Emotions and Ms. Slav, Low-cut top girl and a weird foursome

Last Friday, after a decent interval since I’d last seen her (er, had sex with her…), Ms. Slav came over and we discussed this, and what else in her life has been going on (a lot), what else has been going in mine (not that much), and the nature of being in different stages of life. The sex was weirdly tender and emotional… I don’t think it was “goodbye sex,” but it may be “de-escalation” sex. She is still learning a lot of things (more on that later). One nice thing about Ms. Slav is that pretty much any time we get together, we have sex, no matter what else is happening. Regular f**king really does smooth over a lot of other issues… if more women understood this and implemented it, the divorce rate would be considerably lower. Just getting on the knees and sucking a couple times a week really does strengthen relationships. Couples therapists need to start assigning blowjob therapy if they are serious about helping people in relationships.

Low-cut top girl DID show up to the foursome, and I was pretty surprised. She dressed in an outfit very similar, or maybe identical, to the one she was wearing the night I met her… only two months ago… feels like a lot longer.

The foursome was pretty straightforward, although early on the woman in the other couple asked a lot of questions about how we know each other and what our relationship is like. I thought I might be headed home alone, as the other couple could tell we don’t know each other well. Many couples prefer to swap with another established, firm couple, as that limits some kinds of jealousy, as well as some mate-poaching behavior. Alcohol and novelty won the day, however, and I split a hotel room with the other guy. Woman was pretty but not too special, late 20s/early 30s, and she and her man had clearly made the full swap decision ahead of time. The other guy wanted to make a sex tape (like me!), but she nixed it. All in the game. I did a really nice job railing her from behind and got into that zone where the sex is pleasurable but not so overwhelming as to make me finish early. The woman also didn’t tighten as much as some women do when they orgasm, so that let me keep going. High-performance nights are always nice.

The other guy had performance troubles, so I gave him a bit of substance to help, and about 45 minutes later he was ready to go. I told him that it’s common to seek certain aids in that situation, as it can be harder to perform in a group among novel participants than among basic one-on-one sex. Plus, just trying to put people at ease when they’re uncomfortable or anxious goes a long way to solving discomfort or anxiety. “It’s okay, don’t worry about it, it happens to everyone sometimes” are all magic words. Sort of like how players know that “It’s okay, you can leave any time you want to” often disarms LMR. I have sometimes stood up when I’m with a girl and moved away from her and said, “The door is right over there. I’m not forcing you to do anything you don’t want to do. You can walk out now or any time.” A little comfort is useful.

Overall a successful evening. Low-cut top girl was annoyed that I wouldn’t let her stay in the hotel. I needed to go home and told her needed to as well. She argued that I had already paid for the hotel, which was true, but I told her that I also needed to go home. I told her that if she wanted to stay she had to give them her credit card, which she wouldn’t do. Bit of an ugly scene. May have cued the other couple to make an independent play for her. I hope they do. Low-cut top girl is absolutely the sort of chick who’d clean out the mini-bar and order $500 in bullshit on my card. Doesn’t speak well of her, now that I read my own description of her. I need to find more compatible chicks. I would actually trust Ms. Slav not to do that kind of shit. She might do it inadvertently, because that’s what she does in expensive hotels.

This week, Low-cut top girl has been sending me a lot of messages (many of them I’m not replying to, in keeping my “once per day at most” texting and Internet distraction philosophy) but refusing to come over… that might be for the best. We’ve been on an accelerated timeline, so maybe from open to ending is going to occur in less time than usual. After our foursome that is surprising, even to me, but that foursome may have been a one-time thing. She samples the food, doesn’t care for it, is glad she tried it, moves on with her life.

Low-cut top girl also wants to know why I don’t take her out to dinner, which, along with music/concerts, has been a historical sore point and push-pull point for me and chicks. I told her to read The Millionaire Next Door (a great book, you should read it). I might give her a copy if I see her again, though she is the kind of girl who is going to yo-yo back and forth or just ghost me when she finds another dude. I have lower financial discipline than I did when I really had no money… I need to quit buying camera gear, which is a vice of mine… but I still have pretty decent financial disipline… and part of that is just not spending money on stupid shit like expensive dinners out. I like a lot of what are now called “fast casual” places… she apparently likes expensive sit-down places? I dunno, I can countenance those at work… I can deal with them rarely… a lot of the time I’d rather just have some falafel or a burrito bowl, plus extra cash in pocket. Real freedom is not having to worry about money.

Most restaurants are also just too damn noisy, and that’s terrible for social bonding or learning.

Mostly, though… it’s the money… and the number of people who are better to talk to, than a book is to be read… well… it’s not as high as I’d like. This girl also liked expensive restaurants, but she was kind of weird in public… she’d be fine in private, one-on-one, but didn’t interact well in public. It was like dating two different chicks, personality-wise. Oddly, that girl wants to get a drink w/ me… I have been meaning to do it.

I tweeted, “Building the mind is a lifelong project.” If you are not reading you are probably not learning as much as you can or should.

Ms. Slav, though… Ms. Slav is also discovering the downside of saying “yes” too much… she is stretched thin. I would phrase it as, she is giving away a lot of value… so everyone is coming out to grab some… and she needs to retract / guard her value a little better. Chicks would never frame something this way… but that is what I see. I told her about my growing discomfort with how I am living, and my desire to do something different. I think she gets it. Although she thinks I can do family AND do the life I have been living… it’s not impossible, just really f**king unlikely. One rule in game is to assume the median girl, at least until proven otherwise. Guys know that it’s POSSIBLE to be standing around at a regular party or whatever, and have some stunning 8 open you and then f**k her later that night. It’s also POSSIBLE for Tinder to work that way. It’s just super unlikely. You want to take high-percentage shots. In today’s NBA, that means threes or right next to the basket. It’s POSSIBLE to win with a lot of long twos… just not likely.

