Tell your girl to use a vibrator during sex, and other bedroom tips

I was chatting on Twitter and RedCoco said

I remember reading in one of your blogs teaching a Seeking girl how to use a vibrator at the same time as fucking her from behind [I believe the story is in the book—RQ]. I purchased one some time ago = game changer. Thanks. I’ve passed the idea on to a player friend of mine to test as he is good at seduction but his sex skills seem lacking.

Chicks of course don’t think to ask to use a vibrator during sex, or they’re worried that they’ll be perceived as “weird,” or whatever other chick-psych problems exist. As usual, expecting chicks to take the lead is ridiculous, so you as a man should be able to take the lead. In the defense of chicks, some guys also have fragile egos and limited knowledge of anatomy, the combination of which can lead to sub-par sex. My goal is limited ego involvement leading to awesome sex. “Limit your ego in pursuit of the goal” is a worthwhile endeavor in all aspects of life.

A lot of players share seduction techniques but fewer talk about sex. That is probably because sex techniques are already well-known. The book The Sex God Method is one place. She Comes First is another. I think a lot of players don’t talk much about sex techniques because that information is readily out there… many books have been written about the mechanics and build-up to sex, so it’s less necessary. But I will write most about mental state, which is trying to be relaxed and experimental. I’m doing things with her and sometimes to her, eliciting her responses, and adjusting those responses. Chicks can vary quite a bit in what they like.

Some chicks can achieve orgasm from internal stimulation alone (one of my favorite lovers, who I’ve not written about, was/is like this), typically of the g-spot, but most need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasms. That means a guy’s tongue or fingers or a toy needs to be on her clit. If she doesn’t have that, she likely won’t come and the experience won’t be as good for her. Some chicks also won’t relax sufficiently to come the first time she f**ks a new partner, so if a chick doesn’t come the first two or three times, but she’s having a good time overall, don’t sweat it. I try to conceptualize sex as being about making the space, time, and physical sensations necessary for her to come, but without putting pressure on her to do so, since psychologically pressure on a chick usually kills her erotic experience.

It’s often a good idea to go down on the chick for a while first. This will help her open up, get wet, etc. Some chicks will come from this. If you’re already f**king her, holding her down, maybe lightly choking her, etc., you probably don’t have the coordination or angle to effectively stimulate her clit at the same time (I don’t, usually).

One of my favorite positions has the chick on the bed, lying down, with me standing up, thrusting inside her. That way I get a good look at her body, while she feels me thrusting “upward” against her g-spot. At the same time, I grab the chick’s right hand and direct it to her clit. That way, she can rub while I am f**king her. Often I experiment a little by putting her legs over my shoulders, which tightens her further and lets me access deeper parts of her pussy. I’ll also stand her up and bend her over the bend (or couch or chair or whatever) and, with my hand, guide one of her hands to her clit while telling her to stablize herself with her other hand. This is a position in which she’s unlikely to fall over.

If I start with her on her back, I also have good control over angle of entry. I’m not always a fan of starting with doggystyle because some chicks are too tight before they’ve had fingers and/or my cock inside for me to start with doggystyle. Ms. Slav is like that.

In terms of introducing toys, I just buy some vibrators and have them sitting around, ready to be busted out at the appropriate time. Same thing with butt plugs. If you introduce your chick to a butt plug, she will likely think you are a sex god. Chicks vary, of course, and not all will like butt plugs or for that matter anal. I myself am not an anal guy.

A lot of guys have ego invested in this stuff… “UHHhhhhhnnnn… if I’m a REAL MAN she will COME ALL OVER my PENIS because I AM A GOD, raAWRR.” This is (mostly) fronting. Chicks’s clitorises are mostly internal and have different arrangements. So some chicks will come hard from having something up their bums. Others will come from their g-spots. Some will come from the external part of the clitoris alone. Many will experience some combination.

One technique is to do something lightly and then ask her how that makes her feel. For example, smack her ass fairly lightly while she’s nude or only wearing underwear. If she moans, arches her back, or otherwise seems turned on, just keep going. If you’re not sure, take a fistful of her hair and then whisper, “How does that make you feel?” If she genuinely doesn’t like it, she should tell you. Most chicks like being spanked but contrary to what you read online not all of them do. It’s also possible and useful to get feedback without having to constantly stop to check in with her. A couple check-ins here and there are fine. You’re a man and should study her carefully to read her cues. Most chicks will convey whether something turns them on or not, and most chicks don’t want a guy who is asking them every two minutes if this feels good or that feels good. Most normal chicks want a guy who just “gets it,” contrary to what you read in feminist propaganda.

It’s a good idea to start slowly, and like, I said, most chicks like to be led. Most chicks also aren’t 100% sure what turns them on. Most guys don’t do enough foreplay. When I was younger/stupider I somewhat thought the purpose of sex was to get inside her as soon as possible in case she changes her mind, or something stupid like that… now I realize the purpose is to connect, to have a great time, to let her warm up and be totally turned on. Most chicks take longer to turn on than guys. Realistically, most guys are content to stick it to whichever girl is open once he’s hard. I used to think that my main job was to move the ball over the goal line, and that once it was “over the line” I was pretty good to go. Experience taught me that is a stupid way to frame the experience. Nash wrote, “I think most men need some experience before they can relax enough to be sensual (to even know what that is), and to bring women into a sensual vibe.” A wise comment. Being aroused but relaxed at the same time is a skill.

