Catch and release women who want families

This is a controversial one, and it’s only relevant to guys with intermediate or advanced game.

I think it’s wise to release older chicks (at least age 25, likely older) who want to have a family, when you (a man) don’t want one, or don’t want one yet, or don’t want one with her.

This point emerges emerges from Nash’s post, Back to daygame, a breakup, and a close call. He breaks up with an amazing girl, Miss Thick, because “her kids/family goals were real and that I respected them.” So I wanted to know how old she is…

She is 29… and from China. She’s a “Chinese” girl at heart… but an artsy, and unusual one.

Then I like the idea of letting her go and not having her dangle a lot of prime reproductive years. Let her go and tell her that, if her next serious relationship doesn’t work out, she can come back for a month or two of fun and recovery. She may come back or she may not.

That’s in line with what I wrote about frame and non-monogamy

over time [most] women have a biological need to find guys to have kids with and subsidize them and their kids. That’s part of the reason long-term, undefined, FWBs-type relationships are so uncommon. Few chicks will allow them, at least past the age of 25. Even if they do, they will drop the FWB when they find a hot-enough provider guy.

(If you’re dating a chick under the age of 25 in a contemporary Western country, you can ignore the last two paragraphs, because chicks that age are all about the feelz and the hot sex.)

Players know that it’s uncommon to have an undefined FWB-type relationship with a girl for more than 18 months. Even six months without the “where are we going?” talk is uncommon, because most chicks who don’t have a family want one. They may fuck up en route to getting a family, they may hit menopause, they may say they want one thing while in a cold state and do another thing while horny, but they want a family most of the time.

[Nash says “Lover” is a better word than “FWB,” and I also misstated minor parts of Nash’s story.]

Guys who are dating women over age 26 – 29 should cut those women free and tell them, “Girl, go get your provider guy.” This advice goes against some of the “Red Pill” comments amid the hardass maxims of anger phase warriors.

Guys can string along a girl through a lot of her prime fertility years… yes, the girl should be responsible and break it off, but girls are weak, just like guys, and prone to wishful thinking… just like guys. Guys who put girls in that position will also often find… SURPRISE!… the birth control failed and you’re going to be a DADDY! You jack her around, she’ll jack you around.

It’s unnecessary to waste years of a woman’s prime child-bearing life, and a guy with strong game will find another girl, maybe a better one. So the chick who wants kids the guy isn’t going to willingly provide should be released. Her family is the most important part of her life and you should help her lead her best life.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t sleep with chicks age 25 – 40. That would be insane. Those chicks want one-night stands and orgasms and hot lovers, just like younger chicks. I’m only saying you shouldn’t string them along for long periods of prime fertility time. You should be direct about not being their baby’s father. It’s tempting to tell her, “Maybe I’ll want kids… someday…” while her eggs wither.

In my view, it’s often better to be the bigger person and enable people to live the right way. For most women, that means letting her have a family. Normal girls in the right age bracket who want kids will leave the guy when she figures out he’s a player, but some need the push. At least be honest, and then let her go when she’s ready.

If a guy gets into a position of strength, he should get into the habit of helping people build the right lives (this is NOT being a doormat “nice guy”). Guys in a position of strength and choice shouldn’t string along chicks in their prime fertility years. Guys in a position of strength should try to help others become who they are meant to become.

I don’t preach about living better. Not much. I do show it. That means zero sugar. That means inviting chicks (and guys!) to the gym with me, after an appropriate period of time. Obviously I’m not doing deadlifting on the first date. But if I’m going to the gym I invite her to go with me, whoever the “her” is. I’ve probably taught ten or fifteen girls how to swim for exercise or how to lift. That’s ten or fifteen more than most guys. If a girl is going to become part of my life, she’s going to do what I do and learn how to do it. Most guys have lives of TV, video games, and Internet. Not much of interest to a girl in there.

Those girls also know I’m serious about the body. Talking about the joys of lifting in an online dating profile won’t totally repel fatties but it will help. And when I meet a girl for a drink for a first date, if she’s too fat, sometimes I’ll just leave and sometimes I’ll invite her to the gym. Not necessarily that night but in two days or whenever. Their reactions are funny. Especially the ones who say, “Are you saying I’m fat?” Easy response: “I’m saying I’m going to the gym and you should come.”

In a position of strength, a guy can say, “I want you to go find a man who will give you a family. In the meantime, if you want to keep having fun with me, do it. If you find a guy and things don’t work out and you want a break, text me.”