Guys who want to win, try to put themselves in the best position possible to win at whatever their game is. For a guy who wants to be in the game, that means moving to a city and not living in a rural area or an exurb. For a guy who wants a kid (or more kids), how I am living… is not the optimal way to go about that goal.

With Low-cut top girl, I feel like I am experiencing deja vu… she is new to me but is overall close to the typical female. So close that I feel like I’ve already seen everything she says or does. Ms. Slav is the exact opposite.

Low-cut top girl: first sex club experience, plus DRAMA

I took Low-cut top girl to a sex club last weekend, and, to spoil the story some, it was an unusual experience because MS. SLAV WAS THERE. She came in after a while, that is. Low-cut top girl and I had finished our first round already, which is good. I’d previously checked with Ms. Slav, and Ms. Slav told me she was going to a private event the same night, so I figured I was all good… Ms. Slav likes to f**k other people but does not seem to like it when I do the same: I think she is struggling for that reason.

So: Low-cut top girl is extremely boring and average in a lot of ways, and therefore I accelerated the usual development path somewhat because I am not sure about keeping her around… we had a long talk about what sex clubs are like, why I like going, etc. I had to lead her through the whole thing… what are the peak experiences in your life… yes, many of them are sexual… so what if you could try to experiment with real peak experiences… you know how boring normal parties are, right?… it’s not that much fun to stand around drinking and making dumb remarks to people… at parties, everyone is thinking about what everyone else looks like naked… etc. She is pretty conventional, not just sexually but in every aspect of her life. Still like her in bed, though.

I spent a couple hours walking through why sex clubs are fun and what happens there. I gave her a book, More Than Two, that she didn’t read because she’s too busy on her phone and social media. I framed this as a fun thing we can try and if she doesn’t like it, she doesn’t like it. This low-stakes framing is useful for ambivalent first-timers.

The night of, I told her to come over about an hour before I actually needed her to come over, which was smart because she was late getting ready. She does clean up nice, though. We got to the club at about the right time, an hour or so before things got started… lots of new faces there, along with some old friends, which made for a good mix. On bad nights there are no attractive people there and the best thing to do is leave. That is not a good introduction but it can happen. I encouraged her to kiss another girl and she did, and they both loved it and were very bashful after. I also got the other couple’s digits, an important point for later.

I like putting on a show and Low-cut top girl has some exhibitionist tendencies, so we were among the first wave to hit the main f**k space. I took loads of time going down on Low-cut top girl and using toys on her before f**king her. Another couple (different than the first) joined us, and the girl caressed and kissed Low-cut top girl, which she liked very much. They wanted to go further but I told them about Low-cut top girl’s first night status, meaning we were going to stick with each other, which they respected. I finished sooner than I would have liked but I was very stimulated and did not hold back well.

Such is the game… we put underwear back on, left to get a drink, and as we were hanging out near the bar and THERE WAS MS. SLAV, coming right towards us, like a monster in a monster movie. We saw each other about the same time. Having had this kind of collision before, I knew that there is no way forward other than brazenly, so I introduced Ms. Slav to my “lover” Low-cut top girl, and I asked Ms. Slav what relationship term she prefers… she picked lover too… so I introduced her to Low-cut top girl like it was very normal. Ms. Slav had some guy and a girl I know with her.

Ms. Slav was obviously angry. Obvious to me, I mean. I asked about the other party and why they didn’t go to it, and some kind of girl drama had made them change plans. I had told Ms. Slav that I might hit the sex club that night… I just didn’t specify who I’d be with. Like most public clubs, it requires men to have dates on some nights, and I would never go to a club on a night that admits unattached single men. Realistically I can go without a date on a couple night, as I’m a known quantity and know how to behave, but I prefer to bring one. We did some more chit-chat, then I said that I didn’t want to stop them.

When I let Ms. Slav and her dates go to the bar, I took Low-cut top girl to another part of the club… I wish the music had been quieter. Low-cut top girl wanted to know all about Ms. Slav and why I hadn’t told her about Ms. Slav… I told her that I hadn’t decided about her yet, and that she hadn’t proven herself to me one way or another. This confused her… angered her… aroused her a little bit. She wanted to know how many other girls I’m seeing, that kind of numbers thing that is not very interesting to people in the scene but very intersting to people outside it.

She seemed to get over her shock and we eventually went back to the main room… Ms. Slav and her dates went to one of the more private rooms, I think. We had sex again. Unfortunately, some guy came over and put his hand on her while we were f**king… and I was like “HEY BUDDY, NOT NOW.” That is a major etiquette breach. After we were done I had to go find the hosts and tell them about it.

On the way back Low-cut top girl was full of questions about Ms. Slav. She was very surprised, I think, by how hot Ms. Slav is… really hot young girls are disruptive to the social order. I think Low-cut top girl knows that she can’t compete on beauty alone. She, in particular, also can’t compete on intellect/achievement, although she thinks she is very samrt. People who think they’re brilliant but are not are very tiresome, but Low-cut top girl and I have (mostly) been f**king and not doing too many other things where I would have to listen to her.

She was still drugged up from the experience, despite us not taking drugs. There is a “slip into a magic world” quality that a good group sex experience has. Despite the Ms. Slav encounter the club was pretty good and had some attractive couples in it, though that isn’t guaranteed, and a bad first experience can turn an unsure girl against the whole environment forever. She even said she was surprised that cool/attractive people were there.

She also said she’d be up for dates with another couple. We’ll see about that one from the club… I may try to hook her up w/ a couple Ms. Slav and I have seen… the girl in that couple is fantastically hot. Guy seems not bad either, and he’s a personal trainer (but not an idiot), while she also works in an aspect of the fitness industry. The first time I f**ked her, she asked after how old I am… I told her to guess… she missed by like ten years… she seemed put off when she found out the answer, but I just said the usual, “Are you having a great experience tonight?” She said yes and I was like, “That’s all that matters.”

