I hope this is just manosphere porn

Dalrock tells a story that I hope is imaginary:

The other day a woman mentioned her frustration with smartphones to my wife.  The woman’s complaint was that her husband would play or read on his smartphone while she browses through stores.  My wife asked why that was bad, and the woman explained:

Because now he isn’t miserable.

I really, really hope the story is made up. But let’s assume it isn’t. Why would any man go shopping with a girlfriend or wife? When I’m with women, the only shopping that includes both of us together involves groceries, sex toys, or, rarely, lingerie. If women want to shop for anything else they can do so on their own time. I don’t stop at malls and don’t go to any generic clothing stores.

This really strikes me as an epidemic of guys who are unable to say “no” and mean it. Guys who can say “no” have entirely different lives than guys who can’t.

One of many reasons not to get married: being married inhibits your ability to say “no” and mean it. Marriage doesn’t remove that ability, and arguably married guys need to be able to say “no” even more than single ones, but it can inhibit it.

Exit is the only real tool modern guys have in relationships. Remove or make it more costly, and guys pay. A book I read recently got me thinking about how I should write a post on why exit is so important for modern guys.

 

“How a Redpill Player Stole a Girl who Puts Guys in the Friend-Zone”

“How a Redpill Player Stole a Girl who Puts Guys in the Friend-Zone” is a good story (I removed the link to it because the blog has become a spam nest. Use a search engine to find it if you want to read). I’ve been the player and the chode in this story. But I have never and would never pay for a girl’s plane ticket before she’d at least slept with me.

But I have competed for women and lost. Every guy in the game has losses. Losses hurt. They suck (“show me a good loser and I’ll show you a loser” can be taken to an extreme but there is truth to it). When I was very young I would rage about the losses. But pretty quickly I learned to appreciate them, because losing a girl taught me something useful about her and let me let her go so I could spend my precious time and energy on another girl.

You are always learning. Sometimes girls will bounce back from the guy they chose and come back to me for a lay. The funny thing happens when they come back for more than a lay and I laugh at them. They’ve already shown me the kind of person they are and I treat them appropriately.

“Clothes That Attract Women” (don’t exist in and of themselves)

Clothes That Attract Women” is a very good article, and it’s so good that I don’t have much to add (though I disagree somewhat about the attraction-to-comfort ratio the author implies is best). These paragraphs are especially good:

Status is the most important aspect of attraction and that can be on a broader scale – relationship to overall status in the world or in a tribe – or on a smaller scale – relationship to the woman you’re trying to attract.

Status is relative to women – they always want someone who’s higher status than they are

Status is tricky because it can be overall status or status within a particular subculture. In fact, the more isolated a particular subculture is, the less overall status within society at large matters.

It’s hard to truly learn game because there is no single “status” button that all women will like. So seeking That One Answer for That One Girl will usually fail, because there isn’t one answer.

This guy has also done some reading in the manosphere:

Meeting some minimum standards of status for men is the same thing as meeting minimum standards of beauty for women – which is typically why the happiest couples are paired fairly closely, with the man being higher in status than the woman.

A lot of what new guys are doing is learning how perceived status works at all and how to optimize what they have. A lot of experienced guys are learning how to boost their status and learn new skills and abilities, etc.

Clothes are one part of status. Social skills are another. Looks are another. Job / lifestyle / etc. is another. General skills (like cooking) can be another. I would argue that tolerance to social rejection is actually a big part of modern status (i.e. if you are willing to tolerate rejection by a lot of women you are also more likely to uncover women who actually like you). It took me about ten years to mostly get over my own fear of rejection and if I’d done so sooner I would’ve been much better off. I also ignored style for too long and paid for that.

I won’t say the guy who writes Masculine Style is right for everybody but thinking consciously about what you want to project as a guy is a good idea.

Reveal vs Restructure: “This is why the Player’s Journey can be so traumatic for many men. They are diving deep into their inner game to confront long-suppressed demons.”

Krauser’s post “Reveal vs. Restructure” is the most important post about beginner mental state that I’ve ever read.