Daygame failures in Nashville [FR]

In Nashville I got inspired by Days of Game and others, so I decided to do some day and early nightgame. I’ll spoil the story and say I didn’t get laid or even any near misses, but I did have a couple amusing interactions.

Unless I’m missing something there are two major sections for game in Nashville: the very busy section around Broadway, between 1st and 5th or so, and, probably, some areas near Vanderbilt University, although I didn’t see much walking.

Some Nashville impressions: lots of tragic fatties… so many times I saw girls or packs of girls who look good from a distance, only to get closer and think they might be a little heavy, only to get closer still and find they’re nowhere near the acceptable quality line. My overall approach rate was low. Online dating might be a nightmare in Nashville due to the number of bovine girls.

To be sure I did see some stunners and, oddly, got more traction with two stunners than some less-attractive girls. For guys, it’s useful to remember that the challenge a girl presents does not always increase monotonically with hotness. In my life some incredibly stunners have been very easy and pleasant to get into bed and some marginal girls have been brutally hard or impossible.

One of the hotter girls I saw, I saw near Vanderbilt while I was on an errand: she was wearing yoga pants and a tank top, and she made strong eye contact. The opener was something about her style and then a tease about whether she was really an athletic girl or only a poseur. A common one for me and she hooked. She was on her way somewhere and I took a number. A solid eight, if you like lean girls curved in the right places like I do. Close to the Playboy figure.

She was only 20 so we met for tea later, as I figured I’d bounce to the hotel roof with bubbly if it went well. First ten minutes were fine until I began sexual spiking, which she did not like. No, that’s not enough: SHE DID NOT LIKE GOING SEXUAL. I ignored that and kept going. A little light touching on her hands and wrists made her visibly recoil. I asked why she recoiled and she said she “didn’t like being touched.”

I asked the obvious, “Why not?” She said, she “just didn’t,” so I knew it was over, but why not see the cards? I said that must make dating hard and she said she wasn’t interested in dating. I said that we wouldn’t get along if she didn’t like dating… I told her she should probably go, which seemed to surprise her. All this was delivered in a gentle, slightly curious manner; if you deliver it harshly you will hurt the girl for no reason (and yourself).

Next day she added me on Facebook. I know, know, KNOW that girls are capricious and irrational, but this story is a good reminder. It’s also still a (pointless) ego boost getting hot 20-year-old girls out, even weirdos like this chick.

Another girl appeared in the early evening, walking along a short strip near some bars. She wore a red shirt that plunged down almost to her belly button. I opened by telling her that I thought she was cute and that her style is unusual in Nashville (which is true). She did a full stop and we talked about NYC versus Nashville, then I gave a false time constraint and invited her in to one of the bars right next to us. I gave her a high eight from a distance, still a high seven to low eight up close.

Bar was way too loud and we basically talked in each other’s ears for for about for thirty minutes. She was very responsive to touch on her arms and lower back. Good signs. We kissed lightly, though she had to meet friends and I got her number, said we ought to meet later. I didn’t want to tag along, and while she didn’t exactly invite me, she left that door open. We traded numbers and she left. Responded to my opening texts, then I sent her another text a couple hours later inviting her out. She replied ambiguously and then the line went dead. I had to stop texting to avoid being needy.

Next day I tried a Torero recovery text and she apologized but said she was busy that night, the last I was in town, and suggested the next night. Too bad. Maybe next time. She may have been a time waster or attention sink, or logistics may have been in the way, or other guys might have lured her away with their birdsong. It’s usually impossible to separate this kind of time-waster from a keen girl until it’s time to bounce home or hit the bed.

This is a weird one for me: I met a mother-daughter duo downtown near all the honkytonks and invited them into a bar. I was trying to figure out how to isolate the daughter, but half an hour after we first walked in the daughter left to use the bathroom and the mother tried to stick her tongue down my throat. I backed off. Role reversal. The daughter got back and looked completely disgusted. The mom asked for a few minutes, so I wandered away. No other good targets in the bar, so I tried chatting with a mixed group of guys and girls about Nashville vs other cities.

Mom came back to get me and daughter looked more unhappy than ever. I asked the mom if I could have a couple minutes alone with daughter and the daughter made a sour face and said no, like a child. I got out. I get the feeling this isn’t the first time that particular interaction has gone down.