Our first club experience could also be the impetus for letting Low-cut top girl go, as she is not a good long-term person for me: she is not as hot as I’d like, and she can be annoying to be around at times. But I am also weak… there is a private event weekend after this one. Depending on what happens, I may try bringing her to that too. If I can get her in the scene, I will not have to field requests for moronic brunches and drinks she wants to go to. I think she wants to show me off, but I am lacking in the time necessary to deal. I also don’t like how much she drinks… I think it compromises her life and her body. Low-cut top girl also told me that she KNEW I am a fuckboy. She was hitting me and laughing at the same time. She seemed not to know her own emotions. Going to a f**k club can be like hitting molly, without the molly.

On Sunday I talked to Ms. Slav… she seemed angry that I hadn’t told her about Low-cut top girl. I told Ms. Slav that she does her own thing, and I also do my own thing. She said I should at least tell her. I told her that she never asked. Which is true. She just about never asks me. I have been seeing her less frequently… does she think I have taken monastic vows? We’ve talked about reciprocity before, and that is something she finally acknowledges she has some problems with. There was no resolution… Ms. Slav is also still dealing with family issues. No real resolution there. “Drift away” could be the resolution.

Monday night, I got a long text from Low-cut top girl saying that she doesn’t want to see me anymore because she is falling for me and knows that I will break her heart. I read this as, “Most of the guys she’s dated are more into her than she is into them, and she can’t believe the opposite is happening.” Because I haven’t immediately fallen for her, she is becoming more enchanted with me. She said that she knew I was too confident because of the way I stopped her on the street. (Originally she said she admired me for the some reason/behavior).

Overall Low-cut top girl’s trajectory is consistent with some other trajectories I have seen in the last ten years… some chicks are up for this and some are not. I’ve speculated that as many as 75% of chicks are up to sex clubs, and I think Low-cut top girl is among them… but seeing Ms. Slav at her first event, and seeing that I have other lovers, is too much for her. She needs a more gradual admission. Most chicks are NOT like Ms. Slav, who just plowed right in.

Despite Low-cut top girl’s proclamation, though, I put her in a group text with the other couple from the club, and we all now have plans to get drinks this weekend. Low-cut top girl and I have not been communicating, except through that group text… so she may cancel, not show up, etc. Chicks are random, as we all know. Then again she might show up. She has kept jumping away from me, only to be reeled back in by my non-reactivity.

There is no cure to human drama… the drama just changes shape, depending on the social structure of the humans involved. I have chosen a different social structure than most people, and it is LOWER drama than most social structures (I think). But I have also refused to commit to a primary partner recently, and that increases the drama level. Ms. Slav is too young. I need to get out of this scene and make my way into something else. My actions don’t match my words, though. I’m doing the things I’m used to doing… it has also been harder for me to connect with the women I’ve been seeing. Peaches, strangely, may be the woman I’ve felt closest to. I didn’t say emotions or feelings have to make sense. That kind of statement is usually an excuse, and maybe it is here, but it is where I am right now.

Apologies if some of this story is poorly organized: I began it Sunday and have been updating it along with events and random thoughts.

Home Friend is stepping up? [FR]

I have been seeing less of Ms. Slav lately, and (a little) more of the girl I named “Home Friend.” Ms. Slav seems to be intensely dating one or two women… which is great and all that, but not of interest to me. One of the women is in the scene and is just not that attractive or appealing to me; I’ve known her for years and always found her a little off, but Ms. Slav seems enchanted by her. She’s not terrible looking, probably a high 6, but I don’t get that kick from her. Ms. Slav seems to be a true bisexual, which is not very common. And she’s having some family issues, etc. Amazing how family issues seem to crop up AFTER a couple weeks of flakiness… they never seem to precede the flakiness.

Back to the point, I got an out-of-the-blue message from Home Friend last week, and I arranged for her to come around last Sunday afternoon for some extremely intense, pleasurable sex. So far Home Friend and I have barely seen each other, except for pure sex dates. Did some drinks a while ago, before the threesomes, and then she shifted into texting me when she’s horny. I’ve tried to up-shift her into showing up more often but failed. Home Friend also seems to know that I’m trying to fit her in among other chicks (Ms. Slav, Peaches, kind of Low-cut top girl (although she is not as hot as I’d like), one or two occasionals). Home Friend seems to want a boyfriend, but a boyfriend on her terms, which she is not getting. She is also somewhat shy and reserved, so I think the only guys she’s getting are the ones who have the self-regard to pursue her vigorously. If they’re pursuing her vigorously, they’re probably pursuing other girls vigorously, too. Smart girls who want boyfriends/relationships learn to make the first move, as that can allow them to acquire guys who might be more loyal than the guys brave enough to chase them down and spear them.

I digress, so last Sunday she re-appeared, we f**ked, I had a blast. I’m seeing more chicks, of the wrong sort, than I would like, so there is that… but “make hay while the sun is shining,” etc. I also don’t have access-on-command to super young hot chicks, so when one happens along I try to prioritize her, as I did for a while w/ Ms. Slav. A guy never knows when his last really young hot chick will happen… it is conceivable that Ms. Slav and Home Friend are my last in their age brackets.

So that was last week. Home Friend came around on Saturday night… I need to write about last week and then Saturday. Last week she said I was “cold.” I’ve heard variants on that idea before, so it’s probably true… I laughed and told her that it takes a special kind of girl to really warm me up and open me up. A good response, I thought. I believe Home Friend is seeking a boyfriend and not finding one. She can find guys she doesn’t like and she can find guys who will use her casual sex, but she can’t combine the two.

Saturday night was cozier. I told her that I want to bring her and Ms. Slav together to a sex party. Home Friend seems to be just a little interested, but not enough for me to push it. Ms. Slav has talked to her quite a bit about group sex, and Home Friend isn’t going for it. That is okay with me. Not all girls go for it. Home Friend might be more amenable in a couple years, when she has more experience. She’s also away from home and does not have Ms. Slav’s boldness. Or, it seems, Ms. Slav’s IQ. Home Friend is a lot more normal, except for the way she is hanging out with outliers like Ms. Slav and me.

