Asian guys, dating, the game, and embracing the struggle

I’ve met Asians guy who f**k lots of girls, of any and all races, and they have a few things in common: they lift or are at least fit, they’ve got good fashion/style, they have good interpersonal skills, they’re not afraid to approach chicks (or they conquer their approach fear)… there are probably a couple other things they commonly do that don’t come to mind right away, but, if you look at that list, you’ll notice that none of it is specific to Asian guys. It’s what guys who’re good at sleeping with lots of girls do. The topic is on my mind cause I’ve talked to Asian guys who’re learning the game, and at the start of their journeys, they often think they have some special stigma around being Asian, when most often they don’t: what they have is weak game, and, like any guys who do poorly with chicks, they have to learn good game, if they want to wildly succeed. And wild success is extremely possible for Asian guys. The topic arises cause of this extremely lame, but slightly interesting, article, “Men’s Rights Asians” Think This Is Their Moment. Asians have men’s rights activists?  I hesitate to call it an “article” cause the writer spent a few hours on Reddit and then boom! calls it research, but that’s what passes for journalism today. Journalists are too lazy to leave their couches.

The article says that there are Asian race traitors who’ve joined the anti-Asian social-justice warrior movement… and that is true. But the article also gives examples of loser brigading Asian guys who’d be better off sharpening their game than harassing randoms on the Internet. A lot of these guys are very interested in what Asian chicks do… “The posts are dotted with contemptuous mentions of WMAF: white male–Asian female relationships. Bananarang refers derisively to an Asian woman who’s previously dated white men but is currently seeking a relationship with an Asian man. PAA, or ‘progressive Asian activist,’ is a pejorative term similar to ‘social justice warrior’ for Asians who ascribe to liberal, feminist values.” Okay, some of these are pretty funny, and I hope to one day accuse a hot Asian chick of being a bananarang. I personally don’t care much what Asian or white or Hispanic chicks are doing unless they’re hot and bending over in front of me… it’s most helpful for guys to focus on improving themselves, not worrying about what everyone else is doing. Asian chicks are chicks, doing chick things and having chick desires. The vital question is, what is any given guy doing to fulfill those desires? Whining about being Asian on the Internet isn’t going to make a guy into a superior player.

In my view, guys who want to f**k more and hotter girls have more in common with one another, regardless of race, than we do with chicks, regardless of race. I believe this qualifies me as an “intersectional feminist.” Chicks are going to want to f**k who they want to f**k… for chicks, telling guys not to prefer big boobs, a high tight ass, smooth supple skin, solid shaving/grooming, etc., is a loser’s game. Guys aren’t going to change our preference in response to chicks telling us we should. Tell a guy he should prefer older, heavier chicks and he might nod along… but he’s still going to seek the hotter chicks. The other way around is also true, telling Asian chicks they should prefer Asian men cause of some kind of race solidarity or whatever isn’t going to work. Chicks like hot, just like guys do, although the average preferences of chicks and guys differ.

If there’s anything Asian-specific to customize in the game for Asian guys, it might be to be a little more aggressive in pursuing girls, to counteract the stereotype of Asian guys as being overly passive. Apart from that, though, the way Asian guys do well in the game is pretty much the same as the way guys in general do well at the game. The challenge seems to be that Asian immigrant parents prioritize scholastic achievement over everything else, driving their kids from an early age to ace school tests. All else being equal chicks prefer “smarter” guys, but chicks really really prefer hot guys who make them tingle. An Asian guy who doesn’t start optimize for generating tingles and flirting until college or later is going to be behind a typical white, black, or Hispanic guy’s stage of social development for a given age, if he’s had that sort of parent. This level of being behind doesn’t apply nearly as much to Asian girls, though, because guys will begin hitting on Asian girls whenever the girls reach maturity. By the time a cute Asian girl is 20, she’s likely had dozens or hundreds of more aggressive guys hitting on her. An Asian guy may have to develop those flirting skills, that other guys learn from older guys or from locker rooms and such.