Waiting for an uber in the afternoon, a guy and two girls stopped near me, young undergrads. The prettier girl was very pretty and turning around because she didn’t want to go with the other two and was planning to turn around. I was waiting so close that I heard their conversation. I made strong eye contact with the pretty one and said that she should hop in my uber to go back. Extremely strong eye contact made her say almost nothing. Her friends began telling her not to go, but she barely looked at them. I began my speech about the door to adventure opening, using eye mesmer the whole way. I felt the bubble and like her friends were outside it, and I barely even looked at them. The guy looked and sounded like he was 14. The car pulled up and she was still standing there, swaying a little.

I got in, and she still didn’t move. The last thing I said was, “The door to adventure is closing.” But she didn’t get in. This is lame to read about but felt very powerful in the moment. Another opportunity seen in the moment and seized, though it came to nothing. Bike Girl was similar, but she came to fruition.

Overall it was a pretty weak showing, even for someone like me who does not have top-notch daygame, and I got a lot of boring blowouts. Some younger girls said they were married. Whenever possible it’s a good idea to assume the responsibility of failure and ask what can be learned. Sometimes the situation is genuinely beyond control. In Nashville, I didn’t find a good consistent street for daygame or early night game, even though there must be one or more. If I’d been willing to stay out till closing time I might’ve succeeded but most nights I want to head in by midnight if nothing is happening.

My vibe is pretty different than most guys in Nashville, which I think helps with the higher-end girls. Guys tend toward country-pickup-truck types (if you’re not familiar with the United States you may never have seen this type of guy, as I think it’s pretty peculiar to the States) or sports-bro types. I tend towards GQ-Don-Draper-exec style, though usually without the suits. It would take a lot more effort to know for sure whether my vibe would really work in Nashville or no, but I did feel pretty conspicuous, in a good way, on the streets.

I wish I’d brought Bike Girl with and taken her to the Nashville swingers club Menages, but I couldn’t have known that before I went. There were also many bachelorette parties on the streets, most of them filled with fatties, and I saw no way for a solo guy to break into those. Not early, certainly. Maybe late when all the women are drunk.

The restaurants in Nashville are filled with fried chicken, steak, sandwiches, and simple carbs, maybe explaining why there are so many fatties. The food is not good for anyone doing zero sugar, or just low carb. Food and lifting discipline are hard on the road and made harder by the food choices in most cities. Apparently Nashvillains put away huge quantities of beer, bread, and other simple carbs, to judge by what’s available at restaurants… I’d kill for a decent, fast salad. Buying nuts from grocery stores helped tide me over, but the low quality of restaurant food shows why many chicks are overweight.

Warning about falling into the girl’s frame

I had an educational experience with Bike Girl and one of her friends, who was complaining about the way five (!?) of her ex-boyfriends had cheated on her. At first I was quiet and Bike Girl was commiserating with the friend. Finally the friend wanted my view, and I asked the common question, What do all five of those guys have in common?

The obvious answer is, Her. She picked all of them. She’s also a pretty girl so she can pick from a wide range of guys.

Most likely, a girl with a long history of “cheating” exes is more desperate than usual for attention from very high value guys. Those guys have lots of options, which they are only too happy to exercise. The girl eventually finds out and then whines to her girlfriends about how guys are scum, totally ignoring her own role in picking guys who are oriented towards sleeping with lots of women.

I didn’t put it exactly like that, which is too RP, and when the friend began to fight back, I backed off some and said that it’s her life and she should live it however she wants. That is something I do believe, just like I believe most people lived in a world so heavily wrapped in illusion that they can’t discern the outer light.

There was no way I was going to enter this girl’s frame about how men are cheating scum. It is true that most men feel the need to sleep with as many women as possible, but it’s also true that anyone who consistently gets together with consistent, bold cheaters is somewhat complicit in the cheating. Five times means there is something inside the friend, not in the five exes.

After, Bike Girl asked what I thought, and I told her the truth: I think her friend is a fool and is old enough to know something of herself, men, and dating. That she doesn’t, speaks to who she is, mentally and psychologically. In an inexperienced girl of 21 or 22 such ignorance would be reasonable. In a chick older than 25, one who should have the reading and experience to know better, it becomes appalling, or a sign of intellectual deficit or inability to face the interior self.

Most interesting is Bike Girl’s reaction, which was respect for knowledge. Being able to know things and to distribute knowledge in a way that’s not off-putting is a hard balance. Given some of our experiences I also think Bike Girl knows a lot about my dim views on monogamy. I haven’t told her everything in my past and never will, but she gets the main point.

I am not a master PUA but I’m not a beta supplicant either, and I think Bike Girl’s friend wasn’t expecting someone to disagree with her girlish nonsense… or be skeptical of it. Yet disagreeing, amiably yet directly, also I think increased Bike Girl’s attraction to me. So did being able to imply her friend is dumb and misguided without being crude enough to say so. People can read the sentiment beneath the words. Sometimes being direct is optimal, but sometimes being politic is.