Home Friend also switched out her IUD, as she had a Mirena IUD that is smaller and narrower but slowly releases hormones, and now she has a Paragard IUD that is pure copper. It means she has heavier periods but also a stronger sex drive. That might mean I see more of her. Though it might be better for me to see less of her. It is hard to choose to do the things I need to do, when a girl like Home Friend is happy to be bent over by me.

With Home Friend, the trade off for her IUD seems to be heavier/worse periods but a return to her more natural sex cycle, so when she’s ovulating she is off-the-charts horny, as seemed to happen last week. Many chicks with libido problems experience libido problems due to drugs (anti-depressants, etc.) or due to their birth control. For that reason it’s important to encourage chicks, especially young and dumb chicks, to adjust their BC if the first one they try doesn’t work for them.

This is also why you never know what you’re going to get when you approach chicks. You may approach a chick who is feeling fat and bloated from PMS or her period. She is not interested in men at that moment. You may approach a girl who is ovulating and receptive. The same girl may be receptive one day and totally closed off two weeks later, based on nothing in your control. That’s also why men need to be non-reactive to female emotional outbursts… chicks have intense feelings that many chicks are bad at controlling. If you put two combustible, emotional people together, they tend to explode and break up.

Home Friend has not been much willing to make advance plans. Probably because she is playing the field. She may also just be spacey. I think she’s just using me for some light casual sex, although she seems to come quite hard and be pretty into me when we’re together. She might also be holding back because she can sense me holding back.

This story might be a little disjointed because I’ve been writing it like one paragraph at a time, since last Sunday or Monday. Something or other keeps coming up.

Low-cut top girl asks if I am a “fuckboy”

Got a text the day after our last session from Low-cut top girl saying, “Hey, I have to ask you this are you a fuckboy?” For context, I had sent her my typical “Good seeing you yesterday” text, and she replied saying she had a great time, then a couple hours later she sent that text. I laughed out loud when I read it and decided to ignore it for about 24 hours, in keeping with typical texting practice that focuses on logistics and retaining my own ability to concentrate.

I replied to her “I don’t know what that means.” In the same text, I invited her over, offering dates and times (covering logistics). She resisted at first saying that it’s important for her to know, and I said I’m not a big texting person and that we can talk in person. She agreed. In person I can gently probe what she means. I pretty much know… and that’s okay. I think I’m going to talk more about being sex positive and invite her to a club. I have lost chicks at points like this… while the seduction community is full of good responses to accusations of being a player, in reality girls who are mentally healthy and want a significant, one-on-one relationship are not going to hang around very long with a guy who isn’t going to give it to her.

You can increase the probability of retaining her with a good response, and I have a bunch, but you cannot guarantee it. I may be too indifferent with this one… I have a lot going on at the moment, more than I really want/need, so that makes it easy to be blas√©, which is another word for “abundance mentality.” It’s also interesting that girls like the term “fuckboy” more than “player” now. I think.

This kind of conversation has gone both ways for me. I can tell Low-cut top girl is extremely interested because of how much she texts me, and she seems bothered that I don’t reply immediately most of the time. Attention is the only tool men have and I gave her a copy of Deep Work. She seemed to think that being given a book is weird. She seems to be continually thrown off balance by me. She also seems super basic, and to have had her one big relationship with a super basic guy. I still wish she were just a little bit hotter. She seems like a bad candidate for anything long term, as she is one of these girls who fancies herself as very intelligent when she is in fact not, and she seems to have had limited exposure to really intelligent people. It’s okay to not be that bright and understand that… it is bad to think you’re up there and not be. Being basic / average and owning that is fine… being basic / average and pretending you’re not, can be kind of annoying. I don’t say anything about that directly to her, as there’s no need, but I can feel it, and I think she can feel it. She has not read enough to know anything and hasn’t had nearly as much life experience as she thinks, so she is guided by her feelings and by random, anecdotal evidence, and mistakes that for wisdom. Not a super common set of characteristics, but I have seen it before.

The younger the girl, in my experience, the more desperately she wants rapid text replies, and the stranger she finds my texting habits. That’s okay with me, as I want to set frame appropriately and not be beholden to a flighty chick’s random notions and urges.

This post sounds more negative than it should. Low-cut top girl is mostly pleasant to be around and she obeys me sexually. I find her more entertaining than not, but I also know that girls who are entertaining because of their ignorance can become annoying for the same reason later. I feel like most of her challenges I have already seen from other girls, almost like she is just a Markov chain automated text generator spitting out typical female nonsense. Overall I am enjoying the sex with her, so I should probably shut up and enjoy the ride.

How do you avoid the Markov chain text generator feel? Learn a lot and try your best to think for yourself. Most chicks, unfortunately, do neither. Ms. Slav, does both pretty well, and that is part of the reason she is more interesting to be around than most chicks. Most guys don’t do this very well either… they select conversation topics from the fields SPORTS, WORK, or VIDEO GAMES. Or FAMILY, if they have one. Then they are surprised when chicks find them boring, or when other guys find them boring.

Overall, Low-cut top girl’s question at this stage is likely a form of comfort test, a subject that doesn’t get much play online because I think most guys never reach this stage.

