Over the past six months, I haven’t had much enthusiasm, time, or energy for game. Around the end of 2021, my carefully managed ENM relationship nearly blew up, because of a girl who’s been in my life (we’ll call her “long distance boyfriend girl”), for many years. I met her through someone in the same sex-party community as me. Initially, I had to turn down sleeping with her even though there was a strong mutual attraction, because at the time the rules between my girlfriend and me for sleeping with other partners weren’t clear, and my gf was out of town. Sadly, that small opportunity window closed, and long-distance-boyfriend girl started dating a dude…long distance. Most long-distance relationships are effectively non-monogamous relationships, they just lack the crucial “ethical” part.
I’ve read too many boring, unsubtle field reports (FRs), but Brad P’s are the opposite, full of life and hilarity… someone should turn his memoir into an audiobook, and sell it, cause if the audiobook is well done, it’ll sell to thousands of guys who can’t read (video games rot their minds), but do like a good story, will buy. Brad P has many good stories, and everything in his memoir is at the intermediate and advanced stages, which is precisely the material there’s too little of. The best part is the incipient consensual non-monogamy material, which he doesn’t develop (the preconditions weren’t right at the time), but I spot them, and talk about them later on, in the best part of this essay. One example of advanced material, he writes of sleeping with a girl who was at a concert with her brother, and telling her brother to (improbably) hit on hot Brazilian chicks. Brad_P says,
I think the guy knew he had no chance with the Brazilian girls, but he was doing the typical “Fake Player Routine” that most guys will do in this situation. Admitting that he doesn’t have the skills to nail the Brazilians is not an option, so he just pretends he’s gonna go for it. I framed it like I was doing him a favor running wing man so he could nail the 2 hotties. Like his sister was in the way or something. It’s always very easy to get a guy out of your way if he’s doing the fake player routine.
I don’t think it’s common to run into a girl out with her brother like that but he did admirably, and part of being a player is perceiving what to try in unusual circumstances. I don’t think I’d have managed the brother nearly as well. It’s cool to see how a guy succeeds in situations where I think I’d probably have failed.
For a while, I’ve thought I’ve maxed out my knowledge of the game… I know what I know, and there’s not much left to learn, cause I’ve been at it for a long time. Few days ago, though, I went out with friends and made a somewhat minor modification to the overall game, and the minor modification seemed to result in significantly improved opens and retention. “Shit,” I thought to myself, “there are still things I can do that result in what seem to be big improvements,” depending on crowd and environment. I don’t want to get specific about what I did because doing so is too revealing, but say something privately if you want to know more. If there are still things I can try to optimize, maybe game is a field that goes to infinity… you can never truly know it all. Reading most large forums, like Reddit, is unsatisfying because almost all the guys there are beginners with basic problems and situations. Nothing wrong with beginners… we’ve all been there… but “all beginners” is boring. A lot of beginners would be better off hiring a coach and spending less time on forums.
The other thing I got to thinking is a classic, but one I repeat because I saw it happen so clearly: girls get in their own way. A friend opened this hot girl, and the girl’s friend was hideous. I tried to get another guy to entertain her, but he said no, so I was like, “Fuck it, I’ll do it.” I entertain the friend for a while, maybe half an hour, then make my other buddy do it. The main friend is hitting on the hot girl. We bounce venues, and the hideous girl tells me the hot girl is out of a relationship and looking to process the breakup, or some similar girl nonsense that means, “My friend wants to hook up and have a great time.” At the new venue I entertain the friend a bit more, have a loop, open some other girls for laughs, and then I go home early cause I’m a good boy now.
Next day, apparently the hideous girl who said she was going to let her friend go fuck, didn’t do so, and hooked the hot friend into leaving. I thought it was a done deal, despite knowing that what seems to be done, isn’t, until it is. The hot girl let her “friend” get in her way. Such is the way of girls, and seeing this happen over and over again is why I laugh so hard at “feminism” and “girl power” and “girl bosses.”
My buddy is a good guy overall, and the hot girl should have done him. Whoever else she gets is probably going to be worse than him. Such is the game. Girls turn down a cornucopia of beautiful opportunities, and hold each other back, like crabs in a basket. Some men do this as well, and if you find yourself among men like that, find new friends.
