Halloween party and being part of the larger group

Last-minute Halloween party that wasn’t exactly for sex but had many of the characters from the scene/circuit at it. Went at the last minute when some family things fell through, Halloween not being a very family holiday. It was the sort of party that ten years ago would have thrilled me… now I’m fine doing it (this is not a whine), but I feel more take it or leave it.

Took a bit of love substance with some real friends, and the substance kept me awake later than was desirable, but it also had some of its intended effects. I see why these things are being tested in clinical settings, because I think they can have powerful reset properties. But my state was pretty low: lots of sex overall this week, including the day of the party, and whenever that happens… I’m just a lot less social. Less focused on meeting people and seducing women. Like a lot of guys, I have a “hunting” mode that makes me bolder, funnier, deeper, bouncier. More persistent though BS. And that mode was set to “off” from sufficient f**king. Guys in the game know that it all goes better when the mood is right… this isn’t an excuse for failing to do the work when the work needs to be done and the mood isn’t there, but it is a statement about how the game happens, which is another way of saying how people meet and get together from there. The best game doesn’t look like game, etc.

Did meet some chicks and catch up with some old friends, some of them friends of convenience and situation. When younger, I felt a burning desire to f**k pretty much every acceptable girl. Don’t get me wrong, I still wouldn’t mind that… but priorities have shifted, or are shifting. And I understand why guys around my age coming off of years, or worse decades, of unhappy monogamy, sexless “marriages,” etc. would want to f**k pretty much every acceptable girl, to feel fully alive. But… I also understand why years of short-term liaisons can begin to wear on the psyche… it can become a bit monotonous in its own way… the world changes, people are born, people pass, and I’m still asking “Tell me about a fantasy you’ve never shared before” and “I’m not sure you’re the kind of girl who hears the call to adventure. You might be a little boring, right?” I do less cube (have not properly memorized it) and that sort of stuff but have my own common tells/patterns.

There is a gap between “outcome independence” (a concept discussed by many players) and “not giving a shit,” and I feel like I have gone from striving for the first to stumbling into the second… and that shows in my (sporadic, rare) approaches. It’s good to keep up the skills… today, it’s the nature of relationships that a guy never knows when he’ll be on the market again. Women are capricious. The ocean’s tide can be predicted, as can the motion of the planets, but not the mind of a woman. If a guy lets go, he can get dragged into the relationship underclass real fast… just look at your friends with terrible diet and exercise habits… they get what they give. If their primary partner leaves, they’re f**ked, and not in the good way. Being alive today means always being alive to what will happen if she walks tomorrow. It means… it’s not a bad idea to have a couple loose affiliations with women you might text if your main thing goes away.

At the party, I ran into a girl I was f**king for a while a few years ago. She seemed super young then and still seems young, although she’s got to be reaching into the second half of her 20s. Totally empty headed, but in a slightly unusual way. She is too… pliant? Like, she will basically wander into bed with anyone who asks, even when she shouldn’t. I tried to get her to understand value and reciprocity, without her really getting it. She would basically f**k whoever asked… which led to problems at work and among friends… she was the kind of girl who could just be escalated pretty casually into bed (or the bathroom at a bar). A girl who is not good at doing any value protection can be fine in the moment but moving past the most casual of casual f**king often doesn’t work.

She has a pretty face and nice demeanor, but her body is basically skinny fat. She looks like she could be a tight high 8 (though not much in the boob department), then seems more like a low 7 nude. High 6, maybe. For a guy who loves a pretty face over a hot body, she might be a bit higher… I’m the opposite. No interesting story about her, cause I met her at one of the first events she attended, so my job was to look good, chitchat, then escalate, then follow up. Being in this world can blunt a player’s overall game development, because, if the guy can bring in enough new girls, etc., it becomes playing on easy mode. No one gets to the later levels of a thing without trying to reach the edge of his abilities, and if you can get solid 7s on easy mode, how badly do you want to keep chasing? If you become a game obsessive you might still go… to stroke the ego, to reach the highest echelons, etc…. for myself, if I’m sated, my focus tends to move to other things. And at the clubs, a lot of filtering has been done… same with the private events… a girl enters this ecosystem seeking something… something that I have been happy to provide.

This girl was an easy come, easy go girl… we had a thing for a couple months, but she never really “got” me, while I got her quite well. There is no way to put this nicely, but there was a serious IQ and personality mismatch between us. I have dated women smarter than me… which is a fantastic experience, because I can learn a lot from them, and they offer much greater intellectual stimulation and it’s possible to talk to them about work problems, ideas, etc., and get useful feedback, which most girls can’t offer. This one, though… was always more than a couple steps behind me… something I’m okay with, but that kind of mismatch can grate over time… she seemed not to understand that I need to work, to prioritize my job and other issues, and I don’t really know where her income came from. She didn’t seem to be selling sex, and I paid close attention to that, cause pretty girls with no visible means of real support… they have a means of support between their legs… you can usually tell if you’re paying attention. Her family didn’t seem especially wealthy. She did live with too many other people, so maybe her costs were just low, and she lived to party. I haven’t thought about her since I last saw her at a party. Some girls stick in the mind, some slip right out. The circuit can be game on easy mode.