It’s important to try and relax and go with the flow as much as possible… this is often hard for me, especially the first time I’m fucking a chick. I want to be in that aroused yet relaxed state. Not always easy to be in this headspace. Slowing down the experience can help enter it. I try not to put performance pressure on myself and to think that we’re entering this experience together. Again, I’m not always the best at this, but I consciously think about it and cultivate it. I have written that the best parts of relationships are often two weeks in until about two years. That’s the new relationship energy (NRE) period where the sexual performance is hottest and expectations are typically pretty low.

A lot of chicks are not comfortable with their sexuality because we live in a sex-negative society. Strangely, a lot of RP content, about guys “winning” sex and women “losing it” or having to “give it up” reinforces these notions… and likely makes it harder for the guy to get laid. Sex-negative chicks who are trying to denigrate rivals and monopolize high-status men, that makes sense. Sex-negative guys who are trying to sleep around… makes less sense.

There is no final, right algorithm for every girl… every girl is different, and if you become too algorithmic or repetitive when f**king her she will get bored. Changing up positions, places, toys, etc. every so often will help. I’ve had variety built into a lot of my sex life through non-monogamy and sex clubs, so interspersing variety along with familiarity has not been a great challenge for me. This is also a book-length topic, so a couple thousand words in a post wil not cover everything. The big thing that gets amazing responses in my life is just using sex toys with a chick. Doggystyle while she applies a toy to her clit is amazing. Seemingly very few chicks have experienced this, and I don’t think any chick I have done this with has not loved it. They get the best parts of doggystyle with the best parts of having her clit stimulated. I don’t know why this practice is not more widespread, outside of ego.

The university mess up and the dorm bicycle

As a university freshman I had a “friend,” we’ll call her Kate, who had a boyfriend at another school out-of-state. She talked about him quite a bit while sober… then would get drunk and become the dorm/school bicycle. If I remember correctly, my roommate had a ride pretty early on.

One night she knocked on my door late at night and came in crying because she’d f**ked some guy who apparently only lasted a minute, then she saw him kissing another girl later that night. She ran up to him, slapped him, and ran away. You may be thinking, “This is just another crazy chick,” but apart from that and some of her sex habits, she seemed pretty normal. She got into bed with me and eventually finished up crying. She was wearing sweatpants and a tank top or something like that.

As the conversation petered out, I was trying to decide if I should try to f**k her or not… and I decided not to. Or I was too scared to. I think I didn’t go for her more because of the residual boyfriend guilt than anything else. So there was this super-available, pretty girl… and I didn’t hit it.

But Kate’s madness was an early reference experience that clued me into the idea that what I saw on society’s surface, was (is) different than what’s actually going on. Knowing what I know today, of course the obvious thing is to bend her over, rail her (protected!), and then send her on her way, or just kick her out and tell her to find another orbiter to cry on, but I was not so advanced then. Thinking of myself, then vs. now, is also why I’m willing to entertain and respond to more newbie questions than some guys will… myself at that age did not have the comprehension that I do now. I also didn’t understand that lots of chicks will cheat and for that reason it’s fine to take shots at married chicks or women with boyfriends. If she is going to cheat, I want to let her cheat with me!

At the end of her first year, Kate transferred to her boyfriend’s college… and then broke up with him! This is one of the many reference experiences that can be distilled into the macro point that chicks are random. (See also.) In my younger life I spent a lot of time and mental energy trying to logic out chicks’s behaviors, and it took an embarrassingly long time to reach the “chicks are random” conclusion that most players eventually find. Trying to be overly analytical about an individual chick is foolish. Across many chicks, you can discern patterns, but a single chick is likely to be a random collection of impulses that she doesn’t understand, let alone you. Often if you try to probe for the logic behind a chick’s actions, you’ll get total nonsense, and if you probe too hard, the chick will just get angry. “Why don’t guys just get it?” she thinks. She knows that what she feels in the moment is reality, so guys should understand that too.

Right after college, Kate moved back to my city and I made the mistake of inviting her to a fairly formal party. We went and I tried to bang her after. She still looked good, although less good than she had at age 18/19, but she wouldn’t let me bang her. I was disappointed and still had some residual of the mindset that since we’d had a fancy “date,” we should f**k at the end. Obviously, experienced players know that’s a stupid mindset. She had yet another boyfriend who was supposed to move to our city in a couple months.

After that night, I stopped contacting her, although she kept contacting me for a couple weeks after. I had learned enough to give up on chicks I wanted to bang, but who weren’t going to bang me. I think she saw me as soft and safe (she was somewhat correct about that at the time) and I didn’t want to be in that frame.

So Kate. At some point we were Facebook friends, and we may have done some chatting on Facebook like 10 years ago, but I just tried to look her up to see what she’s like today and discovered she must have unfriended me. That is okay with me, because I can’t imagine having anything to say to her today, but I remember her because of how f**king puzzled I was as a freshman just learning how chicks really work.