Life course makes a difference, but regardless of a guy’s age when he learns about the game and how to systematically practice and master it, what’s the alternative? He can’t go back in time and make himself start learning the game when he was in middle school. There are Asian guys who grew up with academically obsessed parents who learned the game later on. Go find those guys and learn from them. Much game knowledge is free, online. Learn it, practice it, tell others what you’ve found. Some Asian guys appear to have mental barriers to success. I don’t know how to overcome those, but I do know that lifting heavy, practicing jiu-jitsu, opening one’s self emotionally with psychedelics, developing positive mindset, and similar strategies are important. Learning to understand and forgive one’s parents is important too.

Many stories about heroes overcoming adversity entail physical and mental training, often together… an Asian guy with mental blockages between him and tight p***y may have to undergo those trials. There is no easy way: there is only the hard way. Maybe there’s an analogue here to what some black people think, if they internalize the message that blacks are dumb or violent or whatever. Coddling, though, doesn’t work. One reason the military successfully makes many boys into men is that, whatever the flaws of service may be, coddling isn’t one. Time on reddit complaining about racism against Asians isn’t going to get any guy p***y. Maybe some of these Asian sites and reddits about resentment can ensnare Asians with anger… but to advance, it’s necessary to move past anger and into action. Being mired in anger is like being a mammoth stuck in a tar pit.

Will you be the guy changing the media dynamic by uploading your homemade Asian male, white female pr0n? Or will you be the guy jerking it to someone else’s material? I could be an Asian guy: you don’t know. I am no one, but the voice in your mind, whispering about how to better f**k more and hotter chicks. Will you listen?

This image is completely gratuitous, but it’s been claimed that posting pics of attractive women increases the number of people who read the article, so here one is, let’s see if it works.

How to think about “future projection” on dates, and how to retain girls better

Sometime along the way to being a player, I figured out that it’s often useful to say something about date 2 when I’m on date 1 with a girl: mention cooking, for example, and say, “Come over for dinner, next time.” Then set a date, usually two days from the moment of the date. So if the date is Tuesday, shoot for Thursday, and feel out her schedule, and schedule that date.[1] Making things happen is man frame, accepting offers is woman frame. Text her the next day, “Good seeing you yesterday, and I’m looking forward to seeing you tomorrow at [time].” She can decline the date at that point (and sometimes does, it happens, it’s all in the game). My classic strategy has been one or two bars on date 1, then try to bounce her home, if possible, and my working theory has been that she’ll respect the effort to lay her, and the boldness, even if she says no. Magnum has used a two-date model successfully, which seems to reduce flakiness and female rejection due to self-perceived negative sluttiness. He thinks the two-date model helps with retention, and he may be right about that, although if the girl feels “on” during date one, he’ll lay her or at least try.

Game is about balancing tension and comfort, and I think most guys who get into the game and studying the game are nerds who tend towards too much comfort and insufficient edge.

Paying for women (no, not that way: on dates)

Xbtusd tackles a perennial topic, coming at it from a different angle: should the guy pay on dates?

I have a distinct memory from high school, of a girl I was interested in, explaining how attractive women procure alcohol: she said they flirt with older guys who have fake IDs, giving the older guys the impression a hookup might be available, and then leverage that relationship to get alcohol.  I was furious when I learned this, but eventually asked the girls to ask the guys to buy me alcohol without telling the dudes it was for another dude.  Today we would call those dudes “simps,” but back then pretty much everyone was a simp.  Dudes with cars would DD (“designated driver”) for carloads of women ferrying them around from party to party and back to their houses all over town.  Often, these dudes didn’t even think they could hook up with the girls, they just wanted to be needed by attractive women for something.  To feel validated as a human and potential sexual option.  To feel seen.

That experience left a strong emotional mark on me at a formative age, and I vowed I’d never be like those pathetic losers.  In many ways that early experience served me, since they taught me to always avoid situations where you are giving away value and getting nothing.  In other ways I’ve hewed too strongly to this principle, for fear of the humiliation I associate with finding out I’ve been manipulated and turned into a simp.  