One of my favorite books is Being Wrong. Read it! And know too that if you are not reading books you are likely much dumber than you would be if you did read regularly. This is a harsh thing to say, but it’s also important and true. Almost all the really smart people I know are heavy readers. You don’t have to be a heavy reader to get the girl, but if you want access to smarter girls and you want the ability to maintain a mental connection in a relationship, get reading and talk about what you’re reading.

One of the more unusual and objectively speaking stupid approaches I’ve done

So I was walking around tonight and saw this pretty blonde girl emerge from an alley, and something about her and the way she walked made me think: “I think I know what she just did in there.” As I passed the alley I checked: no guy. Her skirt was just slightly askew and I jogged up to say, “Did you just pee in there?”

She was mortified, not confused, and said, too quickly, “No!”

Normal girls would probably be confused. She wasn’t and that told me what I needed. I was like, “Come on, we’ve all been there. I know and you know. Now we’re part of a secret society.”

She softened and still denied it, but in that way girls deny shit that’s true.

I was like, “You must’ve had a wild night, but you’re not the kind of person who usually does this. What’ve you been up to?”

Like most girls she couldn’t answer or tell stories, so I launched into a story about taking ecstasy that involved a hot tub. She seemed interested and we had some back and forth. I tried to get her to have a drink with me. No go. I tried to get her number and she was visibly teetering between doing it and not and decided not. She claimed she had a boyfriend. Saying I didn’t care and the usual boyfriend-destroyer stuff didn’t sway her. Maybe she did and thought I was entertaining. Who knows. But I got more traction than I should have, considering how gross she’d behaved.

Asking a girl if she just peed in public is a stupid approach if you’re gunning for the highest probability shot, but when you’ve taken enough shots entertainment value goes up. She’s also going to become a story, about the girl who peed in the alley.

[FR] Met by accident on a bike

This morning I was riding and came to a tricky section, and a girl was slowing down in front of me. I told her to take lead, and she told me to, so I did. When we passed the tricky section I slowed down and said that I was glad we’d gotten through there. She agreed and I asked where she’s going. She said yoga (a good sign) and I told I’d been trying it as a supplement to weightlifting. A little too gay and friendly, maybe, but it popped out. We talked about yoga and I told her to wait at the next light, because I want to get her number.

At the light I pulled out my phone and gave it to her and said that life is like waiting at the light: if you don’t act quickly the opportunity goes away.

A pretty basic interaction overall, but her energy was high. I’ve promised myself that I’m going to stop hitting on women and dating for a while in order to recover myself, but this morning I slipped into old habits, but I brought more energy to the interaction than I have in many recent interactions. When you’ve conditioned yourself to flirt as long as I have, you get used to acting in the moment. She gave me the phone back and I said I looked forward to seeing her and gave her hand a little squeeze. That surprised her. Not sure if it’s in a good or bad way.

She rode off and I caught up to the kids, who’d seen the number exchange. I really ought to hide things better from them, but the moment is everything. Instead of being terrifying, being in the moment has become thrilling.

Yeah, yeah, I know that I wrote about how I almost never write field reports… only to keep writing field reports. If I notice a situation that might have useful learning points for other guys I’ll write about it.

Snapchat in game: “Wish this was you”

Right after I wrote about why I don’t post more field reports I have something short but actionable to say… like many of you I have a moderately long list of leads who I’ve either slept with, only to see them go cold, or tried to sleep with, and like many of you I sense there’s some gold in that pile if I can just access it.

So last weekend I invited over a FWB who I’ve been seeing semi-regularly for a couple months. I’ve shot relatively high-quality nudes of her and we’ve made sex videos, so she’s familiar with me and my ways. This time, I blindfolded her and bent her over the bed. While we were having sex, I took a Snapchat of her nude back and the back of her head. No face and nothing super explicit, but anyone looking will know.

Afterward, I sent the snap to eight women, none of whom I’ve slept with but all of whom have shown at least some interest, with the caption, “Wish this was you.”

Over the course of the next day, three women blocked or unfriended me. Fine. Two looked and said nothing. Three replied and one of those said, “OMG hahahahahaha” with some emoji. I replied with a shot of my face and said, “Intensity is everything. how long has it been since you last have sex?” She replied, “Not recently…….” This does not take a subtle man to understand. I invited her out to a drink and she came back with me. I don’t remember how I got her number in the first place, although I think she was a friend-of-a-friend. During the original interaction I tried to get her out and never succeeded. She was flakey or something and I gave up.

For whatever reason this time it worked.