There were fun aspects of the evening, and the love drug has the unfortunate property of making 6s more attractive. If I had been alone… I don’t know… I think it’s good that I wasn’t. So it was fun, but a lot of the things I considered fun now feel kind of melancholy, and the things I’d considered boring, or part of the interstate on the way to fun, I’m more okay with. I’m less interested in bamboozling and more interested in deep talk, often unmediated by altering substances. Unlike some guys, I’ve never had a problem with them. Some people, without intoxicating substances or the intoxicating lure of sex… there is not much else there, when you try to see what their mind is made of. For a lot of women, it’s hard to get to internal substance without the connection of sex first, or without substances to lower inhibition. Then it’s possible to see what’s there, past the layers of social defenses… arguably the game is about strategies to intelligently negate those defenses and allow people to really see what’s inside. I’ve been just fine with bamboozling, with the game, with chasing the f**king, for a long time. Now I am… less fine.

But I am glad that I’m making charts of this world, which has been almost entirely invisible to players, from what I have seen (if I am wrong please point out the predecessors). It seems that I have learned things and realized things that hitherto no one who thinks about the game has realized, or has spoken about. There is a pleasure in making the unknown visible to others. Game is the realization that there is a process and set of practices that can be followed in order to improve success with women. It isn’t completely random; it isn’t a matter of “women are weirdos;” it is a matter of recognizing systematic preferences and then acting on those preferences. Taking what had seemed mysterious and making it a system, like early entrepreneurs realized that a lot of formerly artisanal products could be made cheaply in factories powered by coal. The artisans were angry at seeing their market evaporate but the market spoke. Women hate the idea of the seduction process being illuminated, yet women love hot cool seductive guys and complain about the opposite (fat lame nervous guys). I’m extending another probe down a previously missed, unmapped branch of the game.

None of this is an argument about how other guys should live or game. It’s a description of what’s in my mind lately. When game or sex club experiences are in my mind and life, I report those. Otherwise… more like this. You start with game… you end up with psychology and the entire human world, if you scroll down far enough.

Not much of a field report to report.

Yoylo’s first sex club experience [FR]

If you follow me on Twitter you may have seen Yoylo… this is his first field report on the blog, and follow his adventures on Twitter too. I like this story because it illustrates the dangers of not being on the same team with your date, and I worry that I have given too positive a vision of the non-monogamy world.

A bit of a background: I got married at 23, and she was 23 as well. Our daughter was born at 26 and by 30 we all moved from Russia to Sydney. But my then-wife and I separated mid 2018 and divorce papers are in court now. Joint application. The hearing is scheduled for early 2020.

A few months after our separation she found a guy, late 40s or early 50s, who she fucks semi-regularly till now. She tried a few other guys but no one stuck except that one. Apparently he’s a good fuck, knows what he’s doing, but they have no other relations but sex at her place once per week or less (this guy comes as he pleases).

I banged a few girls and had a mini-relationship with one city chick in the Philippines, where I go periodically to check on my property; I bought an investment condo a while ago, so I’m there a few times per year. I went in April as well and spent a weekend with this “girlfriend.”

My ex and I remained friends after separation and talked openly about her sex with this guy and my stuff with various women too. We met regularly for a coffee or a drink and to spend time with our daughter together. And we fucked a few times; the first time you fuck a woman is almost always the most challenging, as subsequent sex doesn’t increment her internal notch counter. This is part of the Matthew Effect: the more women a guy fucks, the more likely he’s going to have one rebound on his cock.

Continue reading “Yoylo’s first sex club experience [FR]”

Basic sex party. Relationship skills

Basic sex party last night, a private one put on by people I know, but it was underattended… too large to be intimate but too small to be a rager with that powerful group ecstatic energy, like what the pentecostal sects generate when they speak in tongues and shit. Party could have used more face control too… some parties want to be elite and screen for hotties, while others want to be inclusive, under the assumption some hotties will be turned off by explicit exclusion. Personally I prefer parties/groups that prefer exclusiveness, but they’re not always available, and vibe at them can be not optimal. Plus, they’re sometimes tempted to hire talent to stock the pond… a move I don’t like either. I want everyone there of their free will, not thinking about how they’re f**king for cash.