“Low-cut top girl,” opening off an IOI on the way to the gym [FR]

Friday night, relatively late, I’m jogging to the gym and catch a MASSIVE IOI off this chick as she is crossing the street perpendicular to me. I have a strange thought, as I imagine the game guys I read and what they would do… and the thought makes me I realize I have to open. My mood is pretty good too, so I stop to say she must be going to a party. She’s in a very low-cut top and figure-hugging camel-colored bottoms, from what I can see, but the time between eye lock and me chatting her up I don’t see much of her body because I’m concentrating on other matters. Out eye contact barely breaks. She says yes, she is, and I speculate about the difference between good parties and obligatory parties that you feel like you have to go to. We continue in this vein a bit; I’m wearing a necklace from Goldmund’s Masculine Accessories¬†(some cheaper alternatives here), which she asks me about. So she’s not too daft to reciprocate. Some chicks, even if they basically like you, will be incoherent during the stop, because the situation is so foreign to them. This one is a bit more put together, or she’s going to a party so she’s in socializing mode. We chat a bit about a perfect party and I tell her I have a date with the gym. We talk about the gym for a minute. I get out my notebook and tell her to put her name and number in it.

She’s surprised by the notebook thing, so we talk about that a bit, and I tell her about leaving my phone at home as that is a better way to experience the world (also something true… the younger the chick, the less they get this idea, except for Ms. Slav… the higher IQ, more self-aware chicks often understand this and have a love-hate relationship with their smartphones).

Saturday morning I text Low-cut top girl, asking if her night led to all the things she could have possibly wanted, and she replied saying it was okay and asking about mine. I said that quality time spent with my mistress the squat rack is always a lovely evening (not strictly speaking true, due to injury, but I would like it to be true), and I probe for the rest of her weekend plans. She says she is planning to be a cat lady that night, and asks what I’m doing. I tell her (truthfully) that I’m going to a party, without elaborating. She says that sounds like lots of fun… is she seeking an invitation? I think so, but I tell her we should get a drink Sunday night, early, as I have work in the morning. She agrees and I set my usual first date venue. I text her a pic of a cat and say that I know it’s a little early to be sending pussy pics, but she’s a cat lady so I just can’t resist. She sends laughing emojis and sends me one of “her pussy” (cat) in return. The comment is probably more forward than I should be so early in the interaction, at least by optimal game standards, but I kind of don’t give a f**k.

Saturday night, Ms. Slav and I go to the party… we cause a scene (she causes a scene) in the best way possible, as we set the tone of the evening fairly early. Then she dominates, then f**ks, another girl after our first hour-long adventure. Fairly late at the party, Stephanie shows up, and we have a bit of a threesome… more more realistically, Ms. Slav and I take turns on Stephanie, who is unfortunately not excited to go down on other chicks. Ms. Slav seems disappointed/annoyed that I finish (in a condom) in Stephanie, but what can I say, I want to spread the love. She said she has no jealousy… but she hasn’t told me that lately, so I wonder if she just doesn’t experience jealousy in the way normal people do, but the right set of circumstances can still trigger jealousy in her. She wanted to stay extremely late and I wanted to go home after the recovery period with me, Ms. Slav, and Stephanie, and I told Ms. Slav she is welcome to stay, but she decides to come back with me.

Sunday I get up pretty early and see Ms. Slav off. In the afternoon I text Low cut top girl that I hope she enjoyed being a cat lady and that I’ll see her in a few hours; she confirms and asks me about the party, but I say we can talk in person.

In person, she is not wearing the same shirt as I expected/hoped for, as she’s quite a bit more demure (bad sign), but her clothes hug her body. I did a good job not staring at her chest on the street, and I’m kind of wondering whether she actually has a nice body or not… she might, but I was focused enough on eye contact and conversation that I couldn’t really tell. I have had girls go both ways, when getting naked… where I suddenly realize that girl is hiding an incredible body under her clothes, and other times when I realize a girl is hiding a… not incredible body. Varies so much by girl that I’ve learned to distrust my own predictions.

We talk about technology and how I think social media is pretty worthless, while she defends it (typical girl), but not too much. She is a vegetarian, and I don’t share that I have a theory that vegetarian girls are more sexually active and adventurous than regular girls. Probably just me generalizing from too small a sample size. She also has an unusual and more-interesting-than-expected job. I ask questions about her dreams / fantasies / etc. Hold hands and look in each other’s eyes for 60 seconds. The usual. It’s flowing well, and she happily agrees to drink #2 at bar #2.

Between bars I playfully push her against a wall and kiss her passionately. She responds, and I let her go before she is done. She is a bit confused, I think, that I’ve ended it so quickly. Kissing on the street is something of a secret society no-no, as it opens the girl up to slut-shaming… but it’s a move I like to pull anyway.

Conversation is stilted for the rest of the walk to bar #2, I think because she wasn’t expecting the kiss and hasn’t recovered from it well. At the bar we recover some. It feels very on. She’s quite eager to know my age and I tell her to guess… her guess is comically low. She pushes and I tell her ages, weights, and heights are very private information, just between me and Facebook and the CIA. Maybe too evasive. She tells me she’s gotten out of a five-year relationship recently and is trying to recover herself. I don’t engage too much with this beyond telling her I understand (undrestand what? Fuck if I know… fortunately, she doesn’t ask, like most girls don’t).

I invite her back for a drink and she goes for it. More chitchat about our lives. We go back to mine and she prowls around like a cat for a while. She spends a long time in the bathroom, doing whatever it is chicks do in there, so I figure it’s good to go. She comes out and wants to sit across from me but I pat the couch and tell her I can hear her better over near me. A little bit of kissing resistance at first, until I find the sweet spots on her neck, which make her gasp and moan and took away the resistance. She says she’s getting over her period (fine, whatever… maybe she wasn’t going out for sex Friday night after all?), and I tell her that’s okay, we can find things to do. She is amenable. I leave for the bathroom and take a small amount of man drug: after being drained by Ms. Slav and Stephanie, I’m not sure I can perform adequately. Actually, I don’t think I can, but I would rather keep the momentum going forward with Low-cut top girl than let it die out, and that is just what I am doing.