Sometimes she will. Chicks can be like comets, swinging into a guy’s solar system for a couple weeks at a time.

I also have weird ethics. I think women in the 29 – 40 age range who genuinely want children should be released by guys who catch them and who have investment from those women. This essay only applies to a guy with a woman who is invested. If she’s not invested it doesn’t count.

If a guy’s game is strong and he’s in the secret society, he won’t have trouble moving on to the next woman. But in my ethical inversion, I like sleeping with chicks who have boyfriends or husbands (now you can see why I don’t talk about the deepest shit with people I know). Not even swingers or poly people will admit that kind of thing. I think humans are ill-equipped for long-term monogamy and that if she’s available for seduction, I want me in her instead of some other guy swooping in. Among humans, women are the guardians of sex, men are the guardians of commitment. Feminism tries to obscure that basic fact, but it is true.

Next post up should continue the non-monogamy theme. It’s the one I keep mentioning, about how sex clubs layer on top of conventional game. In my view, for the right man they are a powerful tool, but I don’t think I’ve seen any active game guys writing about them.

Addition: “I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life”  is a case study of a woman who fails to realize that family matters more than partying. I’ve dated and f**ked women like her. She is the sort of woman who a guy not interested family should catch & release.

“What are your rules for talking about RP concepts?”

In response to “Warning about falling into the girl’s frame,” on Reddit this guy asked:

What are your rules for dispensing knowledge? (RP and non. RP)…. Who/When/Why. Seems there are a lot of stupid people and thus many opportunities are presented.

While there are no hard and fast rules, most of the time a guy shouldn’t talk about RP stuff at all… to the extent I do, I talk with women I’ve already been sleeping with for a while and who are thus in my frame already. Like that warning post: I’ve been sleeping with Bike Girl for a while. It’s possible to drop RP hints here and there as teases, but I don’t recommend going into full professor mode, probably ever. But there are a few principles for when you do talk…

1) Never use any of the jargon. Many people intuitively understand the ideas, but the jargon will repel them.

2) Must be done in a playful, cheeky way. This goes back to the idea of teasing. In addition, playful and cheeky can be plausibly denied later or as needed.

3) Should be done either 1:1 or in small groups. In large groups you don’t want standard BP conditioning to take over.

4) Less is more. Don’t address someone’s entire worldview or ideology. Don’t be a priest. In the example linked above, I didn’t shit on feminism or make huge pronouncements on all aspects of men versus women. The point was constrained to one facet of male-female dynamics and centered on the friend’s real experience.

5) Be ready to back down. This may not read as “alpha” to typical guys online, but social circumstances aren’t an academic debate. You’re chatting with people and it’s not worth blowing up good social vibes for some issue most people don’t give a shit about. This is related to point 2. If someone gets huffy, just say, “Whatever, live your life” and move on. The smile or smirk are key. Amused mastery is better than being “right,” except sometimes at work where being right matters more. Social context matters for everything. If you are an engineer or doctor, then being factually correct is very important. If you are chatting with your friends, being cool is more important than being right (or being seen as being right).

6) The real knowledge comes not from what you say but how you live. Your life is the best example. Pretty much no one cares about what you say (sorry, but it’s true). People admire or dislike you for how you live and what you do. People listen to high-status people they admire, not some blowhard with an average or below-average life, even if that blowhard is technically “right” about whatever. Like I said above, in an engineering meeting, being right matters, and in most other human social endeavors it does not. Many celebrities who you and I are think are dumb have more influence than you or me because they’re widely admired. Socially admired people have influence and weirdo outsiders spouting strange theories of human behavior do not.

This is another way of saying, status/coolness FIRST, then talk about whatever the thing is. Do you take advice from the bottom people in your field? No you don’t. You listen to the top people. If you’re not a top person, no one is going to listen to you. Get the life first. People listen to Ray Dalio about investing, not the poor joe on the street who just leased a car he can’t afford because he thinks the monthly payments are so low. That poor joe can’t do math. He’s not building assets and he’s risking bankruptcy for no good reason.

7) While most guys don’t want to hear this, Red Pill and pickup attracts a disproportionate number of social retards. One sign of being a social retard is not knowing that you are one. If you are a social retard, the first thing you need to do is learn not to be one, because you are going to have an even worse time trying to teach other people than a normal guy would.

