clarifies to me why I do so well. I have the ability to meet and seduce new chicks, then bring them into parties: most guys can’t or won’t do that. My game is not as tight as some guys’s game, but it is sufficient for me to have a “reputation” as the guy who brings in new chicks. The good-looking guy I mentioned before ought to have life on easy mode in this respect, but the bitch came right out of him when he didn’t get the things he wanted. For me, if one chick falters, I find another one and don’t complain about it. I don’t want to claim I’m a total stoic. I’m not. I get annoyed, I get hurt, internally I get annoyed with badly behaved chicks. But it’s also axiomatic that you can’t beat the market. That is obvious in financial markets, where people who attempt to beat the market usually end up bankrupt. People who attempt to “beat” the dating market may get some lays they “shouldn’t” have but tend to end up alone and disconnected.

There is always a shortage of young hot girls. Every straight many desires them. Many young hot girls do not fully appreciate their powers until the powers wane. There are also girls who, when young enough, are just a little bit heavier than I prefer, but they haven’t yet stacked on the pounds that will make them unacceptable to me.

Some guys will no doubt say that I shouldn’t have brought Ms. Slav into the community in the first place. But here’s the thing: with her, it wouldn’t have mattered. She is not going to be monogamous, no matter what. She has always had short-term relationships or cheated on her boy- or girlfriends. Some people virtually cannot be monogamous, and Ms. Slav is one of them… all I have done is given her an intellectual framework and community.

She doesn’t prioritize me sufficiently, or to the extent I would like, which is an unusual position for me to be in. Typically, women say they feel I am too interested in sex with other women and not devoted enough to the primary relationship. Now I’ve found someone who is doing to me, what I have arguably done to others. I think I’m hurt, or showing some signs of inner turmoil, because I’m accustomed to being in the power position in the relationship. I’m accustomed to being the one who is too much for the woman to handle. Now I see some bad signs of the sort I am used to giving to others, but in Ms. Slav, doing them to me. I have begun to de-prioritize her, as she has, I think, been doing, somewhat, to me. It may be unconscious in her, as she is genuinely not like normal chicks, or even like normal people, and she has long been estranged from most of her natural community and affinity group(s).

Most guys find sexually indiscriminate women unattractive for anything more than extremely casual, no-strings sex. I am among those guys, despite what I have written here, because even within the non-monogamy community, most people still exercise careful discretion. Those who don’t, have problems like Ms. Slav’s (if they are female and attractive) and will be expelled from it (if they are male and do not bring value back into the community).

I can’t remember if I said this, but I got her friend who is from her home country, and the friend is very hot, so that is very nice.

A chick like Ms. Slav is amazing for the sheer number of sexual opportunities she opens up, but I’m not sure that is what I’m seeking right now. Most couples in the scene form a team. If they are not a team and fundamentally devoted to one another, they fall apart. Yes, I know that most anger-phase Red Pill guys will say it’s all the fault of the evil woman for defecting, but often it is the fault of the man for de-prioritizing the woman. To do this successfully demands a lot of social, emotional, and sexual intelligence, which most people just don’t have.

Ms. Slav also gets attention wherever I bring her. I mentioned taking her to Thanksgiving. I have also brought her to yoga with me a couple times. There is a woman there, probably in her early 30s and okay, who has been flirting with me. This is unusual for me, as yoga classes and gyms have not been productive places for me and I rarely hit on women in those environments… I go back to the primary yoga studio and gym over and over again and do not wish to poison the waters. Anyway, I hadn’t mentioned Ms. Slav to her… and now she’s seen Ms. Slav… and she had a barrage of questions about Ms. Slav. I admitted to the woman at the yoga studio, “Ms. Slav is too young for anything serious, but I like her.” Which is true, but appropriately vague. Women love vague, and that’s why so few women become engineers. The yoga studio has surprisingly few hot chicks in it. Every yoga apparel company advertises with mid-20s hardbodies, but the reality has been somewhat different, in my experience. Yoga also doesn’t make up for sugar intake.

I have been emphasizing that non-monogamy is hard, although it is hard in a different way than game itself.

I travel some for work and Ms. Slav is out at events, almost every weekend, and I know what that means. She has zoomed past me in terms of wanting to go to events. She wants to go to a lot of events, and now that she’s well-known she gets invited to literally everything going on in my city.