I brought a date, and we net liked the environment. She’s met many of my friends, and she behaves well in the environment. Taking a woman to a sex party is revealing… we all test each other by taking ourselves out of the “normal” environment and into a potentially more stressful one. Weekend trips that require planning and logistics tell partners more about each other than living an everyday life that is already set up. Same thing here. This one behaved well, although there probably wasn’t much temptation there, cause the top guys and girls were absent.

One super weird thing happened: a pretty, slender mid 7, early to mid 20s, met me for the first time and started hitting on me pretty aggressively. She was there alone (unusual for pretty girls) and women as pretty as her almost never explicitly hit on me. I’m used to it from mid 6s and lower, but not from someone like her. It started with strong eye contact, chit chat, then her stroking my arm…! We separated, I went with my date elsewhere, and then my date and I were siting around an area where people chill out, and the pretty 7 came over to hit on me some more. Touching my leg and so on. A buddy who I like a lot, but who is also pretty chunky, talked to us for a while, so that took some pressure off, but his date is a jealous goblin (low 5 / 4), so he also felt restricted from taking a shot, despite him having a couple skills and interests she liked. I was a bit thrown off because I’m used to pursuing much more than being pursued…. it’s also possible that if I’d been alone I wouldn’t have been perceived as desirable. She was flat chested but had a pretty face, trim body, and nice ass. My buddy got her # in front of me and also passed it to me, so that was cool, but I don’t think pursuit is compatible with my current life goals. She also said she got married at 18 and divorced shortly thereafter, so maybe she was late 20s and just seemed young. A couple things I told her about my life seemed to impress her disproportionately… one thing in particular that I sometimes tell people seems to impress them in a way it really shouldn’t. I guess it’s a status move to others that doesn’t feel like that to me.

My date and I got to the party a little late, and after a lot of chat and introductions we went down, f**ked for a very long time, deployed toys, exhausted ourselves, and left. Before the party we got dinner with some friends of friends who were in town, and that was too much running around for a single night.

So it was a fine evening, just uncommon cause of that one girl offering herself up to f**k, I think. My date is not much into other girls and really not into people she doesn’t know well, so that was a no-go. I wanted to pass her to my buddy but he was there with the jealous goblin (gotta protect the limited territory she’s conquered), and he had the excuse of the thing he had to do this morning. As we were leaving the cute girl was still dressed and un-fucked, so maybe no one was to her taste? Or maybe she f**ked after I left. Collected the phone number via my buddy, as she knew, although her crazy eyes worry me. She is into something non-sexual I’m also into that not everyone is into.

Other stuff. Remember Short Dancer? She moved back to her small home town… a while ago I encouraged her on Facebook to come visit, for an implied f**k weekend. She replied by blocking me. Damn. Is that just a hard no? Or is she a little tempted and wants to remove herself from temptation, the same way I avoid the pastries and ice cream in the grocer’s. If you’re trying to make a life change… you want to set up systems and principles to make the changes, activities, etc. easy to do, almost automatic. To get buff, set up your gym schedule and stick to it no matter what. So every Tuesday at 630 you know you’ll be in the gym. If you want to be monogamous… disconnect from people who tempt you away.

It’s also possible Short Dancer is just really monogamous and she was/is emotionally hurt from me not being that way at that time. A lot of guys claim chicks are all cheaters, etc. If you think that I can only encourage you to try and get chicks to cheat with you. It can work but more often doesn’t. I have a funny story from many months ago about a woman from yoga… she ended up halfheartedly jerking me off but it felt like I was still very far from getting it in her p***y, despite her liking to smoke up. Usually drugs are a strong slut tell but seemingly not for this girl, or not for her with me. It’s been long enough that I have forgotten her name. I am sitting here trying to recall it. Fiona or something like that? It was unusual. With an F? Fiona? Phoenix? Or is it something else? I never saved her name in my phone and I had consistent problems remembering her name… she seems to have switched yoga studios too! She might also have been already f**king a male “friend” who came with her to some classes.

Back to Short Dancer: we are still connected in another social media medium, and I saw her latest, pro-boyfriend updates, and let me be immodest for a minute and say I’m way better than her boyfriend. I don’t think he’s a lateral move from me…. I think he’s a considerable step down. I hope SD comes back for another round some time but I’m not optimistic. Most girls, they come and they go and I’m pretty whatever about them. SD has lodged in the mind. Objectively she’s very cute but not exceptional, yet I really liked her. Around the time our affair ended I was going to whisper during sex that I love her. I still really like her, despite her not having that much personality. I can’t describe much about what she’s like… just very pleasant to be around and f**k. Most girls I like being around, I can say why, or give a flavor of their personality. Not this one. If she is monogamous, I wonder if she wants to do a family much sooner than I would have guessed. Maybe she would have been good for that role but at the time I was busy with a girl tornado and figured that I could convert her to non-monogamy.

