“You cannot negotiate genuine desire.”

You cannot negotiate genuine desire” is one of the most important concepts in game and life. The actual title of Rollo’s post is “Transactional vs. validation sex,” but “You cannot negotiate genuine desire.” Pretty much any guy who’s been in a long-term relationship will relate to the point.

Guys who haven’t been in a long-term relationship should be working on their game rather than reading about the distant future, but once game starts working it’s a good idea to know what the future holds.



“My husband pressured me into sex for years” #DontGetMarried

There is a vile article on Vox.com, “My husband pressured me into sex for years. #MeToo must include sexual assault in marriage,” which I’m not going to link but you can find if you must hate-read it. You get the basic idea from the headline.

The article dovetails nicely with Rollo Tomassi’s point, “You cannot negotiate genuine desire.” Any man who attempts to negotiate genuine desire to destined to fail, as the writer’s husband should realize. But like most guys he’s probably never been taught as much, and he probably thought that marriage is a contract or system involving reciprocal obligations and duties.

In modern marriages, that isn’t true. A marriage is a one-sided contract in which a man serves at the whims of a woman. Smart guys realize that marriage is a terrible deal and refuse to enter it. Guys like the one married to the anonymous Vox writer get shat on in public.

There is a concept in engineering called “The Five Whys” that are designed to get beneath the apparent surface of a problem. In the Vox worldview, the problem is the man’s behavior towards his wife. And to be fair, his behavior might be very bad (though we can’t tell from the article). But the deepest root cause of this situation is biology. A couple levels up from that, however, is marriage. Take this guy out of the marriage contract and he’d likely realize “his” woman isn’t into him and he needs to find a woman who is. That’s at least three levels down from the Vox article, however. You’ll never find an honest exploration of male-female relationships in Vox.

Strangely, you will find many honest explorations in other female-centric publications like New York Magazine. But those explorations won’t be framed the way I frame them.

In a Tweet, Vox’s editor Ezra Klein called it a “searing read.” It is searing, but not for the reasons he thinks. It’s a searing indictment of marriage as an institution and that guy for being dumb enough to fall for it.

I propose men start a hashtag, #DontGetMarried, pointing out the reasons why smart guys don’t contort themselves into the horrible position that is marriage.

Jesus Christ, text game

Jesus Christ. This text game breakdown is phenomenal. There are others like it on Riv’s blog and Nash’s blog. I used to think myself a good texter. No longer.

I do think I’m a functional texter, and most of my success comes from shutting the fuck up and less-is-more. But there is a level of insight around texting and text game that I do not have.

Guys who have found their way here from Reddit should pay attention: this is the kind of shit that almost never makes it onto Reddit. Experts get exasperated by Reddit’s beginner culture and migrate away.

“Harley Davidson’€™s EV debut could electrify the motorcycle industry”

This is very much off-topic for this blog, and the headline is deceptive, but “Harley Davidson’€™s EV debut could electrify the motorcycle industry.” I say the headline is deceptive because HD won’t electrify the industry, and the company is pretty messed up because of the demographics of its fan base. HD is damned if they do electrify, which is where the industry is headed, and damned if they don’t. If they do electrics, the old timers won’t like the electrics. But if they don’t, they’ll be way behind the technological curve, and the old timers are dying off or becoming too infirm to ride.

Other companies like Zero, which makes my bike, are growing and gaining expertise in electrics.

I love motorcycles and think guys who are debating one should go for it. As I wrote in “Ride a motorcycle—for fun, transport, and dating

Riding a motorcycle will obviously not fix broken fundamentals of personality, weight, social presence, etc. You cannot buy your way out of who you are. But riding a motorcycle is super fun, makes a super fun date or part of a date, makes you look badass in the eyes of women (who almost never know any better) and is a fun, low-carbon way of getting around. I get opened all the time when I dodge into stores with my helmet.

You cannot buy your way out of who you are, but motorcycles are very fun and set a guy apart from most guys who are fat and complacent in their SUVs. One of my favorite lines is, “I usually only let girls on my bike after we’ve slept together.” Ideally we will all live in walkable cities with good public transport, which lets us open girls on the street or on the bus or train, but the American development pattern over the last 50+ years has gone the opposite way, leading to social isolation and sexless misery for both men and women. We should fight back as best we can by getting out of our dirty cars and living in the real world.