My guess is that she was unavailable or uninterested when I first met her, but I happened to catch her when she was horny, or bored, or her #1 crush had found a girlfriend, and she also responded to some aspect of the social proof from seeing another woman on my bed.

I don’t think I will have sex with the other two who replied because both disappeared. One out of eight for almost no effort is still a good outcome and I wasn’t sure this would work. I am going to try it, or variants on it, again, and it’s obviously very polarizing. Only use it on leads you are willing to burn. I personally like that aspect of it because it’s often good to force a “yes” or “never” decision. For modern guys attention and the withdrawal of attention are the only real tools available. This may be another post in the future.

I still advocate minimizing time on Snapchat and related social media sites, but used judiciously they can be effective. A while ago I dated a girl who is considerably younger than me and she showed me how to use Snapchat. By now most women in their 30s have and will use it. To me this is a bad sign for their overall mental health but I view it as another possible tool.

Women seem to view Snapchat as a different “channel” and using it resets the interaction after a period of no contact. Women who I wouldn’t text or who won’t text me may still respond to Snapchat.

I’m also kind of lazy (or “efficient” as I like to call it), so I am forever looking for shortcuts. This one isn’t quite a shortcut but it is a way to move leads up or out swiftly.

For whatever reason I really like making sex videos. In the sex-positive and swinger communities, it is common and convenient to trade explicit sex videos that do not have a person’s face in them, so I think I got the idea from that. They are a form of foreplay and also I think a form of social proof. Over time I expect this kind of social proof to expand dramatically. Already in the course of my life I’ve seen the way reality TV and now smartphones have made many women go from leery of photos and videos to eager models. It seems like making your own porn has gone from a weird fetish to everyday occurrence.

The most worrisome thing about this whole experience is whether it should be “Wish this was you” or “Wish this were you.” The singular or plural question bothers me.

“Why don’t you post more field reports?”

To be honest, my game is not that strong and I don’t do a whole lot of cold street opens (I do some but not enough to be good). Those two are related: to get good game you have to practice it like any other skill. There are also two blogs, Good Looking Loser and Krauser, that I link to and that say pretty much everything I could say about game and much, much more. They also say it better. I don’t like to repeat other people’s work and I have a thing about efficiency, so if you want to learn more about game nuts and bolts, those two blogs and Neil Strauss’s original book The Game are all strong resources.

My game is basic and in cold approach terms mostly boring and situational. I deliver well and am good at sexualizing early. I like polarity and will filter women who don’t like sex pretty quickly. I also take rejection well and move on swiftly. Most of my game post-approach involves telling stories or sketching a scenario then asking the girl what she’d do or what she thinks of the people involved. It’s not that advanced and I do all right with it, although I’ve probably missed out a lot of “maybes.” Compared to most guys, though, I think I’ve also turned a lot of “maybes” into “yes” or into a “hard no.” A firm and final “no” can be useful.

Online dating used judiciously is also okay for me. I have a simple rule: I only use any given system for at most three weeks at a time. Most systems now show new users the best matches and degrade rapidly in quality. It’s best to activate one, use it for one to three weeks, and then delete your account for at least one or two months. I’ve done online dating on and off for a long time, and that world is constantly evolving so this advice may not be any good by the time you read it.

It’s rarer for me to find women under age 26 or 27 through online dating today, but women ages 30 – 40 are so available and abundant that they’re like going to the store for a snack. Online dating has a mixed reputation and depends on strong fundamentals (see next paragraph) and strong photography. Photography really matters for online dating and I’ve looked through online dating profiles with women, and so many guys on them have total shit for pics.

Guys with good fundamentals (looks, style, body, lifting) eventually learn that game often becomes less about what you say and more about how you say it, who you are, and whether the girl is available. My most common type of interaction is getting absolutely zero traction or having a short conversation and collecting a number, only to have the girl not reply or flake after a short back and forth.

I can also leverage a lot around my job and social status or situation, so a lot of higher-quality women come indirectly from there. But those field reports will likely be boring. I’m also pretty deep into the sex positive, consensual non-monogamy, and sex party scene, which is its own form of game and one I rarely see discussed. Conventional game applies to group sex, but that world has its own logic and rules that aren’t totally amenable to field reports.

A lot of men don’t have the interest or skills to swim in this world, but I do and find its rewards rich. To me it’s a kind of next-level game that is more pleasurable and easier than cold approach. More women than you think are interested in this world, although not all women are and your success in doing this will be location dependent. There is also a stronger online component for this world than there is for conventional sex and dating.

Once you have solid fundamentals, a lot of the game is rolling the dice.