With the new woman, it’s good, don’t get me wrong. It’s fine. But there often seems like there’s an undercurrent of business in our sex life. I like her for a lot of reasons, one of them being that she checks off a lot of boxes for me… and she might like me for the same reasons. Not a situation that leads to maximum passion. There is probably a need to choose between “maximum passion” and “best life partner.” We have all read stories about 35-40 year old women lamenting the lack of “good” men who are tall, fit, wealthy, good earners, passionate, expert lovers, monogamous, willing to invest in an older woman… and we have all made fun of those stories, as we should, because the women in them are delusional and unreasonable. If you’re a guy, it is also hard to maximize for best sex and also for best suited for family. We hear less about this from guys because for most guys it’s a struggle to get one woman, let alone to choose among women. And our culture doesn’t give a fig about guys, so no one is going to write about male struggle. Players also chase best sex and don’t care much about life partner qualities, but if you want to do family, you want to optimize for something else. People who wind up treating relationships as disposable and a field for optimization can have a hard time treating relationships as non-disposable and non-commodity. This paragraph is another installment in the thinking I was talking about in “Picking up girls” skills and “long-term relationships” skills. There’s some overlap but also some difference. I’ve got another post, inspired by red pill dad, coming later this week.

Is it you talking, or your ego talking? Drop dead leads fast

A week ago I sent a catch-up email to this young chick who I knew from a while ago… I was replying to an email of hers from a couple years back. We’d flirted a little then, but I didn’t think she was interested, and that was fine (we had a bit of social connection), and her email from back then was charming. I read it by accident while I was looking for something else, and it made me think of her and send the catch-up message. The reply I got her this week was not charming.

She said, How dare you email me? Then some other nasty stuff. I was thinking, WTF? I was confused, too. Where was this coming from? I’m not sure, but it also doesn’t f**king matter, since it’s the kind of deliberate message that says, “Don’t bother.” In general, it’s not a bad idea to occasionally ping old leads, check in to see if some chick’s situation has changed, etc. It’s better to cultivate new leads, but it’s not always a bad idea to see who might be on deck… I’m not actively pursuing new leads right now but am happy to add potentials to the back of the list, in case I need it) .

I saw a Twitter thread a couple weeks ago (can’t remember who wrote it, sorry) with a very deliberate, straightforward message from a chick saying something like, “I don’t like you and I don’t want to talk to you again.” That is not a game-playing message, it’s not a coy message… it’s a “F**k off” message. When you get one of those (I’ve gotten my share), it’s over. Block her and move on. However alive you thought that lead might have been, it’s dead and gone now. These kinds of very deliberate, very cold messages are “game over.” Direct your attention more productively. Don’t send the message that says all the things you don’t like about her. It’s too late for that. There’s no sure-fire way to distinguish every one of these messages, but they are usually sent via text (in today’s world), and they are very cold and deliberate and not flirty at all. The chick will probably capitalize words correctly and use periods, even if she doesn’t do that normally.

It’s super tempting to have some equally mean or nasty reply, or to say something mean or nasty… but it’s not worthwhile. All day, annoyingly, as I kept doing other things, like work, or reading Nicolas Cage on Acting, Philosophy and Searching for the Holy Grail: “I wanted to have the mystery of the old stars, always preserved in an enigmatic aura”, I kept thinking about good retorts to this chick’s stupid, mean email. I had the best replies in my head! I’d show her! I’d make HER feel bad. I’d show her that I’m cooler than she is!

Doesn’t f**king matter, though. What good can possibly happen with that message? None, none at all. It will AT BEST waste more of my time and mental energy, to what end? To make me feel better? For a moment? At worst, it ignites a pointless feud, makes her denounce me online, etc.

I know, in my thinking head, that there is zero to gain by replying. Yet I want to. I want to badly. That’s the ego talking. Mentally I know it’s better to concentrate on my goals, even though I also want to say YOU SUCK back.

Instead of sending her a message, I waited, and then I wrote out my thoughts about why it is a stupid idea to send her the message, and you are now reading it.

Players are familiar with the need to persist through common obstacles, like “I have a boyfriend.” Typical answers are “That’s okay” or “I don’t care.” Or chicks who are flakey around scheduling, sometimes to the point where logistical fatigue prevents a meetup. Persistence through shit tests. There is a time for persistence and a time for disconnection, and when she gets cold and direct, that’s typically time for disconnection. Particularly when it also includes something she doesn’t like about you, something serious and not teasing. “I think you have a silly nose:” teasing. “I don’t like you and don’t want to speak with you again.” Probably not teasing (depends a little on context).