Addendum to the fashion post: figure out your weaknesses

After reading the comments to fashion and clothes for players, I thought about the two black guys I’ve known who did well with white chicks. Both of them did the basic stuff right, like lifting, but they also dressed “up” at least one level compared to anyone else in a given situation. If everyone else wore jeans and t-shirts, they’d be in dress pants and a collared shirt. They wore suits much more often than I would recommend for the typical guy.

Why? Since neither was (or is) stupid, they understood that they needed to play against and overcome stereotype. That meant dressing better than the average guy, speaking better than the average guy, and being friendlier/warmer/more smiley than the average white guy. Their (probably subconscious) goal was to communicate to chicks, “I am friendly and am not going to hurt you. I have my life together.” Their goal was to avoid the immediate reaction (which, sorry black guys reading this, is often justified in everyday experience).

My goal is usually to NOT appear like a boring office drone. Given my life and personality, I need to increase my implied “edge” and not seem to boring. Both the guys I’m thinking of, needed to convey other ideas to functional, middle-class chicks and higher. Contrary to what you may see in porn or elsewhere in anxious men’s writing, most functional chicks are NOT attracted to low-class and ghetto behaviors / personas. The exceptions tend to make for spectacular stories, but they are exceptions.

It’s possible that lower-class/ghetto behaviors are effective with equivalent girls, but I don’t know a lot about the bottom-level world of true social and economic dysfunction. My sense is that most chicks in it are fat/ugly by their early 20s if not sooner. When I did conventional online dating I would run into occasional girls from that world, and even had sex with a few, but we never really got along correctly because the cultural/intelligence chasm between us was too wide. Plus, as I said, I think most chicks in that culture have terrible diet and exercise habits, so even if they start off as attractive teenagers, the decline is swift. Perhaps other guys can chime in with experiences.

There might also be a world of super rich people hooking up mostly with each other, or where the guys have so much money that the gap between “paying for it directly” and “implicitly paying indirectly” is very small. In this world, maybe it makes sense to wear $5,000 in fancy clothes that other ultra-rich people can recognize. But if this world exists, it’s very small and immaterial to me, as well as to virtually all guys who aren’t already in it.

Fashion and clothes for players

Johnny Caustic asks, “Hey RQ, what *do* you wear to hit hot young chicks? I’m wondering whether bad boy wear or formal wear is more effective for the older player.” Fashion is a massive topic and not an area of expertise for me; there is a guy named Tanner Guzy who might be okay on this… I, for the most part, can’t be arsed to do fashion really well. But I do know that the majority of guys need to worry first about gym, then about fit, then about shoes, then everything else. If you do gym + fit + shoes correctly, a lot of the other stuff is a bonus.

My typical top-level goal is to look put-together and adult but also cool. Wearing a suit is very adult but probably not cool to most chicks in their 20s. Suits are usually too try-hard outside of weddings or courtrooms. Wearing a t-shirt for an underground band or for a sport of some kind may be cool but is not very adult. I would also give the caveat that I’m not highly into style or clothes. If I could get away with it I’d happily wear jeans and sweatshirts 24/7, or shorts and t-shirts in the summer. I don’t want to try and imitate college students, as I think I’d just look stupid, but I also don’t want to look like every fat IT worker you’ve ever seen.

I like dark jeans or gray slacks w/ t-shirt (usually black, although red can work nicely for contrast) and dark gray or black blazer. Black shoes, preferably leather, and/or boots. Put your energy into fit. “Well-fitting” is the most important part of fashion. Then shoes, then everything else. If you’re a high school or college student, this look may be too “adult” for you. I try to avoid dress shirts. Depending on my work schedule, that isn’t always possible. I have a personal aversion to suits and ties, leading to some at work calling me “the hipster.” Not totally inaccurate.

Leather jacket is good in very cold weather, and maybe a duffel coat to vary the look if necessary.

To get good fit, tailoring is useful, as most clothes are made for average fat guys. A $10 – $20 tailoring job on a $20 item of clothing to make it fit is better than a $100 item of clothing that doesn’t fit properly. Why do Hollywood guys look good in their black tees and henleys? 1) Those guys work out hard and 2) They (or their stylists) get their t-shirts tailored to fit their bodies. Most guys are either fat or wear t-shirts that have at least two inches and often more of excess material on each side of the shirt. Fix that with a tailor. Many tailors will be confused when you ask for clothes that fit, as most guys want clothes that are “comfortable” (too loose).

For a long time I was anti-accessory but now I think a necklace and rings are an improvement and give chicks something to ask about. I like black leather cuffs; chicks who ask about them are usually into BDSM as well. Amazon has loads of cheap and okay jewelry. A search for “Masculine jewelry” will do you fine. I like black rings and they are like $8 on Amazon. Etsy is also fine for this. The “story” around the item matters more than the item. Lots of these are cool, albeit a little pricey. Chicks don’t know the difference between $10, $100, or $1,000 accessories, so why bother getting $1,000 accessories?