I may shift away from Ms. Slav and towards choosing her for couple-to-couple dates. Her love of f**king and lack of filter makes her well-suited to that role. But those same qualities make her ill-suited to being a primary partner or girlfriend, as she is finding out.

Ms. Slav at Thanksgiving–and the next, less good event

Ms. Slav at Thanksgiving went well, as she enjoyed herself and none of the older women were overtly mean to her. Most entertaining to me were a pair of average teenage boys, one 16 and one 14, both of whom were entranced by Ms. Slav. Despite the small gap in age, there was a giant, overwhelming difference in vibe. Ms. Slav feels like an adult, and she feels older than her age, while the boys are about their age.

Their mom said to me, “I think [the older one] is in love with your date.” We both laughed. She’s a pretty cool woman. Older, heavier, married, and not my type, but one of those women who knows how it is and is okay with it. I like her husband too, and he’s the kind of guy who might buy it once in a while, knowing she doesn’t inquire too closely about what he’s up to.

Ms. Slav wore more clothing than she typically does. I think I’m seen by my friends as enough of a wild man outlier that they’re not surprised by the women I bring to events. I did get some comments about the age gap between Ms. Slav and my own kids, which is something I’ve considered… then thrust out of my mind, into the void. I don’t want to consciously think about it. I do think about Camille Paglia’s statement, “What I see spreading among professional middle-class women is a bitter resentment toward men that is in many cases unjust and misplaced. With divorce so easy since the sexual revolution, women find themselves competing with younger women in new and cruel ways.”

For reasons I allude to at the bottom of this story, I think I’m going to cut back on Ms. Slav. She is amazing in many ways, but she’s actually too wild and too feral for me. I’ve only run into one other girl like that, and the other girl wasn’t quite the same, as she’d go to the party, f**k a bunch of people, guys and girls, pretty indiscriminately, then feel bad about it the next day. She was highly conflicted by what her body wanted when she was horny and what her mind wanted when she wasn’t. Ms. Slav doesn’t experience that common conflict (which is another of the many things that make her uncommon).

I’m pretty discriminating and I like it when the girl goes along with me. Ms. Slav, when she gets in the zone, she will f**k for hours, pretty much whoever wanders by. That’s not appealing to me. I want a more controlled, directed experience, which I usually get because I’m typically more forward than the girl. Ms. Slav is more forward than me. Because she’s hot, every guy will take his shot at her. She’ll accept invitations that she shouldn’t, and she doesn’t quite get the value exchange mode of sex clubs and open relationships,

In my view the basic dynamic of sex parties is guys exchanging hot females with a minimal amount of logistical bother. That’s it. People overcomplicate and overthink this. You have a hot girl. I have a hot girl. Let’s trade. The girl obviously has to like the other guy well enough (or want to fuck the girl).

This is the fundamental dynamic. It’s an exchange of value for value. I get more novelty than I’d have otherwise. You get more novelty than you’d have otherwise. Win-win. Fail to bring the value and you will likely fail at the sex club. Guys who have a bad time of game in general will also have a bad time if they manage to convince their one and only partner to come to a sex club with them.

Ms. Slav offers a lot of value, often without demanding it in return. This attracts a swarm, no, a swarming horde, of horny excited dudes. They sense free value and want to jump right on it, like anyone would pick up a $20 bill on the sidewalk. Normal girls instinctively protect their value, to the point of missing many amazing experiences or running hot then cold. Ms. Slav doesn’t protect her value, to the point of being surprised when other dudes try to corral her, or expect her to f**k them automatically.

That happened last night, when she accepted a ticket to an event from a guy who thought Ms. Slav was his date. Then Ms. Slav asked me to come, and I went with her, while the guy was trying unsuccessfully to mate-guard her. I f**ked Ms. Slav, she went down on another girl, we left the main play area and then the other guy was trying to separate us. Lots of pointless, stupid drama followed, all of which stemmed from Ms. Slav accepting the “gift.” It’s not a gift. For most normal girls, this is obvious. But I think that Ms. Slav thinks, or thought, that the typical problems of jealousy, possessiveness, etc. don’t happen in the non-monogamy world. She is wrong about that, however, and I don’t think I tried to explain this to her. In part because I misjudged her and didn’t realize just how sexually free and voracious she is. At the same time, she misjudges just how ravenous guys are towards hot young chicks. There is always a shortage of hot young chicks. There is always a shortage of guys with good game. The guy who bought Ms. Slav a ticket is pretty attractive. He shouldn’t have the problems he apparently does, but I think he over-relies on the Internet. He may also have the good-looking person problem of being unaccustomed to rejection.