More making out, then to the bedroom. When I get her naked, her best bits flop down more than I’d like, and I drop her from a curvy high 7 to a high 6 / low 7. With a butt that big I have to smack it, and she loves it. I wonder when the girl was last f**ked properly because she is way more responsive than I deserve. I use my fingers inside her and direct her fingers to her clit, letting her get off for the first time. Very tiny amount of blood on my fingers. She goes down on me, and then I put on a condom and manage to f**k her.

She kept praising my body and telling me how hot I am… I’m not that hot, though I do lift and avoid sugar. Unfortunately, injury keeps limiting me from reaching the places I’d like to go in the gym. Zero sugar, gym, yoga, bike for transit… those things do add up. As usual, with a new chick for the first time I don’t last as long as I’d like, but it seems good. I use my fingers on her and she comes another time.

In the aftermath, she asks me about the baby wipes in the bathroom… I ask if she appreciated that they’re there… she said yes and wanted to know how I often I do this… I tell her I’m a courteous person (that may even be true). I probably let too much time pass, with the deep kissing and light chatting, but I feel totally drained, sexually.

Second time through, we’re kissing… leads to rubbing… as I’m getting hard, I “innocently” slip inside, though she knows what’s going on… this gets me totally going. Highly satisfying session. Before you comment, yes, I know it’s a stupid thing to do, and I do it anyway. She again tells me I’m hot, and I spit out, “Was your ex a fatass or something?” She says yes!

That’s a kind of high-risk question, because it’ll turn some chicks off… this one didn’t seem to mind. I bend her over, grab her hair, and direct one hand to her clit (why are chicks too dumb to do this automatically) and pound her thoroughly… a few minutes in, and I’m rather congratulating myself on a job well done. It’s quite hard for me to finish, as I’m tired from round one and the night before, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to, but with great effort and concentration, I manage. She’s flushed, practically gasping for air, and we snuggle for a while after. I ask her when she knew she was going to f**k me, and she said in the first bar she was thinking about it.

During and right after sex, chicks, and likely guys too, although I don’t know about that so much, will say the most honest shit, the shit they will censor out the rest of the time.

She said she thought it was so cool that I stopped her to chat her up on Friday and that non-creepy guys never do that. I ask her about what a creepy guy is and she couldn’t really say, but I think she was trying to get at guys who are near-homeless, or ghetto/lower-class seeming. I tell her that most men don’t know how to be men anymore and that it’s sad (a conversation topic I learned from all you guys on Twitter and in blogs, so thanks for that, as it’s a good one post-sex). She agrees. More chitchat, I invite her to stay over but she has to wake up early. I drink a ton of water and take ibuprofen, knowing that I’ve likely dehydrated myself from drink and general exertion. I don’t get the sense of overall accomplishment that I used to, though… I think my mind is whispering, “Get ouf of the game,” but my body/dick is whispering, “Not yet… not yet…”

I have been wondering, am I scared to leave the game? Do I want to do that, but lack the courage to execute that decision? Typically, the wannabe and novice player regards fear and courage around opening chicks, escalating chicks, willingness to leave bad chicks, etc. I wonder if I am experiencing a different, (atypical) form of cowardice, in that I want to exit but don’t want to give up the systems and practices I have been building so long. It’s a weird thought, and one that just popped into my head yesterday. It now seems very lodged there. I was so surprised by it that I wrote it down, though I did not need to, as it has been uncomfortably in my mind since.

Let me get back on track: I’m supposed to see Ms. Slav again on Tuesday, so I’m going to try and have Low-cut top girl for Wednesday. I need more of a break, but, momentum. I’m flogging myself forward. Maybe I will flake on Ms. Slav, and push her to Thursday or Friday. Friday probably won’t work for me, though.

The big learning from this is just “Be alert.” This was a “head is up” opportunity and I wasn’t really thinking about meeting women… but I didn’t want to leave behind an IOI so big from an attractive woman. The other day I was getting coffee with a guy in the game (hi!) and he said I got a massive IOI from a chick. I was like, “Were there any attractive chicks there?” Mentally I was like, “Did I miss one?” He said no but that he noticed it anyway. With this girl, it was just right girl, right place, right time.

I have also done some approaches like this one that go badly, or the girl has a boyfriend or whatever… pretty easy sex is not a typical outcome. But I don’t usually post about basic rejections because there is nothing to be learned from them, apart from the fact that they happen.

Chicks like Low-cut top girl are also why my cold-approach pickup skills aren’t that great… I get good enough results from the occasional randoms, like this one, as well as ecosystems and other sources, that I don’t feel much need to get properly good.

Good thing I am working from home today, as I feel like I need the time to recover. I’m going to lose Peaches if I don’t manage to get more space in the rotation for her.

What is it Nash likes to say? Viva game.

Chicks know high-status guys aren’t going to wait around

Chicks know high-status guys aren’t going to wait around and pour attention into the chick without getting sex in return. If a guy is too needy and available, he will at best put himself in the friend zone and at worst turn her off altogether. This is why guys are told to work on volume and move to big cities… the best way to be suitably unavailable is to have other chicks you’re pursuing, so no single chick takes up too much of your mental time and attention. You need not play many games if you are genuinely a busy guy.

Two stories about this. A couple years ago, there is a chick I met through friends who was genuinely busy starting her own business and doing some other stuff… the attraction was there but the logistics were complicated. I stayed in loose contact with her, and, although there were lots of reasons we couldn’t meet at various points, she was consistently polite and responsive. She even apologized for sounding like a bitch. I didn’t get upset with her or anything like that… but I also kept texting fairly minimal.

It took something like three months of occasional contact to get her out (each time I quit texting, she would ping me again), and when I did we had like one or two drinks and then sex all night. She claimed she hadn’t had sex in a long time due to whatever else she had going on. Could be a lie, could be the truth, I don’t know and didn’t really care. It doesn’t matter much. For a while we were meeting, usually about once a week or so, to f**k and talk about business.