I’m sure there are other principles, but those come to mind. When in doubt, shut up. Seriously. Shutting up is underrated. Most people like to hear themselves talk and talk about themselves. Let them. A little encouragement goes a long way. No one cares if you’re right.

I’ve slept with far more girls through shutting up at the right time than I have through talking or being “right.” Dale Carnegie’s How To Win Friends and Influence People is still a great book. It’s not clear from the original post I wrote, but in that conversation I talked far less than I listened, and I listened for a long time to the friend. This may read as “beta” to less experienced guys, but, again, most people like to broadcast and don’t care about the objective reality of a situation or how to improve their life. People who really want to improve their lives are the exceptions. Look at the fatties all around you: most would like to not be fat, but they can’t be bothered to improve their lives.

If you are dealing with normal humans in normal social situations, perception matters more than being “right.” What is “right” is not even clear or obvious in most situations. Save being right for your math and physics classes.

These things are hard to do and require social savvy, and that’s why most RP people say, “Don’t talk about RP.” That’s easy and less likely to lead to errors. A delicate touch is necessary. Most online RP people seem to be angry and not socially savvy, so it is not a surprise that they get burned when they attempt to tell others about the Red Pill without first improving themselves.

Bike Girl at the party

Like I mentioned, I took Bike Girl to the sex party, and from my perspective it went pretty well. She was incredibly, cutely nervous and anxious and kept talking about calling it off. But I told her that I’d RSVPed and that being a flake is bad.

I already knew about half the people there, so the social proof aspect was high before things got started. I encouraged her to kiss other women, which she was reluctant to do at first but after two drinks and some gentle encouragement from me and the crowd she got into it. Like most women she wants to be led, gently but firmly, and I was in my element while she was out of hers.

She didn’t sleep with anyone else and neither did I. I think this was an “eye opening” experience for her, though, and it expanded the range of her possibilities. We talked a lot about what it would be like before and what it would be like after.

Bad news is that the hosts of the party don’t have the face control they could. There were about four other attractive couples and one or two other attractive women, and there were too many overweight people. But water finds its own level and people tended to find their level of attractiveness.

We’re going to go back to another one, I’m sure. Most interesting from a game perspective, near the end of the party I was getting another drink and spotted one of the other attractive women coming back from the bathroom. Chatted for a minute and then got her phone # on a napkin. I’ve been seeing Bike Girl every other day or so, but last week on one of the off days I went to get a drink with this girl. She knew what was up, I think, and didn’t tell her boyfriend about it.

Now, this is pretty unusual, and I’ve tried this before and more often than not it fails. Most women will not do things independently without their partner; in this case, if she’d been unwilling, I would’ve tried to set up a 2:2 date. But she was willing and there was very little game; she was a “yes girl” and I already knew her secret, as she knew mine. That’s one reason I like the non-monogamy community: done well it’s an easy, easy place to fish. Downside is that very few 8+ women exist in it. Or they do and I don’t see them yet. If your goal is to hit the very top of the attractiveness curve hit the streets, hit the gym, don’t think too much about this scene.

But if you want some easy novelty and like group sex like I do, simple pickup can work.

I hesitate to post about this because, like I said, the Party Girl situation fails more often than not, and there isn’t a lot of lesson to take other than “take the shot.” I don’t think my game is strong and that’s part of the reason I post those links in the sidebar. The guys listed there likely have far stronger technical game.

In a couple weeks I’m going to try and take Bike Girl to a club. She’s hesitant about making this a regular thing but she’s not saying no. I wrote this in another post, but in my experience about a quarter of girls are excited by non-monogamy and sex clubs. About a quarter say no outright. About half are intrigued and can be led to it. Bike Girl is in that half.

Most guys in the scene have zero game, so they aren’t good at bringing new girls in. I have some game, so over the years I’ve built up a reputation that Bike Girl has reinforced. This opened up and opens up a lot of new opportunities, because no one really knows how attractive a guy is, including girls, but everyone knows how pretty the girl a guy has is. Bring in pretty girls and the girls will want you more.

To me this is next-level game. But I also already have kids and don’t want monogamy. If a guy doesn’t want monogamy, then it seems like going out with one girl in order to trade with others is a net gain. She’s likely got FWBs of her own, so why not capitalize on her desires to make a trade?

Not many guys think this way, from what I can tell. Most guys are also bad in bed, which limits their appeal in the scene. But for a put-together guy, it can be a gold mine.