Part of growing up is learning not to do the stupid thing that feels good. The day I got the email I was thinking about all these clever replies… and the day after, it was mostly washed from my head. Not totally, or I’d not be writing here, but mostly. Waiting 24 – 48 hours before replying to emotionally charged messages is often smart.

There is a LOT of material online about how to open chicks, how to do the initial texting, etc. There is almost none about ending it with chicks, or chicks directly ending it with you. I think that’s because online is the world of beginners… we should have more about endings.

Could Instagram be becoming an important adjunct to game?

I’m at heart a pragmatist: I look at what works with chicks, then do that. For a long time, my impression has been that most social media use is a feminine, low-status move… as Nash says, “Instagram is for girls.” As far as I can tell, minimal social media presence has been a net benefit to me, not a drawback, because chicks associate social media with their girlfriends and orbiter guys. Maybe some guys with stratospherically interesting lives have been able to leverage it, but if they have stratospherically interesting lives they probably don’t need it, either.

This comes up because of a Twitter conversation between Nash and Seven Daygame, as well . Nash mentions the “no social media post” I linked above. He also says,

You have to look at WHY she said [Instagram]:

— If she uses that as a “shit test,” my line will help
— If she was not that into you… nothing will help

IG is a “holding cell for orbiters.” I never want in there.

Sometimes I can show strength when I reject IG, and she’ll like.

Another comment from Smirking Soldier. That’s interesting, because in the last year or so, I have noticed more chicks trying to give me their Instagrams and more chicks talking about starting to date guys based on Instagram flirting (that post I linked is from two years ago… interesting… Guys badly want social media to work. Here’s why it (mostly) doesn’t is from this year).

A guy DM’ed me because I said that “It could be that this rule/principle is shifting.” My net read is that Instagram is still a slight negative. But I’m now seeing chicks on it everywhere… when I glance at a girl holding a smartphone, she seems to be on it. I’ve heard some chicks say they’re surprised when I say I think it’s a waste of time… not good surprised, which can have an element of confusion to it… negative surprised, like they’d reply to someone who says he thinks deodorant is a capitalist conspiracy. Chicks I’ve slept with have been very eager to sign me up to follow their Instagram… which is fine, as I know they increase their follower count (seems to be important to them), while I don’t interact beyond that.

So while I’m net negative on Instagram, I’m open to revision, and I have to be: if it turns out that Instagram is a form of social media that increases lays… then I guess I need to be working it harder. Guys are the sellers and girls are the buyers in the game… the only exceptions are guys who are so high-value that the market flips, like with famous guys. That’s probably less than 1% of guys and I’m not in that 1%. For the rest of us, it’s game, it’s learning how to read the market and respond to it. If you run a failing business and the market doesn’t appreciate what you’re selling, it doesn’t matter how badly you want to sell it or think the market should appreciate the product… the market has spoken.

It could be that guys working the “broadcast” model (they never interact with the chicks’s accounts and let chicks reply to them) of social media are doing all right… that appears to be Seven and Smirking Soldier above.

I’ve also thought about posting erotic but not nude or pornographic stills from video cips (no girls’s faces in them). Probably too explicit, but the thought has entered my mind before. A bit like the SnapChat in Game gambit. That might just screen chicks, though, leaving the ones who are horny or whatever. It will also piss off the women in the screen grabs, if they learn about this, which they might, even doing them as stories.

Game fundamentals are eternal, like masculinity, facing your fears, approaching the chicks, etc. But some aspects of the game change with the culture and technology. Could be that we’re witnessing that change now.

Being adaptable is good. I’m not a huge fan of being a digital sharecropper, which seems to be what a lot of online systems encourage. But I’ll do the things that increase the bang rate, and if that means Instagram, then damnit it’s time to do it. The other thing, though, is that most of my everyday life… is just not super interesting. I work, I think, I read, I go to the gym. Most of it doesn’t DHV. Except maybe to intellectual chicks, who are pretty rare.

So yeah. I’ll also note that I did a little experiment over the last week or so, which has shaken some of my confidence about the relatively good state of the world. Story later.

I’m thinking about patterns… and in the last year, it may have changed, and I may not have changed with it (yet). Chicks adding me to Facebook has been a demonstration of interest for a long time, even though I don’t use it much either.

The gap between demonstrating higher value, “DHV,” and demonstrating lower value, “DLV” can be narrow (more narrow than some guys think). In my experience, no or little social media seems to have been a “DHV” for the last ten or so years. But if that shifts among the hotter young chicks… then it can become a DLV thing where you’re a weirdo for not doing what “everyone else” does. Sometimes, not doing what everyone else does is good… not eating sugar, hitting the weights, interacting with real people in real life… those are things not everyone does that are good. But the deodorant example above is bad. Refusing to get a real job because you want to be true to your “authentic self” by living at home with your parents is typically bad. Etc. And these things can shift. Being a dirty grunge rocker in 1990-1995 seems to have been cool and possibly a path to getting laid. Not so much today.