There is another girl, just like this one, who I met via the non-monogamy scene, and almost exactly the same thing has been playing out (except I already f**ked her at a party that I was w/ Ms. Slav… she had a boyfriend at the time, who did not do real well at the party… he did not have appropriate drugs with him, and I think she was more sexual than him in general). I am genuinely busy w/ Ms. Slav, among others, and she is learning some complex skills… she is texting consistently and is pretty direct w/ her schedule, limitations, etc., and a couple times worked for her but have not worked for me. I told her that I understand and have an intense job, other commitments, have been in her position, etc., and she seems to appreciate it.

To be sure this one might go nowhere… but investment so far has been pretty minimal on my end. But she seems fairly low bullshit, and what she says could be true. I’m primarily sticking to logistics… and she is responsive… so the investment is low and the payoff is reasonably high.

Some chicks play games, but others may authentically have a lot going on in their lives. Time sorts out who is who.

With logistics, I also like consolidating almost all texting into one or two shots per day. This allows me to focus on other projects the rest of the time. I notice more and more that younger colleagues have trouble concentrating and spend 3x as long as they should on a given task. I have been handing out copies of Deep Work, to explain to them what they need to do. It is scary easy to let hours and days ago by and not realize what you’ve been doing that whole time. Maybe this is also why so few game writers age 20 – 30 seem to exist (where are you???)… too busy drowning in social media?

Interesting Wednesday night. Happy New Year!

So, Wednesday night after Christmas some friends are having a party. About 20 people are there. It’s the day after Christmas, so most people have no or minimal work. I go alone; Peaches, Ms. Slav, Home Friend, and other recent guests in my life are home seeing their families. Most of the guests there have seen me with Ms. Slav. The people there either haven’t gone home to see their families or are tired of their families and frisky for something else; I think I’m going to socialize for a while and check out early,

There is a girl there who I’ve seen around before. She’s most interested in rope bondage. We’ll call her Stephanie. She is pretty, a high 6 / low 7, but I like her vibe. Also the pervy twinkle in her eye. Some chicks just exude the sense that they’re up for it, they’ll be good at it, and they’ll make it a fun time. She has that vibe. There are also not a lot of unoccupied girls there, and she’s one. She has an interesting job.

In the forthcoming non-monogamy book I talk a little bit about girls who like bondage or similar activities more than actual sex. Usually that’s more typical of girls, but in this case, this guy in the scene is not very interested in f**king and loves ropes. This guy is very curious, as his drives are different than mine. He’s very sedate and seems to like tying chicks up much more than he likes f**king them. Don’t ask me why, people have their own things going on. He doesn’t f**k them at all, from what I can see. He brings his whole rope setup to parties, though. Because of his personality and interests, he is very popular at parties… I have seen him tie up like eight or ten chicks in a given night. Why so few, over so many hours? The guy is efficient but takes his time, making incredibly intricate patterns. Chicks who like rope even a little bit LOVE him, and, as I said, he is not doing this as a prelude to f**king the chick, like I would be. So chicks don’t have to make a f**k/no f**k decision about him when they ask to be tied up. It’s a “no f**k” decision, and that means more chicks will do it. He gets off on the tying up, I guess? I don’t totally get it.

I’m spending some time describing him because he’s unusual and because the typical guy online will be like, “lol beta cuck wut.” That is not exactly him, although maybe elements of those slurs can apply to him. As far as I can see, Rope Guy is living the life he wants to live… though it is not the life I would want to live. To me, that’s the fundamental aspect of the Red Pill: understanding how the world works, so that you can live the life you want. Most guys are not living the lives they want. If a guy deeply wants to be a provider-type dude with a fat, nagging wife, or he wants to be celibate… I think that’s fine. Not for me, but whatever. The Red Pill exists because most guys have no idea what’s going on and aren’t leading the lives they should. It gives men options, once they can see clearly.

That’s an aside. Point is, this night, this girl is there, and she’s gotten into the scene through Rope Guy. Rope Guy and I get along well, and he’s tied up a bunch of chicks I’ve brought to parties. I encourage them to get tied up by him. It’s a kind of division of labor. He ties them up, I f**k them later. It seems we both get what we want. I get what I want, I know that. This night, Wednesday after Christmas, Stephanie and I have flirted a little bit on and off. She has a more-interesting-than-usual job and life story. More interesting, though less lucrative, than me. I don’t ask the typical questions of her, and I think she likes that.

While we’re talking, the guy who I describe in this story and this one is also there. He turns out to be a bitch, so I’m going to call him The Bitch. The Bitch and I had some rapport before the Ms. Slav thing, but he now hates me. At the party, early on, I nod at him and say hi, and he says nothing back and looks away.

A little bit more background on him: I can’t tell if he’s dumb or not, but he comes across as stupid. He sounds stupid: I mean that his voice literally sounds like a stoned, stupid surfer dude. That probably doesn’t matter a lot of the time for him and chicks, but with this one it turns out it does matter… or she just doesn’t like his vibe.

He comes over to start hitting on Stephanie and more or less ignores me. I don’t think she’s as into him as she is into me, though, as he is pretty clumsy and playing the typical boring 20 questions game, work, family, yada yada yada. So I roll off and say that I’m going to get a drink and beckon Stephanie, so that she’s very close to me, and I whisper in her ear, “When you get bored, come find me.” She giggles. She gets it. Prolonged eye contact as I leave. There is a strong feeling between us, and The Bitch is outside it.

I know “experts” on the Internet think that a guy’s looks are all-important and that all chicks are eager to f**k only the physically hottest guy they can find. That has not always been my experience, however. Just as most chicks have a “looks” threshold, many also have an “intelligence” threshold. Not intelligence as in book-smarts IQ, but they want a guy they can talk to, who has accomplished something in his life, who stimulates their minds, etc. That stimulation can be through humor or through deep thought or any number of other things. When students fall for their male teachers and professors, this is often happening: the chick is attracted to intelligence, as well as social position. On average, of course, basic chicks will chase the hottest guys, but some chicks go for someone else.