In college, I was at a school where fraternities dominated the social scene.  I joined one of the most prominent frats and had the time of my life running the school’s social life.  Frats were an interesting social element because we simped for women, but always made sure it was transactional.  We spent tons of money throwing amazing parties, providing free alcohol to women, and, in exchange, the pussy flowed freely.  Most guys wish they had the opportunity to “pay,” however indirectly, for pussy in the way we did.  And yet, there were still nuances to the game.  A rival fraternity that some friends were in, took the simping way too far.  They shamelessly catered to women, playing whatever “gay” song of the day was on the top of all the freshman girls’ iPods at dance parties, and preparing non-beer drinks (unheard of) to get all the young girls who didn’t drink beer yet, drunk.  The more they swallowed their pride and gave the women what they wanted, the more their penises were swallowed by the youngest and hottest girls.  And yet, no girl who was not a freshman would be seen dead there, even if that’s where she had spent the majority of her freshman year.

There’s clearly some line where simping works, in the sense of “doing things for women,” but when you go too far, you lower your value, and women lose respect for you. Smart guys find that line. Where does courtesy end, and simping begin? Which brings me to my question: to pay or not to pay for women on dates?  I’ve always been of the opinion that if the woman wants to split, I split, and, if not, I assume I’ll pay: but I never insist and I don’t give them any pushback.

My girlfriend went on a first date with a guy last week, and one of the things she remarked on was that while she was in the bathroom he paid the bill without her knowing.  When he was ready to go he was like, “let’s get out of here,” and when she inquired about the bill he cooly remarked that he’d already taken care of it.  Smooth.  She considers herself a feminist, and has always insisted on paying half on dates, and she historically has gone on a lot of dates.  I’ve been questioning her reasoning, now that we’re in a relationship: why not let the guy pay?

She told me she found it incredibly sexy that he paid for her, and it felt to her similar to how she’s envisioned a sex worker feels. The man desires her so much that he wants to pay for access to her body.  She used the term, “worships my body.”  

On her second date with this guy he invited her to his place and offered to pay for her car home because he lives quite a ways away, and she’d be coming home late.  Again, she was incredibly turned on by this arrangement and said, “fuck feminism, this is so hot.”  

Quite a shift, and an intriguing one.

What’s the difference between simping, and fulfilling a masculine script?

Guys online, hearing his story, might call him a simp. I’d call him successful. 

Note: For context he is 18 years older than her so he is fulfilling a more older gentleman script which might be experienced differently if they were a similar age.

Red Quest here. I think it’s generally wise to pay for early dates, unless she absolutely insists on splitting, or unless you’ve had a miserable date and don’t want to see her again anyway. Protecting value is important, but not at the expense of masculine leadership and identity… though I’ve probably flip-flopped on this issue, depending on mood and recent experiences.

This also seems like an area where girls who are asked, by friends or when sober, will say, “I am a feminist and want to pay half on dates.” When girls are out with a man they’re attracted to, their feminine sides are more assertive, and they’ll like the man behaving like a man, so she can behave like a woman. It’s not what the girl says, it’s what she does… and who she does.

I’ve slept with annoying “feminist” girls who will make dumb claims like “there are no differences between men and women.” If girls make those kinds of claims, I ignore them, or steer the conversation in different directions… my goal is to f**k, not to have political arguments.

After this was published, I read “The Woman Crushing on the Guy From Her Mutual-Aid Group,” which includes the line, “Noah doesn’t buy my Uber home and I’m bitter.” It’s a common mistake to underestimate women’s pettiness and entitlement.

Game and group sex are many things, but boring isn’t among them

Game and group sex, conceived of as hobbies, are rarely (and arguably never) boring. The spikes and crashes are very affecting, creating a lot of turmoil as one succeeds beautifully but also fails hideously. The subject comes up because of:

Marc Andreessen: I think people forget how boring things were before the internet. People really like to be into things. People like to have thing, something that isn’t just like go to work, come home, go to work the next day, change the baby’s diaper today, change the baby’s diaper tomorrow… people like to have a thing.