Earlier today I met a friend for coffee… had two very good interactions with chicks who seemed into me but claimed boyfriends… but they were very pleasant, even in what is technically a rejection. The contrast w/ online is startling. My buddy is in the non-mono community… lower SMV than me, if I can be honest / possibly an asshole. There was an older-but-not-old woman there too, with her big fake tits hanging out, and I left to leave my friend time to get her number. He didn’t… lacks killer instinct… after she left I asked him about it and he said that being in the community makes him lazy. This is probably true, although lazy and cowardly can be pretty close together too, like DHV and DLV. I have my cowardly moments… but I have enough game and enough underlying value to get the multiplier effect going, by bringing new chicks into the non-mono community. Leveraging both game and the non-mono community has led me to great results, in my view, and that is why I have been writing about it, before I leave or dramatically scale back both.

The unexpected one from Feeld: she is a tourist from another country

Usually Feeld is only useful for couples: I’ve used it, on and off, for dates w/ other couples, and it’s been fairly successful for that (see archives for some examples… Peaches came from there originally). Some “unicorns” (single, unattached girls open to sex with couples) show up, but they’re pretty rare and I don’t think I’ve had a real-life meet with a true unicorn from the app. Till now. Matched with a couple of unicorns, but I push the meet pretty quickly as I don’t want to be anyone’s penpal. This girl, I’m going to call her “Marcia,” was planning to visit town and said so in her profile. She’s surprisingly pretty (7) and interested in sexual exploration, and, most surprising of all, she shows up to the first date, after relatively minimal talk about sex clubs and how they work, as well as where she lives. On the first date she’s put off that I didn’t bring a girl, but I asked how many girls she’s dated from online (zero) and then reminded her that girls are flakey as hell, and on the fly I told her that I often vet chicks. The last bit is not precisely true but true enough.

[Strangely, I’ve been getting a lot of questions from players / wannabe players about how to start doing non-monogamy, and then I say, check the book, and they’re like, what book? Not sure what’s up with that, but it’s in the side bar.] 

Back to the story: lots of talk about respective countries, what she’s looking for, and lots of sex talk… given how we met, the sex talk was a given. She’s not living in the biggest city in her country, which is likely a big barrier to good kink and non-monogamy communities. Pretty standard two-venue, two drinks at each venue, did the bang. Mid 7, mid 20s, not too exceptional, although young & thin is way too rare in the age of relentless sugar consumption. Next night, my threesome buddy was around, so we banged her pretty relentlessly together. He’s been seeing a new girl for a while, and we double teamed her a while ago, but there wasn’t a story in that one. Lately I feel like I’ve been picking up random lays here and there rather than having a consistent main chick, although that may change here… I may be finding my way out of the game… we shall see.

With this girl, the night after, we had a threesome with Ms. Slav, so Marcia got her girl-girl threesome too. She seemed pretty impressed that she expressed a desire for group sex and then… got group sex. I get that perspective, as most people, particularly women, can’t execute anything. When I told Marcia that chicks are flakey and bad at planning, at first she denied, but after some back and forth where I challenged her on what women have made happen romantically in her life, she came around to agreeing. Night after I rested, night after that I took her to a sex club w/ Ms. Slav and others, and did a nice swap with a pretty blonde girl whose boyfriend seemed very happy to be f**king a new girl. I was pretty beat by the end.

This happened a while ago… I wrote most of this story, then didn’t get around to posting. Marcia did get what she wanted in the form of sexual experimentation (she’d mentioned it in her original profile). She seemed happy to see me and amazed at what’s possible. I think she can get sex positivity and kink from her home country, just not from where she is living.

Overall it was a positive experience for both of us, but it is not a very repeatable experience because Feeld works best for couple-to-couple dating. Many couples on it are seeking unicorns (I will snag one if I see one, which I don’t) but I get the sense that the unicorn thing almost never works out. Doesn’t stop people from trying, though.

It’s useful to distinguish between attainable, repeatable strategies versus weird one-offs. Many guys online focus on daygame because it’s attainable and repeatable. Advice like, “Just become a famous actor or musician” may be repeatable, but it’s not attainable. Guys who get ecosystems going (like being in a cool local band) may have systems that are repeatable, but not useful for a guy with zero inclination towards music. Non-monogamy systems like Feeld or SDC can work for guys with one decently hot chick and who are seeking others but will probably not work for a guy without a chick. You have to have the first chick, like you can’t do nuclear fission without a high element like uranium.