Last week or two have been crazy. Almost too crazy. I said I was getting bored of the game, and I am, but then when it’s right in front of me, I don’t act bored.

I’ve said before that I think sex drives me more than the ego boost from seduction. I wonder if in actuality fear of reliance on a single woman drives me more than anything else. That doesn’t seem likely to me but it doesn’t seem impossible either.

I sensed the “what are we?” conversation

I sensed the “what are we?” conversation with Bike Girl, and but before it could happen I preempted it by asking if she wants to go to a sex party some friends are hosting. I know she’ll be very popular there, maybe too popular. She was hesitant and asked a million questions but we have a tentative agreement to go and not have sex with anyone else there. A good first effort. A lot of girls will break over this issue. She may break.

The other day I was meeting her at a bar and had this intense conversation with a beautiful woman, and I fell into auto-game with her, despite the many blowouts recently. I mean intense: eye to eye, light touching, her facing me quickly, rapport. As my forebrain kicked in to demand that I try for a number and roll off, Bike Girl showed.

Still a nice reminder after the failures.

Bike Girl likes being my model, likes it when I tape sex (whatever, it’s a thing for me), likes lots of other stuff. But her apartment is a horror show. Not hoarder-level, but definitely “I could never live with you,” level. That I’m thinking about it is a weakness.

My pet theory: people get discontent with what they have

I have a pet theory: People who are in very long-term relationships get bored of their partner and eventually crave something new, different, or novel. You may read that sentence and go, “Oh yeah, then I should be a player forever!”

The other part of the pet theory is that people who are always having short-term relationships and experiences eventually feel anomie, loneliness, existential meaninglessness, and a longing for deeper connection to another human being. Cue me: “Ramblings about a change in perspective towards game and life.”

I don’t see a way of resolving that tension. The long-term players I read (Krauser, Tom Torero, etc.) make me wonder if they really are going to be picking up girls forever—in another decade, are they still going to be stopping a girl to say that she looks like a greyhound, or like she just got out of yoga but didn’t have time to change?

Maybe the answer is yes. This is not going to be one of those dumb posts about how PUAs are eventually going to recant and shack up. I’ve shacked up (too young, granted) and I’ve been on the market for a long time and neither worked for me. Looking at the world around me, I see most couples eventually tiring of each other and descending into squabbling, and I see most singles tiring of the dating grind and the Groundhog Day effect of casual sex.

I begin to think that humans are by our nature discontent, and there is no final answer.

But I don’t know how a person lays out a life or plans well for the future that way.

For a long time I’ve been a sex-positive, sex-is-the-center-of-life person. Now I’m reading the Mark Regnerus book Cheap Sex, first referenced here, and he lays out many of the downsides of the sex-for-all, all-the-time culture that I believe in. He is wrong or at least misguided about some things, like the way he underemphasizes the extent to which modern sex and dating is driven by women’s desires to date and marry “up.” Women who consciously stop playing that game find a guy and get married. Women who feel the need to always move up, they often don’t.

But his chapter on “The Genital Life” makes me think. Maybe there is something hollow about what I’ve been doing. Maybe like everything, done long enough, it gets boring eventually. I don’t know. But I do know I’ve been at it for a long time. But if I really changed and “settled down” (I hate that phrase), I think I’d eventually get bored again.

Like I said in my ramble, I think it’s telling that almost all the online PUAs who write books and keep blogs had a substandard high school, college, and early 20s experience. Just like Neil Strauss.

Maybe guys do eventually work it out of their system.

To be sure, I’m not saying that I think tagging new chicks is bad. I still get that thrill. But afterwards, now, I more often get the, “Is that it?” feeling. And it is more of a feeling than a verbal question. The answer might be “yes,” and I have to focus on the positive. Most guys never achieve game skills or abundance, I think. So even getting to that point is amazing and I’m blessed for it.

The question is… what’s next? What then?

Maybe I know too much for long-term relationships. Knowledge can poison. For most guys, the answer is likely children. But I’ve already done that. And I am trying to spend more time with them (right as they want to spend less time with parents…)

Game starts with concrete skills and ends with philosophy.

Ramblings about a change in perspective towards game and life

(Warning: Low value and un-actionable ramblings about feelings ahead. You may want to skip this one, especially if you’re a beginning player and don’t yet have strong fundamentals. If you’re a guy reading RP or player ideas, you should prefer actionable ideas over ramblings. Yet if you’ve been in it for a while, it’s hard not to think about the bigger picture sometimes. I’ll never say that sex is bad or that pickup isn’t worth it. But I feel my feelings changing in ways that I wouldn’t have expected.)