For brands, in shoes I like Allen Edmonds, Alden, Common Projects, Hugo Boss, and Wolf & Shepherd. The specific shoe or boot is less important than it being a) comfortable/easy to walk in and b) being leather, preferably black in my case. IMO shoes are a place to spend more rather than less, as good ones will last many years and can be re-soled. Most of these are expensive, but Allen Edmonds does sales, factory seconds, etc. that will get the cost under $200. If you can visit New York or LA, you’ll be able to try a wide selection of many of these shoes.

For shirts there are too many good ones to care much. J. Crew and Banana Republic both make good black shirts. Ribbed Tee is good.

For jeans, there are also too many good dark jeans to care much. Gap, Lucky, whatever brand is fine. I don’t know why people spend $200 on jeans but I guess some guys do that. If you are trim or athletic, buy jeans larger than you think you need and have the waist taken in. For other pants, I like Outlier (prefer gray) or Bonobos. I also love to bike, which I’ve mentioned, and Outlier is made for biking and being wearable in offices/on dates.

Most luxury brands are NOT WORTH IT. They are 2 – 20x the price for like 10% better quality, if that. Fashion is, like a lot of game basics, a field where 10% greater efforts yields 80 or even 90% of the benefit. It is easy to get hooked into the bogus hedonic treadmill around clothes. Chicks will notice fit and coordination and little else.

Guys who try to optimize their way into the 95% or 96% percentiles in men’s fashion are wasting their time and avoiding approach. There is often a temptation to say to yourself, “If I can improve this one thing 10% more that will help me a lot.” It probably won’t. If you are already squatting your body weight or 1.25x your body weight for reps, getting to 1.5x your body weight will not help you much. You’ll already be where you need to be. There are diminishing returns to most activities.

For most guys, getting style to be “good enough” is more than okay. I also do fairly simple colors, mostly dark blue (jeans), black, gray, sometimes color splashes.

Big thing/challenge for me is to avoid looking like a corporate drone. Other guys will have different challenges. High school/college students may also have niche preferences I’m not aware of, so if you’re a younger guy still in school, I don’t know how useful this all will be.

By contrast, I can also think about the two black guys I’ve known who did well with white chicks. Both did the basic stuff right, like lifting, but they also dressed “up” at least one level compared to anyone else in a given situation. If everyone else wore jeans and t-shirts, they’d be in dress pants and a collared shirt. They wore suits much more often than I would recommend for the typical basic guy.

Why? Since neither was (or is) stupid, they understood that they needed to play against and overcome stereotype. That meant dressing better than the average guy, speaking better than the average guy, and being friendlier/warmer/more smiley than the average white guy. Their (probably subconscious) goal was to communicate to chicks, “I am friendly and am not going to hurt you. I have my life together.” Their goal was to avoid the immediate reaction (which, sorry black guys reading this, is often justified in everyday experience).

My goal is usually to NOT appear like a boring office drone. Given my life and personality, I need to increase my implied “edge” and not seem to boring. Both the guys I’m thinking of, needed to convey other ideas to functional, middle-class chicks and higher. Contrary to what you may see in porn or elsewhere in anxious men’s writing, most functional chicks are NOT attracted to low-class and ghetto behaviors / personas. The exceptions tend to make for spectacular stories, but they are exceptions.

It’s possible that lower-class/ghetto behaviors are effective with equivalent girls, but I don’t know a lot about the bottom-level world of true social and economic dysfunction. My sense is that most chicks in it are fat/ugly/single moms by their early 20s if not sooner. When I did conventional online dating I would run into occasional girls from that world, and even had sex with a few, but we never really got along correctly because the cultural/intelligence chasm between us was too wide. Plus, as I said, I think most chicks in that culture have terrible diet and exercise habits, so even if they start off as attractive teenagers, the decline is swift. Perhaps other guys can chime in with experiences.

There might also be a world of super rich people hooking up mostly with each other, or where the guys have so much money that the gap between “paying for it directly” and “implicitly paying indirectly” is very small. In this world, maybe it makes sense to wear $5,000 in fancy clothes that other ultra-rich people can recognize. But if this world exists, it’s very small and immaterial to me, as well as to virtually all guys who aren’t already in it.

I’m typically targeting urban, college-educated white chicks, with some Asian or Hispanic chicks thrown in as well. I’m pretty happy with European chicks as well. There may be a group of redneck chicks who like guys who hunt and work construction, or whatever it is that rural people do. For all I know, those chicks might find me weird and effeminate. Women tend to cluster in urban areas and men tend to cluster in rural areas, but there are obviously women in rural areas and if you’re into those women my strategies might not be optimal for you. A guy who shows up in Carharts on a date in the heart of a city and who is deeply into working on his truck, or whatever rural guys do, is probably not going to do well with urban chicks. There is an element of market targeting to this, and I have spent my entire life in a suburban/urban professional-class milieu.

Back to me and my world…. things not to wear:

1. Sandals.

2. Polo shirts (in most cases; sometimes nice, fitted ones made of mercerized cotton are okay in intense summer heat).

3. Short shorts. Overly long shorts. Most shorts should end just above the knee and don’t wear them unless it’s f**king hot out. Don’t wear shorts on dates.