If you go back thousands of years the thing was the gods, the tribe, the family, whatever cult you were in. If you progress through to the last 2000 years people got super into the big religions, Protestantism, Catholicism, Judaism, Islam and so forth. The rise of mass media, they got super into movies, media, and then some fringe political movements and actual cults. People got super into Scientology. But they were kind of these big movements, and a lot of other people were in them. It was never that distinctive or original to be Catholic or something. It was a marker of identity but it wasn’t a marker of uniqueness in the way that modern man looks for.

There used to be a term for activities that people would do to pass the time before the internet. The term has almost completely died and the term is “hobby.” People used to have hobbies. When I was a kid it was like “what do you do when you get home from work or school, you have a hobby.” And if you remember what hobbies were when I was a kid, it was like stamp and coin collecting. [laughs] It was like ham radio, wood-working. Maybe there were a few people who were into wood-working or stamp collecting and after the first couple months, it’s like “ok it’s just a bunch of stamps in a book, this is boring, onto the next thing.”

The internet has just killed hobbies. They’re dead, all gone, the concept doesn’t even exist. It’s funny, the concept of having a hobby died at the same time as the concept of “going online” was introduced, which is a phrase you heard constantly from 1994-2005. You would get home at night and you would go online. The big internet company in the 1990s was actually America Online; this was a big deal, Americans could go online. And starting in the mid-2000s Americans stopped going online because we’re now online all the time. The idea of not being online now is a weird thing.

Hobbies died when everybody went online. So what replaced hobbies? And to your point, what replaced hobbies was basically internet movements. The benign way to put it would be internet communities, the somewhat more intense way to put it would be internet cults, right? Now what are people into? They’re not into stamp or coin collecting. They’re into socialism online or MAGA or QAnon, or the Trump Russia conspiracy or bitcoin or Elon…

Richard: That sounds awful! [laughing] Compared to socialism or MAGA or QAnon or wokeness and Russiagate, stamp collecting sounds like an improvement!?

Marc: Yeah yeah yeah! But I’d say literally that’s what’s happening. You could paint a picture of that and say these are destructive things and everybody is crazy and all that stuff. You could also say it’s not boring! Things were pretty boring, things were pretty dull. And actually, this would be a right-wing argument. One of the right-wing arguments is that man is simply not meant to be an atomized economic function. Man is not optimized to literally be like a drone, just drifting along the waves of history and to not have a principled position on where he should stand, and not have a sense of identity on something greater than himself, a connection to community and society and all these things.

Having been in longer relationships with women, the longer and deeper relationships can feel stable and comforting, but they’re often boring, too. That’s why chicks are constantly hassling their boyfriends for expensive, out-of-country vacations, because the chick is bored and needs entertainment (which chicks derive almost exclusively from men).

Game is rarely boring though it can be alienating… alienating, because it can facilitate many short-term, shallow relationships, and those come at the expense of long-term relationships. For almost all of human history, virtually all relationships were long term… it should not surprise us that a sudden change to numerous, short-term, successive relationships is jarring to our psychology. In my own life I’ve been in long-term relationships and felt the call of the wild. 

Consensual non-monogamy, which is a primary topic of the work you are reading now, tries to be both exciting (new sex partners!) but also grounding (you can have new sex partners while having a primary relationship)… so, you can do some relationship building and some stranger-sex having. This ties into the Internet because “online” of course organizes and facilitates game and non-monogamy: game, in something like its modern form, comes about from guys networking online to trade ideas about how to seduce and f**k chicks. Non-monogamy has gotten more popular because people interested in having intense sex experiences can now find one another, which wasn’t practical pre-Internet. Strangers can go on dates, and a bunch of strangers can converge on a spot for meetups and sex. The Internet facilitates niche interests and communities: it helps people become more extreme, by letting us create mutual reinforcement loops. Whether this is “good” or “bad” probably depends on the community and topic… but it does mean that things like game and group sex can happen.