I want to talk not about how, during a holiday, I wound up naked with my then-girlfriend and two other couples while rolling on MDMA, but about how we got there, over time, and through deep knowledge of the other participants. Neither of the other couples had ever done anything like this before… I’m going to name the other couples after the girls in them, “Allison” and “Zephyra.” “Hot girl in her 20s gives me a blowjob!” could the salacious, pornified headline, and, don’t get me wrong, it was great… I could write a whole story from the perspective of that moment, and me being such a baller player, but, as with The game’s endgame and picking up a girl at a private party, the moment of hot consummation isn’t the most educational, relevant element (there are many educational, relevant elements in the free book). Neither is the fact that our other female friend, Zephyra, offered a bit of a contribution, so, technically, two other girls were involved. I know of zero straight guys who don’t want to look down and see two pretty girls knob polishing (if you are one, feel free to comment on why you don’t want to see this).
“Build wealth slowly” xbtusd likes to say. Like many things he says, there’s an oracular, inscrutable quality to that… in another life, he could be one of those Buddhist teachers, wapping their acolytes with a stick and emitting peculiar koans. What’s “Build wealth slowly” mean? We’re all familiar with “get rich quick” schemes, which never really work out and which ensnare the unwary. They don’t work, but they’re appealing because of their speed.
Xbtusd comes with a spicy field report straight from the streets.
Girls can be self defeating, an idea best explained through a story: I’ve been holed up for around a month due to getting COVID, and then with everyone I know going back into lockdown hibernation mode I was craving some social energy, so a friend and I headed to a local bar. It’s a great spot, designed to look like the inside of a log cabin, with a working wood stove in the back room. It’s cozy and was poppin last night. As I’ve said before, my bar game is pretty bad, but I’ve committed to approaching every time a certain set of conditions is met (“committing to doing something” and then doing it is how you get better at anything). As I entered, I noticed two reasonably cute girls (6/7s) sitting at the bar facing each other; the tall one faced and stared at me like she knew me. I often meet people and forget them, so I started racking my brain as I paused to figure out if I knew her—and not snub her if we had met. Like most dudes, usually my memory for cute girls is better than my memory for people in general.
I couldn’t remember her, so my buddy and I just kept walking. We grabbed some drinks and settled into a spot against the wall and were just hanging, having a good time. I wanted to approach those two girls but also was slightly wary they might be either doing “girl time” and would get pissed if I approached, or that they were maybe on a date with each other, which can get you killed for interrupting where I live. I wanted to avoid that mistake so I figured I’d try and do some recon. Eventually a spot at the bar opened up next to them so I grabbed it (proximity can count as flirting), and tossed my jacket onto the bar and tried to get the bartender’s attention. As I did that, the girl on my left (“Lauren,” as I later learned) said, “is this your jacket?” and we both kind of bumped arms. I said yes, and then she smiled and said, “I was just looking for a way to start a conversation with you.” These two girls were not only NOT on a date with each other, NOT looking for girl time, but wanted to get fucked and were at the bar with the explicit intention to meet dudes. Okay, I’ll bite.
Xbtusd is back, with a story about chasing a hot woman in Latin America during lockdown.
Last winter the obvious move, for anyone childless who could suddenly work remotely, was to leave dense urban areas and head to warmer climates. I rented a place with my girlfriend and three friends: life was idyllic, the women were stunning, yet our social life was still a bit stunted by COVID. For the most part, our house rules roughly translated to, “you have to get permission to hang out with anyone not already on the approved list.” Back then, rapid tests and vaccines weren’t widely and easily available, and the rules made making new friends and dating a tough sell. As the winter passed, the fear of sickness abated, and the desire to socialize came back with a fury.
One of the guys staying with us had a younger former student in the area, so we invited her to hang out.
When he read this story, RQ asked the obvious question… why not all of you? She gave off strong sexual vibes but said she hadn’t had sex in a long time and that she hadn’t felt ready to since her last relationship. It was hard to square her strong apparent boundaries around sex with her palpable desire and her sexual heat. It also seemed like she might be just a flirt/tease. She made it clear that she wasn’t going to be sleeping with any of us as we were friends of her former teacher, but it was hard to read whether that was just her “anti-slut defense” or a genuine boundary. It didn’t strike me as a situation where she was going to hook up with more than one person, if she did with any of us. Despite that, she genuinely talked about sex 95% of the time in a group or 1 on 1 setting, perhaps using the talk as a substitute for the action.