Lately I’ve been lackadaisical about chasing women and sex. This is somewhat different from being lazy, because I’ve been lazy too and being lazy means wanting sex and knowing that getting sex will be worth it but not wanting to put in the effort to get up and make things happen. As a man, it is pretty much always your job to make things happen, whether you want that to be true or not.

Over the past couple years, I’ve noticed more often that after I have sex with a random woman, I feel more of that “hollow” sense that I’ve read about before and used to think was stupid. Yet now I’m feeling it. I don’t think I’m tired of sex, because the sex itself is still fun, but seeking it isn’t as strong an animating force as it used to be for me. Especially after sex, I find myself holding the woman and doing aftercare but feeling totally void, instead of the satisfied pleasure mixed with the feeling of a job well done that used to be common for me. I can go longer without sex without craving it.

Otherwise I feel good. Most of my life is “successful” by typical definitions, although I have a strong minimalism streak that puzzles most of my friends and colleagues, who don’t get that I don’t care about houses, TVs, cars, and the other crap people waste money on. I don’t think the call of the void after sex is a sign of generalized depression. I can’t rule that out altogether but don’t think that’s “it.”

I have to wonder what’s up. It could be a change in life course. I have been chasing (and fucking) women since not that long after I hit puberty. I think I had a more normal teenage life than a lot of pickup guys and players, many of whom seem to have been un-sexed or undersexed “nice guys” well into their 20s. I was never a “natural” but I did fine and started having sex at a normal to young age, so I wonder if I don’t have the need to “catch up” that seems to drive a fair number of players. I never had a decade-long relationship that ended in years of dead bedroom, or some of the other experiences that drive guys to be players.

Maybe I’ve had enough sex and things are all right for me. To be sure I still have some regulars on rotation and there are new prospects on the docket. I’m just not as excited. Motivation is its own challenge, but it’s not one that I’m familiar with because sex has for so long been a central motivation.

Although I’m not as excited about lots of sex with varied women as I used to be, I don’t know what the alternative is. I can’t imagine cohabitating with a woman ever again. Marriage is completely out. Can I build a successful long-term, open relationship with a woman? One that yields to my own need for novelty, which, left unsatiated, has always come back? It doesn’t seem likely. So maybe the issue lies elsewhere. I may have exhausted some of my need to have a lot of sex.

Like I said, this is kind of a garbage post for most guys, but it is what I’m feeling. The incredible pleasures of sex with new women just don’t seem so incredible as they did. I don’t know what that means for me going forward. Since I broke up with that much younger girl, who I’ve mentioned occasionally on this blog, I feel more like an artist making a work of art when I seduce women, and less like a man chasing a primal, urgent, animal need for sex.

Maybe I’m overthinking. Maybe this means nothing. Could it mean something? Or am I just turning into a bitch? Seriously, any intellectually honest guy writing shit like this has to ask himself if he’s turning into a bitch. Every guy should honestly ask himself once a year if he’s a bitch or turning into one. That would help a ton of guys.

I can still pull women, I still like some of the unusual things I’m into like non-monogamy and making sex tapes, but more often I feel like a hamster on a wheel. If I get off the wheel, what happens? My job is going really well and I’ve defeated the financial demons of child support. So what happens?

I’ve honestly thought about becoming a part-time dating coach. Another bitch thing to say, but it’s true, and I see inept guys of all ages all around me. Yet I think thinking about such things, like “dating coaching,” is better than what the average person does, which is smother their thoughts and feelings under the oleaginous, disgusting weight of TV, Facebook, and bullshit.

Friends ask me how I have time to do “all” the things I do. I don’t have any more time than anyone else, but I’ve learned to cut the typical timewasters out and that leaves a lot of possibility for growth, development, knowledge, and of course sex. Or write this ridiculously long whine, haha.

But it also leaves time for getting in touch with whatever’s within me. For a long time, the top thing within me has been work, creativity, and most of all sex with the next pretty girl. If none of those things drives me anymore, what is left?

I look around me and out of the married people I see, I’d guess under 20% are in truly functional relationships, let alone growth-oriented relationships. I’m old enough to see people’s marriages crumble as their kids leave for college, leaving the couple in the relationship to re-meet each other and discover the stranger within and the stranger they’ve been living with. I’ve chosen to avoid that path, but I cannot avoid the perils of the path I’m on.

