Breaking it off with the secret affair girl

Broke it off with the girl from Women having affairs never make you use a condom, after seeing her, I don’t know, five or six times… it was very nice, and yet after each time I found myself thinking the kind of things I’ve talked about on here before, like, “You can only have one or two main priorities in your life, and a couple secondary priorities, and after that you’re out of time and energy.” A lot of people fail to have a single main priority, besides something like video games or stuffing their face with sugar, and it shows. My main priority right now should not be chasing random skirt, as doing so is not consistent with my overall life goals. Problem being, when I think I can get a cute girl to pliantly spread her legs, my hindbrain says, “SCORE” and my forebrain is missing in action. When the girl and her perky tits and flat stomach are somewhere else, the forebrain can better assert control and whisper, “WTF are you doing with your life?”, and I have to admit the forebrain has control.

We met in a neutral venue, as usual, f**ked very thoroughly, also as usual, and after that we got underwear back on and I broached the topic. I don’t remember exactly what I said but it was something like, “I like you a lot, and what we’re doing a lot, but I’m not sure we should keep doing what we’re doing.” She seemed a bit surprised, but not surprised at the same time, sort of like a pandemic is a surprise we’ve been expecting for decades, or like we’re going to be “surprised” when China invades Taiwan and we’ve spent the last five years with our heads in our asses, or like having a baby is both extremely normal and simultaneously shocking. She probed a bit about why and I was actually pretty straightforward with her, my theory being that these kinds of things rarely remain secret. It’s too easy to make a mistake, and right now I need to be focused on other matters. I didn’t specify what those other matters were. I did emphasize that I like her a lot and that this isn’t about her. I’m not sure she believed it, she seemed like she wanted to cry at one point, but the “breaking it off” conversation wasn’t long. If this were a few years from now, and I’d achieved some other things, I’d keep going. But it’s not, and I’ve not, so here we are.

She turned out to be a lot like Peaches. Similar temperament and employment situation. Hot girl who doesn’t behave like a hot girl, or seem to really get/understand that she’s a hot girl. Not really sure why she’s married (I’m not sure why she’s married, that is… maybe she knows?). She’s both very driven in some ways and drifting in some other ways. You know the people who are furiously pursuing a goal without asking themselves if the goal is worth achieving, or what happens the day after the goal? A bit like that. A girl who is very IQ smart but is kinda missing the point at the same time. Needs a lot of reassurance. Seems a bit impressed that I’m not too impressed with what she’s doing, although I think it’s a bit cool at the same time. I think she needs more sex than she’s getting at home, and while I didn’t say that to her in those exact words, I did tell her that she’s a girl who needs to be f**ked a lot… and let a lot of the rest do the implying for me.

Despite having spent not a huge amount of time with her, but some time with her… I feel like I don’t know her. Know her, know her. She’s almost always a bit reserved. She needs/likes pretty heavy BDSM. Having the actual talk with her, the clean break, seems better and truer than letter her drift away. I think a lot of women today are justifiably annoyed with the number of grown males who still exhibit a lot of “boy psychology” instead of “man psychology” (a point made in KING WARRIOR MAGICIAN LOVER: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine)… “man psychology” often means politely but firmly telling her when it’s over, so she can have psychological rest. It might hurt a bit more in the moment, but it hurts much less in the long term. Yes yes I know chicks usually ghost, but chicks do a lot of bad behavior that it’s not good to emulate. A lot of guys are so stuck at the early levels of the game that they never get to the “How to break it off?” moment. Look for guys who talk about letting girls go, if they’re discussing that they’ve often gotten to more advanced levels.

I’d be surprised, though, if this chick doesn’t propose consensual non-monogamy to her husband. Maybe she’s already been dropping hints towards that. I’ve told her things like, “You got married too young” “you need to experience life,” other slut bromides designed to convey to her that what she’s doing is normal and fun. It’s part of my effort to give her permission… you’d be surprised at what chicks will do with male permission + encouragement. Chicks are generally poor at leadership and usually need a guy to support and encourage them. I don’t know why her and her husband married so early. Well I think I know why her husband married her early, she’s hot, she’s unusual in a way compatible with his bad social skills… and he probably didn’t think, at the time, he could do any better. Still not sure he can… tough to say, until you’re on the market. Markets are where statements are proven or falsified. If they’d had kids already, them being together would make sense. I suspect she’s fundamentally a weak person, psychologically or personality-wise, because there are some things about her job and life goals that are not well supported by her husband. I’m being vague here but the specifics are too revealing. There’s gotta be something to him I’m missing, or she’s going to be one of those chicks who, after her divorce, can’t quite remember why she married in the first place. I wouldn’t be shocked if she ends up a spinster, but I think she’ll pull out of the dive and have a family at some point. If she does divorce, I’d not be surprised if she goes on a slut rampage for a bit.