She told us about her ex-boyfriend and the bad sex that they had. She talked about coming from an Asian country where sex was not talked about and her family’s relationship to sex. She asked each of us about every sexual experience under the sun. What makes for good sex? How do you like a blowjob? Have you ever had group sex? Are you kinky? Do you like anal? I am not exaggerating that week we spent 20 hours in a group with her talking about sex, and her and our relationships to it. By the end I was yearning to talk about math. We all would have made a move sooner, except that some logistics prevented it. She actually came to hang out with us two separate times separated by about a month. The first time, she was with this awful beta guy she told us she was not fucking but had been dating/living with for a month (an American dude she met on Hinge: if what she said is true, then men really do need to learn the game and stop simping). She had ditched him by the second trip to visit and was there for a longer period. It was also tough to get her alone, so it was awkward to really make a move when we were in large groups, and the other guys and I hadn’t coordinated a possible gang bang. Lastly, we’re all friends and didn’t want to fight over her, or make ourselves look like a bunch of thirsty bumbling fools falling all over each other to get to her.
We had a very large four-bedroom house with a pool in a walled, compound-style home. As a result, we often hosted small parties: sitting by the pool around a big table drinking, snorting freshly cut cocaine, skinny dipping, dancing, etc. On one of her last nights, the usual crew was hanging out, and we were playing “Never have I ever,” like high schoolers, and she said she’d never done cocaine. Immediately a line was poured, and she hoovered one like a pro. I can’t remember how I made the transition, but I then asked if she had ever had a line done off of her? She responded in the negative, and I inquired if she would like to have one done off her tits. She confirmed that she would and hopped on the couch removing her top. I poured up a fresh line and inhaled, followed by a long make-out with everybody watching. My girlfriend took her cue and came over and poured her own line and joined us in a three-person make-out.
My mind raced to logistics. One dude + 2 chicks, with 3 dudes watching. We returned to the table and went back to playing cards. How was I going to get her into my bedroom without the awkwardness of everybody seeing and her feeling the awkwardness of seeming like a slut? As the night wound down I eventually found a moment alone and whispered to her to follow me into my bedroom. I invited her to stay over with me and my girlfriend but she quickly turned me down, saying that she wasn’t there yet. It was clear that this was a boundary and knowing her pretty well at that point I knew that she drew very firm boundaries and so I didn’t push. I thanked her for a fun evening, gave her a goodnight kiss, and sent her on her way.
We all eventually returned home, and she hit me up after a bunch more traveling. The first time we met up was a long day of drinking in the streets. She was hours late and, when she arrived, much to my surprise she told me she had fallen asleep after a marathon night of fucking that ended at noon that day. I was shocked, as sex had previously been off the table, but when I inquired she began telling me about a shift that had happened in her after she left us. She had done an ayahuasca ceremony where she had been transformed and now felt like she had reconnected with her sexual self (demonstrating the power of psychedelics). She had been on a rampage running through every interesting/hot guy she met and was radiating sexual energy, as usual.
Taking my cue, I started flirting hard and floating the idea of having the threesome I had been hoping for earlier in the year, but she quickly nixed that idea, saying that she didn’t want to sleep with friends and make things too complicated. Once again, it was clear this was not a point that she was going to be swayed, so I figured I would let our friendship evolve, and I assume at some point in the future she will have another psychedelic trip where she is instructed to have threesomes with her friends and I will be her first call. Looking back at all the events, I don’t think there’s much I could have done better/differently, but as I’ve mentioned, I’m a fan of the long game, especially for women I genuinely enjoy spending time with. No point in burning any bridges and I get a free call option for later.
My in-person game is generally pretty terrible (i.e. cold approach), but from time to time situations arise organically that make me feel comfortable hitting on girls in public spaces. Last summer, we had street shutdowns that essentially turned into 24/7 block parties. On Friday and Saturday nights, people would come out and gather, and there was a guy who used to run a mobile DJ unit, dragging around a PA system on a little trolley. DJs die after a sufficient period of time without music and attention, like an animal denied water, so I understood why he did what he did. I’d befriended him after multiple run-ins in different parks, joining in on his impromptu dance parties. I saw him playing and called out to him as he was walking away with two girls in tow, though it was early for a threesome. I was with a small crew of around 8 people just out and about drinking and enjoying ourselves on the streets. The DJ and I began chatting and immediately the two girls with him started berating me for not wearing a mask. For clarity, I’m pro-mask, pro-vax, but within reasonable contexts. By last summer, it was clear that being outside was totally safe without masks, especially with the low COVID #’s where I was.