So Stephanie has some intelligence threshold, and I believe The Bitch doesn’t pass it. I have written that my daygame is not that good, largely I think because I have not needed to make it that good. The Bitch may be kind of stupid because he hasn’t needed to get smart to achieve his goals. But he will sometimes lose out, because he is stupid or psychologically weak.

When another guy tries to swoop in with a girl like Stephanie, I usually prefer rolling off or laughing, rather than trying to lock horns with him. This has likely lost me some chicks but gained me more than I’ve lost, I believe. Sometimes, in other circumstances, I will say to the guy something like, “Nice to meet you,” and then hold my hand out to the girl and tell her something like, “Follow me” or “Let’s go.” If she won’t go… then she is not my girl for the night and I have already lost her. Many guys delude themselves into thinking a chick is “theirs” when she is not. I often want to find out quickly if the chick is mine, or if she is just passing through. If she is not mine, and not likely to become mine, I want to cut off the attention early.

I see a lot of online advice about how to handle these kinds of situations. Some of the advice is good, but sometimes the girl doesn’t like you that much, or she likes the other guy better, or she just likes attention. There is no 100% shot for this kind of situation. In general, I don’t want to feed attention to the girl unless she is doing what I want to reward. When another guy is overtly hitting on her… I don’t want to feed her more attention.

I have not seen THAT many situations where I’m competing hard for a chick with another dude. I just don’t seem to get in as many of them as some players say they do. So with Stephanie, I’m in a somewhat unusual position for me.

But a couple minutes later she finds me. I said something to her like, “That looked tedious. Sorry you had to go through with it.” She falls right into frame. Soon, Rope Guy is setting up, and I encourage her to get tied up. I hang back and watch. Some other girls come over to watch too. Rope Guy’s skills advertise themselves. There are a few other cute chicks there, but they have boyfriends/dates/partners, and I don’t want to interrupt their couple dynamics. As a single guy at a sex party, it is smart to hang back and let them come to me, if they are going to, and no guys there “owe” me a bang, if you will. Even if they did… I would likely not have collected, or sought to collect.

Rope Guy is in the tying and admiring and untying process with Stephanie for like 45 minutes. He has another chick lined up immediately after her. I can see The Bitch eyeing her, but she is a bit dazed and I say hi, she says, “That was amazing,” and I ask if I can kiss her. She says yes, and it’s very straightforward from there. I pick her up and deposit her on one of the mattresses and she comes the first time after like 90 seconds of oral sex. By the time I’m ready for her I’m very much into it. I honestly don’t last as long as I would like, as this girl is insanely turned on, and her being turned on turns me on. It’s surprisingly good. When we are done, we wait half an hour and go again. We exchange numbers at the end of the evening.

Funny thing is that The Bitch does up f**king a fat chick, a chick who is like -3 points compared to him, maybe worse. The disparity between them is astounding to me. I would not f**k this girl under ANY normal circumstances. I guess he is desperate? It seems out of character, as I have in fact seen him with hot chicks. My other guess is that he has no game whatsoever, and as a result is dependent on online or being in this ecosystem. He takes from the ecosystem, but I don’t think he does enough to replenish it. Because of that taking and his inability to replenish, I think he has a desperate quality, a desperate edge, that probably further degrades his game.

I don’t want to knock him too much, as he has f**ked very hot chicks. But he also is not getting past his own psychology. He has a youthful vibe but is now I think in his mid-30s. The youthful glow is still there but going… and what will it be replaced with? For guys, the older you are, the more substantive you have to be, and I don’t think he’s making himself substantive. He might lack the intellect to become substantive. Maybe he has done too many drugs. I do think he is too reliant on chicks already in the scene.

Another word on Rope Guy. The guys who are rope experts, use it to get laid, and I admire it. The rope is foreplay for the chick. In the past I’ve made the mistake of hurrying too fast for the sex, and the rope forces the guy to slow down. For Rope Guy, the rope is the thing, so he has no incentive to hurry. Arguably, the opposite. But while chicks love rope, most of them don’t want to spend two hours or more being tied up. With most experiences, there is an “entry” point, a building sensation, a “high” peak, and then an eventual letdown. Sex is that way. If sex goes on too long for the chick or the dude, it doesn’t have quite the effect it should, as it is best to end at or near the high point. Same thing with rope.

Some rope guys also have very good Instagrams. I’m on the record disliking social media, but I get why guys who do it well, do it. Rope Guy has a good one that helps him with chicks who DM him. I have done some photography for him.

There was another party last night, on New Year’s Eve, and many of the same people were there, but Stephanie had work obligations. A shame. I am supposed to see her later today. In some ways, she just “fell” into my lap. In other ways, I was able to apply all that I have learned about the scene and the game into this one moment. On NYE, the party was less good from a girl perspective, but I liked being there.

I have expressed a lot of ambivalence about what I’ve been doing and how I want my life to be shaped. This story, however, like the Home Friend story, illustrates why I am reluctant to make a big change in life, in life direction. I f**ked a pretty girl in her 20s, had an incredible sexual experience with her, and had to do very little immediate work to get there. I have put in far more effort for far less reward many, many times.

I’m in this network, I’m even a central node in this network, and it is a very good place to be. I’ve done a ton of work to get here. Wednesday night is an example of that work bearing fruit. I have had many less-good nights in this world, by the way, so I don’t want to pretend that I’m some f**k stud laying out new hotties four nights a week. I’m not. But when the scene is good, it is very good. It’s also more fun than most vanilla parties. At vanilla parties, people stand around getting drunk and making stupid remarks. I don’t like getting drunk, and I’d rather skip some of the preliminaries and admit that everyone at the party is curious about what everyone else looks like, naked. Let’s get there and see what’s up. It’s more honest. People aren’t cloaking their intentions. I like that.