4. Pleated kahki pants. Most khakis, actually.

5. Cargo pants (I like them for utilitarian purposes but zero women think they’re sexy).

6. Most sports shoes, unless you’re doing a sport.

7. Ill-fitting suits in particular. Most guys buy shitty suits that don’t fit them.

8. Most hats apart from unadorned baseball caps. Sometimes called “Directors caps.”

For most guys, getting the fashion part right enough is fine.

Things I’d still like to know:

1. How do you find collared shirts w/ sleeves you can roll up in the summer that don’t make you look too corporate/boring?

I’m sure someone will pipe up about how expensive clothes are. I’d say most of the basics (pants, shoes, blazer, leather jacket) will last many, many years. T-shirts will be replaced more frequently. If you buy everything recommended all at once the cost may be high; most of the better things I have were acquired over years. If you really can’t afford anything then you may want to worry about your income and job skills first, and rely on jeans/t-shirts and a leather jacket alone.

The big takeaway is, “It works for me.” If you just get fit right and don’t look stupid, you’re ahead of most guys.

Krauser on Blackdragon

The post is quite funny, so go read it. I would guess that it’s about 30 – 50% true, 20 – 30% untrue, and 20 – 40% indicative of the mind, psychology, and beliefs of the writer, rather than telling us much about the person being written about… you might apply the same tripartite structure to my own writing.

• To my eye, Blackdragon looks fine in the pictures, though it’s hard to say how the pics would translate to real life. Anyone who has done some amount of photography knows pics can be deceiving.
• Anyone I know who might be an “alpha male” never calls himself an “alpha male.” Or even thinks about it, really. If I ever call myself an “alpha male,” please quit reading.
• I missed that BD said a 37-year-old woman is “what most men would consider a 9 or 10 unless you don’t like blonde white women.” Virtually no woman is a 9 past age 25 or 26. Most 8s have dropped to 7 by 30. That is fine and, for long-term relationships, there is more to be said for a chick than her absolute hotness level, but I don’t get the point of pretending. I just don’t see a lot of real-world 8s, period, and fewer 9s. Lots of 7s, especially among chicks in their 20s, but not a huge number of true 8s.
• I also laughed at the Krauser post because some of the values expressed in the post seem to conflict with some of the values expressed elsewhere in his corpus.
• But, I do think Blackdragon has a more realistic perspective on long-term relationships than most people do. I don’t think I’ve read Krauser views on this subject. They might be out there, somewhere.
• I just don’t think you can make enough money in books, seminars, etc. to make attempting it worthwhile. I’m skeptical of the “make money online!” guys one sees now and then. None of them ever seems to post audited financial statements or tax returns… I wonder why.
• It’s weird and incongruent to be interested in truthfulness and reality while at the same time admiring one of the greatest grifters in U.S. history.

A funny story… so BD somehow got married to a 31-year-old woman, who already had a half-black kid, when BD was 25. Years ago, around the time I transitioning out of seeing the girl I call Libido Girl and around the time I started seeing #2, I met this chick online, late 20s, who already had a kid but was wise enough not to emphasize it online. Although her profile talked about needing commitment, etc., she was a pretty straightforward lay.

During the first date itself, I only remember her banging out about commitment and me saying, somewhat truthfully, that no man in his right mind will consider commitment w/ a woman unless/until he knows about sexual compatibility. Not the best argument but good enough for the time for her to tumble into bed. Low 7, low effort, I slept her like once a week for a while and brought her to one sex club. I didn’t see pics of her kid until later on… she was smart about that. She said she needed commitment and I told her, pretty honestly, that I didn’t see her as a good long-term match. She was pretty bitter about that and said all guys are full of shit, etc.

I was like, “Look at it from a guy’s perspective. When a guy sees your kid, what does that communicate to him about you?” Among other things it communicates 1. Bad judgment. 2. Low conscientiousness. 3. Ignorance (failure to deploy standard-issue birth control). 4. Poor decision-making skills. I didn’t say that, but it’s pretty obvious. She told me I’m a racist… which is probably a little bit true too, although I’d say I’m a “realist.” Any sane guy who sees a woman who makes the choices she did, is going to respond appropriately.

Somewhere in our brief fling she tried to explain why the baby daddy was a bad guy and whatever her situation was and I said something non-judgmental like, “It doesn’t matter and you don’t need to explain to me.” Things she seemed to find heartening at the time… they were true, though, because how she came to her situation wasn’t important to me, as her situation communicated more than enough of her character for me to bin her correctly.

Women who want to do better with men, have to understand men and what men want… men who want to do better with women, have to undrestand women and what women want. Without doing that, you are unlikely to go as far as you should go.

Our culture is superficially permissive and accepting, but in reality, when confronted with individual self-interest, most people make the smart choice. That is why “Fat acceptance” will never happen in the places it matters. People who really buy into the bullshit will typically suffer when they hit the real world.