That said, I’m almost as annoyed by the blindly pro-mask as I am by the blindly anti-mask. I love to fuck with people (hence this website, and me being on Twitter), so my knee-jerk reaction was to go into character as an anti-mask Trump nut. I like this character even more given that my outward appearance makes it confusing for people. I began ranting about how masks were stupid and that COVID was a hoax created by the government to control people. I have become a particular fan of the rhetorical style of a now-famous whistleblower who goes by the moniker “Q” and whose identity remains anonymous. I sprinkled in some lines like, “follow the money”. “Who benefits”. “The storm is coming”. And tried not to break character or laugh for a good five minutes. Think of Sasha Baron Cohen as Da Ali G or Borat. Being good liberals, they took this as an opportunity to engage with a lost sheep and see if they could bring him back to the flock. Eventually I couldn’t keep the comedy going and dropped the rhetoric. This would probably fit into the idea of “push-pull.” There was an immediate connection once I started speaking normally and explained the nuances of my view, that I didn’t feel the need to wear a mask outside but did wear one indoors in public spaces. I could’ve said, “Masks are like condoms, everyone says they always use them, but will make an exception this one time.” They were both Indian doctors, and so were pro-authority and erring on the side of caution, and they believed I needed to show data to prove that wearing a mask was safe, while I viewed the proof as self evident based on the lack of a spike in cases post BLM protests (I wonder if gonorrhea cases rose: protesting seems to have a strong hookup component, after the protest). As this debate evolved, a few pieces of logistics fell into place.
I was at an unbelievable, aspirational, can’t-believe-people-live-like-this party last week, thrown by a relatively new friend who lives in a stunning, straight-out-of-Architectural-Digest Brownstone with a stage/amphitheater built into the backyard and hot tub on the roof of the second floor looking into the backyard. The main event was a backyard concert featuring a South American band led by stunningly beautiful women. The host and owner has constructed an incredible universe and filled it with the exact kind of people one wants to spend one’s life around, including “Madison.” The party had the energy of freshman year of college, that first week when everyone is open to meeting new people. Strangely, for this type of event, no one there seemed to know each other. The party started an hour before showtime, so when I arrived everyone was already mingling and getting to know each other.
At one point during the show I was crowded close enough to where Madison stood that it would have been more awkward not to introduce myself, so I did and the conversation naturally flowed. She had an effervescent personality, and we immediately clicked. She was in town from the West coast and wanted tips on what to do while she was in the city. We eventually migrated indoors to have a little more privacy. The conversation quickly moved into intimate topics like sex, sexuality, and non-monogamy. Unsurprisingly she was in an ethically non-monogamous (ENM) relationship, and like most of the sluts I know was bi-sexual.
Around this point my gf joined us and the three of us hit it off.Continue reading “A threesome saga: energy & vibe”
Last weekend, I rolled pretty hard with a woman and spent some time wandering a nearby strip of bars, where we chatted with and encouraged a lot of strangers… MDMA can make a person feel intensely social, and we felt a lot of that energy and chose to express it by going out. We also dressed differently than most people, closer to something like this and far from the typical street clothes, dresses, or slacks and collared shirts most people wore. I realized that we were peacocking: being shiny and different, in a way that worked. My companion got most of the attention, which is fine and expected, it’s a shame she’s not bisexual. A bisexual wingwoman in that environment would have killed. Even without being bi, she create and we engendered a lot of positive feelings… we felt at one with the human species, a sense that is hard to cultivate in everyday life. And we felt at one with each other.
Trying to describe the mental state an MDMA roll engenders is impossible… those of you who’ve experienced it will be nodding along with the descriptions above, those of you who haven’t will probably be rolling your eyes. A well-done molly roll, if it’s done with people who like each other in the first place, is a powerful bonding agent, of a sort I didn’t realize when I was younger. During this roll, I felt more of that. Alcohol is common, but it sucks by comparison. Learning MDMA is like becoming part of a secret society.
Game teaches men to control and channel our emotions, but one of the hardest parts about the game, in my experience and, it seems, in many others’, is doing nothing. Saying nothing. Not responding, when every emotional fiber of one’s being cries out to respond. Those are the times when a chick texts something, and I yearn to text back what I think, or to convince her to act, but in my rational mind, I know that saying zero is the right move, and that my emotional yearnings must be curtailed.
“Impatience” is often the handmaiden of failed game. A few days ago, I met a chick I’ve loosely known for about nine months. I have a lot of logistical complexity, and she has some too, and I’ve run hot and cold by accident, because I know I shouldn’t try to bang her, but she’s also a hot 8, and looks and smells like sex, so here I am, wanting to bang her.