But if you, the player, are out trying various things, various angles, sometimes you will get a good some random lays, as happened to me here, from unexpected sources. It does seem like non-monogamy is more popular than it used to be, and that, for guys having casual sex with multiple women, there is little reason not to attempt this. Since the girl you’re casually f**king is likely casually f**king other guys anyway, why not make that impulse work for you?

It seems average people, even average players, don’t understand how powerful the non-monogamy thing can be. I have this system set up, where I can pretty much (not perfectly) deliver on many women’s deepest fantasies. This chick Marcia came along and discovered that I can make things happen that other guys can’t make happen… pretty cool if you think about it. Other players can also layer the non-monogamy network on top of the rest of their game.

Marica learned a lot about how non-monogamy works, and I explained to her that for a lot of people the hardest part is not jealousy, it’s not the things that people typically expect… it’s time management.

I have been seeing some of Ms. Slav, just not that much. Enough to keep the demons at bay, but in some ways I feel a little stupid about Ms. Slav, like I brought fresh meat to the village and haven’t gotten enough credit for it… or enough of the meat. Doesn’t matter much now, but it’s a feeling I’ve been having… maybe I’m turning into a chick, but I’m trying to pay more attention to how I feel, rather than just what I do and how effective I am at doing it.

It’s kind of a weird sensation. Is this how chicks live? No wonder they can’t get shit done. Intellectually, I know that Ms. Slav and I had an implicit deal and I have more or less held up my side and despite some flakiness from her she has actually more or less held up her side. A chick like her is why some guys go to the sex clubs and parties… they will occasionally get a free lunch, a young hot chick who just loves to f**k, and that is her. Right place, right time, you can get what you came for. Pretty unusual, but not impossible. Everything I have seen in this world reaffirms the idea that there are no shortcuts, even as I keep looking for them, wanting them to exist. Pointless, really. Marica was a sort of shortcut, but one who comes along so rarely that there is no point is seeking other chicks like her.

I think Marica might genuinely have flown across an ocean to attempt to have casual group sex experiences. Seems like a damn long way to go. She seems a little unimaginative… like those travel bores who are droning on about where they went and what they ate, but have zero insight and seem to have set fire to a bunch of money so they can tell their friends they once went to Italy. Right after I finished this post, I saw a Long Burn The Fire tweet, “When you ask a girl to describe how a particular experience made her feel and she replies with ‘i dunno, why are you asking this, thats weird’ youll know youve arrived in retard land.” Marcia is not in retard land… but she’s also living not too far from the border. (Long Burn The Fire, if you are reading this, where is your blog???)

I feel kind of tired of chasing down chicks for sex who aren’t that good… I know that the smart thing to do is to keep chasing, but be more discriminating… I don’t know, though, as I’ve been thinking about some of the really top chicks in my life, and there just aren’t that many of them. I have a much darker view of humanity in general than I used to. A lot of people just seem kid of worthless. That makes me wonder, though, does someone who is like 20 IQ points above me, who has achieved far more than me, look at me and think I’m kind of worthless? For some people, that could be a legitimate view. I read biographies of some of the real greats, especially in science, math, and engineering, and it’s like, “These guys were doing shit beyond anything I can even attempt.” This is not a terribly productive line of thought, but sometimes dark thoughts help us better orient ourselves toward the future.

Emotions and Ms. Slav, Low-cut top girl and a weird foursome

Last Friday, after a decent interval since I’d last seen her (er, had sex with her…), Ms. Slav came over and we discussed this, and what else in her life has been going on (a lot), what else has been going in mine (not that much), and the nature of being in different stages of life. The sex was weirdly tender and emotional… I don’t think it was “goodbye sex,” but it may be “de-escalation” sex. She is still learning a lot of things (more on that later). One nice thing about Ms. Slav is that pretty much any time we get together, we have sex, no matter what else is happening. Regular f**king really does smooth over a lot of other issues… if more women understood this and implemented it, the divorce rate would be considerably lower. Just getting on the knees and sucking a couple times a week really does strengthen relationships. Couples therapists need to start assigning blowjob therapy if they are serious about helping people in relationships.

Low-cut top girl DID show up to the foursome, and I was pretty surprised. She dressed in an outfit very similar, or maybe identical, to the one she was wearing the night I met her… only two months ago… feels like a lot longer.

The foursome was pretty straightforward, although early on the woman in the other couple asked a lot of questions about how we know each other and what our relationship is like. I thought I might be headed home alone, as the other couple could tell we don’t know each other well. Many couples prefer to swap with another established, firm couple, as that limits some kinds of jealousy, as well as some mate-poaching behavior. Alcohol and novelty won the day, however, and I split a hotel room with the other guy. Woman was pretty but not too special, late 20s/early 30s, and she and her man had clearly made the full swap decision ahead of time. The other guy wanted to make a sex tape (like me!), but she nixed it. All in the game. I did a really nice job railing her from behind and got into that zone where the sex is pleasurable but not so overwhelming as to make me finish early. The woman also didn’t tighten as much as some women do when they orgasm, so that let me keep going. High-performance nights are always nice.