Status/coolness first, THEN evangelize for whatever the thing is

No one listens to or wants to follow losers: that’s the fundamental rule of life and “What are your rules for talking about RP concepts?” Many guys online seem to want to talk about anti-social Red Pill jargon without working on themselves first, which is a mistake, but it’s also a class of mistake more generally: almost no one listens to someone they think is lower status than themselves.

(One good thing about science as a practice and system is that it forces higher-status, eminent people to listen who lower-status, not-eminent people if the latter are right and the former wrong. Business can also function that way, in that a business composed of enough people who are high-status and wrong about what customers want will also fail. Government often fails because real-world feedback loops are much weaker.)

I’ve been fairly successful at getting chicks into the non-monogamy scene because I’ve worked on myself first. While I’m not some super cool guy like a professional actor, I have my shit together and can be pretty direct with chicks. I don’t get rattled much by chicks and their natural drama, so I can usually bring them into my frame and introduce the ideas around non-monogamy that I’ve been writing about.

We can see from history that the effect you have will depend on who you are: in the Civil Rights movement, for example, black leaders realized they needed the symbols of their movement to have huge, supernormal amounts of dignity. Anyone involved in leading the movement needed to be highly dignified, to counteract the narrative that some kinds of humans are more human than other kinds of humans, or that some kinds of humans are more like animals than other kinds of humans. So people like Martin Luther King Jr. and Rosa Parks were elevated, because both projected a strong sense of dignity, humanity, and righteousness. The Civil Rights movement also aligned itself with the dominant religious factions of its day.

This is true of any kind of movement, sales pitch, etc. There is a reason why salesmen are tall, good looking, act empathetic, and speak well… they need to project social savvy, to be the kind of person other people want to affiliate with or associate with. I’m not a natural salesman, by the way.

“Status first, evangelize later” also why I have been talking about game as 1) having value, 2) value delivery mechanism, and 3) (Magnum emphasizes this) location/environment. All three variables matter, probably in that order. If you are missing the first one, #2 won’t matter and even #3 will be less useful than it would be otherwise.

So many guys write online about how they try to tell their friends about The Red Pill… they don’t understand that they have to be cool first, THEN maybe talk about it. “Cool” is the high school or college word for “value” or “status.” Guys can’t go the other way around: if they are not cool, they alienate themselves further, and a lot of guys in RP, seduction, etc. seem to be very alienated and disconnected to begin with.

Cool / status are kinda hard to define, but we know them when we see them. Part of game is learning cool / high-status behaviors and them implementing them. Cool / status can also mean different things in different places, at different jobs and different situations. Some guys can have amazing status at their intellectual jobs, then go to a wedding or a party weekend and none of the hot chicks give a shit about how the guy implemented a TPS report system that saves the company a million dollars a year. Then next week, the wedding party guy might be depressed because he can’t get a job and most chicks who have a real job will not date guys without one.

This is on my mind right now because of something I realized about Ms. Slav and her relationship to some of the psychological struggles I’ve been experiencing lately. More on that in another post. But I realized that she and I together might be able to accomplish things in non-monogamy with her that are larger than the ones I can accomplish on my own… but, simultaneously, I’m no longer sure I want to do that, so I feel pulled in multiple directions and am unsure of myself, at a macro level… a pretty unusual situation for me over the last ten years.

For the last ten years, I have often been unsure at a micro level, when I ask myself, “Should I try to date this chick or that chick on Wednesday?” or “should I text her now, or wait till tonight?” Those kinds of basic game questions. On a macro level, my goal has consistently been, “Bang more hot chicks.” Now my macro is unsettled. That may be feeding back into my micro. Aligned micro-macro lead to optimal psychology. You see this more frequently in chicks, when a chick is like, “I want a boyfriend! I want to get married” but she is also f**king randoms from online, hooking up with her ex, and otherwise engaging in behaviors that are not compatible with boyfriend/marriage. Most younger chicks, being illogical, hate it when you point out that her behaviors are not compatible with her statements. I have some of that going on right now too, but at least I am trying to work this out.

By the way, it is because Ms. Slav is very unusual that I have written so much about her. I think I wrote that previously, but based on some feedback I’ve been getting, I want to mention it here. Don’t take Ms. Slav as typical of the non-monogamy scene. She is not, at all. But she is the reason why some guys will stay in it… they occasionally get lucky when very unusual girls like her come along, who are willing to f**k guys they really shouldn’t.

“Low-cut top girl,” opening off an IOI on the way to the gym [FR]

Friday night, relatively late, I’m jogging to the gym and catch a MASSIVE IOI off this chick as she is crossing the street perpendicular to me. I have a strange thought, as I imagine the game guys I read and what they would do… and the thought makes me I realize I have to open. My mood is pretty good too, so I stop to say she must be going to a party. She’s in a very low-cut top and figure-hugging camel-colored bottoms, from what I can see, but the time between eye lock and me chatting her up I don’t see much of her body because I’m concentrating on other matters. Out eye contact barely breaks. She says yes, she is, and I speculate about the difference between good parties and obligatory parties that you feel like you have to go to. We continue in this vein a bit; I’m wearing a necklace from Goldmund’s Masculine Accessories (some cheaper alternatives here), which she asks me about. So she’s not too daft to reciprocate. Some chicks, even if they basically like you, will be incoherent during the stop, because the situation is so foreign to them. This one is a bit more put together, or she’s going to a party so she’s in socializing mode. We chat a bit about a perfect party and I tell her I have a date with the gym. We talk about the gym for a minute. I get out my notebook and tell her to put her name and number in it.