In the last year I’ve been pretty monogamous, having only slept with, I dunno, four chicks, or five, something like that, not many at all, most of them recurring revenue, and most of them well spaced out from each other (COVID risk… but I’ve been vaccinated… I bet STIs are going to skyrocket this summer, as people start f**king again). I also want to say… I made some substantial changes in the last year, and they’ve been good… even with them, I’ve probably talked to 100, maybe 150, chicks, to find this one who was in the right place, right time for the potential lays (of which there have been very few). Most of them were very brief and in social circumstances, often a bunch in one day, just a “hi, how are you, what’s your name,” that sort of thing… very low-level pings. I’ve done a bit of large-group social hosting, in part cause it’s fun but also to try and keep some backup chicks in my orbit. I retweeted a Rob K. Henderson tweet, “Not only do people in committed relationships have backup mates; even people who seem quite happy with their relationships actively cultivate them…people without backup mates were twice as likely to get depressed compared to those with a solid backup.” This is what almost all successful players I’ve known in real life (not on the Internet) have done… whenever they’re in a relationship, sometimes a “relationship,” they’re also cultivating a backup roster with postions #2 – #10. Ten is a little extreme, you get the idea.

Often, they have something regular going on… it can be almost anything… a Friday night happy hour, a group hike, a dinner, a whatever, so that when they meet a new chick, it’s easy to say, “Some friends and I are doing a thing, you should come.” Way back in the mists of the time, when Mystery was doing his LA thing, he got hold of the “seven-hour rule,” that it takes the average chick about seven hours of exposure to a guy to be ready to f**k him. It can be shorter than that, obviously, but it can also be longer, for some chicks… 4 – 10 hours is a good round number. Having a guy invite a chick into his loose social orbit will often let her spend those hours around him… so that when his primary chick departs, she’s there ready to be f**ked. This is how many office affairs, teacher-student affairs, etc., start. The girl spends enough time around the guys to be comfortable enough with him to want to f**k him. She knows he’s probably not a murderer, etc., because she works with him, she’s been taught by him, whatever.

I’m not saying that’s the only way to do it, and I’m not denigrating daygame… it has its place… but there are different ways to do it, and it seems like a lot of guys writing online lack basic social skills. That basic notion is behind “parties.” Daygame and other elements of social life work together, too. I prefer real one on one dates… but sometimes you’re with a woman, and you want to have a few more on deck, and other methods come to the foreground. I don’t like getting caught in the open field without any cover around me. That’s happened to me before… not often, though. Any guy in a relationship should be able to think, “What will I do if she walks out tomorrow?” and have a good game plan ready to go. Guys who think, “She is my entire world” “I’d fall apart without her” “happy wife, happy life…” I feel bad for them. What your sports coaches told you is true, proper preparation leads to victory.

A man who won’t prepare is preparing to fail.

This is a pic Unsplash showed me when I searched for “affair”

How to build communities and find tribe

XBTUSD shines a light in the darkness of the cave, revealing what guys are missing as the scramble around in the dark, cutting their hands and mistaking pain for enlightenment.

Most sex happens in a highly social context, and most “highly social contexts” involve some kind of community—yet no one writing online talks about communities, how they form, what sustains them, how they splinter, or what value they have.

Let’s take a simple example: when I was an undergrad, I joined a fraternity. My path to joining wasn’t certain, and I didn’t plan to join until the week the decision had to be made. Initially, I saw fraternities as a way for people without social skills to “buy” a group of friends: frats had dues, and if you paid, you had a guaranteed set of dudes to get drunk and try and fuck girls with. I was lucky enough to live in mixed-age housing my freshman year and became friends with one of the BMOC (“big man on campus”) seniors who lived in my dorm. He was in one of the “cool” frats (one of the ones hot girls spent time at), and over a number of conversations he convinced me that I had it all wrong, and that I should just join, as there was little downside. He correctly pointed out the downside of joining was that if I didn’t like it, I didn’t have to spend any time there, or could de-pledge if I felt strongly enough. I’d lose the frat dues, which weren’t zero, but that wasn’t a great loss for me at the time. I decided to join and a lot of what I know about community comes from that experience. Most Americans live alienated, isolated lives, and frats are the exact opposite, which explains why so many guys have a great time in school and an unhappy time after. Continue reading “How to build communities and find tribe”