The other guy had performance troubles, so I gave him a bit of substance to help, and about 45 minutes later he was ready to go. I told him that it’s common to seek certain aids in that situation, as it can be harder to perform in a group among novel participants than among basic one-on-one sex. Plus, just trying to put people at ease when they’re uncomfortable or anxious goes a long way to solving discomfort or anxiety. “It’s okay, don’t worry about it, it happens to everyone sometimes” are all magic words. Sort of like how players know that “It’s okay, you can leave any time you want to” often disarms LMR. I have sometimes stood up when I’m with a girl and moved away from her and said, “The door is right over there. I’m not forcing you to do anything you don’t want to do. You can walk out now or any time.” A little comfort is useful.

Overall a successful evening. Low-cut top girl was annoyed that I wouldn’t let her stay in the hotel. I needed to go home and told her needed to as well. She argued that I had already paid for the hotel, which was true, but I told her that I also needed to go home. I told her that if she wanted to stay she had to give them her credit card, which she wouldn’t do. Bit of an ugly scene. May have cued the other couple to make an independent play for her. I hope they do. Low-cut top girl is absolutely the sort of chick who’d clean out the mini-bar and order $500 in bullshit on my card. Doesn’t speak well of her, now that I read my own description of her. I need to find more compatible chicks. I would actually trust Ms. Slav not to do that kind of shit. She might do it inadvertently, because that’s what she does in expensive hotels.

This week, Low-cut top girl has been sending me a lot of messages (many of them I’m not replying to, in keeping my “once per day at most” texting and Internet distraction philosophy) but refusing to come over… that might be for the best. We’ve been on an accelerated timeline, so maybe from open to ending is going to occur in less time than usual. After our foursome that is surprising, even to me, but that foursome may have been a one-time thing. She samples the food, doesn’t care for it, is glad she tried it, moves on with her life.

Low-cut top girl also wants to know why I don’t take her out to dinner, which, along with music/concerts, has been a historical sore point and push-pull point for me and chicks. I told her to read The Millionaire Next Door (a great book, you should read it). I might give her a copy if I see her again, though she is the kind of girl who is going to yo-yo back and forth or just ghost me when she finds another dude. I have lower financial discipline than I did when I really had no money… I need to quit buying camera gear, which is a vice of mine… but I still have pretty decent financial disipline… and part of that is just not spending money on stupid shit like expensive dinners out. I like a lot of what are now called “fast casual” places… she apparently likes expensive sit-down places? I dunno, I can countenance those at work… I can deal with them rarely… a lot of the time I’d rather just have some falafel or a burrito bowl, plus extra cash in pocket. Real freedom is not having to worry about money.

Most restaurants are also just too damn noisy, and that’s terrible for social bonding or learning.

Mostly, though… it’s the money… and the number of people who are better to talk to, than a book is to be read… well… it’s not as high as I’d like. This girl also liked expensive restaurants, but she was kind of weird in public… she’d be fine in private, one-on-one, but didn’t interact well in public. It was like dating two different chicks, personality-wise. Oddly, that girl wants to get a drink w/ me… I have been meaning to do it.

I tweeted, “Building the mind is a lifelong project.” If you are not reading you are probably not learning as much as you can or should.

Ms. Slav, though… Ms. Slav is also discovering the downside of saying “yes” too much… she is stretched thin. I would phrase it as, she is giving away a lot of value… so everyone is coming out to grab some… and she needs to retract / guard her value a little better. Chicks would never frame something this way… but that is what I see. I told her about my growing discomfort with how I am living, and my desire to do something different. I think she gets it. Although she thinks I can do family AND do the life I have been living… it’s not impossible, just really f**king unlikely. One rule in game is to assume the median girl, at least until proven otherwise. Guys know that it’s POSSIBLE to be standing around at a regular party or whatever, and have some stunning 8 open you and then f**k her later that night. It’s also POSSIBLE for Tinder to work that way. It’s just super unlikely. You want to take high-percentage shots. In today’s NBA, that means threes or right next to the basket. It’s POSSIBLE to win with a lot of long twos… just not likely.

Guys who want to win, try to put themselves in the best position possible to win at whatever their game is. For a guy who wants to be in the game, that means moving to a city and not living in a rural area or an exurb. For a guy who wants a kid (or more kids), how I am living… is not the optimal way to go about that goal.

With Low-cut top girl, I feel like I am experiencing deja vu… she is new to me but is overall close to the typical female. So close that I feel like I’ve already seen everything she says or does. Ms. Slav is the exact opposite.