I disagree with Marc A. in that internet movements didn’t replace hobbies for most people: instead, most people are passively scrolling social media. Maybe that is “the” hobby, but I think of hobbies as being active. It’s easier than ever to learn how to lift weights, but the average person is fatter than ever. Information about how to get laid is easier to acquire than ever but most guys don’t seem to care, preferring, it seems, pr0n and video games, letting the machine become a substitute for the real. The social media thing is so bad that I developed bits about how Instagram is lame, and I’ll use those bits on dates, and the girls will usually agree, and some will even agree that they should stop… but they often say they “can’t.” Sex parties forbid cell phone use, which give them a very “in the moment” feel compared to most of what passes for social life today, in which people are maybe 30% in the moment and 70% waiting for something to happen on their phones. Seriously, talk to girls about what their phones are like, and if you’re close to the girl, you’ll see that she gets like 10 notifications per minute… she is incapable of thinking about anything for more than a few minutes without her phone going off. On some level she knows that’s bad, but she mostly won’t stop herself. And, if she’s hot, she doesn’t need to.

It could be that, before the Internet, a lot of people had sex for lack of anything else to do. Now it’s a more affirmative choice, so there’s less of it, because we can watch other people get laid on Netflix instead. A lot of people choose boring.

Action matters, yet we’ve lost the habit of action. The problem today is almost never a shortage of access or information. We are most often our own worst enemy. 

This is your red pill / pickup “guru,” Roosh

Do you want to listen to a guru whose own life is in shambles, one who is poor and unemployed, or underemployed, and living in his mom’s basement? Neither do I… way back in the dawn of the player world, I read some of the work done by a guy named Roosh V, who wrote about his pickup/player journey… but pretty early on, something seemed off about him, and, although I didn’t track specific passages or moments of “off-ness,” I stopped reading him. There is a common refrain among chicks who hate players that players “hate” women, which is mostly wrong, and yet Roosh did seem to resent women, and to have zero sense of proportion… the Internet is a perfect place for people with zero sense of proportion to find one another, band together, and complain. “Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen,” says badass alpha playboy Sean Connery in The Rock, a movie from back in the ’90s, when fewer people were fat and more people were normal. Which do you want to be? I prefer the prom queen route. It is not a bad idea to emulate Sean Connery. Unfortunately, the school system today encourages whining, and few adults willingly tell kids, “No one cares about your excuses, only your performance matters.”

In his podcast (no link, deliberately), Roosh says that he’s now poor and living at home with his mom. He must be 40, maybe older… he says he’s found God and become a Christian… no problem with the latter, but should we take his Christianity any more seriously than his life as a player? Or is there something wrong within him, driving both belief patterns and systems? I personally don’t recall the part of the Bible the encourages guys to sponge off their elderly parents, but maybe it’s in there somewhere and I missed it.

Is Roosh a weird dude, with his weirdness changing shape and form over time?

Traveling tourist girls and the fate of daygame

Many reports seem to find that daygame, and game generally, works less well than it did before Feb. 2020, and these reports come from experienced, knowledgable, and previously successful guys. Why is game worse? I’ve been reading game blogs or forums for at least a decade, probably a bit longer, and most cold approach guys report that tourist/traveler girls make up a pretty solid percentage, maybe the majority, of the girls they get traction from… which may be why it seems to work better in tourist destinations like NYC or London. This girl came from online, not daygame, but she was visiting and therefore more open than usual to meeting random men, such as myself. Right now, for obvious reasons, tourism is down, and, with so much misplaced vaccine hesitancy fueling COVID’s spread, tourism is likely to stay down for the next month, at least, and maybe longer.[1]

Peacocking, fashion, and a guy who tragically friend-zones himself

Xbtusd is back with more tales from the game.

My buddy is a successful Asian guy, in his 30s, and he winds up at a party with a bunch of Gen Z types, college and just post-college, who are there presumably doing what people try to do: hook up. My buddy’s wearing some very distinctive, polarizing things that also help conversation flow: he’s peacocking, in other words. His outfit helps him open a bunch of chicks, and some chicks even open him. Peacocking is an interesting strategy… I think peacocking needs to come off as both playful and masculine. The gap between “playful” and “goofy” can be narrow, but even goofy can work if the guy can transition to masculine dominance and identity. (Red Quest hasn’t done a lot of peacocking, he says). I’d guess that guys who peacock hard, like Mystery did, also need strong killer instinct and sexual vibe, otherwise they get friendzoned like I believe my buddy did. But he really friendzoned himself, by not acting on the girls expressing interest.