Pickup is hard, and top girls don’t stay that way for long, and musings on networks

Red Pill Dad realizes that “almost everyone is doing online dating (OLD) and banging low quality chicks and then bragging about it… no one really wants to learn day game or cold approach.” [1] Well yes, and think of it this way, literally how many girls are true 7s in the entire world? The true 7s are almost always somewhere between their mid teens and mid 30s, call it 18 – 30, for legal purposes. A few 7s can persist into their early 40s, although that’s rare. A lot of girls drop from their true 7 potential into 5 or 6 territory due to poor nutrition and fitness. The number of true 8s, in the entire world, is not that high, probably a few percent of the female population, and every guy from puberty to senescence wants to bang them. They have a level of “privilege” that the male classes, who are busy working building and struggling, carrying the burden of civilization, can barely imagine, because we’re too busy toiling to try and keep a roof over the head and maybe impress the few hot chicks we’re ever exposed to (“f**king hot chicks” is a fine reason to stay in school, one not adequately emphasized). Continue reading “Pickup is hard, and top girls don’t stay that way for long, and musings on networks”

XBTUSD’s take on “the talk” a woman gives when she wants to advance the relationship

XBTUSD is back: his last post describes his first sex party, and he’s written three other posts too.

Almost every male and female in a modern dating context is doing some form of a dance: women want an escalator relationship towards marriage, and men want to avoid committing for a long as possible. Men enjoy the pre-label part of the relationship and women get value and security out of the label. Breeze’s post and Nash/RQ’s comments brought up some interesting points about this age-old topic: should a guy get out in front of things and confront the inevitable and have the talk, or should you avoid the talk and build tension, as Nash suggests? I strongly side with RQ and Lucas Bly, but Nash’s comments added another distinction. I’ve heard many in TRP communities argue that those who have the talk aren’t skilled, can’t hold tension, and are essentially pussies for giving in to what the woman wants and losing the frame. But Nash’s comment that he offers up, “I am your lover” made me realize we all might actually be agreeing here.

There’s value in building and holding tension, but only if it is inevitably released. Good standup is setup, punchline, build tension, release tension, and good seduction should have a similar cadence. Those who say you can avoid “the talk” altogether come off as those that haven’t spent much time around women and are LARPing. The talk is inevitable, so how can we approach it from a Red Pill frame. We have to lead. Create the frame, and let her step into it.

TRQ has a great post on the book Warrior King Magician Lover. Continue reading “XBTUSD’s take on “the talk” a woman gives when she wants to advance the relationship”

What XBTUSD’s first sex party was like

A continuation of XBTUSD’s previous post, “Setting the non-monogamous frame and intention with women.”

My first (planned) group sex experience was a sex party that was relatively easy to get into, and relatively easy to find (the attendees were not that hot: which may not be a coincidence). It’s possible to find sex parties with two minutes and a search engine. I went with my girlfriend at the time and two other couples, and all we did was have sex with each other in a setting where other people were having sex with each other. It was disorienting to be having sex next to other people. I couldn’t cum because I was so distracted by being on an uncomfortable bed, and feeling like people were judging my sexual performance. Later, I learned that people are concentrating on their own experience, not on “judging me:” I was having a spotlight effect problem. Most people care about themselves, not about you, and letting go of the spotlight effect enables a better, more adventurous life. Luckily, I didn’t have trouble getting or staying hard, but it was surprising how nerve wracking it was (many guys use drugs like Cialis to give themselves a boost). I highly suggest doing something like this before you have a threesome or foursome to get some practice in a context where there are more people present than just your female partner.

It’s always the man’s job to lead, and to make the women feel comfortable, safe, and allow them to push their limits. Ideally, prior to the “event”, you should have an adult conversation where you talk about boundaries, things you’d like to try together, condoms, etc. Maybe I’ll write up a topic list in a future post. This convo should happen in a social setting like a bar, not the place you’re going to have sex (maybe not even on the same night as the group sex) so that it doesn’t kill the vibe/spontaneity of the actual sex. The more experienced the participants, the less this applies, because you can have the conversation during sex or right before. Once you know people’s desires/boundaries, you can push a lot harder because you don’t have to worry you might push too far. It’s also good to know people’s experience levels so you can tailor the energy level based on the experience levels of those in a group. Don’t do varsity level shit with most beginners. If she loves the first time, ramp up the next experience.