She’s surprised by the notebook thing, so we talk about that a bit, and I tell her about leaving my phone at home as that is a better way to experience the world (also something true… the younger the chick, the less they get this idea, except for Ms. Slav… the higher IQ, more self-aware chicks often understand this and have a love-hate relationship with their smartphones).

Saturday morning I text Low-cut top girl, asking if her night led to all the things she could have possibly wanted, and she replied saying it was okay and asking about mine. I said that quality time spent with my mistress the squat rack is always a lovely evening (not strictly speaking true, due to injury, but I would like it to be true), and I probe for the rest of her weekend plans. She says she is planning to be a cat lady that night, and asks what I’m doing. I tell her (truthfully) that I’m going to a party, without elaborating. She says that sounds like lots of fun… is she seeking an invitation? I think so, but I tell her we should get a drink Sunday night, early, as I have work in the morning. She agrees and I set my usual first date venue. I text her a pic of a cat and say that I know it’s a little early to be sending pussy pics, but she’s a cat lady so I just can’t resist. She sends laughing emojis and sends me one of “her pussy” (cat) in return. The comment is probably more forward than I should be so early in the interaction, at least by optimal game standards, but I kind of don’t give a f**k.

Saturday night, Ms. Slav and I go to the party… we cause a scene (she causes a scene) in the best way possible, as we set the tone of the evening fairly early. Then she dominates, then f**ks, another girl after our first hour-long adventure. Fairly late at the party, Stephanie shows up, and we have a bit of a threesome… more more realistically, Ms. Slav and I take turns on Stephanie, who is unfortunately not excited to go down on other chicks. Ms. Slav seems disappointed/annoyed that I finish (in a condom) in Stephanie, but what can I say, I want to spread the love. She said she has no jealousy… but she hasn’t told me that lately, so I wonder if she just doesn’t experience jealousy in the way normal people do, but the right set of circumstances can still trigger jealousy in her. She wanted to stay extremely late and I wanted to go home after the recovery period with me, Ms. Slav, and Stephanie, and I told Ms. Slav she is welcome to stay, but she decides to come back with me.

Sunday I get up pretty early and see Ms. Slav off. In the afternoon I text Low cut top girl that I hope she enjoyed being a cat lady and that I’ll see her in a few hours; she confirms and asks me about the party, but I say we can talk in person.

In person, she is not wearing the same shirt as I expected/hoped for, as she’s quite a bit more demure (bad sign), but her clothes hug her body. I did a good job not staring at her chest on the street, and I’m kind of wondering whether she actually has a nice body or not… she might, but I was focused enough on eye contact and conversation that I couldn’t really tell. I have had girls go both ways, when getting naked… where I suddenly realize that girl is hiding an incredible body under her clothes, and other times when I realize a girl is hiding a… not incredible body. Varies so much by girl that I’ve learned to distrust my own predictions.

We talk about technology and how I think social media is pretty worthless, while she defends it (typical girl), but not too much. She is a vegetarian, and I don’t share that I have a theory that vegetarian girls are more sexually active and adventurous than regular girls. Probably just me generalizing from too small a sample size. She also has an unusual and more-interesting-than-expected job. I ask questions about her dreams / fantasies / etc. Hold hands and look in each other’s eyes for 60 seconds. The usual. It’s flowing well, and she happily agrees to drink #2 at bar #2.

Between bars I playfully push her against a wall and kiss her passionately. She responds, and I let her go before she is done. She is a bit confused, I think, that I’ve ended it so quickly. Kissing on the street is something of a secret society no-no, as it opens the girl up to slut-shaming… but it’s a move I like to pull anyway.

Conversation is stilted for the rest of the walk to bar #2, I think because she wasn’t expecting the kiss and hasn’t recovered from it well. At the bar we recover some. It feels very on. She’s quite eager to know my age and I tell her to guess… her guess is comically low. She pushes and I tell her ages, weights, and heights are very private information, just between me and Facebook and the CIA. Maybe too evasive. She tells me she’s gotten out of a five-year relationship recently and is trying to recover herself. I don’t engage too much with this beyond telling her I understand (undrestand what? Fuck if I know… fortunately, she doesn’t ask, like most girls don’t).

I invite her back for a drink and she goes for it. More chitchat about our lives. We go back to mine and she prowls around like a cat for a while. She spends a long time in the bathroom, doing whatever it is chicks do in there, so I figure it’s good to go. She comes out and wants to sit across from me but I pat the couch and tell her I can hear her better over near me. A little bit of kissing resistance at first, until I find the sweet spots on her neck, which make her gasp and moan and took away the resistance. She says she’s getting over her period (fine, whatever… maybe she wasn’t going out for sex Friday night after all?), and I tell her that’s okay, we can find things to do. She is amenable. I leave for the bathroom and take a small amount of man drug: after being drained by Ms. Slav and Stephanie, I’m not sure I can perform adequately. Actually, I don’t think I can, but I would rather keep the momentum going forward with Low-cut top girl than let it die out, and that is just what I am doing.