It’s definitely harder to have an electric bike in an apartment building than a detached house with a garage, but many landlords and management companies are now willing to install electric outlets for small fees. The landlords and management companies also know which way things are going and standard 120v, 15amp plugs are fine for Zero bikes.

Pickup Dark Arts: kink, group play, blowing her mind

Tom Torero just put up a podcast with Troy Francis on Pickup Dark Arts and I’m glad to hear someone else who is game-and Red Pill-aware discussing this facet of male-female interactions.

The podcast fits with one of the more recent pieces I wrote, “Sex parties and sex clubs could be the next level of game.” Kink and public or group sex aren’t for every guy. I love them both for their own sake and because I find that scene an easier route to lots of girls… for me. But:

The reality is that sexual marketplace value operates at sex clubs just like it does everywhere else. You cannot evade it. Using sex clubs to try and avoid having basic value and game will backfire and waste time. Most women assess men’s sex appeal in all the ways RP guys already know.

Kink and sex clubs are not substitute for game. Any guy who attempts to use them as substitutes will suffer.

Listen to the whole podcast. Guys who have never done more than light restraints and spanking will have their minds blown.

It is also my experience that the kink and sex club scenes will vary greatly from city to city, with the better scenes in the bigger cities.

“The female price of male pleasure” is missing one important thing: men and women are biologically different.

The female price of male pleasure” is missing one important thing: men and women are biologically different. For decades we’ve been hearing blank slate ideology from feminists. But men and women aren’t blank slates. We have similar, but distinct in notable ways, built-in preferences. This is basically obvious to anyone who has ever dated, but for some reason it’s been missing in feminist discourse for like 50 years.

That men and women have distinct preferences is obvious to anyone who has dated or anyone who has read evolutionary biology. Every guy who learns game unlearns blank-slate ideology and instead has to learn what women actually want. Most women do not want precisely what men want in the way that men want it.

At the same time, most women haven’t learned what actual men are like. In my opinion it’s insane that women get blackout drunk and go home with strangers and near-strangers, yet many do and the larger culture seems unwilling to tell them that no, this is not a good idea.

And then women are SHOCKED that men don’t want the same things they do. Kind of like how men are SHOCKED that women don’t behave or think like women in most visual porn (which is male fantasy).

How about we start by acknowledging the difference average preferences between men and women in terms of how, where, when, and why sex happens happens?

Get rid of the blank slate and we’ll all be better able to know each other. Stick to it, and we’re going to keep getting these missed signals and crappy hookups and drunkenness.

(The author does mention and talk about biology, which is a good start, but refuses to link it to psychology. And the failures of the medical profession to treat endometriosis and similar ailments seriously are also real. She is confused about “beauty standards,” though. Those exist because women are in competition with one another for the highest-status men. If men thought they could win sex competitions by wearing high heels and makeup, every straight guy would be at the makeup counter tomorrow. I’d be first in line.)

Guys are frustrated by sex advice like “Just be yourself” and “Be a gentleman” (AKA be asexual, then watch the girl go off with some caveman).  Women are frustrated when they realize guys are hornier and more feral than they often appear on the surface.

I think both men and women are paying the price for ignorance and failing to emphasize the desires, on average, of the opposite sex.

No one, or almost no one, is looking at the “Five whys” failure analysis of the Aziz Ansari situation. We can’t import the methods good software teams use to understand modes of failure. Evolutionary biology helps us understand those modes better, on a sexual level. Women are encouraged to act like naive waifs, like “Grace,” instead of being taught about agency and male desire. Men are taught to be overly timid and then they’re surprised when the least-timid among them are the most sexually successful.

What a mess. What’s it going to take to get a little honesty injected into this conversation?

Paul Janka’s street hustling and escalation

Paul Janka’s street hustling and escalation. It’s a great essay. I’m not as aggressive as that guy, at least not in the approach and initial encounter. Maybe I’ve been doing it wrong.

I wonder if he is just very good looking. Or if he is just filtering for “yes” girls and being overly aggro in many sets, thus setting himself back.

Regardless, I can’t read this and not be impressed.