In a foursome (two men two women) you have a bit of a conundrum because we know that the man should lead (you), but there are two men. Should it be you or the other guy? The answer doesn’t really matter as much as some think, as long as the women feel like everything is moving naturally. The girls don’t want to feel uncertainty around leadership, so it’s important to either plan out, prior to the event, who’s going to lead between the two men, or, if one of you is more dominant than the other, defer to that. Also, if you’re in one or the other’s home, it’s natural to defer to the one whose home you’re in.

Continue reading “What XBTUSD’s first sex party was like”

Not the only guy who’s figured it out

Mr Non-Monogamous, Part 1 – The Unexpected Date” is from an older woman’s dating journal, and it’s about a guy who’s figured out pretty much what I’ve figured out… Lucy is older, verging on being a spinster, so she is very unapproving of men with lots of options, but read through the bile and you’ll see that the fellow, Charlie, has figured out that non-monogamy can work,

What the actual fuck is it with all these guys wanting to be in ‘Open Relationships’? Pretending to be all enlightened, all shary and sex-positive and forward-thinking, when really it’s just them wanting to stick their dicks into as many women as possible. It’s total, shameless, greedy fuckboyery, is what it is. At least in the past men had the decency to try to hide it if they wanted to bone a string of different women. Today it seems being a cheating arsehole is now a ‘lifestyle choice’.

No need to pretend enlightenment, but if you want “to stick your dick into as many women as possible” and “bone a string of different women” non-monogamy can be a functional frame in order to achieve those ends.

Charlie is “completely open about his relationship status, and he’s clearly very interested in her. Which, even coming from a total man-whore, is super flattering,” so he has that advantage… although merely being into a younger and hotter woman will often not be that flattering to her because everyone is into her. He has decent moves and is not a p***y, as so many men are today (so chicks tell me…), “he kisses her again, harder, grabbing her hair firmly at the back of her head and leaning fully into the kiss. Assertive, dominating, determined. This is a man who knows what he wants and is used to getting it. It’s insanely sexy.”

She seems to take too long to lay, IMO, but, whatever, the most notable piece of the story is the guy, who has figured out what I have figured out and what you, if you have been reading here long enough, have also figured out. It’s still surprising to me that, apart from Blackdragon and now a few others, like Yoylo, more guys haven’t incorporated this frame and these ideas into their game. I have heard it said that more chicks are putting “no poly” or “no swingers” on their online dating profiles (always ignore the profile claims about her not being a slut or whatever), so these practices must be spreading.

Non-monogamy and polyamory’s dark sides

Bo Winegard tweets,

Educated elites who believe that polyamory can be practiced and enjoyed by most of the population remind me of the math professor who believes differential equations are within the grasp of anyone who makes a serious attempt at learning.

There exists compelling research that normative monogamy is beneficial and leads to myriad positive social externalities.

Polyamory is fine as a niche relationship modality, practiced mostly among the extremely WEIRD [Western, educated, industrialized, rich, democratic].

He’s right, particularly regarding people who want real families (a topic we’ll come back to in a moment). Despite what you’ve read here, I buy this Bo Winegard argument… we’re also not willing as a society to have an honest conversation about what’s happening below the IQ median. The people driving the conversation at the top really don’t have any idea what’s happening down there, and choose deliberately not to. They don’t really understand what it’s like to not have the cognitive capacity to get top-end jobs or have the conversations non-monogamous people need if their relationships are going to survive.

Nash follows up with…

“Burning Man style: POLYAMORY is more standard than monogamy. Men get the variety they want. They think sharing their women and it’s a ‘form of love evolution’ (they are no longer jealous), but what is happening is it pretty much destroys most of those relationships.”

“In ‘Burning Man’ it’s fine to take off your clothes and dance around really sexually. If you were at your grandma’s house having dinner (or around children), and you did that, would it ‘open everyone’s heart?’ Or would it create a fiasco? It would create a fiasco.”