More making out, then to the bedroom. When I get her naked, her best bits flop down more than I’d like, and I drop her from a curvy high 7 to a high 6 / low 7. With a butt that big I have to smack it, and she loves it. I wonder when the girl was last f**ked properly because she is way more responsive than I deserve. I use my fingers inside her and direct her fingers to her clit, letting her get off for the first time. Very tiny amount of blood on my fingers. She goes down on me, and then I put on a condom and manage to f**k her.

She kept praising my body and telling me how hot I am… I’m not that hot, though I do lift and avoid sugar. Unfortunately, injury keeps limiting me from reaching the places I’d like to go in the gym. Zero sugar, gym, yoga, bike for transit… those things do add up. As usual, with a new chick for the first time I don’t last as long as I’d like, but it seems good. I use my fingers on her and she comes another time.

In the aftermath, she asks me about the baby wipes in the bathroom… I ask if she appreciated that they’re there… she said yes and wanted to know how I often I do this… I tell her I’m a courteous person (that may even be true). I probably let too much time pass, with the deep kissing and light chatting, but I feel totally drained, sexually.

Second time through, we’re kissing… leads to rubbing… as I’m getting hard, I “innocently” slip inside, though she knows what’s going on… this gets me totally going. Highly satisfying session. Before you comment, yes, I know it’s a stupid thing to do, and I do it anyway. She again tells me I’m hot, and I spit out, “Was your ex a fatass or something?” She says yes!

That’s a kind of high-risk question, because it’ll turn some chicks off… this one didn’t seem to mind. I bend her over, grab her hair, and direct one hand to her clit (why are chicks too dumb to do this automatically) and pound her thoroughly… a few minutes in, and I’m rather congratulating myself on a job well done. It’s quite hard for me to finish, as I’m tired from round one and the night before, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to, but with great effort and concentration, I manage. She’s flushed, practically gasping for air, and we snuggle for a while after. I ask her when she knew she was going to f**k me, and she said in the first bar she was thinking about it.

During and right after sex, chicks, and likely guys too, although I don’t know about that so much, will say the most honest shit, the shit they will censor out the rest of the time.

She said she thought it was so cool that I stopped her to chat her up on Friday and that non-creepy guys never do that. I ask her about what a creepy guy is and she couldn’t really say, but I think she was trying to get at guys who are near-homeless, or ghetto/lower-class seeming. I tell her that most men don’t know how to be men anymore and that it’s sad (a conversation topic I learned from all you guys on Twitter and in blogs, so thanks for that, as it’s a good one post-sex). She agrees. More chitchat, I invite her to stay over but she has to wake up early. I drink a ton of water and take ibuprofen, knowing that I’ve likely dehydrated myself from drink and general exertion. I don’t get the sense of overall accomplishment that I used to, though… I think my mind is whispering, “Get ouf of the game,” but my body/dick is whispering, “Not yet… not yet…”

I have been wondering, am I scared to leave the game? Do I want to do that, but lack the courage to execute that decision? Typically, the wannabe and novice player regards fear and courage around opening chicks, escalating chicks, willingness to leave bad chicks, etc. I wonder if I am experiencing a different, (atypical) form of cowardice, in that I want to exit but don’t want to give up the systems and practices I have been building so long. It’s a weird thought, and one that just popped into my head yesterday. It now seems very lodged there. I was so surprised by it that I wrote it down, though I did not need to, as it has been uncomfortably in my mind since.

Let me get back on track: I’m supposed to see Ms. Slav again on Tuesday, so I’m going to try and have Low-cut top girl for Wednesday. I need more of a break, but, momentum. I’m flogging myself forward. Maybe I will flake on Ms. Slav, and push her to Thursday or Friday. Friday probably won’t work for me, though.

The big learning from this is just “Be alert.” This was a “head is up” opportunity and I wasn’t really thinking about meeting women… but I didn’t want to leave behind an IOI so big from an attractive woman. The other day I was getting coffee with a guy in the game (hi!) and he said I got a massive IOI from a chick. I was like, “Were there any attractive chicks there?” Mentally I was like, “Did I miss one?” He said no but that he noticed it anyway. With this girl, it was just right girl, right place, right time.

I have also done some approaches like this one that go badly, or the girl has a boyfriend or whatever… pretty easy sex is not a typical outcome. But I don’t usually post about basic rejections because there is nothing to be learned from them, apart from the fact that they happen.

Chicks like Low-cut top girl are also why my cold-approach pickup skills aren’t that great… I get good enough results from the occasional randoms, like this one, as well as ecosystems and other sources, that I don’t feel much need to get properly good.

Good thing I am working from home today, as I feel like I need the time to recover. I’m going to lose Peaches if I don’t manage to get more space in the rotation for her.

What is it Nash likes to say? Viva game.