After two decades+ of being driven by varied, hedonistic sex and sex experiences, what if those kinds of things aren’t the driving thing for me anymore? I will not say I’ve mastered the game, because it’s clear that other guys have game far superior to mine, but I’ve done it well enough for my purposes.

I wonder if all guys who get deeply into the varied, hedonistic sex game eventually find that its urgency wanes. Most of the guys who write about the game seem to have been deeply into it for less than a decade. Like I said, many seem to be making up for lost times and opportunities. They don’t want to be the good boy, the nice guy, anymore. Totally legit, by the way. I’m not knocking it. But I’ve been doing the sex thing for longer, and that might affect my outlook.

This ramble doesn’t have answers. So many moment-by-moment tactical things have answers: sex spike; seek number; invite her back to your place; open her; ask her sex questions; provide comfort. Many of the strategic things do too: live in the center of the city or the center of the nightlife district; don’t eat sugar; lift. But what I’m feeling now doesn’t have an answer. Maybe this is why many artists turn mystic over time. They’ve transcended the medium and are trying to tap into or develop something else. What is that something else?

Guys around my age who don’t have kids would probably be thinking about kids, but I’ve already been there. Another thing that’s different about me compared to most players, I think.

How many times can I go through the process before the process itself is boring?

Maybe I need to learn or master a new skill. I am not the master of game, but I’m good enough to have achieved as much as I want to achieve. The sex I’ve had recently has been good. The void may pass with time. Maybe I need a real break for an extended period of time, and that will recharge my need. Bizarrely, I wonder if I can do it.

Men, game, and social media strategies

As far as I can tell, there are two good, functional social media strategies for guys thinking about the game. Strategy one is the one I follow: no or minimal presence. I have an Instagram account but don’t use it and have never used it, despite my interest in photography. I have a Snapchat account but only use it for 1:1 communication. Facebook is there mostly so I can chat with women, again 1:1. Some women who disappear on text will reappear when contacted through other mediums, and this has led me to some lays. Less is more with any form of communication (which is a form of scarce, valuable attention).

The other strategy is to fully play and invest in the social media game. That means consciously only posting pictures that demonstrate higher value, which usually means action shots, or shots of you with lots of different pretty girls who provide a form of social proof. To me this looks hard to pull off, try-too-hard, and exhausting, but it seems possible to leverage this when it’s combined with other game. I don’t think the cost-benefit is there, but I know a couple guys who seem to work this angle. Don’t know how successful it is because everyone lies about their sex lives, but I suppose it’s possible to generate lays via social media for some guys.

In either case, public interaction with a girl’s statuses or pics should be minimal or nonexistent. You’re a busy guy living in the real world who isn’t here to water thirsty women. We’ve all seen the thirsty “like cascades” any moderately attractive woman gets when she posts a basic pic of herself in a dress or bikini. Those “likes” are obvious demonstrations of lower value. I’d love to omit this paragraph as being bloody obvious but these things happen all the time. I rarely use social media and even I see them. Facebook and Instagram appear to be the worst platforms for attention-seeking girls. When I hear girls talking about them I like to poke fun at their interest in lame guys who are creeping on them online all day. Usually this gets laughs and good engagement. Girls know the validation is shallow but they crave it anyway.

Most guys I know seem to choose neither good strategy. They use social media way too much. They post dumb shit that demonstrates lower value. They toss off thirsty “likes” and compliments. They’re promiscuous, unconscious users who don’t integrate any strategy into what they do, and in the process they waste their effort. Don’t be those guys. Most of the guys I work with, especially the ones who aren’t getting ahead, do this. Guys who give their attention away show that their attention has no value.

Everything you say, write, or post on social media can come back to haunt you. I’ve seen this happen.

Someone just posted about the value stoicism has in their life. I loved that post. Social media is usually the opposite of stoicism. Before you post, stop to ask: 1) will this post help move me toward getting laid? 2) what good thing can happen as a result of this post? 3) what would Marcus Aurelius do this position? 4) what does the man I admire most do on social media (I thought hard about this one… the guys I admire most, who I actually know, don’t have much time for this shit, and they know it’s not going to get them laid).