I’m going to bring race into the discussion, but also acknowledge that race serves as a proxy for a lot of things. I don’t want the discussion to get hung up on race in particular. Asian men are desexualized in American culture, black men are hypersexualized. Be aware of how you present. If you’re short, you might have to make up for that by being a little more masculine in other ways. If you’re Asian, you’re going to want to stay away from things that reinforce the stereotypes women already have about Asian men. Thus, when peacocking, you want to make sure you stay far from goofy, and do things that attract attention but in a masculine way. Maybe more in the vein of BDSM style gear. Race is just one factor for how women perceive you before you open your mouth, but it’s an important one.

According to my buddy, one hot girl was particularly interested, but he never tried to bang her, let alone kiss her. Wait, what—why? I ask him. He doesn’t entirely know. Is he afraid of the girl saying no? When I was young and dumb(er), I was afraid of “no.” He may be in effect friendzoning himself, if he doesn’t make the move. From my gf’s report, my buddy and the hot girl’s energy quickly grew into friend energy. The two of them became part of the project to facilitate my gf hooking up with a guy at the party she thought was hot. Having a shared project can be a fantastic narrative to allow you to bond with a woman, but you have to make sure the context of the shared project isn’t “friends,” but romantic partners who are building sexual chemistry. Escalation is key, in particular touch. Timing is critical, because the window can close quickly. Chicks are capricious, so when her buying temp is high, act.

Was he afraid to kiss her? I think he would say no, he’s not afraid of “no.” I think he is afraid of no.

Game lessons and thoughts during an MDMA roll

Last weekend, I rolled pretty hard with a woman and spent some time wandering a nearby strip of bars, where we chatted with and encouraged a lot of strangers… MDMA can make a person feel intensely social, and we felt a lot of that energy and chose to express it by going out. We also dressed differently than most people, closer to something like this and far from the typical street clothes, dresses, or slacks and collared shirts most people wore. I realized that we were peacocking: being shiny and different, in a way that worked. My companion got most of the attention, which is fine and expected, it’s a shame she’s not bisexual. A bisexual wingwoman in that environment would have killed. Even without being bi, she create and we engendered a lot of positive feelings… we felt at one with the human species, a sense that is hard to cultivate in everyday life. And we felt at one with each other.

Trying to describe the mental state an MDMA roll engenders is impossible… those of you who’ve experienced it will be nodding along with the descriptions above, those of you who haven’t will probably be rolling your eyes. A well-done molly roll, if it’s done with people who like each other in the first place, is a powerful bonding agent, of a sort I didn’t realize when I was younger. During this roll, I felt more of that. Alcohol is common, but it sucks by comparison. Learning MDMA is like becoming part of a secret society.

In Integrating smart drugs, like MDMA (molly), smartly, I talked about the bizarre dearth of MDMA and psychedelic discussion among the larger game community. I think Bodi mentions taking mushrooms in one of his game books, and the peak spiritual journey the mushrooms facilitated. Most guys interested in cold approach never get started doing cold approach, and most who do give up quickly, and most drunk guys in bars are too drunk to function effectively. MDMA, though, opens a person up to being more social and having more social experiences, and I wonder if facilitating an MDMA weekend would be a useful means of coaching, and of unlocking a person’s potential. I encouraged Red Pill Dad to offer an “Ultimate Package” in which he’d fly out, do a debrief, do a Friday night round of night game, do a Saturday MDMA-facilitated experience, and then a Sunday re-integration session: that might help a lot of guys who can’t get started, who feel the spotlight effect, etc. It’s using MDMA almost as a social therapy, to break patterns and practices that may not be optimal. Children are all ove the place, in a way that would be disastrously dysfunctional in an adult. Adults, though, can be too familiar with the everyday world, and with strategies to get through it and make sense of it. MDMA at its best can shake up those strategies, and those anxieties. Combine it with a guy trying to learn game, but having trouble getting started at cold approach, could be very powerful. Have any guys tried this? If so, I’d like to hear about it.