So yeah. I’m not sure I have the energy to manage Ms. Slav. Ms. Slav is a lot like Libido Girl, but even Libido Girl was more sensitive to the wants and needs of normal people than Ms. Slav. That may partly be a function of Ms. Slav’s youth. Libido Girl was about ten years older than Ms. Slav, and she had a lot more life experience.

I feel like I’m trying to figure out what the next ten years of my life should look like. Most of the last ten years have been spent building my career, seducing women, and doing this crazy group sex stuff. The other day, Peaches asked me about my sexual fantasies. The truth is that I have none left, none undone. What I am doing now has its virtues. But I’m thinking about value, both the value I provide and the value I seek. I sense gaps in both. The more I pay attention to this world, the more I think about the movement between value as an abstract concept and a concrete reality.

I’m also trying to write about some of my own inner conflicts. A lot of guys doing cold approach pickup don’t have many inner conflicts: they want to get laid and it’s a victory when they do. That is a fantastic situation. I’m more conflicted right now, and I’m trying to express those conflicts.

This is probably a stupid thing to do, but…

This is probably a stupid thing to do, but on years when I’m not doing kid stuff, I often go to a friend’s Thanksgiving. My friends have a fun house and are very accepting… they invite lots of their friends and family, so the group is always fresh and kind of random.

You can probably see where this is going, and what the stupid thing is. I told Ms. Slav she can come, although I warned her that she would probably be bored because most of the people there will be far older than her and more boring than her. But she doesn’t have anything to do and, while lots of college girls claim they don’t fit in with the rest of the college herd, in her case it is actually true.

I have brought “inappropriate” girls to events before, but this is a new high, or low, for me. Ms. Slav has very good social skills, so I’m not concerned about that. I am looking forward to the feedback from friends afterwords, though. When a single guy brings a hot chick into a world that mostly consists of couples who are close to each other in age, interesting things happen. Usually the women all get their feathers ruffled and their hackles up. They instinctively hate the younger, hotter rival, but social etiquette demands they not be too direct about that hate.

Their real ire, however, is about the example the younger rival sets. All of their boyfriends and husbands are going to look at me and start thinking, “If this guy can pull that hot young girl, can I do it, too?” A few of the guys will be jealous but most of them will be like, “You lucky dog, you.”

I hate the emphasis normal guys put on “Getting lucky.” It isn’t luck, for the most part. It’s skill, diligently applied. With any given interaction, there is a luck element. Like with Ms. Slav, when I opened her about books I had no idea she’d be such a sexual predator. There was luck. But I’ve chatted with hundreds of other girls who went nowhere. Ms. Slav was luck. Chatting up all those other girls… it has elements of skill. All those nights at the gym, days in the pool, sessions in the yoga studio… that isn’t luck.

So we’re going to see how it goes. I’ve warned Ms. Slav and attempted to set very low expectations. Bringing her is in some ways “bad game.” It seems like a nice thing to do, and, because she’s not from the United States, she has limited options.

Too bad I’ve not banged her friend from her home country. That may be back on the table, though. If I walked in with TWO young hot chicks, I would never hear the end of it. That’s okay with me, as I’m “the black sheep” in some ways among people I know who are somewhat close to my own age. But as my friends and colleagues go through their divorces (usually in ages 35 – 45), some of them are coming around to my point of view. One guy I work with had a lot of subtle but noticeable disapproval of me and my life… until his wife wanted a divorce out of the blue. Now he almost wants to be my disciple, which is kind of strange.

Going back to Ms. Slav, I get the sense that most players are living in NYC, LA, London, or other megapolises where almost everyone stays single a very long time and almost no one has kids. My own non-dating social world  is quite a bit different from that.