When you check social media and post there, what are you not doing? You’re not thinking for yourself. You’re not at the gym. You’re not learning new skills, like Shibari or riding a motorcycle or photography. You’re in an intermediate state that is neither being nor doing. The guys who pursue the second strategy I mentioned above are at least consciously pursuintg their goals via social media. I’ve read guys saying social media is poison and while I don’t 100% agree they have a point.

Social media is video games for women, and men should play a better game. Most guys have a short window (one month at most, often just a week) between meeting a woman and getting her in bed. Social media interaction is not a good way to spend that time and if anything demonstrates lower value. Doing things is man frame, while talking about things is female frame. Prefer to do things. Are you watching others, or are others watching you? Why? You should be able to answer the question. When you have sexual abundance, you won’t care much about social media.

Plus: “The only guys who like your pictures are the ones you don’t want to like your pictures.”

Zero sugar will change your body and life

Going to zero sugar is hard but if you do it, it will change your body and life. Why you should get to zero is covered in the essential Gary Taubes book The Case Against Sugar, and I recommend you read it. Knowing that you should get to zero is easy but implementing changes to get to zero is very hard. Society is against you and sugar is all around you.

To make the changes necessary to get to zero you have to swim upstream against the society you live in. Most people will hold you back. Your diet should focus on nuts, vegetables, and some natural oils, especially olive oil. Roasting vegetables is especially important and if you don’t know how to do it Google that shit right now. Breakfast should usually be eggs with some vegetables or some complex carbs like quinoa.

I first made these changes more than ten years ago and they were very hard at the time. With discipline and time they have become normal in my life and I have systems in place to make them easier. They are still hard, however, because donuts, cookies, cakes, and pop are always showing up in the office, at birthday parties, and at basically every event.

Saying no is hard. Being fit is still better.

Humans have not evolved to ingest the large amount of sugar that most modern humans do. Most people are too lazy and undisciplined to make these changes and it shows in every facet of their life.

I am not the Buddha and I will sometimes have a small ice cream on hot summer days or a good pastry, but those exceptions are rare. I’m also not paranoid enough to hunt down every gram of sugar that may hide in salad dressing. Sometimes I will also make social exceptions because sometimes the right thing to do is to take the beer. Under most alcohol-based circumstances, prefer something like vodka and soda or whiskey and soda or red wine. Not every circumstance will be amenable to this strategy but many are.

/u/Grimy_range’s post “The never ending shit tests I have experienced while losing weight” inspired this one. So did a lot of the conversations I’ve had with younger guys and gals at work. I’ve never been a fattie but I have gotten lots of curious looks, questions, and sometimes outright shit for declining the never-ending donuts, bagels, and other food that most people relentlessly shovel into their gaping maws. I’ve also gotten a lot of shit for my love of biking, mostly again from car-based fatties.

All around me I hear people complain about their weight and health. The foundation of both starts with the hand and mouth. Neglect the foundation and nothing else matters. Struggling with dating? Struggling with injuries? Food is part of what you likely need to change.

There is so much around you you cannot control. You can control what you stick in your face. This post is not very long because it doesn’t need to be. You will achieve what you achieve or you won’t. You will reap the pleasures or sorrows of the way you lead your life.

It looks like the weight story is a little more complicated than being a pure sugar one, because a number of hormones regulate weight and it appears that the body wants to gain weight in a high-calorie environment much more than it wants to lose weight. This is not an excuse for eating sugar but it does mean that I might have been a little too harsh originally.

Some of Magnum on nutrition.

Responses so far

fire3473” said this line is important to him:

Once you realize that women are valorized by the culture for both marrying and for divorcing, any residual desire you may feel about marrying should dissipate.

Marrying in the modern world is insane. More on that will be forthcoming when I have time.

Krauser left this comment on the Elon Musk post. I’ve never been to Whiskey Mist or “Movida, China White, Funky Buddha etc which act as magnets for lifestyle whore women,” but from the description I know what they’re like and there are similar places where I live. Rather than go to them I’d rather hire an honest escort. Or go to a bar or a dance or almost anywhere else. The best women for me don’t come from there. If the role of hard cash is that prominent I’d rather pay it out.

Why don’t you respond to me? To critics?

Arguing with people on the Internet is a waste of time and doesn’t matter. The Red Pill is here for you to build a better life. If you don’t like what I write and don’t intelligently disagree then I don’t care.

Usually people are saying, “Why don’t you respond *to me*?”, and the answer there is, again. . . I don’t care. The purpose of my writing is to share the meager learning I’ve done about how to build a better life. And yes, for most guys getting laid is a major component of that learning.