Basically, I was more doing the “shaman bro” style (more here) and less of the “finance bro” or “rich guy” or “cool business casual” sorts of looks. That might be where the world is headed. Guys who tried to do Don Draper in 1970 mostly failed, I suspect. Guys who tried to do hippie in 1959 mostly failed, I suspect (styles obviously change and someone has to be the leader… some guys decided to start wearing long hair early in the ’60s, and some women decided not to wear bras and to have a lot of sex, in order for the society to change as others copy them). Style & peacocking count.

We didn’t set out to pick up girls, and, unfortunately… the woman I was with is pretty straight (she has other compensating attributes), but I think we could have. Which is easy to say, when it’s not put to the test. No proof of work, here. Girls and groups kept encouraging us to join them in the bars, but we didn’t really want to: the bars were too loud, we didn’t want to drink, and we were most focused on each other, not the bar experience. We had a few other tricks, too, that could count as peacocking, and contact me directly if you want to try this and are curious about those other tricks.

One of the hard parts about game and dating: when doing nothing is the best option

Game teaches men to control and channel our emotions, but one of the hardest parts about the game, in my experience and, it seems, in many others’, is doing nothing. Saying nothing. Not responding, when every emotional fiber of one’s being cries out to respond. Those are the times when a chick texts something, and I yearn to text back what I think, or to convince her to act, but in my rational mind, I know that saying zero is the right move, and that my emotional yearnings must be curtailed.

“Impatience” is often the handmaiden of failed game. A few days ago, I met a chick I’ve loosely known for about nine months. I have a lot of logistical complexity, and she has some too, and I’ve run hot and cold by accident, because I know I shouldn’t try to bang her, but she’s also a hot 8, and looks and smells like sex, so here I am, wanting to bang her.

Most guys don’t care much about getting laid, I hypothesize

THE GAME comes out in 2005, MYSTERY METHOD a year later. A bunch of pickup blogs show up then too, almost all abandoned since, and sometimes descending into madness and/or conspiracy theories along the way. Few guys have any desire to write about pickup and chicks for more than a few years, and the ones who do are often, or usually, unbalanced, or nuts in some other way(s).[1] It’s important to have coolness and status before trying to evangelize or teach, yet the most prominent and least anonymous guys appear to have neither. Most are the kind of guys I’d want to avoid, not the kind who I’d want to get a drink and chat with. 

A few years ago (2015) the book MATE: BECOME THE MAN WOMEN WANT, by Geoffrey Miller and Tucker Max, also came out, but it didn’t seem to make a splash. In a major occasion on par with the moon landing, Red Quest as a blog is founded in 2017, its initiation commemorated by a massive, 10-ten granite ziggurat next to the Washington Monument in DC. Red Quest’s readership peak is 2019, as of this writing, although you never know, maybe some feminist tweeters will come along to denounce me, and thus drive up traffic.[2] Most people who find their way here from twitter or reddit, belong to twitter or reddit, and aren’t much interested in other venues. Some people complain about centralization of power among big tech companies, but the vast majority of people’s actions show preference for big centralized platforms, not for decentralized, censorship-resistant efforts (describing what seems to be true is not the same as approving of a thing that seems to be true).

What’s going on? Knowledge about how to do better with chicks is available, but few guys seems to avail themselves of it. Chicks themselves are not out there talking about the excessive number of socially smooth, interesting, and cool guys who are seducing them. If anything, chicks are complaining about how cold it is to meet guys through online dating, and how they wish guys would approach them in real life. Chicks are lonely, bored, and understimulated, by their own admission. Memes about funny cats go viral, ideas about how to get laid, don’t. I post that most guys just don’t care that much about getting laid, and even the ones who somewhat care, don’t care or care much about figuring out how to do so effectively. The information itself has been around for at least a decade and a half, probably longer, and it’s still very niche.