Those are from David Deida talks. Deida’s more right than wrong, right now… poly/open is a fiasco in all instances except, basically, as casual sex, which is how I do them. Some light swinging can work too, especially in very long term relationships (that get stale and need some more heat). A very small number of people can really do them as described. Mostly, “poly” and “open” are about rationalizing casual sex (which is how I use it… because it’s a form of normalizing and institutionalizing casual sex for me, I don’t get caught up on the terminology). In that post from two years ago, Nash said, “for me the ‘poly’ community is a fucking mess. I live in CA and I am surrounded by these folks… and it’s an ugly shitshow. I watch guys ‘try’ this all the time, and they are a fucking sad bunch, mostly.” “Mostly” he’s right. The guys doing this at the higher end are also focused on one guy and two women, and they often don’t highly advertise what they’re doing. Most top guys don’t want to advertise what they’re doing. A lot of chicks also don’t want to come out as sharing a guy with another chick. Continue reading “Non-monogamy and polyamory’s dark sides”

What does “quality girl” mean?

Online, there is endless discussion of how to seek out and identify “quality” girls, whatever that means… “quality” in a girl is tricky, since most girls, like men, have some good and some bad points. A lot of guys who think they want “quality,” who say they want “quality,” really want to convert a hot sexually adventurous slut into a housewife (rarely works well, but give it a go if you like… please don’t come whining to the Internet if it doesn’t). If you go for girls who are -1 or -2 relative to you in sexual market value (SMV), you can probably get a girl who will invest heavily in you… if she’s not that hot, though, you won’t want her, and you won’t care about how she returns your texts promptly and does other “nice” girl things. A lot of guys “want” a girl who is hot, a sex fiend (for him and him alone), absurdly loyal (perhaps not demanding fidelity in return), mentally stable, has an even-keeled personality, and perhaps has other desirable traits too. Girls who combine all those qualities in a single slender body are not that common… and they tend to have a lot of suitors to choose from. Supply and demand, mate. A guy who wants all those things is the male equivalent of women who want a guy who is over six feet tall, makes a lot of $$$, has good social skills, prioritizes her and her attention needs, etc. etc. These guys too exist, but in small numbers, and they tend to have lots of options, which they often like to exercise, vigorously and horizontally.

Sometimes vertically, too, for the sake of variety.

A lot of girls aren’t honest about what they really want… superficially they say they want a “relationship” (with a top guy, which is unstated), but in reality their behaviors indicate they want to get f**ked a lot (by a hot guy, or when they’re horny). “I got drunk and it just ‘happened'” is not the statement of a girl who really wants a relationship. Thing is… a lot of guys aren’t honest either. A lot of guys aren’t truly working to improve themselves, and their results are consistent with that. I tweeted a while ago, “most guys don’t really care that much about getting laid.” If they do care about getting laid, they’ll quit video games, prioritize the gym, eat no sugar, and do the other things common to guys who get laid, as opposed to guys who don’t, or guys who say they want to but don’t align their behavior with that stated want. Continue reading “What does “quality girl” mean?”

Sailor socialist girl doesn’t care, and it’s not about economic systems

The conversation in the last post turned towards what “socialist” and “feminist” identifying girls mean… and the answer is usually, “not much,” because most conversations are about expressing feelings and hierarchy… the number of “socialists” who even understand what that entails is minimal. When she says she’s a socialist, she’s expressing what she sees as a “caring” underlying value and framing you as “uncaring” by comparison. The number of people interested in ideas is small. A lot of male nerd engineers treat all conversations like engineering problems and consequently don’t get laid much because their engineering mindset, while important at school and work, repels feelings-based women.

When she says she’s a socialist… she doesn’t really care.

She’s not a policymaker.

Her vote doesn’t make a big difference in her life.

There’s a big gap between any functional country and Venezuela… it will take a really long time for any functional country to hit Venezuela or Soviet Union or Cuba levels… she wants to feel good, to feel taken care of, to make other people feel like they’ll be taken care of… Mark J says in the comments, “Debating Western girls like this, (usually white, middle class with a college education paid for by daddy who I guarantee you made his money in a very unsocialist fashion, is a waste of time.) The only appropriate response is to ignore her or ridicule her.” I disagree a bit… “ridicule” never changes minds and doesn’t get guys laid… “ignore her” makes more sense, particularly for a guy looking to get laid, not teach basic economics.

Continue reading “Sailor socialist girl doesn’t care, and it’s not about economic systems”