There are also certain things I love, like paid sex and amateur sex tapes, that you won’t love. There are certain things you might love that I don’t, like getting peed on or monogamy. The world is diverse and I’m trying to make it better in my own tiny domain here.

Most of the time I don’t answer people on Reddit because, again, I don’t care that much and most of the replies are poorly thought out or demonstrate poor reading skills or both. People would be better served to spend less time on the Internet and more time reading books.

Be kind from a position of strength, not a position of weakness

Don’t be a “nice” guy. But I’ve observed guys who can be kind while still being dominant, and I’ve observed guys who attempt to be kind but are really giant pussies. The differences are instructive.

Two guys I work with illustrate the point… one is respected, demanding, and yet kind, while the other guy runs around supplicating to women and superiors in a way that makes him seem like a dog. He’ll do anything for anyone and as a consequence no one respects his time or (limited) knowledge. He brags about the things he does for people and especially for women. Watching him brag to women he’d like to bang is pathetic. He’d be a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen if he had the balls to make a move. Fortunately he doesn’t and he’s at least harmless enough not to be a likely lawsuit target.

The other guy will not do anything for anyone any time. He isn’t miserly either. Instead he seems to carefully evaluate who he is actually friends with and what actually needs to be done. He can be astonishingly generous with his time if he thinks his investment is likely to be worthwhile, but he is also good at subtly but definitely shaming people who waste his time. One of my first bosses was like him, and I learned more from that boss (and from a particular client) than I have from anyone else, ever, including teachers, professors, and girlfriends.

I’m also thinking about kindness from a position of stregnth because in this essay VC Paul Graham states,

Good does not mean being a pushover. I would not want to face an angry Ronco. But if Ron’s angry at you, it’s because you did something wrong. Ron is so old school he’s Old Testament. He will smite you in his just wrath, but there’s no malice in it.

In almost every domain there are advantages to seeming good. It makes people trust you. But actually being good is an expensive way to seem good. To an amoral person it might seem to be overkill.

Being kind does not mean being a pussy. If you’re “kind” because you’re a pussy and can’t be assertive, no one will respect you and no one should respect you. Things are often valuable in proportion to their supply, and an infinite supply of a thing (like kindness) is of low value.

Don’t be “nice” to women, but be kind to ones who you’re already fucking and who deserve kindness. Don’t give anything, including attention, to women you’re not fucking and who have proven that you’re not going to fuck them. With women and clients pretty much everything is a binary: You’re fucking them or you’re not; they’re giving you money or they’re not. There is no in between. Women and clients like the liminal state. It took me way too long to learn this.

I hate to use the word “nice,” which is close to “kind,” because “nice” has been so polluted by the idea of the “nice guy” that it’s toxic.

Being kind can also mean being tactfully honest. If someone is deadlifting incorrectly it is kind to tell them, or to tell them how you know what you know. Being “nice” can often mean trying to assuage a person’s feelings, even when feelings of inadequacy or wrongness are justified. That being said, know when to speak and when to shut the fuck up. Often shutting the fuck up is best because morons can’t be helped and can’t take justified criticism.

The girl I’m breaking away from sees me as kind because her sister (who she is close to) does and because of something I did: I paid her tuition (which wasn’t much money) briefly. Now, I know, and you should know, that it’s a horrible idea to use money to supplicate to women. Let me emphasize that before commenters jump on me. I’d already been dating this girl for about a year. When we first started dating I don’t think she had any idea how much I make. I don’t waste money on the usual dumb shit guys waste money on (cars, apartments; unfortunately I do have a high burn rate that is not negotiable, however). Her work and school interfered with her ability to do the things I wanted her to do, so I just paid the tuition. She didn’t ask for it, directly or indirectly, which is an unusual mark of character these days. It isn’t a lot of money to me. You can argue that I was manipulated, but if so then I was party to the manipulation.

We’re on the path to breakup because she wants to move in with me and I’ve flat-out said no. I’ve been down that path and I’m not going down it again. I like this girl and I like the crazy shit I’ve encouraged her to do, but long-term she’s too young for me and I don’t want the kind of committment she thinks she wants but doesn’t actually want. Living together is the death of eroticism and I won’t do that again. Not anytime soon. Maybe someday.

Reminder, I originally wrote this post a year and a half ago, so some of the personal anecdotes don’t line up with my current life.