Some guys still seem to think that doing better with chicks is simply impossible: and yet the guys who practice the game demonstrate otherwise. Or maybe most guys really aren’t picky, and are okay dating a few points below themselves. They perceive the mountain to be too high, and go back to the Shire of video games. I know a coach who says his clients think a same-day lay (SDL) is impossible, because it’s so far out from their idea of what’s possible.

Overall, it’s not like men are better at getting laid via some other avenue. Men seem to be getting laid less than they did a few years back, which is also consistent with the “most guys don’t care much” thesis. You’ve probably seen the graphs showing that the number of guys in their teens / 20s who have gone without sex in the last year has something like doubled, or maybe a bit more, from like 8% to like 22%, in the last ten to twelve years:

Number of video gamers and herbivores seems to be going up, which is I guess kind of nice from a “competition” level, but existentially depressing from a societal and cultural level. Maybe one day humanity goes extinct cause the video games are too good. Maybe the effort and subtlety needed to master the art of seduction is too great. Most guys have returned to an oral-first culture, and thus the extensive written corpus about how to get laid lies fallow, for want of readers. In a similar human puzzle, Why aren’t there more computer science majors? It’s probably the most lucrative undergrad degree, and highly impactful on the average person’s life (the average person spends an unbelievable number of hours per day on the phone, which is another way of saying, “Doing things CS majors produce”). Lots of people go to college, get worthless degrees, and spend the next decade plus paying back “student” loans that can’t be discharged via normal means like bankruptcy. Weird! I hypothesize most people aren’t smart enough to do computer science degrees but maybe there are other reasons. Most guys are smart enough to implement the rudimentary parts of game, however, they just don’t. Maybe guys are just lazy?

Some of the guys who download and read the book probably don’t do anything with its ideas right away, but a planted seed may sprout years down the line. Could be that “time” is a key element for ideas to spread. But ideas from THE GAME and such have had a long time to spread, and seem not to have. Video game ideas, by the contrast, appeal to many millions.

There seemed to be a lot of energy in the pickup and seduction worlds in the ’00s and early ’10s. Where’d it go? Guys in their 20s don’t seem to be writing about seduction and dating experiences (if I’m missing guys who are, let me know). Maybe, today, being in good shape, a male high 7, and having okay pictures of a guy looking buff and hiking or whatever, is enough to snare high 6s and some 7s off dating apps, so the drama of cold approach and bar seduction isn’t needed. The process is a little smoother, its terrifying peaks and valleys and storms smoothed into a neater, more manicured path. Meanwhile the guys playing video games and getting fat are mostly out of the game altogether, or get women consistent with their lives. A guy who gets frustrated enough with his underperforming sex life will find his way to the knowledge he needs, while a guy who is fundamentally content with underperformance, won’t. 

It may also be that most guys interested in and writing about seduction are fundamentally unappealing or crazy, a point elaborated in, “The most stridently asserted opinions will disappear down the memory hole.”  I look at most of the guys writing about player blogs and they do not seem cool to me, and many of them say and tweet crazy things that will repel normal people, or reasonable people. So it’s hard to separate the crazy opinions on various topics from the reasonable, but slightly unconventional, views on how sex and dating actually work.  

Maybe this sort of thing will always be of interest to only a small group, for some other reason I’m not aware of. Maybe I’ve not plumbed the psychology of man sufficiently to discern it. I think I’d imagined that Red Quest as a blog would be more enticing: more efficient, and often effective, ways of getting copiously laid. Even if most guys aren’t interested in undertaking these practices, I imagined they’d be interested in or curious about them. They’re powerful tools, however unusual.

I don’t have much of a conclusion. Whatever makes ideas popular, does not appear to apply to guys figuring out how to get laid.

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[1]The last year and a half have been revealing. I’ve speculated in private that I think this universe is self-limiting, because the accurate and useful ideas about, for example, picking up chicks, are often swirled together with a bunch of other off-putting, inaccurate, and widely disliked ideas: a bunch of anti-social people discussing social skills.
[2]If you know any, direct them here, so they can denounce. Ten years ago, it seemed like pickup artists and such were regularly denounced online and in the media, and now, no one does. It seems the culture wars have moved on. By the way, we lost, at least in terms of numbers and attention.